That night Castiel dreamed of Jimmy.
It's not as if he'd never dreamed of his twin brother before. In fact, he dreamed of their past quite often, and it was always extremely disconcerting. Though not quite a nightmare, it always left the dark haired boy feeling hurt and empty inside.
The incidents started up shortly before Castiel had met Dean. At first he'd thought the claims of an angel were simply proclaimations of faith, and he took it as nothing. If anything, it was nice to know his brother could be that devoted to their God. He'd seen nothing wrong with it.
It started bothering him when Jimmy started doing it in public. They shared one of their middle school classes together - a basic science class. On the first day of the new school year, as the teacher had been reading off the attendance sheet, Jimmy's name was called, and then Castiel's.
"Oh, he's on there too?" At the odd look the teacher gave him, Jimmy had clarified, "Well, I thought I was the only one who could hear him." The whole class had laughed and Castiel sunk under his desk. How horrifying. Why had Jimmy said that? After a discussion of the class rules, some students had asked what his brother had meant. Sure, Cas was a little quiet; but so was Jimmy. They mostly stuck together. "Castiel's an angel. So if you guys don't know, does that mean only the teacher can hear him?" So his brother thought he was an angel? Was that supposed to be... flattering? It certainly wasn't normal.
It happened on several more occasions. They'd be eating out at a restaurant, and when the waitress would ask what Castiel wanted to eat, Jimmy would tell her, "Angels don't eat." Lucifer and Gabriel thought it was funny, Micheal thought it was cute. Castiel thought it was thouroughly embarrassing, and would simply order a drink. He already ate very little, as Jimmy had developed a habit of stealing his food. Was this why? After all, angels didn't need the nutrition to survive.
Around that time, Jimmy and Dean had become friends. On a few occasions, Dean was invited over. Castiel had taken to hiding in the shared bedroom whenever the Winchester was at the house, due to his shy nature. He heard the blonde boy, just a year older than them, say his name once or twice. Jimmy had made it clear that Castiel was an 'angel of the lord' and that Dean would never be able to hear his voice, as Dean wasn't chosen. Dean had shrugged it off and acted like it meant nothing, but Castiel knew he could never show his face to Dean now Jimmy had skewed his image.
That was when Castiel started to hate his brother. Rumor was getting out that Castiel wasn't a 'real boy' and he was being teased in school about it. He could handle that, and though he didn't appreciate the public displays he knew his brother didn't mean any harm. But now Dean Winchester, the boy Castiel found himself strangely attracted to, had heard Jimmy's crazy speech. And it only got worse from there.
Dean and Jimmy had apparently been having some kind of heart-to-heart. Dean had admitted something to Jimmy and had asked for his help with the situation, Jimmy later explained to Castiel. Through prayer.
"Castiel can help you!" Jimmy exclaimed, and Dean seemed genuienly interested. Apparently he was desperate enough. "My guardian angel promised me he'd protect me and my family as long as I helped him when he asked for it. Maybe he'll protect yours too!"
Dean had nodded at this, accepting the proffered help though he didn't really believe in it. Anything to stop his father from drinking himself to death. "Alright, lets meet this angel."
Castiel hadn't heard his name being called until Jimmy and Dean were practically screaming it. "Castiel please, my friend really needs your help!" Well, if Dean really needed him then... He quickly got out of his room and poked his head down the stairs. Green eyes met his own blue, and Dean looked positively miffed. Awestruck. They didn't stop staring at each other for a long time.
Dean left almost instantly.
A month later his twin had announced he was leaving.
"Alright, where will you be going?" Micheal had asked. There was a rule in the house - you always let Micheal know where you were. Lucifer broke this rule all the time and recently Gabriel had been running off to God knows where. But since Castiel and Jimmy were still technically children, they hadn't yet concieved that the rule could be broken.
"Castiel has an important job for me in Saint Petersburg."
Micheal started. "I'm sorry, where?" Jimmy simply grabbed a sweater off the back of a kitchen chair and walked out the door. After not coming home that night, the police had been called. Jimmy was gone for 3 days.
After Jimmy had been found safe and sound and returned home, his eldest brother had demanded to know why Castiel had told him to cross state borders. Castiel had tried to explain that he'd done no such thing, and that his twin had been making up stuff about him for quite a while now. Mike had chalked it up to childish play, and Castiel had been grounded for an indefinate amount of time until Micheal felt he had learned his lesson.
About 8 weeks passed without any major incident. Castiel was still grounded, and Jimmy was still telling people that his brother was an angel. He'd started believing that he and Castiel shared a body, and that when he saw his brother he was viewing from a different perspective while an angel possessed him. Castiel wasn't even a physical person to James Novak anymore. Castiel had taken to spending his free time with Gabe, and occasionally Luke. He stayed in either of their rooms at night, afraid now to be around his twin for any length of time. They noticed and started being concerned for their once inseperable brothers.
Finally, when everything seemed it might work out, the mirage was broken. Micheal was in the kitchen, boiling water for their dinner that night. He and Lucifer were having yet another fight, something that might even become a little physical. Luke seemed about to throw a punch when they heard a scream from behind them.
Castiel had run down to see what the screaming was about, and found his twin brother curled on the ground, nursing his arm. Luke was in the other room, dialing 911. Gabe could be heard shuffling frantically in the basement below them.
"Castiel!" Micheal screamed, sounding more than unhappy and a little distressed. "What could possibly make you think it was alright to tell your brother to stick his arm in boiling water?"
Castiel was dumbfounded. Just... what? "I... didn't. I swear to you I didn't! Jimmy just... does this sometimes!" How could he make Micheal understand that this wasn't him, and that there was something seriously wrong with Jimmy?
His twin was sobbing openly and cursing. "He said nothing would happen! He'd use his angelic grace to keep me from harm! It was supposed to be a declaration of faith!" It seemed like more than just his arm was in pain, his heart was broken as well. "I don't understand, Castiel!"
Mike was trying to gather his youngest brother into his arms while Castiel was desperately trying to clear his name. "Micheal, I would never tell anyone to do this! Please believe me, he's not right in the head!" Nobody was listening to him. Luke was still trying to get an ambulence, and Gabriel was tucked up against the now-open basement door, watching with wide eyes. Mike was trying to comfort his burned brother. The skin on his arm had turned the brightest shade of red and was bubbling slightly. It was sickening to look at.
After a lot of screaming and blame placed on his shoulder, the ambulance finally came and took Jimmy to the hospital. Micheal rode with the youngest while Lucifer drove the others with his newly accuired license. When the got there Jimmy was in the operation room, and they were forced to wait in the visiting center for several agonizing hours.
Jimmy wouldn't die, they all knew that from the start. But it was still a traumatizing event. Castiel was in an insurmountable bit of trouble and there was nothing he could do about it. Apparently, his twin had blabbed, because the nurse suggested the next day that Castiel see a psychiatrist. Micheal and the rest of his brothers had agreed whole heartedly, and within a few days Castiel was being psychoanalyzed on an issue that belonged to his brother. Castiel's bed and belongings were moved to the basement and he was expressly forbidden from any kind of contact with his other. He was prescribed Aripiprazole, a drug for depression, as well as certain anti psychotics. He found it had a serious effect on his concentration. His grades in school dropped and he found himself unable to look at any of his brothers without wanting to burst into tears. The betrayal was simply too much and he contemplated suicide more than once.
Shortly after their 11th birthday, everyone learned the truth. Jimmy and Castiel had been seperated at school, and the elder of the 2 twins now spent their recess and lunch hour in the councilors office. Jimmy, who'd been playing with his classmates outside on that day, had reportedly been destroying the others at basketball when a girl in the grade below him had accidentally hit him with her jumprope.
According to those who had witnessed the event, as soon as he'd seen her, he went pale and jumped her. She was found covered in claw marks from Jimmy's fingernails, and chuncks of her hair were pulled out. Jimmy had been trying to excorcise her, screaming that 'Castiel had to smite her and send the demon back to hell before anyone got hurt'.
At this point there was undeniable truth that Jimmy wasn't mentally sane. Micheal had been taken to court and had been sued into paying medical bills and some therapy for Lilith. When Jimmy had, in court, claimed that he had no twin brother and that Castiel was an angel who Jimmy occasionally got to witness borrowing his body, he'd been put directly into Lawrence hospital on suspicion of a dangerous type of schizophrenia.
Micheal and the rest of his brothers couldn't appologize enough (something Castiel reveled in but never fully accepted). He'd been immediately taken off the pills and out of psychotherapy sessions, and was given his room as well as a regular lunch hour back. The damage had been done, though. It'd been a while since Castiel had any type of conversation with his classmates, and since they never saw him during their down time, most of them didn't know he existed. Any person in town who heard what had happened had demanded to know the story, and now Castiel was met with pity or suspicion wherever he went.
But worst of all, Dean Winchester believed that Castiel was simply a figment of James Novak's imagination. And on their only meeting since the park, he may have seen a warrior of God. This hurt more than anything, because Castiel realized he cared a great deal about someone he'd only met twice, and the urge to get close to the other was unbearable. Jimmy had ruined all chances of that, and now Castiel didn't even have his twin.
Castiel was well and truly alone.
A/N: d'aww, poor Cas. Don't worry, Dean loves you.
I was watching an episode in season 6 ('cuz that's where I am right now, don't judge) and Balthazar said something like, "You called the wrong angel. The one you're looking for wears a dirty brown trench coat and is in love with you."
I was like, SQUEEEEEE. And then in the next episode Rachel was like, "I know your secret, Castiel, tell me it isn't true" and all I could think of was, CAS LOVES DEAN THAT'S HIS SECRET.
Anyways.
