Chapter Seven
Kenshin's heart stopped; all of time seemed to stop. A tear trickled down his flushed cheek, the first tear he had shed since the death of Shinta. He watched from behind the cover of the protective trees as the sword pierced Kaoru's heart, as the tip appeared completely on the other side of her body from the hilt, as her body convulsed suddenly from the pain. He could not breath as he witnessed the man clothed in black pull the sword back through her, releasing her from his grasp. He watched her tiny frame shudder and fall, lifeless to the earth, landing in her own blood. Another tear rolled down his cheek.
A soft murmuring alerted Kenshin, and he tensed immediately. But he glanced down at Kenji in his arms and realized it had only been his son, making soft cooing noises. Kenji smiled happily up at Kenshin, and Kenshin wondered if Kenji would ever truly realize how painful this moment was for him. A chunk of his heart was missing, now that his love had died. He was empty, except for the small part which Kenji occupied in his heart. Kenshin realized that was all that was left inside of him—his love for Kenji, and the desire to protect him. He needed to protect him; he had to. Kaoru had died so that Kenshin could save their child. After reaching this conclusion, Kenshin stole off into the night; disappearing from the eyes of Japan forever.
"Kenshin!" The name was a painful curse, a burden on the heart. A terrified scream, a great and repulsive moan. Everything that could possibly make one miserable was defined in this one name. And Kaoru was screaming.
"What is it, honey?" Kaoru looked up at her white ceiling, panting and clutching the bed sheets in her hands tightly. Sweat coated her forehead, and her face was deathly pale. Her mother pressed her palm to Kaoru's forehead to check for a temperature. "You feeling all right? You really cold." At the word, Kaoru began to shiver and tears pricked her eyes.
"I'm all right, mother, just a nightmare, that was all." A nightmare. That was the perfect word to describe it. It had been such a lovely dream- a lovely, wonderful, beautiful dream. And it had been snatched away violently- a horrible ending to her euphoria. She glared at the pristine, white ceiling, her heart full of malice and ill contempt.
How could all of that have been a dream? She thought miserably to herself. I can't have dreamed that all up. It was too real. The killing, the assignments, Katsura, Kenshin… Kenji…" The last two names caused her backed up tears to break free and spill down her cheeks. Her husband and her son. She could not have dreamed that, surely? She could not have dreamed such a realistic man, such a lovely, beautiful, perfect, kind, loving man…
And Kenji. Her heart felt like it was breaking in two at the remembrance of her dream child. To realize her own son was not real; that he was a figment of her imagination… she felt like she lost a part of her soul just at that thought. The pregnancy, the delivery, the joyous happiness she felt, knowing she had created this tiny little being; surely she could not dream all of that.
And yet she had. And she screamed.
"Mom, I'm not feeling too well. Do I have to go to school?" Her mother shook her head immediately.
"Of course not. You be sick past couple days. You not wake up, I so afraid. Just stay home and recover." Kaoru nodded her head vaguely and marched back up the stairs to her room, closing the door silently behind her and gazing around her room. She hated it. She missed the sliding paper doors, the Japanese lanterns, even her small futon.
Her mother had told her that she had broken out in a fever; that it was dangerously high, but she didn't feel it was serious enough to warrant a trip to the hospital. She had slept continuously for three straight days, murmuring constantly in her sleep about nonsense things.
"What kinds of things did I say?" Kaoru asked curiously. Her mother frowned as she tried to think.
"There some things about blood… you keep screaming you drowning in it." Kaoru shuddered, remembering the dreams within her dream.
"There also lot about someone named Kenshin… you keep calling his name, but not in scared way, like blood. It calm, as if he standing there and you talking to him." Kaoru felt the tears come to her eyes and the hole inside of her grow larger.
"Towards end, you keep saying 'save him, Kenshin, save Kenji.' I don't know what you talking about most of time." A tear escaped Kaoru's eye, but she managed to wipe it away before her mother saw.
"Oh!" her mother exclaimed suddenly, as if she had just remembered something. "There something else… once you say… 'I hate that man, I hate that man'… and something like, 'Katsura's afraid of me, so I get what I want'." Kaoru laughed at the memory, how Katsura never could seem to withstand her demands. He always bent to her will. As she laughed, the pent up tears escaped and her laughs turned into helpless cries. Her mother held her tightly in her arms, rocking her back and forth, just like Kenshin had done in her dreams.
"Kaoru? Can I come in?" Kaoru smiled happily for the first time in several days at the voice.
"Yeah, come in," she called to her closed bedroom door. The door swung open to reveal Megumi standing there in her school clothes, books in hand.
"Hey girl, you must have been really sick to miss that much school!" Megumi exclaimed. Kaoru nodded sadly.
"Yeah… I was… sick." As Kaoru watched Megumi, she noticed how similar Megumi looked to Takani Megumi, the medical doctor. The doctor that had delivered her baby. Kaoru realized she was beginning to think it was real again, and she shook her head, chastising herself silently. Takani Megumi looked so much like her best friend because it was her imagination. She just used the same face and name, that was all.
"Kaoru? You okay?" Megumi asked, waving a hand in front of Kaoru's face. Kaoru shook her head to clear her thoughts and smiled weakly.
"Yeah… I just can't seem to focus right now… hey, Megumi? Where did your name come from?" Megumi eyed Kaoru curiously, wondering why she would care.
"Um… my parents named me after one of our ancestors. A great-great-great-great grandmother or something like that. Supposedly she was the first female doctor in Japan," Megumi recited smugly, proud of her namesake. Kaoru's heart, however, stopped.
"She was the first woman doctor? The first lady doctor? In Japan? Was she in Kyoto?" Megumi shrugged.
"I think so, why? What's got you so interested? You look slightly worried." Kaoru shook her head and smiled fakely.
"It's nothing. I'm just trying to find something to use for that history project. So… um… who did she marry?" Kaoru knew she shouldn't be thinking it was the same woman; she didn't really know her, but she felt like she did. She was curious about their actual lives.
"Uh… she married someone named Sanosuke. Sagara, I think."
"Sano?" Kaoru asked incredulously, fascinated now, captivated by Megumi's words. "How did they meet?" So far as she knew, Sano and Megumi had not known each other. It only provided proof that she had been dreaming, but she pushed aside that fact for the moment. Megumi frowned.
"How did you know he was called Sano?" she asked suspiciously. Kaoru shrugged innocently, but inside her heart was racing.
"I think I read it somewhere. Anyways, how did they meet?" Megumi sighed.
"Well, the story that's been passed down from generation to generation is that Takani Megumi had been friends with…" a sly smile crept onto Megumi's face.
"Actually, I think you should know this story. Surely your mother's told you." Kaoru rolled her eyes.
"Honestly, do I ever pay attention? Now tell me!" she said impatiently. Megumi shrugged and continued.
"Well, do you know where your name comes from?" Kaoru felt her stomach plunge inside of her.
"Yes. Kamiya Kaoru- she was an- an accomplice to the Hitokiri Battousai in Kyoto, Japan during the revolution. She died in 1867." She shuddered involuntarily.
"Yes. And in 1867, the organization Kaoru was working for was disbanded. All of their assassins were killed off; they didn't want anyone to know of what really had happened during the revolution. Takani Megumi was a doctor for the Hitokiri Battousai and Kamiya Kaoru. She knew all of their personal history, and the history of every other assassin patient she ever treated. That, obviously, made her a very dangerous person to keep alive. She knew way too much. So they were coming to kill her, but she had heard rumors of all their accomplices being killed off. So she grabbed a few things and ran. They caught up to her and were going to kill her. They had her backed up to a tree with a sword at her neck, when a man, Sano, came running and saved her. He had seen the men chase her and had followed. He ended up killing those men, and he helped her escape. They traveled together, and about a year after her rescue, they married. It was interesting though; both of them said they knew the secret of the Battousai and Kaoru, but..."
"They never told anyone, did they?" Kaoru asked fearfully. Megumi shook her head, a skeptical look still on her face.
"Are you sure you've never heard the story before?" she asked suspiciously. Kaoru shook her head.
"Never. Go on." Megumi shrugged.
"Well, no, they never did tell anyone, so most just believe they made that up. It is likely that Megumi knew, since she was their doctor, but most doubt that Sano really knew before he met Megumi. But the most interesting part wasn't that they both said they knew their secrets, they both said they knew the secret of Battousai and Kaoru. It was as if it were some conspiracy or something that involved the both of them." Kaoru smirked to herself; she knew what the secret was. She was happy, though, content that her friends had found love in the end. Then she admonished herself mentally for considering them friends when she didn't really know them.
"Well, I just came to bring your homework, I've got to go, actually. We've got a track meet today." Kaoru smiled absentmindedly and wished Megumi good luck as she left. As soon as she heard the front door close, Kaoru jumped off the bed and ran to her computer starting up the Internet. She waited impatiently as it started up, and she googled the name Himura Kenshin. After a few seconds, the screen came up blank with zero results. Kaoru sighed in frustration and tried searching under the name Battousai. Nothing showed up. She muttered under her breath about the un-trustworthiness of the Internet and other random insults as she tried searching for Hitokiri Battousai. Nothing came up.
She banged her head against her hard desk and groaned as she felt a headache coming on. She rubbed her temples and picked up the beautiful document with the little information she had to go by on it. She suddenly got an idea.
She started a new search, and typed in two words, praying it would find at least one link for it. Himura Kenji. After several seconds, the Internet came up with nothing. She screamed out her frustration, alarming her mother and sending her running upstairs to see if her daughter was dying. After much reassurance, her mother returned to the kitchen to try to scavenge what little she could of her now burnt dinner.
Kaoru typed in the name Kenji and searched, and it came up with a broad array of links. She sighed and began searching the small description below each title. None of them looked promising. She deleted that search and tried to think of what else to do. If it were only a dream, her son wouldn't really exist. But Kaoru had known parts of the story Megumi told without the help of her mother or the one document on Kenshin. Things she wouldn't have been able to guess without having known beforehand. That's when inspiration struck. She smiled as she typed in the next two words, somehow knowing inside that it would come up with the answer she was looking for.
She couldn't believe she hadn't thought of searching for a Kamiya Kenji. He was her son after all, and Kenshin hadn't wanted to be known. So records would obviously carry her last name, not his. If it were real, she reminded herself. Just then, the search completed, and she was left with one link. She clicked on it, closing her eyes and praying it would help her. When she opened them again, a small smile lifted the corners of her mouth.
The words she had searched for were highlighted, and not much was said about Kamiya Kenji, only that he was born in 1867, which fit Kaoru's dream perfectly. Underneath this was his death date- 1953. Kaoru smiled. He had lived a long, full life, just like she had wanted him to. She was pleased her death had at least done something good. Then she smacked her head for thinking that.
Underneath this, it went on to say that Kenji had married a woman named Sakiko and had a daughter named Tsubame in 1890, and a son named Yahiko in 1896. Tsubame died in 1910 due to childbirth problems, but Yahiko lived till 1983, and had a son named Kenji, after Yahiko's father. Kenji was born in 1923 and was still alive today.
Kaoru reread the last line again. Kenji still lives, to this day, in Tokyo, Japan. Her heart thudded in her chest, and she suddenly wanted, no, needed to go to Japan, to meet this man that, had her dreams been real, would have been her descendant. Kaoru glanced at her calendar and stood up resolutely, the last line on the page resounding in her head.
Kenji still lives to this day, in Tokyo, Japan.
"Mother- I- I want to go to Japan," Kaoru said hesitantly. Her mother's face went through an array of different expressions before finally settling on a beaming radiance that shone from her features.
"And what bring on sudden desire to visit ancestral homeland?" she asked curiously. Kaoru shrugged.
"I- I guess studying for this project has really made me interested. I'd really, really like to go there- I want to visit Kyoto and Tokyo." Her mother smiled.
"Okay. I schedule trip for summer if you like. We go-"
"No!" Kaoru interrupted, suddenly panicky. She couldn't wait that long to go. She needed to go now, to know she hadn't dreamed up her son and her love. "I- I mean, why not now? Why can't we go this weekend?" Her mother frowned.
"I have no made preparations, and you have school, and-" Kaoru held up a hand to stop her.
"Mom- I honestly don't need to stay there for very long. I just really want to go see certain parts of Tokyo and Kyoto. And it would be helpful to do it this weekend, because it would help with my project for school. They may have more information over there about my subject." Her mom bit her lip, trying to decide.
"I don't know…" she said slowly.
"Please mom? You can even work from there. I can take myself around. I know exactly the places I want to go. Please?" Her mother deliberated for another second before replying.
"All right, I guess we go this weekend. Is four day weekend anyways." Kaoru smiled, suddenly elated and excited for the first time since the slight thrill of Megumi's story.
"Welcome to Kyoto," Kaoru's mom said, spreading her arms wide, indicating the large city before them. Kaoru felt her breath catch in her throat. There were tall buildings everywhere- not the low little homes and stores she had seen. The streets were paved, not dust, and people wore regular clothes, not the traditional Japanese clothing. It was a slight letdown.
"All right, the first place I want to see is-" Kaoru said, remembering where the complex was by memory.
"Whoa, slow down minute. We to get settled into hotel first," her mother reminded her. Kaoru pouted.
"Can you go book us a hotel while I explore? I won't get lost, I promise. I know exactly where I want to go, and I have a map." Her mother finally gave in to this idea after much begging and pleading on Kaoru's part. They split and said goodbye, and after Kaoru's mother was out of sight, Kaoru sprinted towards her destination.
"Excuse me, do you know where this complex is?" Kaoru asked a passing man. The man stopped and peered at the map she held for a minute before smiling.
"Sure do. It's right there," he said, jerking his thumb over his shoulder. Kaoru spun around and gasped.
It was the same complex, all right, but there had been many renovations and upgrades performed on this old building. Kaoru walked up to the familiar iron gates and caressed them with her hand. She was starting to think that maybe her dream hadn't been a dream at all; there was too much evidence saying otherwise.
Kaoru walked through the small courtyard and shuffled slowly around the back, smiling as she saw her favorite stone bench and cherry blossom tree. The cherry blossoms were not in bloom, however, so the tree looked bare, but the bench was still there, in the same position as it had been all those years ago. She sat down slowly on the bench, closing her eyes and inhaling deeply. Though there was now much pollution in the air, she could still catch the faint waft of the cherry blossoms in the air. Her heart warmed, and she felt as if she were connected to that past time for a brief moment. She opened her eyes slowly and the spell was broken.
She walked cautiously towards the complex building itself and knocked on the entrance door to the lounge. Back then, she had always just walked in, but she didn't know what this building was used for now. A woman answered the door, smiling brightly at Kaoru.
"Hello, how may I help you?" she asked sweetly in a light, feathery voice.
"I- I was wondering what this building is used for," Kaoru asked slowly, not sure what exactly to say. The woman smiled even more brightly.
"This building is a training center for the martial arts," she said cheerfully, and Kaoru's heart seemed to skip a beat at how little the purpose of the building had changed.
"Is it really? Do the students live inside the building?" The woman nodded.
"Yes. It is like a private school, almost, and the students live here for months at a time." Kaoru smiled faintly and tried to think of something else to say.
"When exactly did it become a martial arts school?" she asked curiously.
"Not too long ago. About ten years or so. Before that, it was a regular private school for children." Kaoru smiled.
"Do you think I could have a look around? You see- I used to go here," Kaoru explained. "When it was still the school. I hadn't known it had become a martial arts school."
"Oh, of course," the woman said brightly, sliding the door open. Kaoru loved how the door was a sliding door. Kaoru stepped inside and was hit with a wave of nostalgia. Nothing had changed. Everything was exactly the way it had been all those years ago.
"Can- can I just wander around? I was wanting to see my room and my classrooms and stuff, if that's okay." The woman nodded and left her. Kaoru felt her feet automatically turn and take her down the memorable hall and stop in front of an all too familiar door. Kaoru hesitated before knocking.
The door slid open and a small boy with bright blue eyes and red hair peered back at her. Kaoru sucked in her breath sharply and stared at the little boy, not sure if he could be a descendant of Kenshin's.
"Yes?" the boy asked. Kaoru realized he was actually not too little; he was probably near fourteen.
"Uh- I was once a student here, and I was just revisiting the school and everything, and this used to be my room and I was just wondering… if I could look around, if that's okay. I mean, if you don't want me to, I totally understand. I was just wanting to see my old room." The boy nodded and slid the door open further, allowing Kaoru to enter the room. Everything was as she remembered it, except the candle beside the futon had been replaced by an electric lamp. Otherwise, all of the old furniture and decorum was the same. Even the layout of the furniture in the room was the same. Kaoru sighed sadly as she gazed around the room. With a thankful nod, she left the boy and walked away.
"Mother, I'm ready to go to Tokyo," Kaoru said the next morning. Her mother frowned.
"But we only been in Kyoto one day!" her mother exclaimed.
"I know, but I've seen everything I wanted to see. I mainly wanted to see Tokyo- that's where I have the most I want to do. Can we leave for Tokyo today? It only takes about a day by train," she offered, remembering her fateful vacation with Kenshin. Her mother sighed.
"Kaoru, I don't know what up with you lately. You acting so strange. It like you become obsessed to point it slightly scary. I won't pretend I don't know you don't want tell me what it about, and I won't press you for answer, but I hope you get over fascination of yours." Kaoru sighed.
"You wouldn't understand, Mom," she said softly. "But it's really important to me. So can we go to Tokyo now?" Her mother stood up and stretched her arms above her, looking around the hotel room.
"I like to stay in different hotel…" she said jokingly. Kaoru leapt off the hard bed and hugged her mother tightly. Within an hour, they were on the train to Tokyo. Kaoru insisted on having the seat farthest from the window, and she leaned across her mother to point at the landscape, just like she had leaned across Kenshin on their vacation together.
When they reached Tokyo, Kaoru and her mother split apart again like before. Kaoru immediately headed towards the outskirts of town, to the countryside. She looked at the scrap of paper she had kept with her since their arrival in Japan, smiling at the thought of being in Tokyo again.
Kaoru was pleased to see that the small town just outside the city had not changed drastically like Kyoto had. The roads were paved and there were newer buildings, but several of the older buildings remained intact. Kaoru smiled as she thought of the experiences she and Kenshin had shared together on their little getaway. She found the shrine where she and Kenshin had married, and was surprised to see it was exactly the way she had pictured it in her dream. She was beginning to believe that maybe it hadn't been a dream after all.
After visiting the shrine, Kaoru walked down a road that had never been paved, a small dirt road that led out of the town to the countryside. Kaoru's smile grew with every step that she took, as the little dojo loomed closer and closer. When she reached the front gates of Tomoe's dojo, she stopped and stared at them in wonder. They were the same gates in her dream.
Kaoru wasn't quite sure how long she stood there, staring at the gates, but she was shaken out of her reverie by a small child's voice.
"Look, mommy, look! I found a flower!" Kaoru cocked her head to the side, glancing around the corner of the gate to see a small girl running along, holding a flower in her hand. A beautiful woman bent down and took the flower from the girl, kissing the girl's head.
"Thank you, Ayame. I am sure Akira will like this very much." Kaoru's mouth went dry and her heart did a little flip-flop in her chest. She peered at the two inside the gates of the dojo.
"Look, mommy! There's someone out there!" the little girl pointed towards Kaoru. The woman straightened up and walked over to the gates, watching Kaoru warily.
"Can I help you?" she asked curiously.
"Um- I think so. This is the dojo that was once owned by a woman named Tomoe, is it not?" The woman's face grew pale.
"How do you know that?" she asked. Kaoru began to stutter nervously.
"Well, uh- I- uh. I was looking for a man by the name of Kenji- does he live here?" The woman nodded slowly and turned towards the house, keeping Kaoru in her line of sight.
"Kenji-san!" she shouted loudly.
"Yes?" came a feeble reply.
"There is a woman here to see you. Someone by the name of…" the woman turned back to Kaoru and raised her eyebrows.
"Kamiya Kaoru," she supplied her with her name.
"Kamiya Kaoru!" the woman shouted. There was a long pause before the muffled response.
"Let her inside, Tae." The woman shrugged and opened the gates.
"This way," she directed Kaoru, even though Kaoru already knew the entire layout of the building. An old man shuffled out of the dojo and stood on the steps, gazing down at Kaoru.
"I am pretty sure she knows how to navigate around this dojo, Tae," he said kindly. Tae shrugged and left to play with her daughter again. Kaoru wasn't sure what Kenji had meant by that last sentence he had said to Tae, but she didn't care. She was studying this man's features, and could definitely see some of Kenshin's characteristics in his face.
"Hello, Himura Kaoru," Kenji said softly. "I have been waiting a long time for you to finally come." Kaoru sucked in her breath and frowned.
"Why did you call me that? Why have you been waiting to see me?" she asked curiously. Kenji raised his eyebrows.
"Why? Do you not remember anything about the past?" Kaoru flinched, a torrent of memories flooding back into her mind. So it actually had happened. It came as a great relief to her that she had not imagined it all, but she still did not know how it could have happened.
"I do remember," she said softly. "But I wonder- what do you know?" Kenji smiled.
"Ah, that is the question, is it not? I am here to answer your questions for you," he said, motioning for her to follow him inside. Kenji sat down at a small table in the kitchen. Kaoru hesitated.
"Um- I'm assuming from what you've said, you know exactly why I'm here," Kaoru started. Kenji nodded knowingly.
"Yes, of course." Kaoru smiled.
"Then… I was wondering if I could possibly really quick go down the hall and see the room I stayed in… just to… remember." Kenji nodded and waved her off. She smiled happily and practically ran down the hall to the room. She slid open the door and gasped; everything was exactly the way it had been the last time she had been here. In 1866. The futon was the same, the layout of the room was the same. They had not even replaced the little oil lamp with an electric one. It still sat by the edge of the bed. She wiped away a few tears and shut the door, walking slowly back to the kitchen. She sank down into a chair across from Kenji, ready to talk.
"So- you were named after your grandfather? My Kenji?" Kaoru whispered. Kenji nodded slowly.
"Yes. I had the privilege of knowing Kenji myself. I was thirty when he died."
"Was- was he happy? Did he hate me for not being there?" Kenji smiled consolingly.
"Kenji never hated you. How could he, when he never knew you? He once told me had no memories of his mother, other than one night long ago. He said the only thing he remembered was that it was dark and you were running. He remembered you crying and handing him to Kenshin, but that is all."
"But- I know he never really knew me, but did he hate the memory of me? For leaving him alone?" Kenji shook his head again.
"No. Sometimes, he said, he grew angry with you. He said he would sit in his room, trying to think of reasons to hate you. He hated how unhappy his father was, and he became furious knowing it was because of your absence. But he never truly hated you. He said he could never stay mad at a woman he never knew for very long." Kaoru bit her lip at the mention of Kenshin's unhappiness.
"How was Kenshin?" she whispered. Kenji sighed.
"I suppose I should just tell you the whole story from the beginning," Kenji said softly. Kaoru settled down into her seat, ready for his story.
"Kenshin did not tell Kenji anything about the details of your death, nor his role as Battousai until he was on his death bed. But when he was about to die, he told Kenji everything, sparing no details. Which meant Kenji also knew there was a possibility you had not actually died that day in 1867. So Kenji understood the importance of remembering his father's past- because he knew that one day you might come looking for answers. Kenshin figured that out and stressed to Kenji how important it was.
"That night that the two of you fled from the Choshu with Kenji, Kenshin hid in the forest to watch you to see what they would do. He saw you die. He knew you were dead. Yet he also knew there was a strong possibility you were still alive, just not in Japan anymore; not in his time. He assumed you would have gone back- back to this time. He took Kenji and fled to the only place he could think of that might take him in… He went here, to Tokyo. To Tomoe. Tomoe had heard of her husband's death and was still grieving for him. When Kenshin arrived, exhausted, injured, and holding his infant child in his arms, Tomoe couldn't refuse to let him in. She knew Kenshin was the one to kill her husband, but she also knew he was not a bad man. So she took him in and helped him recover. She helped him raise Kenji. She was immensely sad to learn of your death." Kaoru held a hand to her heart and tried to rid her eyes of her tears.
"Tomoe was a great woman," she whispered. Kenji smiled and nodded encouragingly.
"Yes, I suppose she was a very strong woman. Once Kenshin had regained his strength, he left Kenji with Tomoe, making her promise to raise him as if he were her own, and to not mention him to Kenji. Tomoe promised, and Kenshin left to wander around Japan. He had never forgiven himself for becoming the Battousai, and he blamed himself for your death. He traveled from place to place, making a vow that he would never again kill. After about six years of traveling, Kenshin realized one day that he shouldn't be wandering around, alone and miserable when he had a son back in Tokyo to take care of. It took him nearly a year to make his way back. He returned to Tomoe and Kenji, and promised himself that he would remain there for Kenji, to help raise his only son. When Kenji was about nine years of age, Tomoe and Kenshin married-"
"They married?" Kaoru's voice sounded small and pitiful. Her heart gave an unpleasant squeeze in her chest. Kenji nodded.
"Let me explain. Neither loved the other. But Kenshin and Kenji lived in the same home as Tomoe- a single, widowed woman. To the rest of the town, that was improper. Some even thought Kenji was their illegitimate child. They married simply to keep the respect others had for them, and their dignity. As far as I know, they never even slept in the same room. They were married, but only with the title. Tomoe raised Kenji as if he were her own child, as she had none of her own. Kenshin worked in the town to support them, and also helped to teach in the dojo. He abandoned his Hiten Mitsurugi style and taught the Kamiya Kasshin Ryu technique- the sword that protects." At this, the tears Kaoru had fought back won over her willpower and rolled down her cheeks. Kenji smiled.
"He swore to never kill another human so long as he lived, in tribute to you. Kenji once told me that though his father was always there and appeared to be happy, he always knew he was suffering. He said his smile never quite reached across his face, and his eyes always had a dead, zombie-like look to them. He never did get over you." Kaoru hugged her arms around herself, shivering in the slight wind.
"All of Kenji's life, he knew that Kenshin was unhappy; that the only reason he remained alive and in Tokyo was to be there for him. That weighed heavily on Kenji's mind, so he promised himself that he would leave at an early age- that he would move out and marry, so that Kenshin would not feel responsible to remain in Tokyo, where everywhere he looked reminded him of you. So Kenji married in 1885 and moved out of the dojo with his wife, Sakiko. They had a daughter named Tsubame in 1890, and a son named Yahiko, my father, in 1896. Tsubame died in 1910 from childbirth complications, but Yahiko lived until 1983.
"Several months after Kenji left the dojo, Tomoe died due to illness. Kenshin was left alone in the dojo, and he wallowed in his despair. He could not keep his mind off of you when he had no one to distract him. So nearly a year after Kenji left home, Kenshin died simply because he no longer had the will to live. His body was worn and abused from his years as a hitokiri, and his mind was exhausted from always thinking of you. He passed away exactly nineteen years to the day since your 'death', and Kenji returned to the dojo when he heard of his father's state. Kenshin then told Kenji everything on his death bed, and passed away. In 1923, Yahiko had me, his only son. Now I have a daughter, Tae, whom you met outside, and two little granddaughters, Ayame and Suzume. So you see the impact you have had on all of our lives- none of us would be here if it weren't for you." Kaoru choked on her tears and hugged Kenji tightly.
"Oh, how I wish I could have stayed though!" she cried pitifully. "I wish I could have had longer with them! I wanted to watch Kenji grow… I wanted to see my baby grow up. And I wanted to be with Kenshin forever… and to see Tomoe again…" Kenji held her tightly and smiled.
"Well… I don't know how I can help you with all of that… but there's something I want to show you." He stood and held Kaoru's hand, leading her outside to the back of the dojo.
"When Kenshin died, Kenji was left to deal with the burial. He decided that the one place Kenshin had ever been happy was here at the dojo, with you. So he buried him here." Kenji stopped and gestured with his hand to a small tombstone before them. Kaoru fell to her knees and traced the name carved into the stone.
"Himura Kenshin," she read softly. "1846-1886. Here rests a beloved husband, father, and friend who worked to better Japan. His happiness, spirit, and soul lies in Kaoru." Kaoru glanced up at Kenji.
"His happiness, spirit, and soul lies in Kaoru?" she asked emotionally. Kenji smiled.
"Kenji was not sure what to engrave on the tombstone. He knew he had to mention you somehow, because you were the one who saved Kenshin from himself. And there is a reason he didn't put 'lies with Kaoru' instead of 'lies in Kaoru.' He knew you would still be alive today, so he wanted people to know, and especially you to know, that Kenshin lies within you. In your soul, in your being, Kenshin resides. His memory, his happiness, everything he is, is inside of you. He's not gone, not really. I believe when someone moves on, they're with the person they loved most in life. And that was you. I think Kenshin is always with you, in spirit." Kaoru smiled and stood up slowly. She kissed her fingertips and pressed them to the cold, stone surface.
"I miss you, my Kenshin," she whispered, before following Kenji back into the ancient dojo.
"I have something for you," Kenji said quietly. Kaoru started and looked up from the table where she had been staring in an unfocused gaze, mulling over her thoughts and the words Kenji had spoken. She looked up and saw Kenji holding a square box in his hands. He set it gently on the table and sat next to her.
"These," he said, lifting the lid of the box and pushing it towards her, "are their journals." Kaoru sucked in her breath and lifted the top one out. Written neatly across the top was the name Kenji. Kaoru smiled at the elegant writing of her son. She lifted the next frayed journal from the box, which was titled Yahiko. Then Tsubame. Next was Tomoe's. And then there was one left. With shaking hands, Kaoru lifted the precious bound papers and tried to read the name through her blurred tears. Kenshin. Her beloved Kenshin. Inside were all of his thoughts and feelings- his pain, his misery, all because of her. She hoped that he had been happy at one point, even if only for a brief moment.
She opened it to the front page and a letter slipped from the book and fluttered to the floor. Kaoru bent over and picked it up. She inhaled sharply and the tears began again. Because written across the yellowed paper was her name.
She opened it carefully, not wanting to rip it, and pulled out the letter. And before she even read the first line, she realized something by looking at the paper.
"Oh my goodness!" she exclaimed.
"What?" Kenji asked, interest apparent in his voice. Kaoru set the letter down on the table and reached into her bag, pulling out a similar, yellowed piece of paper. Her beautiful document she had loved so much. The one that first peaked her interest in Kenshin. The one with the beautiful calligraphy and the characters along the sides of the page. The one with the exact same writing as Kenshin's letter.
"Kenshin wrote this!" she said, showing Kenji the two similar pages. Kenji smiled.
"Yes, Kenji said that Kenshin once told him his mother had always told him about a beautiful document containing information about Kenshin. Kenshin was always curious as to how information on him had survived; once he disappeared, all documents were burned concerning him. He realized that the only one who would write such a document was himself. So he spent months trying to make the beautiful piece of work his wife had loved so much in her time." Kaoru smiled, and the document immediately held more value to her than before. She put it on the table and reached out to pick up the letter, but a sudden draft of wind blew her document and her letter off the table. She jumped up to retrieve the important papers. She picked up the letter and looked around for the document. Kenji held it in his hands, his expression a strange mix of amusement and surprise. He looked up at her slowly and smiled.
"Kaoru," he said slowly, "have you ever looked at the back of this document?" Kaoru furrowed her brow and shook her head.
"No, why? I thought it just ended on the front page." Kenji's smile grew wider and he held out the paper to her. She took it warily and looked at the back. At first glance, it appeared to be blank. But as she focused on it more, she could see tiny writing along the edges of the paper. She brought it closer to her face and began to read.
My beloved Kaoru, I once promised I would find you again someday. I know that we will not meet again in this life, and that thought saddens me immensely. But I know that my words can find you in the future, for you to read and hopefully be comforted. I hope to see you again in the after-life, if such is destined for us. My happiness, my life, my soul is devoted to you. I will always love you, and my spirit will be with you eternally. Love always, Himura Kenshin.
A fat tear leaked down her cheek and splashed on the wooden table. She smiled lovingly at Kenji and sighed.
"I suppose that this probably sounds very weird but- aren't I your great-great grandmother?" Kenji laughed and nodded.
"You are right, it sounds very weird. Especially since you are 18 while I am 77." Kaoru threw her head back and laughed, the sound a relief to her ears. She felt as if a large weight had been lifted from her heart, as if she could breathe properly again. Kenshin's words on the document brought comfort to her soul.
"Tae? Ayame? Suzume?" Kenji called out of the kitchen door into the dojo courtyard. Two little girls came running in, leaping onto Kenji's lap with excited squeals. Tae came in, watching Kaoru curiously. Kaoru smiled, realizing that she was probably the first woman ever to meet her great-great-great-great grandchildren.
"Girls, I have someone very special I want you to meet. Tae," he said with a sly grin, "this is your great-great-great grandmother." Tae stared in confusion for a moment, before her mouth fell open and she took a faltering step forward.
"Oh, goodness, is it really- is it really you?" she asked in a high, strangled squeak. Kaoru nodded with a reassuring smile and stood up slowly.
"Can- can I hug you?" Kaoru asked hesitantly. Tae nodded.
"Of course," she breathed. Kaoru wrapped her arms around Tae and felt warmth flooding through her body. She immediately loved these people, even though she barely knew them, because they were her family. They were her descendants. They were her connection to Kenshin.
Kaoru pulled back and studied Tae's face. She smiled as she noticed certain features. She tapped Tae's nose lovingly.
"You have my nose," she commented, and Tae's smile grew. "And Kenshin's eyes." Kaoru turned to the two small girls before her.
"Girls, I am your great-great-great-great grandma." Kaoru wrinkled her nose. "I never thought I'd be saying that at the age of 18!" Kenji and Tae both laughed. The two girls looked confused.
"Ayame, Suzume, this is your grandma," Kenji simplified it. The girls broke into wide grins and threw themselves at Kaoru, wrapping their little arms around her neck.
"You two look so much like him," Kaoru murmured, staring at their faces. She cupped one of their cheeks in her hands, staring between the two. "You have his cheeks and eyes," she said to Ayame. "And you- you have his lips and his eyes." She laughed as she realized something else. "And his hair!" Suzume had long, fiery red hair, tied in a high little ponytail.
"Did you know that your grandpa used to wear his hair exactly like that," Kaoru said with a teasing smile to Suzume. Suzume shook her head.
"You mean, grandpa had long hair?" Ayame said, her voice like a tinkling bell. Kaoru smiled and nodded.
"Why?" Suzume asked. Kaoru shrugged.
"He never cut it. Plus, I think he thought it made him look scarier," she said, tickling their stomachs. The girls squealed and laughed, rolling on the floor. Kaoru smiled and straightened up, looking at Tae and Kenji. She studied Kenji's face for a long time.
"And you-" she said softly, stepping forward and cupping Kenji's cheek in her hand like she had with Ayame and Suzume, "You have all of his features." As she said it, she realized how true it was. It was like a stab to the heart, yet at the same time, she loved how Kenshin's looks had been passed down. "You look just like him," she whispered. She shook her head to clear her thoughts and laughed. "You look so much like him, its almost as if I get to see what he'd look like when he was older." Kenji laughed too and took her hand in his.
"I always was waiting for you to come," he said. "Yahiko always told me that his great grandmother had lived in the year 2000 when she was 18. The year she came to Kenshin. He told me that if I lived to see that date, I would most likely meet her. And here you are. I've been waiting for this time for all of my life. For the day I could meet my ancestor, as an 18 year old. The same age she was when she had my grandfather." Kaoru smiled.
"That sounds so weird, but it makes me happy to know that you've wanted to meet me all this time. I- I should probably be going soon," she admitted, looking out the window at the setting sun. "My mother was trying to find us a place to stay while we visit."
"How long are you here for?" Tae asked curiously.
"Just another two days," Kaoru said sadly, wishing it were longer. "Then I have to go back to America. And to think, I'm still in school!" She laughed and shook her head. "I have to get back to finish up my schooling. But then I want to move back here…" She looked around at the little dojo and smiled. "I did love Japan back then… it was so beautiful. I think I'd like it out here." Tae nodded enthusiastically.
"We would love to have you here," she said. "You may stay here at the dojo for the rest of your visit," she offered. Kaoru smiled.
"I'd like that. But I don't know if my mother has already found somewhere to stay. I'm not sure if she'd be too happy to have found somewhere, only to have me tell her I found somewhere else I'd rather stay. Besides- how am I supposed to explain why I want to stay here anyways? I'm not sure telling her that my great-great grandson offered to let me stay in his dojo will go over too well. She'd probably ship me off to an insane asylum." Kenji chuckled.
"You are probably right. But you are free to visit anytime you like. We will always be here." Tae nodded enthusiastically.
"Yes, and in the future too. Not just now. Come visit often. It is not everyday you get to meet your great-great-great grandmother." Kaoru giggled and nodded.
"Well, even if you didn't want me to, I'd come anyways. I'll come over tomorrow, I promise. Goodbye. And thank you." She hugged each of them and Kenji handed her the box of journals and the letter before she left. As she walked down the small dirt road back to town, she spotted the cherry blossom tree that she and Kenshin had stood under what seemed like an eternity ago, yet for her, was only about a year ago. She glanced at the fading sunlight and sighed. She set the box down beside the tree and sat up against it, resting her back against the rough bark. She opened the box and took out her document and the letter from Kenshin. She set the letter down on her lap and stared at the document for a moment. She let out another sigh.
Her life seemed stretched out and broken. Parts of her remained in Kyoto, Japan with Kenshin in 1867, but parts of her resided here, in 2000. She was a normal, 18 year old girl, who went to school, got good grades, and had a lot of friends. Yet she was also Kamiya Kaoru, a fighter, an underworld shadow assassin's accomplice. A shadow assassin's wife. She was a wife and a mother without a husband or child. She felt lost.
She hugged the document to herself and stared at the letter. If she couldn't have Kenshin with her anymore, at least she could have his history and his words with her, she decided. And she had her descendants to help her pick up the scattered pieces of her life. She picked up the letter and began to read.
