Disclaimer: Supernatural and its characters are the property of Eric Kripke. Sadly, I do not own any of these guys.
A/N: Hi, everyone! This is going to be a bit of a long author's note, but please bear with me - there are a lot of important announcements this time.
So once again, I'm sorry for putting this out a couple of days late. I've been having some health issues lately (more details can be found on my profile page) so getting things done on schedule has been kind of difficult. On the plus side, though, I finally have the outline for the entire rest of this story written, so I know exactly how long it will be and how each chapter will progress.
This story, when it's finished, is going to have a total of 15 chapters, and will probably end up being close to 70,000 words - the longest story I've ever written. That's all thanks to you readers - without your support, I doubt I'd ever have gotten past the prologue. It will be completed in June of 2016, and once it's finished I'm actually going to be turning it into a series, with some sequels, timestamps, and one-shots already planned for the future.
Finally, I've started including a pregnancy timeline next to the date at the start of each chapter, for those who might want to keep up with how far along Cas is and how long he has left before his delivery date (which is calculated at 38 weeks.) With that, enjoy, and I apologize again for the delay. :)
August 3, 2015 – 10 weeks, 4 days
The August night was unusually cold as Dean trudged through the Odds Fellows Cemetery in Ponca City, Oklahoma, and he pulled his jacket tighter around himself as a chill wind blew across the dry grass and tousled his hair. He was on the trail of a family of ghouls, and had traced them back to this location; now all he had to do was wait for them to come out for their nightly feeding and he could end the sons-of-bitches' killing spree.
He had just hunkered down behind a crumbling old headstone, shotgun at the ready, when he heard the swish of footsteps in the grass behind him. He whirled around, prepared to blow the head off of whichever ghoul had been foolish enough to come so close to him, but stopped short when he instead spotted a dark-haired man in a long tan coat.
"Cas, what are you doing here?" Dean asked as the angel continued making his way toward him between the old headstones. "You should go back home where it's safe for you and the baby, okay? I'll be back by tomorrow."
Castiel didn't answer him, didn't even acknowledge that Dean had spoken, and he immediately grew worried, his instincts screaming at him that something wasn't right.
When Cas got close enough to touch Dean grabbed his arm, giving him a gentle shake. "Cas? Did you hear what I said?"
"Yes, Dean," Castiel finally answered, his voice oddly soft and husky. "But I just couldn't wait to see you for one more second." He sighed and leaned into Dean, nuzzling and nipping at the hunter's neck as he moved one arm out from behind his back to reveal a large paper bag. "I brought you some refreshments; you shouldn't hunt on an empty stomach, after all."
"Cas, what's going on with you tonig –"
"Shh…" Castiel held up a finger in front of his lips and winked at him, reaching into the bag and retrieving a large piece of cherry pie on a paper plate. "I spent all evening making this just for you, Dean. You aren't going to deny me the pleasure of feeding it to you after all my hard work, are you?"
Dean had no idea what was happening anymore but he could feel one of the angel's fingers slipping down behind the waistband of his jeans, tugging their bodies closer together, and he swallowed, shaking his head when it became apparent that speaking was beyond him right then.
"Good," Castiel hummed, picking up the soft, sticky pastry between two fingers and lifting it up toward Dean's parted lips. "Now open wide…"
He numbly obeyed, pulling his mouth open farther and preparing for what was sure to be the best pie he had ever –
BRRRZZZZT! BRRRZZZZT! BRRRZZZT! BRRRZZZT!
"Aww, dammit!" Dean muttered to himself, snatching his phone out from under his pillow and debating whether or not to throw the thing across the room for interrupting such a wonderful dream. With a groan he turned off the built-in alarm clock and reached over to switch on the lamp on the bedside table, closing his eyes and sighing as he waited for the rest of his body to wake up just a little more. Beside him Castiel stirred and slowly blinked his eyes open, scrunching up his nose and snuffling into the pillow before pressing himself closer against the warmth of Dean's body and drifting off again.
The sight brought a smile to the hunter's face. Even though he and Cas had been sharing this bed every night for months, he didn't think he was ever going to completely lose the sense of amazement he felt every time this ancient and powerful creature lay down to sleep beside him. It was still almost inconceivable to think that the angel of the Lord who had traveled through the depths of Hell to free his soul from its imprisonment and breathed life back into his broken body was now willing to let his guard so far down and trust Dean, who was nothing at all in comparison to Castiel's magnificence, to keep him safe from danger.
He rested his palm against the bare strip of skin where Castiel's shirt had ridden up, gently cupping the soft, barely-detectable swell of his belly and marveling at the fact that there was really a tiny life growing inside his angel.
In spite of the fact that nearly a month had passed since Ahiel had confirmed the presence of a baby in Castiel's womb, Dean was surprised by how hard it still was for him to wrap his mind around the idea that he was going to be a father. He was definitely excited, and of course he was going to be there for Cas every step of the way, but he just couldn't help expecting something to come along and tear this beautiful gift away from him at any second. After all, that's how everything else in his life had gone for almost four decades. How could he be sure all of their newfound happiness wasn't going to crumble into pieces the way everything else seemed destined to do?
"You're overthinking this again, aren't you?"
Dean startled slightly; he had been so lost in his thoughts that he hadn't noticed Castiel was awake. "How'd you know?"
Castiel smiled and laid his head on Dean's shoulder, a warm puff of air tickling his neck as the angel huffed a laugh. "I've spent years studying you, Dean. I know that look well by now."
Dean pressed a soft kiss to the crown of Cas's head, letting his fingers trail idly through the dark, wavy locks. "That's still creepy when you say it out loud, you know."
"Don't try to redirect the conversation," Castiel said sternly, propping himself up on one elbow so that Dean was forced to meet his eyes. "I know you're frightened, and I know you think something is going to happen to take our little one away from us the way every other person we love has been taken away at some time or another. I know this, because in the back of my mind I'm afraid of that too.
But this," he said softly, his eyes softening and lips unconsciously pulling up into a smile as he looked down and placed a hand on the slightly softened skin between his hipbones. "This is nothing short of a miracle from God. I truly believe He wants us to finally move on, Dean, for you and me and Sam to build a life for ourselves and find our own happiness in spite of all of the mistakes we've made. This is His way of telling us we are loved and forgiven, and I have faith that He will never allow our child to be taken from us."
Dean sighed softly, offering Castiel a shaky smile. "Thanks for the pep-talk, Cas. I'm sure you're right." He turned around and stood up from the edge of the bed, stretching lazily as his mouth opened in a jaw-popping yawn. "How's your stomach doing this morning? Do you think you can handle some breakfast, or do you wanna just sleep in a little more?"
Although Cas's morning sickness had improved slightly over the last month, it still tended to be pretty touch-and-go for the first ten or fifteen minutes after he woke up each day; after the first few days of watching Cas wake up feeling perfectly fine only to turn green as soon as he got his feet on the floor, Dean had convinced him that it was probably better to take it easy for a few minutes before he started moving around. He had also taken to placing a plate of saltine crackers and a glass of flat ginger ale on the bedside table every night before they went to bed, because it seemed to help nip any nausea in the bud if Cas had a little something on his stomach before he got up.
"I think I can handle a little bit of food this morning," Castiel answered, sitting up slowly and carefully and making sure to stay still for several seconds before getting to his feet. "Something light like eggs and toast, maybe? Please just don't cook any bacon; the smell is still too much for me to handle."
Dean gave a dramatic gasp and placed his hand over his heart. "No bacon? I dunno, Cas, are you sure that baby's really mine?"
Castiel smirked and punched his arm. "Assbutt."
"Bacon-hater."
He took Cas's hand in his and together they made their way toward the kitchen, Castiel calmly leaning against Dean's side in a silent affirmation that everything was going to be just fine. And by the time Dean started pulling pots and pans down from the cabinets, ready to make breakfast for all of them, he had already forgotten that he was ever worried in the first place.
*DeanCastiel*
"So I just move this 'cursor' over here and press this button to open the 'search bar?'" Castiel asked Sam as the younger Winchester sat beside him at the war room table, calmly and patiently teaching him how to use the computer to search for information.
He had initially asked Dean to help him, but it hadn't gone very well; Dean wasn't much of a computer whiz himself, and combined with the fact that Castiel was easily confused by technology and needed to be talked through it at a snail's pace, the lessons had quickly deteriorated into frustrated bickering that had required Sam's intervention before it turned into a fight. Dean had since retired to their room to sulk in silence, and Castiel was content to let him go for a while. He loved Dean with everything he had, and nothing would ever change that, but occasionally his quick temper and constant use of references to things Castiel did not understand could be very irritating, especially now that his ever-fluctuating hormones were making him more emotional than he had ever been. A little space was probably good for them both.
"Yep, you've got it," Sam said with an encouraging smile. "Now, once you've got the search bar open you can type in whatever you want to look up, and then if you hit the Enter key it'll pull up a list of websites that might have information on that topic."
"I see," Castiel muttered, staring down at the many keys and wondering exactly how humans had come to engineer such complex things as computers. The last time he had been on Earth prior to the breaking of the Sixty-Six Seals had been two-thousand years before, and while the humans of that time had also been skilled in the use of tools and even then could build dwellings much more complex and beautiful than any others in the animal kingdom, the creation of the "Internet" was something that Castiel could never have anticipated.
"Hey, Cas?" Sam asked cautiously, wary of getting on Castiel's sometimes unpredictable nerves like his brother had already done.
"Yes?"
"Not that I mind teaching you all of this – I really don't – but why the sudden interest in using the computer? You never really seemed interested in doing any Internet research yourself before now."
Castiel swallowed, hoping Sam couldn't see how nervous the question made him. "There are a few things I was interested in learning about how my body will change during pregnancy. The book Ahiel lent me was helpful, but I think there's probably more information on the computer, and I thought it might embarrass you or Dean to have to look up these things for me."
"Oh. Uh, okay," Sam answered, thankfully seeming to believe him and obviously a little embarrassed at the thought of whatever Castiel might be looking up, if his sudden fidgeting and the way he was stealthily trying to stand up and make his way out of the room were any indication. "Well, just be careful about which sites you go to, and feel free to ask me or Dean whether or not something's legitimate, even if it might be a little awkward. And just as a general rule of thumb, if something seems like it will lead to porn, it probably does, so just play it safe and avoid it."
"I will. Thank you, Sam."
"Any time."
With that the younger Winchester turned on his heel and made his way back toward his bedroom, trying not to make it obvious that he was just anxious to get away from the awkwardness of being near Cas while he typed out "how my body is going to change during pregnancy."
Castiel watched him go without comment, waiting several seconds after he heard Sam's door click shut before reopening the search tab. With one last furtive glance around him and a soft sigh, he took a deep breath and typed in the two words that had been eating at his conscience ever since the day they had discovered his pregnancy:
James Novak
*DeanCastiel*
"Dean, we need to talk."
Dean had been stretched out and lounging on their memory foam mattress when Castiel walked in, only partly paying attention to the pawn shop reality show playing on his laptop as he flicked through their copy of "What to Expect When You're Expecting" and read the "daddy chapters" that the angel had specifically marked for him with little sticky notes. At the sound of those ominous words, though, he immediately snapped to attention and sat up, the book falling shut as it lay forgotten beside him.
"Cas? What's wrong?" he asked gently, his heart sinking at the grave expression on his lover's face. That string of words had an infamous reputation, and even though Cas probably wasn't aware of it, they historically tended to preface one of a few very specific, very life-altering announcements: "I'm pregnant," "Someone in our family just died," "I'm sleeping with your brother," or "I'm breaking up with you." His rational mind knew that Cas would never actually say any of those things (well, any except the first one) but apparently that wasn't enough to keep his imagination from running a little wild.
"I need your help with something," Castiel replied cryptically, sitting down on the bed beside Dean. "Can I ask that of you, even though the end result might make our lives slightly more difficult?"
Dean was so relieved he could have laughed, and despite the slight flutter of anxiety he felt at how unusual it was for Cas to dance around the subject like this, he smiled and threaded their fingers together so he could give his hand a squeeze. "Yeah, sure. Whatever you need."
Castiel nodded, almost like he was giving himself some kind of silent encouragement, and then took a deep breath before saying, "We need to go to Pontiac, Illinois, preferably as soon as possible."
Dean blinked at him for a moment, his mind taking a few seconds longer than he would have liked to remember why that name sounded familiar, and then it hit him. "Pontiac? Isn't that –"
"It's where Jimmy was from, yes," Castiel finished. "Ever since the day Ahiel confirmed that I'm with child, I haven't been able to stop thinking about Jimmy and how much he sacrificed so that we could accomplish our mission to stop the Apocalypse. I wondered what he would think if he saw me now, happy and safe and expecting a baby after I tore him away from his own family."
The bitter guilt in Castiel's words made Dean's stomach turn. "Cas –"
"So today I looked up his family's whereabouts," Castiel continued as if he hadn't heard. "And Claire, his daughter… she needs help."
"What happened?" Dean asked, almost afraid to know when he saw the way Cas's eyes shone with sadness.
"Shortly after I took – after Jimmy gave his vessel to me for the last time," Castiel answered haltingly, his voice almost a whisper as he looked down at his lap. "Jimmy's wife Amelia was hit by a drunk driver as she was walking home from work. She was killed instantly."
"Shit…" Dean whispered, gripping Castiel's hand tighter when he felt it start to shake.
"Claire was sent to live with her grandmother, but she passed away three years ago, and Claire has not had a stable home since. She has been arrested several times for shoplifting and running away from various group homes, and after being caught for stealing again last night the police are holding her in some kind of 'youth detention center' until a foster home or relative can be found." He looked up to meet Dean's eyes, his gaze determined and intense despite the thin line of tears pooling near his lashes. "We need to get her out."
Dean sighed, not liking what he was about to say. "Cas, I'm not sure there's a lot we can do for Claire now. Even if we find her, she might not want to come with us. After all, you're kinda wearing her dead dad's face." Castiel flinched slightly, but didn't deny his words. "And even if she did want to, she's been passed around in the system so much that it'll be damn near impossible to break her out. CPS is a pain in the ass to work with on a good day, and when you're posing as her dad who disappeared without a word for six years…"
"I know," Castiel said softly, his free hand clenching around a fistful of the bedsheets. "But we have to try, Dean. It's my fault all of this happened, and while I love you more than life and I wouldn't change any of what we have now for the world, I owe her at least that much." A single tear broke free of its confines, dripping from the ends of his long lashes to land with a soft plop against the back of Dean's hand. "She deserves a chance at finding her own happiness, especially after all that my selfishness has put her through."
Dean wrapped his arm around Cas's shoulders, pulling him close and kissing away the moisture from the corners of his eyes. "Okay, Cas," he whispered. "Okay." He stood up from the bed, making his way toward the door so he could give Sam a rundown of the plan and have him start looking up directions to the detention center. "Pack a duffel with a few days' worth of clothes. We're heading to Illinois."
*DeanCastiel*
Castiel tugged lightly at his shirt collar as he made his way up the steps to the Pontiac Youth Transition Center the next morning, hoping the people inside wouldn't be able to see exactly how nervous he was about being here. He, Dean, and Sam had all left the bunker only an hour after Cas had asked Dean about it, making the ten-and-a-half-hour drive in just under nine and staying overnight at a fairly nice hotel (because Dean was not willing to risk Cas catching some sort of illness or infection staying in one of their usual crap motels) before getting up and driving to the group home this morning. Castiel would have felt a lot more secure having Dean and Sam with him, especially because he tended to say the wrong thing fairly often in situations like these, but as Sam had pointed out, it was already going to look incredibly suspicious for "Jimmy" to come back for Claire after six years MIA; bringing two strange men in with him on top of that was guaranteed to set off all kinds of alarms with the social workers.
So in spite of his own apprehension and the irrational fear that someone was going to be able to see the almost imperceptible thickening around his waist and guess that he was pregnant, Castiel made his way inside, striding up to the reception desk with as much confidence as he could muster and waiting patiently for the woman working there to finish her phone call before speaking.
"Yes?" she asked somewhat impatiently.
"I'm here to see Claire Novak," Castiel answered calmly, making a mental note to try and keep some of the gruffness out of his voice when the woman's eyes widened and she unconsciously leaned away from him.
"What's your relation to her?" the receptionist asked after a moment, bored expression back in place.
"I'm her father."
"Can I see some ID, please?"
"Of course." Castiel reached into his pocket and retrieved Jimmy's wallet, which he had fortunately kept all of these years, passing it over to her and sending up a silent prayer that she would not notice the driver's license had expired over two years ago. Thankfully she only glanced at it long enough to make sure his last name really was Novak before handing it back to him, nodding her head toward a long hallway on their left.
"Claire's in the isolation room, 106. Just talk to the orderly and he'll let you in to see her."
"Thank you."
"Mmhmm."
Turning his back on the desk Castiel made his way down the hall, watching the descending numbers outside each door until he came to the one that read "106." He didn't know what an "orderly" was, but there was a tall African-American man wearing a name badge standing at a nearby circulation desk, and he thought that might be a good place to start looking. Before he could even open his mouth the man noticed him and began walking over, sizing him up for a moment before offering a faint smile.
"Are you Mr. Novak?"
"I am," Castiel said, relieved to see that someone must already have passed along word of his arrival.
The man nodded and turned toward the hallway he had just come from. "This way." He reached into his pocket and produced a set of keys hanging from a large keychain, and when they reached 106 he slid one of them into the lock, pulling open the metal door with practiced ease.
"Novak," he said to someone just out of Castiel's sight. "You have a visitor." Claire must have given him a questioning look, because he added, "Your father's here to see you."
Castiel took that as his cue to enter, brushing past the other man so he could step into the room and see Claire for the first time in six years.
What he saw was bittersweet. The young woman sitting before him was most definitely Claire Novak – he hadn't spent nearly as much time around her as he had her father, but he would recognize that face anywhere. Her features had lost most of their childlike softness, her eyes no longer wide and cheerful but narrowed and cloaked by heavy makeup; her hair was styled strangely, one side braided and the other loose and flowing, and it looked slightly greasy, as if it had not been washed in a couple of days. Her expression was hopeful but also hard and cold, and her knuckles were raw and bruised, the way Dean's often looked whenever he lost his temper and punched a wall or a tree in frustration. She was much too young to look like that, like all of her innocence and trust in humanity had been stripped away against her will, and the sight of it tugged at Castiel's heart.
"Hello, Claire," he said, finally breaking the silence between them. "It's been a long time."
Claire slowly stood, saying nothing although her bright blue eyes never left his, and Castiel turned to the orderly.
"Can we have a moment?"
The man nodded. "I'll be outside." He swung the door shut behind him as he left, and Castiel noticed Claire tense at the sound of a bolt clicking back into place.
"I am not your father," Castiel said softly, mentally kicking himself as the tiny spark of hope in Claire's eyes immediately disappeared with his words.
"Right. 'I am not your father,'" she repeated in a mocking imitation of his voice. "Those were the first words you ever said to me, remember?"
"I remember everything."
"So do I, Castiel," she growled. "My dad… Is he still in there?"
"No." He hoped she could hear the sincere regret he felt with that admission. "The human soul, it can only occupy a body while it retains a certain… structural integrity, and this vessel, it was… It was ripped apart on a subatomic level by an archangel."
"Well then how are you…?"
"I was reassembled. Your father is in Heaven now."
"Well yay for him. Anyway, good talk," Claire said acidly as she turned her back on him. "You can get the hell out of my life now."
"Claire –"
"What?" she snapped, whirling around to face him with her lower lip trembling and unshed tears in her eyes. "Huh? What? You took everything from me. What do you want now?"
"Nothing, I just – I came here to help you."
"Why?"
"Because I've hurt you so much," Castiel said gently, feeling a strange urge to embrace her when he saw a stray tear break free and roll down her cheek. "I'm going to get you out of here."
"And how exactly do you plan to do that?" Claire said bitterly, giving the orange bag on the floor a half-hearted punch. "Sandy's the CPS worker on duty this week, and there's no way in hell she's gonna let you sign me out. She's got a stick up her ass on a good day, and there's no way she's gonna believe any excuse you can come up with about why you suddenly decided to come back after disappearing for six years."
Castiel nodded, doing his best not to let his frustration show through at this latest complication. "Don't worry about that. Just be ready to leave tonight. I'll come for you then."
The tiniest flicker of a smile flashed across Claire's face before she schooled her features back into neutrality, and when she spoke her voice was guardedly hopeful.
"You promise?"
Castiel nodded, turning around and knocking on the door three times to signal the orderly to open. "I promise," he said, giving her his best attempt at a reassuring smile. The door swung shut behind him and he sighed, making his way back down the hall toward the front entrance and hoping that this, at least, would be one promise to the Novak family that he would be able to keep.
Reader Poll: Do you think I should reveal the baby's gender during an ultrasound later in the fic, or wait until the birth? Send me a review or PM and let me know!
A/N: All dialogue from "Hello, Claire..." to "Because I've hurt you so much," was taken from Supernatural episode 10x09 "The Things We Left Behind." I claim no ownership, and am only borrowing some of their words for that scene. ;)
