A/N: Writng a Cletus outtake is the best version of therapy I know. :) Enjoy...


Chapter 7 – WTF?

04/15/2010, 14:20 – CletPOV

I need a plan, right the fuck now. This was quickly becoming an emergency situation. The blond-haired, long fingered invader was still here. In fact, not only was he still here but he was in my spot. When my human was home and sleeping, I could be found curled up right next to him in that nice warm spot by his chest. Where was I now? At the bottom of the bed staring at the invader's feet.

The feet twitched and brushed against my head. Jesus Fucking Christ. What had the world come to? Training my eyes on his face, I waited for him to ditch the act and show his true colors. I bet he was only pretending to sleep so he could keep my spot.

This morning I attempted to have a chat with my human before he went to sleep. Things seemed almost normal as he drenched himself in the water box and scraped off the fur on his face. He was talking crazy though, telling me that this guy, Jasper, was going to live with us. I tried to protest, but Edward wasn't listening; the sappy grin on his face clueing me into the fact that he was a lost cause. Then, to add insult to injury, when I followed my human out to our bed, the curly haired fuck was already there, in my place. What. The. Fuck.

I sure as hell wasn't going to be edged out of our bed because of this asshole so I took the only space available. Unfortunately, that meant I ended up curled in a ball at the end of the bed. I spent the next hour feeling sorry for myself but I must have fallen asleep. When I woke, I kept my eyes closed, praying to the great cat nip God upstairs that this was all a bad dream. But of course it wasn't. I narrowed my eyes in anger and just as I was about to take a bite out of the toe that was sticking in my face, one of the intruder's eyes popped open.

We stared at each other for a moment then he patted the empty space next to him and I got up, taking the time to stretch out my muscles. If this was going to be rumble, I wanted to be flexible. My tail twitched anxiously as I moved up to sit next to him. I hated that damn thing. Here I was trying to be all calm and collected and it gave me away every fucking time. He reached out towards me and the memory of what those long fingers could do overrode my need to kick his ass. His fingers sunk into my fur and oh God, I was in fucking heaven. I'd never admit this to Edward, but this guy had talent. I was just getting into it when he stopped.

I looked up to find out what interrupted him and found my human pressing his lips against Jasper's neck. Jasper told him to go back to sleep and I thought, "That's right, go back to sleep so I can kick this guy's ass." But of course, Edward was a disobedient fucker and refused. The next thing I knew he was petting him and then they started pressing their faces together. Okay, this was getting weird. I decided to move to higher ground.

Jumping off of the bed, I padded over to the dresser and hopped up to the top. I sat down and watched, curious as to exactly what the hell Edward and Jasper were doing. Edward never petted me like that before. Jasper turned so he was facing Edward and then they started pressing their faces together again and making sucking noises. God almighty, what the hell was this now? Soon Jasper was lying on top of Edward and he moaned loudly. Oh God! Was he hurting him? I quickly stood up and readied myself for battle. No way was this fucker going to hurt my Edward. I didn't know exactly what I could do to get Jasper off of my human, but I'd think of something.

Just as I was about to launch myself onto the bed, Edward began kneading Jasper's back as he moved down his body. Okay. Maybe he wasn't hurting him. But what the hell was he doing? The blankets disappeared and then Edward's clothes disappeared. Jasper kept moving until his head was at Edward's waist and then… Holy shit! Did Jasper just do what I think he did? I closed my eyes momentarily, stunned. This was new to me. Why would you let something with teeth anywhere near your package? The moaning grew louder and I froze. I wanted to leave but I couldn't look away. It was like when I'd caught Harry screwing Sally out on the streets a while back. The polite thing to do would be to walk away, but you just couldn't bring yourself to do it.

I turned away for a moment to regain my composure, but my attention was drawn back to the bed when Edward rolled Jasper beneath him and removed his clothes. Edward got out of the bed and walked into the bathroom. Thank God. Maybe they were done with this strange dance now. To my surprise, Edward rushed back into the room holding stuff in his hands. He set a box down on the nightstand and then removed a small package. He tossed the wrapper onto the floor and for a minute I debated going down to fetch it. It could make a good toy. I decided to wait and make sure Edward was okay first.

Edward blocked my view for a bit, but then he sat down on Jasper and … Oh for the love of God, my eyes! Holy shit – they were mating. This was human mating – I think? Get a grip on yourself Cletus. I winced and closed my eyes. That didn't look like fun at all. Especially since Edward let Jasper into no man's land. Ouch! I kept my eyes closed as their moans became louder and they started calling out each other's names. And they say we caterwaul? I snickered internally as their pitch increased and waited for the asshole next door to start pounding on the wall. It would serve them right for making all of this noise.

Eventually they quieted and I risked another peek at the bed. Now they were all curled up around each other and talking softly. Jasper was facing me and I glared at him when he looked over Edward's shoulder. He tried to tell Edward that I was watching them – fucking tattle tale – but my human wasn't listening. Jasper narrowed his eyes at me and I stared him down. He may have won this round, but I hadn't lost the battle yet. I smirked. There was a pair of sneakers in the foyer calling my name.