Losing It ~ SoapyMayhem
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Chapter 7 ** The Proposition **
~*Bella Swan*~
The guy looked worried, genuinely worried, and I wasn't sure if my proposal was going to make it any better. Initially, I had assumed that any guy would jump at the chance, and that Edward wouldn't be any different. Then again - unlike my friends - Edward wasn't morally bankrupt.
It was already too late for me to back out. There was also the fact that Edward was so cute that I actually found myself wanting to have sex with him. Of course, he wasn't my first choice - but then, James had taken that away from me. So, if Edward was amiable, I wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to let him help me.
It was now or never.
"Edward, I have a proposition for you," I spoke anxiously.
He waited for me to continue. The longer I waited, the more suspicious his looks became. With shaking hands, I lit a cigarette. Knowing that I was showing weakness made me feel vulnerable, but there was little I could do but let the nicotine work its magic.
Anxiety was rolling off me in waves and I was sure he'd picked up on it. He was probably assuming the worst, so I thought I'd better spit it out.
"I need you to have sex with me," I blurted. His pouty lips fell open and his eyes widened to a point that they looked like they might pop out of his head if he wasn't careful.
"w-What?" he stuttered in disbelief.
"Umm…" I started, but his expression stopped me short. With a red face, eyes screwed shut, and a tightened jaw, he began to take in gasps of air. His head quickly went into position between his knees, while he tried to steady his breathing.
My teeth found my bottom lip and began to nervously gnaw at it. I wasn't sure what to do. After several seconds his breathing hadn't improved so I moved closer to him. Normally, one might rub a person's back to help relax them, but when I saw how the light caught his stunning, penny colored hair, I opted to run my fingers through it instead. It was just as fucking soft as it looked.
When his breathing began to even out, I released the strands my fingers had been holding hostage and waited for him to sit up. When he finally did, his eyes were still closed but his jaw was more relaxed. He adjusted the glasses on his face, and his green eyes finally met mine. He looked afraid and nervous beyond belief. I couldn't help but feel like shit for doing that to him. Briefly, I wondered if he just hyperventilated, or if he'd had an actual panic attack. Either way, neither was the desired effect I'd been hoping for.
"Are you okay?" I asked, concerned over the state he was in.
He simply nodded.
"I'm sorry. I guess I shouldn't have sprung it on you like that."
"You were serious," he said, as more of a statement than a question.
"Yes," I said, offering a small smile, but at the same time feeling ashamed. A fierce look of determination crossed over his almost ethereal features.
"Tell me everything. I know there is more to this than… sex… so, I need to know," he demanded. The walls protecting his heart were being built before my eyes. The boy was right to protect himself. It was within my power to break him. That was the last thing I wanted.
"The reasons… it will probably sound incredibly naïve and stupid to you, but if I tell you everything, will you at least consider my proposal?" I asked hopefully. The wary nod he managed was probably the best answer I was going to get.
"Look, you can't repeat anything I'm about to tell you. For some reason, I feel like I can trust you to keep this to yourself," I pleaded, hating that I was willingly giving so much power to someone else. My actions were going against all my instincts.
"Bella, I would never do anything hurt you," he said simply, and there was nothing but truth and conviction in his green eyes. His words made my chest hurt and my pulse throb in my veins, but I pushed the feelings back for later perusal.
"God, I can't believe I am saying this out loud," I groaned. I wished I could tell him that I'd asked him because he was so sexy and beautiful that I wanted him to fuck me. If I did, maybe he would, but I knew misdirecting him would make me feel like and even bigger piece of shit than I already was.
"I need to lose my virginity soon, and for reasons you couldn't possibly understand."
"Make me understand, and I'll consider it," he said with a slight smile playing on his lips. I blinked, feeling a bit dazed by his change in demeanor. Strangely, his statement was cockier than I'd expected, and it seemed like he was stammering less and his words had even become more confident, especially considering the near panic attack he'd just experienced.
He was an enigma.
"Okay, but please, spare me any judgments you might have about my choices," I said pointedly. His hands up in surrender pushed me to explain my situation with James.
"There is someone, a guy. I think… no, I am in love with him, but he doesn't love me," I said almost petulantly. Edwards face no longer held the cocky half smile. He just looked crest-fallen.
"Oh… I'm so sorry, Bella," he offered sympathetically.
"Yeah." I swallowed thickly feeling unnerved by his kindness.
"I umm… I've wanted him for a while now, and he only recently started to notice me. I really only wanted to be with him, so I've never had sex with anyone else. I guess I just hoped that maybe if I saved myself for him, he would be - I don't know - happy, or grateful. Hell, flattered would have even been nice, but he didn't want a stupid little lovesick virgin. So, he told to come back when I wasn't one anymore," by the end of my rant I was spitting venom. I hadn't realized just how much anger I'd been keeping inside. Letting it out had felt like opening a bottle of soda that had been shaken up. It was an explosion of the anger, betrayal, and pain I'd been feeling, until it was just relief - relief from all the pressure.
Unfortunately, Edward's expression was quite the opposite of relief. Disbelief and disgust were plainly written on his face. He must have thought I was an idiot.
"Tell me," he spat, his jaw clenched tight.
"What?" I replied taken aback.
"Tell me who did that to you!" he practically growled, his eyes burning with more rage than I ever would have expected from him.
"I-I can't," I faltered a bit, surprised by his intensity.
"How could someone be so fucking careless?" he muttered angrily with fists clenched at his side.
"Look, just forget it. I'll figure something else out," I sighed defeated.
Wanting to spare myself from his disapproving opinions of my choices, I stood to leave. His hand grasped my wrist quickly but gently.
"Please, don't… just… don't go, okay? I'll help you, but there are… conditions," he pleaded, and it wasn't his words, or the velvet silkiness of his voice that made me want to stay, it was his eyes, and the way mine seemed to drown in them.
He looked at me with a raised brow as if he were waiting for me to argue. Truthfully, I didn't want him to have any more leverage over me, but at the same time he had agreed to help me. As far as his conditions were concerned, I was fairly certain they wouldn't be anything more than I could handle.
"Tell me about your conditions," I acquiesced.
"Okay, but please don't laugh," he warned seriously.
"Before we… you know. I think we should go on a date…"
A/N
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