Disclaimer: I've got a cookie. Would that get me anything? Please. . . ?

Author's Note: Wow, this ficlet collection went from a bunch of sap to a horde of angst! How'd THAT happen? (scratches head)

In any case, here's a little pick-me-up that my younger brother, a rabid Elrincest fan in his own right, suggested. This one is for you, Danny! XD

Warnings: Some OOC-ness on the part of a certain "surprise" character, and pairings that the normal world would frown upon (incest being one of them). This is not to be taken seriously! This is supposed to be a humor piece, therefore things are pretty unethical. But in fanfiction, it's fun. XD

XXX

Compromise

XXX

"Stop it."

"No."

"I mean it."

"No, you don't."

Silence. Lights flashed and glowed and sparkled around them; loud music thumping through the gym. Glitter fell. Streamers tore. Students bumped and ground like nobody's business inside of the broiling gymnasium. And amidst the chaos—well, actually, more like 'off in the distant corner of the chaos'—they stood, side to side, sharing a single glass of punch.

For the third time, the frustrated blonde swatted his hand away from her ass.

An eyebrow arched.

And (rather shockingly, for those who knew her well) a dark blush crept onto those pale cheeks, a color that clashed horribly with the tones of her tight blue dress. Lowering her chin, the young woman determinedly avoided his liquid-black gaze; ignoring those lustful eyes. Or, rather, trying her best to do so. Because she knew that if she looked him square in the face—for even a moment— her defenses would crumble.

"C'mon," he whispered again; husky, right beside her sensitive ear. (There was no way she could stop the shiver of delight that raced down her spine.) "Admit it, babe. You LIKE it. You WANT it."

She cleared her throat, but couldn't keep her voice from catching. "N—no, I don't—"

"The chemistry lab?"

Her cheeks flamed as brightly as the strobe lights.

"Oh, all right, so maybe I DO," she snapped, clearly annoyed. "But I'm not giving you any tonight, sir. This has gone far enough. If the army ever found out, they'd tear up my application!"

A chuckle; his warm lips brushed the nape of her neck. "No, they wouldn't. I've got friends in high places and a rank of my own, this being a military academy and all. You'll always be welcome to serve under me."

". . . I do hope you're talking in metaphors."

He smirked rather roguishly, a hidden finger tracing patterns up and down her lower back. "I've never been very good at literary terms; you'll have to define that one for me. Perhaps behind the bleachers. . . ?" The man gave her gloved fingers a teasing tug, flashing a 100-watt grin. Crude, but at the same time. . .

Oh, God, she wanted him!

And so, (as she'd always known she would,) the girl allowed herself to succumb to desire—and followed him with an eagerness that she could barely mask. After all, just because she was the school's top student—stoic, smart, and generally silent— that didn't mean she lacked a sex drive. Her's was just as active as every other teens. . . and who could resist a little fooling around at the prom?

Biting back a small smile, she permitted the man to pull her away, through the crowds; weaving to the back of the large gym, then out the double doors—down the hall (their shoes click-clacking excitedly) and out onto the football field.

Another world; just for them.

She swallowed a squeak of excitement and surprise as a cold wind blew through—crisp and sweet smelling; early fall. The leaves had begun to change colors; vibrant red hues dulled by the thin, misty fog. A full moon hung in the dark sky, lighting the grounds like a sun.

They were alone. At last. . .

Showing him a beautiful (albeit a bit shy) smile, the young woman allowed their lips to touch: hesitant, at first, but with quickly growing passion— fingers tugging desperately at clamps and buttons and zippers. He moaned; his back hit the frosty metal of the first set of stands; he moved to—

"Oh my GOD, Al—!" A hissed groan; oozing with lust and desire. There was the soft smacking of hungry lips on lips—the creak of desperate fingers clutching the supportive beams of the iron benches. "Just like— aaah!"

Cloth rustled as it was quickly shed; ripped off and moved aside.

"Nii-saaaaan," a second voice moaned, trailing his mouth and tongue teasingly down the first boy's bare chest, gasping out in pleasure as his partner's fingers slipped down the hem of his pants. "God, Ed! Oh my G— Oh my God!"

"Eeep!"

Both boys bolted apart (as did the other pair) upon noticing the newcomers—eyes widening with alarm and embarrassment. Only after a full minute of stunned nothingness did things start to register. . .

"Professor Mustang. . . ?" the first teen coughed, rebellious face scarlet as he tried to rearrange his torn tuxedo. "Riza-sempai? What the hell are you—?"

The second boy interrupted with a cough, looking respectfully away. "Um, Hawkeye-san, your dress. . ."

Riza—still in a state of semi shock— squeaked in horror upon glancing downwards, quickly gathering up enough of her gown to hide her loosened bra. "Shit—!"

An awkward hush fell over the four, all of whom remained rather scantly clad. Then. . .

"Edward. . . Alphonse," Mustang managed to choke out, still gaping at the two as if they were some sort of odd display at a museum (a fact that Edward had noticed and was snarling over), "aren't. . . aren't the two of you brothers?"

(Alphonse's round cheeks darkened; his sibling's hand tightened around his own.)

"Aren't you Riza-sempai's chemistry teacher?" Ed shot back readily, his long golden hair fluttering in the breeze.

". . ."

Al and Riza exchanged flustered glances.

". . ."

Edward and Mustang glared, defensive.

". . ."

Then the professor—looking slightly rosy—sighed.

". . . We won't tell if you won't tell."

". . ." Edward and Alphonse smiled.

And so the couples went on their merry ways.