Damn, I'm late! I almost trip while running down the steps of the Millennium Falcon. And I never trip. I throw the keys to Chewie and tell him to lock the ship. I don't mind his nasty insults given because I left him alone. I run faster than ever. The senate still in construction looms in front of me. The entrance is empty. It has already started.
I am officially the worst boyfriend ever. I slow down when I reach the gates, praying they haven't named her yet. I try the door...locked. This is the senate; I really shouldn't break anything...unless it's for my princess.
When i enter, it's deadly silent and everyone turns to look at me. But I only have eyes for her. Her expression literally says: what the hell are you doing here?
I grin and mouth: surprise!
It was a miracle that i managed to keep my concentration during my naming as a senator. He wasn't supposed to be here. How did he even get in; the doors were...never mind I really don't need to know.
Technically he's not allowed in but nobody is going to shoo him out; he's a hero of the war. Still, it's totally rude and inappropriate and it might affect my career.
I know I'm supposed to be mad and show him angry glances but the truth is that I'm relieved he's here for me giving me those look that speak more than words.
After the ceremony I jog towards him, ignoring the suspicious glances the others give me and throw myself into his arms and he spins me around a bit just like he did on Endor.
"I hope you didn't mind my surprise" as an answer I get on tiptoe , cradle his head in my hands and pull him for a kiss. It's short and meaningful.
"It's been the happiest day of my life!" I say and he chuckles, taking my arm and pulling me towards the buffet.
"That's clearly an overstatement."
I smile and take a bite of a chocolate cookie.
"Plus," he continues popping a grape in his mouth," the happiest day of your life will be our wedding day."
That wasn't what I'd expected. I begin choking on the morsel and drop the rest of the cookie. Han's face shows instant panic as he begins slapping me on the back.
Right then a guard walks in "Who's the idiot who broke down the door"
Great I think. Han has stopped slapping me and the food eventually has come back in my mouth and I spit it...on his face.
Dear god, I fucked up...a lot. I wiped my face ungracefully and turn towards Leia a bit afraid. I put an assuring hand on her shoulder which she shrugges off.
"You broke down the door. " unfortunately the guard hears her and comes face to face with me.
"This is the first and last time you'll be pardoned, and only because you're Han Solo."
"Excuse me for helping to win the fucking war!" I can't help but snap back. Leia quickly apologizes for me and drags me out through the battered door.
"I don't get why we have to bow to these idiots when we're the ones who fought for them." I mumble as she pulls me in the garden a d stares me in the eye.
"Han...they're politicians. All they care about is power."
I bite back my comment about how she's now technically one if them.
"Stop that!" She orders
"Stop what?" I grin innocently and get a slight push. After an awkward silence she takes a deep breath and asks carefully.
"Was that a proposal?"
Suddenly I'm all panicky. I can't do any romantic gesture because I'm just not that guy.
"Maybe...Did you intentionally spit on me?"
"Maybe"
I can't figure out if she's annoyed, embarrassed or happy.
"Han, I'm serious!"
"So am I!"
"You're never serious!" I suddenly burst out. "Everything is a joke to you" I pause before adding the last part because the truth pains me. "Our entire relationship is a joke!"
"You don't mean that!" He tries to save himself but i can sense his unease.
"It's the truth isn't it?" My eyes get all watery and i quickly wipe them. I couldn't stand him see me cry. I never cry.
How could she say that? After all I've done to be with her on this important day she thinks I consider our relationship a joke? I've never been so hurt. And yet there is a truth in what she's saying. I can't even make a proper proposal!
"You're right, sweetheart! I'm an asshole! Is that what you want to hear?" I shout to hide my hurt. She opens her mouth but I don't let her speak. "I can't do it! I can't be a proper boyfriend you offers you proper declarations of love and proper proposals. I tried, Leia. I rehearsed my speech a thousand times. I wanted to tell you how much i love you and that i want to spend the rest of my life with you, to have a family together. I even bought a ring" I take it out and put the box in her hand with more force than id planned. This time she doesn't bother to wipe away her tears. It's frustration how much i want to comfort her. "You do deserve better, Leia...And if you think you're better off with a more serious guy who can actually offer you a home and a future then all i want is for you to be happy."
That's the longest speech I've ever held. I hold her gaze trying to stay hurt and angry when in reality I'm starting to feel ashamed. This is where I should walk away like Han Solo is supposed to. But I stay for a few more moments and stare her in the eye before turning around.
I can't talk. I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. But when I see him leave I can't stand it and I reach out and he turns and looks at me hopefully.
"You're a pain in the ass, Han!" I confess and he opens his mouth to snap a rude reply but i don't let him, "But you're my pain in the ass. And I love you."
He smiles softly and brushes a lock of hair from my face
"I'm struggling really hard not to reply with 'I know'"
I grin "I know"
"But that doesn't change the fact that I'm not what you hoped for. I'm a scoundrel and I can't change. I'm sorry!"
"That why I like you, remember? There aren't enough scoundrels in my life"
"I think that right now you don't need any more."
She cracks up a laugh and i wipe her face. In the end I did do it; one way or the other. I managed to be romantic in my own way. I hope we can work this out.
"I'd kiss you but my face is still full of saliva...your saliva.
She shruggs" My apologizes, flyboy!"
"So now we're back to flyboy? Absolutely spiffing!"
Once more she breaks into pearls of laughter and kisses me all the same.
