The Justice League by the Pied Piper
You know you're in trouble when the Justice League are holding a meeting entirely about you.
Hey, it's me again, and to be frank I'm surprised I'm not dead yet.
Cuz we got caught. Obviously. I'm sure you saw the fight on the news, there were at least three news helicopters hanging around way too close to the action to film it (and props the Central City one that crashed into the Big Blue Boy Scout, you guys rock). I think we held our own pretty well, but c'mon, it was the Justice League, and we went on the run hungover and with minimal supplies. I'm surprised we lasted five days with the Batclan looking for us, nevermind the rest of the heroes.
Captain Boomerang nailed Green Arrow in the ass though, and he was still grinning ear to ear when they caught me and carted me off to god knows where. Heat Wave and Weather Wizard got the fire tornado going which really upset Martian Manhunter and, well, everyone else; Captain Cold froze Aquaman solid; Tricks made Batman growl by throwing exploding rubber chickens at him and Golden Glider and Top showed up just in time to take on Wonder Woman.
Do you know who got through them all to me in the end? Flash. That traitorous fucking bastard. What the hell happened to 'Centralites stick together'? I ended up petulantly kicking him in the back when he slung me over his shoulder and sped me out of the battle past a laughing Black Canary and into some kind of sound-proof cell.
And I'm still in here. No water, no food, no fresh air. It's been nine hours. In a 6-by-6 foot cube.
I am going insane.
Not Rogue insane either. Arkham Asylum insane. The kind where the next superhero I see is gonna need a new spine.
I still have my phone though, so I've had Solitaire to keep me company. But that got real old real fast, so now I'm writing this. I'll publish it when I get out of here. If I get out of here.
God fucking dammit, who has a secret base without an Internet connection.
We do.
Who the fuck is that?
Who the fuck are you? Kidding, I know exactly who you are. I'm your friendly neighbourhood hacker.
You're Batclan, aren't you. Note the deep pathological hatred right there.
I'm noting it, don't worry. And yeah, duh. Who else in the League is a hacker? Narrow it down.
Well you aren't Batman. Batman doesn't have a heart, and he wouldn't talk to me if his life depended on it. Red Hood is too scary, same with Batgirl, and the most recent Robin is a psychopath. Agent A is just a rumour, Catwoman wouldn't call it 'our' secret base, and i hAvE a fEEliNg ThAt ReD rObIn TyPeS LiKe tHiS.
Who the hell would type like that? And thanks for that stellar assessment of my family, Piper.
You're welcome, Nightwing.
...so, I have a fine ass, do I?
I think I made that quite clear earlier. I think a better question would be: so, you read my blog, do you?
Well I drew the Rogues for keeping the Batcave logs updated.
You just enjoy it, don't you.
...yeah, the Ivy one was pretty funny. You should've stayed out of Gotham.
And you should mind your own business.
...
Wait, don't go! Look, sorry, that was rude. Just...are the other Rogues okay?
You're too cute. And yeah, of course they're okay. We're the good guys, remember?
That's pretty hard to remember when you're all out to get us for doing nothing wrong.
Touché. Okay, now to the reason I'm here, and I'm sure this will come off as way too chalant to uphold my reputation as a badass, but whatever. What the heck did you say to Kid Flash when he came to check on you? He hasn't cracked a joke, smiled, or eaten anything in five and a half hours! It's a disaster, heavy on the dis.
Fucking good.
Hey, I thought you two were friends?
'Friends' don't help the Justice Morons to cart off other friends and their family when they've done nothing wrong, and then lock up said friend in a tiny freaking cell!
Ah.
Yeah, 'ah'.
He's fighting your corner though. Him and Flash. Every time Supes or Wonder Woman or whoever suggest locking you up forever or sending all the Rogues to Belle Reve or stopping you ever creating music/sound again, they're ripping them to shreds.
...
Hey, you okay? You look like you're hyperventilating on the cameras.
That sounds...horrific. Please don't let them do that.
Which one?
Any of them. Please.
I'll see what I can do. Actually, scratch that. I'll get you out myself.
Really?
KF will try whatever I say, so I might as well come along to make sure he doesn't get caught.
Thanks. Sorry about the ass comments.
Nah, I'm good with those. Boosts my ego, y'know? Your ass is nice too by the way. Noticed you shaking it on the Video That Saved the World.
You sure you're straight? ;) And my video has an unofficial title already?
No, I'm not sure. And I came up with that one myself.
You should do a press conference and announce it as the official name.
Please, have you ever seen a Bat do a press conference? There aren't nearly enough shadows to lurk ominously in.
Is that why every time I see Batman in the sunlight, he looks extraordinarily pissed off?
Nope, that's just his face.
*fist bump*
*fist bump*
I like the way you destroy the language.
I'm improving it, not destroying it ( I'm troying it?). And I like the way you massacre superheroes' codenames.
I'm not massacring them, I'm improving them.
...I walked right into that one.
Yes, yes you did.
Hold on, Batman's clocked that I'm on my phone. Initiating avoidance tactic 3.7.
Avoidance tactic 3.7?
I legged it to the bathroom.
Smooth Nightwing, real smooth. Like sandpaper.
It's Batman.
True, true. ...can you get me any updates?
Not after Batman saw me. I'll be on chore duty for a month, and cleaning up Blüdhaven after the invasion will take up all my free time as it is.
Please dude, this is potentially the end of my life here.
...hold on. Red?
Yeah, Wing?
(Told you he didn't talk like that). Red, I want you to meet the Pied Piper. Piper, meet my little brother, Red Robin.
Yo.
Wing, you're gonna get me killed.
Just give us a quick meeting update?
No way. And 'us'? He's a supervillain!
Please? This is my family and my life you're debating.
...Green Lantern and Green Arrow are weighing in on Flash's side. Wonder Woman and Superman aren't happy about that, as it's making the Flashes' argument look a lot less biased. We're basically waiting for Bats to say something.
He's the deciding vote?
Think so.
God, I'm fucked.
I wouldn't be so sure. Listen, I'm sure this was great and everything, but I gotta go. Everyone I could be texting is either in the room or 'in the bathroom', so I'm getting funny looks. Red Robin out.
...Nightwing?
Yeah?
Didn't want to say it in front of the kid but... I don't wanna die.
You won't. That options not even on the table.
If you lock me up forever, I'll go out of my mind. If you send me to Belle Reve, the other inmates will kill me for my sexuality. If you take my music from me, I'll shoot myself in the head.
Would you take over the world though, if you could?
That was a bit random. And the answer is no. Rogues have rules, and we keep them. They aren't negotiable. Plus, if I took over the world, I couldn't rob banks, fight the Fast Bastards or get drunk on Fridays. And I'm not doing paperwork, even if the world does depend on it.
And that's all I needed. Well done Piper, you just secured yourself a ticket out of here.
...you fucking prick. This was a set up, wasn't it?
Yup. The meeting about your fate did happen a few hours ago though. Batman's casting vote was to see what you would say.
Then thanks. But also fuck you. God, that just really screwed with my emotions.
I couldn't tell from you scowling murderously and laughing hysterically at the same time.
Sarcasm is bad for the soul.
Are you gonna publish this?
Now, whyever would I do that? ;)
