AN: Thank you to everyone who reviewed!!

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It is during our darkest moments that we seem to have to focus the hardest. If we don't focus enough we find ourselves spiraling out of control into a never ending black hole, so we stand back and drink in the light. It's that light, even the smallest bit, that saves us from the black hole, that gives us the motivation to surpass our failures, because surrendering to those failures is a death you never want to face.

Today was the day he had to face the light, his first surgery since Jen, since the lawsuit, since being called a murderer. And in this moment, standing in front of the mirror, there was no light, the unordinary sunny Seattle day, was nothing but darkness in Derek Shepherd's eyes.

"Hey, I brought you some coffee." Meredith said walking into the bathroom and kissing him on his back.

They had returned from New York nearly an hour ago and had run home to shower before heading to the hospital.

"Thanks…" he replied giving her a small smile.

"Derek…" she paused to make sure he was looking at her, "there is a reason you are doing this surgery…you're one of the top surgeons in the country, so don't think about what happened last week, think about the amazing surgeon you are, think about all the lives you have saved with these miracle worker hands of yours," she smiled grabbing his hands, "think of all the lives you are still meant to save…you are an incredible person, an incredible surgeon, you can do this," she placed her hand on the side of his face, "you can do this, I have complete faith in you."

"I love you."

"I love you." She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him, "now come on, we need to get going we are going to be late." She said turning around and walking out of the bathroom.

"Bossy's back…" he chuckled.

"Excuse me?" she leaned back in the doorway.

"What?" he asked attempting his best innocent face.

"Ah, innocent face might work for mommy, but it doesn't work for me." She stated causing them both to laugh.

She was glad that he was laughing, maybe there was light at the bottom of the hole after all.

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"You're wearing a turtleneck under your scrubs, its ugly." Meredith stated as she stood next to Cristina filling out a patient's chart.

"I was cold when I got up this morning…at least I don't have a six year old's ponytail." Cristina threw back without taking her eyes off the chart.

"Cristina…I know what happened, Callie called me this morning."

"It was an accident, I'm fine."

"You are not fine, people who are fine do not get choked by their boyfriends in the middle of the night. Hunt tried to kill you, Cristina, he literally wrapped his hands around your throat…that is not alright."

"So what I'm supposed to up and leave because of some nightmare, it's not that cut and dry Meredith. Derek nearly hit you with a baseball bat, and I'm not even going to say what he called you, why aren't you walking away?" Cristina asked as she walked away.

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"Hey," Meredith felt a familiar hand on the small of her back.

"Hey, you alright?" she asked looking at him carefully.

"Yea, uh…I was just on the roof with Hunt and I don't know, something's going on there."

"Yea…" she looked around before grabbing his hand, "come here." He allowed her to drag him into an on-call room.

"He strangled Cristina last night." She said immediately after the door was locked.

"What?" he asked completely shocked.

"That call I got this morning before you got in the shower, it was Callie, letting me know what had happened."

"What the hell happened?"

"Apparently he had some kind of nightmare, Callie heard a struggle coming from the bedroom so she went in and found him with his hands around Cristina's throat, luckily she walked in when she did otherwise…she said he was in some kind of trance almost."

"PTSD…" Derek answered quickly.

"Yeah, I know, he needs help Derek and she…" she shrugged her shoulders while shaking her head, "she won't stay away from him."

"I'll talk to him, ok?" he said rubbing the side of her face with his thumb.

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"Hey Iz."

"Mer…what, what are you doing here, shouldn't you be working?"

"I had a few minutes and I thought I would come by and see how you're doing."

"I'm fine." Izzie smiled. "Is he ready Mer? I mean I know he's the best of the best, but so much happened last week and believe it or not I would like to live. So I need to know, is he ready?"

"Iz…" she placed her hand on top of Izzie's arm, "he's ready…I wouldn't have him operate on you if he wasn't." Meredith finished giving Izzie a comforting smile.

"Well, well, well…looks like someone finally decided to come visit huh?" Bailey smiled at Meredith as she walked into the room, "You finished that thing already?" she asked as she saw the lime green scarf lying in Izzie's lap.

"Yea, I had some free time…but it's ok," she looked to Meredith, "you all have jobs and responsibilities and you're supposed to be learning that shouldn't stop because I have things growing on my organs."

Bailey looked to Meredith, then grabbed the thermometer.

"I have a colectomy this afternoon, if you were the resident assisting me and I would say to you, divide the secum, what would you use?" Bailey asked.

"Dr. Bailey, I'm not assisting you and you're not going to ask me to divide the secum." Izzie replied.

"But I'm not going to let you get rusty," she pointed a finger at her, "a year from now you need to be able to do this stuff, you need to be able to teach residents how to do it."

"You really think I'm going to be here a year from now?" Izzie asked.

"Yes…" the two women turned to look at Meredith, "we do." She smiled at Dr. Bailey who was looking at her beeping pager.

"Let me guess, Mr. Colectomy?" Izzie asked.

"I will see you later." Bailey said as she rushed out of the room.

"I'll go too…you need to get some rest before the surgery. You'll be fine…don't worry you're in the best hands possible." Meredith smiled at her, squeezing her arm slightly.

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Meredith was on her way to the cafeteria to grab something to eat before Izzie's surgery when her page went off.

'OR 2 – 911'

Within minutes she was walking into the empty room with one sole person standing over the table.

"Derek?" Meredith asked cautiously.

"Meredith…" Derek turned around showing her his wide, frantic eyes.

"What's wrong? Are you ok?" she asked, still standing completely still.

"I can't do this. I'm not ready."

"Yes you are." she replied walking closer to him.

As she got closer she could see the scattered tools that he had been using.

"Go over the procedure with me…" she said looking up to him from the tray. Derek searched her eyes and took a deep breath before grabbing the forceps.

"Forceps, free from the…" he was visibly shaking.

"Relax," she said grabbing his hands to steady them, "you can do this," she said looking directly into his eyes, "you're the legendary Derek Shepherd, you can do this." She said giving him her best supportive smile. "Try again…" she encouraged.

"Forceps, free from the arachnoid, tacking sutures, pateus, suction." He slowly said each word.

After going over the procedure for nearly forty-five minutes, Derek looked up to Meredith with a smile on his face which she gladly returned.

"See," her smile reached her eyes which were sparkling in awe, "I told you, you could do it."

"You did didn't you." For the first time all day there was a hint of sparkle in his eyes. "I should uh…I should go talk to Izzie before the surgery. Thank you," he placed his hands on her waist, "for being you."

"I love you, you can do this. Remember those two things, always." She leaned up and quickly kissed him, "Now go talk to Izzie."

"Yes ma'am." He winked at her as he walked out of the surgical room.

He could do this and as the day was slowly progressing more and more light was beginning to shine.

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After quickly briefing Izzie on her surgery Derek made his way to the scrub room. This was one of those dark moments that he had to put everything he had into focusing on the task before him. He was so deep in thought that he didn't even notice the door open, but the tiny little voice immediately grasped his attention.

"Hey…"

"Hey…"

"I uh, I brought you your ferry boat scrub cap…I know how serious this thing of yours for ferry boats is." She smiled.

"I've been looking for that…" he stated.

"Yea well apparently my cubbie felt the need to hold it hostage." She laughed.

As Derek finished scrubbing in Meredith placed his cherished scrub cap atop his dark curls.

"Here we go…" Derek turned to Meredith smiling.

"Don't forget, I love you and you can do this." She said. The smile on her face was all that Derek needed to know that she had complete faith in him, and it in fact gave him a little bit more confidence.

"I love you too."

Meredith turned to look through the window separating the scrub room from the OR.

"We'll see you soon Dr. Stevens." She heard Derek say.

"I hope so."

"Know so." Bailey replied quickly.

"Dr. Bailey," Izzie voice quietly broke the silence, "if something goes wrong…"

"It won't." she replied again quickly.

"The scarf, I made it for you." Izzie said as she looked to the ceiling praying that these wouldn't be her last words.

"Come on Derek…say it, say it." Meredith was saying to herself back in the scrub room.

"It's a beautiful night to save lives," Izzie looked back to Derek and could tell that he was smiling behind his mask, "Let's get started." He nodded towards Bailey.

As he turned around he noticed Meredith still standing in the scrub room with a huge smile across her face, he could do this, she was right. He saw her wave goodbye and then slip out the door. He turned back around to the now sedated Izzie Stevens, took a deep breath, smiled as 'I love you, you can do this. Remember those two things, always.' ran through his head again and began the surgery.

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It had taken hours, but he had successfully removed all of the tumors. He had looked at the scans just minutes ago, and now a smile crossed his face, Izzie Stevens was alive because of him, because of Meredith, she had given him the confidence to get back in there.

"Surgery went well today."

"Yea it did." He turned around with a smile on his face as the chief entered the locker room.

"Shouldn't you and Meredith be out celebrating?"

"I just wanted to clean up before I left." He said as he pulled on his dark sports coat. "Hey, can you do me a favor?"

"Sure Shep anything."

"Meredith gets off in about thirty minutes…can you make sure she gets on the right elevator for me?"

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Meredith smiled as she approached the elevators, it had been an incredibly long, emotionally draining day and all she wanted to do was spend the rest of the night curled up next to Derek. As the elevator chimed, the chief came running around the corner.

"Wait…wait, you can't take that one." He said trying to come up with an excuse to get her on the other elevator.

"Why not?" she asked suspiciously.

"It's uh, it's been breaking down all day."

"Funny, I've been using it all day." Meredith said.

By this point the elevator door had already closed and it had been called to another floor. Meredith annoyingly went and punched the elevator button again, never taking her eyes off of him.

"Can I take this one?" she asked sarcastically when it chimed. "Seriously, what is going on?"

"Well, go on." He ordered.

"Hey, come on in…"

Meredith's breath was taken away when the elevator doors opened to reveal Derek and walls covered in x-rays and patient files.

"This is a CT," he said pointing, "of Katie Bryce 16 year old female, subarachnoid aneurysm."

"From a fall during rhythmic gymnastics I remember." Meredith finished his thought.

"That was our first surgery we ever scrubbed in together," he said as he looked down at her, "our first save. Right here is a cerebral cyst, tough save, but we did it, I kissed you in the stairwell," he said looking back at her, "after the surgery." Turning to the next set of scans he continued, "And this right here is where Dr. Bailey kicked you out of the surgery because she caught us in your driveway in my car." They both laughed. "And right here, this was a seven hour craniotomy; you held the clamp the entire time never flinched, that's when I knew you were going to be an incredible surgeon. And Beth Monroe, made our clinical trial a success by surviving, you talked me in to putting her under," he paused causing Meredith to look up into his eyes, "That's when I knew I needed you," he smiled, turned and pointed to a set of films, "and this is today, post-op head CT of Izzie Stevens, you see that," he pointed to the film, "right there, tumor free, because of you," he said turning his body to face hers and grabbing her hands, "you got me into the OR. If there's a crisis you don't freeze, you move forward, you get the rest of us to move forward, because you've seen worse, you've survived worse, and you know…we'll survive too." He paused smiling before he continued, "You say you're all dark and twisty, it's not a flaw, it's a strength, it makes you who you are. I'm not gonna get down on one knee," he shook his head, "I'm not gonna ask a question, I love you Meredith Grey," he smiled, "and I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"And I want to spend the rest of my life with you." She replied trying to hold back her tears.

He shook his head, the way he always did whenever she left him speechless. He was truly in love with the woman in front of him. He leaned into her kissing her passionately as she twisted her fingers in his dark curls.

"Wow," she broke away breathless after a moment, "that was amazing."

"You deserved the best."

"This was better than the best." She smiled kissing him again.

"What do you say we get out of her and…" he was interrupted when his pager went off.

"It's Hunt, I uh…I really need to take this." He gave her an apologetic look.

"It's fine." She smiled at him, "I should probably go check on Cristina, see how she's doing. Call me when you done?" she asked.

"Of course, I love you." He placed his hand on her cheek and leaned down to kiss her.

"Mmm…I love you too."

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As Meredith entered the dark apartment she quickly walked over to the bedroom door and quietly knocked. When she entered she saw a tear-streaked Cristina lying in bed.

"I'm engaged."

"I broke up with Owen." She said before falling back into the pillows.

Meredith immediately removed her shoes and crawled into bed next to Cristina, they never spoke, she knew that just being here for her at this point was all she wanted. Cristina had just fallen asleep when Meredith's phone began to ring.

"Hey…" she whispered when she answered.

"Hey, how's she doin?"

"Not good, you know?"

"Yea he told me everything."

"Uh…I don't know if I'm going to be able to leave anytime soon. I want to make sure she's alright before I leave."

"Yea, I understand, call me when you do get out oh and hey do you mind driving up to the trailer tonight?"

"No not at all, I'll call you when I leave."

"Ok, bye."

"Bye."

Meredith let out a sigh, she wanted to be happy she really did, but everyone else's life around her was going to hell.

"Mer, you should go…I mean you just got engaged, go be happy, you deserve it."

"I'm staying here, he understands."

"Seriously, I'm just going to sleep anyways so unless you're some kind of weird creeper who likes to watch me sleep, go."

"You sure?" she asked after thinking about it.

"Absolutely."

"Alright," Meredith said grabbing her stuff, "call me if you need anything."

"Hey Mer," she said as Meredith was walking out of the room, "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks."

Meredith quickly made her way to her car downstairs and dialed Derek's number on the way. The phone seemed to ring forever before his voicemail finally picked up.

"Hey, I talked to you like two minutes ago, where did you go? Anyways, I just left Cristina's so I should be up there in about thirty minutes. I'll see you soon."

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It took her just over thirty minutes to get to the trailer. She sat in her car for a minute, thinking of how much things had changed since she had been up here just a few days ago. They were engaged now, this was really forever. Meredith smiled before grabbing her stuff and getting out of the car.

As she neared the trailer, she could hear music playing in the distance. Once on the porch she noticed lots of light coming from the distance and it sounded like that was where the music was coming from. She laid her stuff inside quickly and walked over to the open field. The same open field that she had built her house of candles.

As she got closer, she noticed Derek sitting in the middle of hundreds of candles playing the guitar. She smiled she never had had the chance to ask him about the guitar playing and song writing. As if on cue Derek looked up and met her eyes.

"Hi…" he said.

"Hi," she giggled, "what are you doing?"

"I dug out my guitar and decided that I wanted to write you a song."

"You wrote me a song?" she asked

"Mhmm…you wanna hear it?" he asked her smiling at her cuteness.

She couldn't respond, she just bit her lower lip. He began by playing beautiful chords, she was completely blown away, she had never realized that he was this good.

Well, I know there's a reason
And I know there's a rhyme
We were meant to be together
And that's why

She was even more speechless than before, he had an incredible voice.


We can roll with the punches
We can stroll hand in hand
And when I say it's forever
You understand

As she listened to the words, she couldn't help but think how much the song explained their relationship, especially this past week. They had been dealt a lot of punches the last couple of days, and in the end they were able to walk away hand in hand and promise each other forever.

That you're always in my heart
You're always on my mind
And when it all becomes too much
You're never far behind
And there's no one that comes close to you
Could ever take your place
Cause only you can love me this way

I could've turned a different corner
I could've gone another place
But I'd a-never had this feeling
That I feel today
Yeah

He could have gone a different place, he could have stayed in New York, but he chose Seattle of all places and he met and fell in love with her.

And you're always in my heart
You're always on my mind
When it all becomes too much
You're never far behind
And there's no one that comes close to you
Could ever take your place
Cause only can love me this way

Ooooohh…

Na na, somebody love you

And you're always in my heart
You're always on my mind
And when it all becomes too much
You're never far behind
And there's no one that comes close to you
Could ever take your place
Cause only you can love me this way

It was that simple. She was what he constantly thought of. She was there when he needed her most. There would never be another woman that could make him feel the way she did and no one would ever love him like she did.


Only you can love me this way

Derek finished the song and placed his guitar on the ground, while Meredith stood in awe of what he had just done, her eyes slowly filling with tears at the thought that someone loved her this much.

"No one's ever written me a song before." She choked out as Derek wrapped his arms around her. "It was beautiful. Thank you." She looked up at him tears rolling down her face.

"Thank you," he wiped her tears with his thumb, "for being here, for loving me the way you do, for agreeing to spend the rest of your life with me."

"We're getting married," she smiled.

"We're getting married." He repeated as he dipped his head down to kiss his fiancé.

This was it, it was that simple. Love is the light that saves us from the hells of the black hole. With love you can move past those failures and surpass the darkest moments in life because with love you can't go wrong.

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AN: So there it is, when I originally came up with the idea, I was going to redo the proposal (this was before the proposal btw) because I was convinced that I wasn't going to like it, well I was totally wrong!!

So here's the choice: I can either end it here and start a new story soon…or I can write a few more chapters…let me know what you want!!

Please Please Please Review!!! – K

Disclaimer: the song does not belong to me (even though I said Derek wrote it) it belongs to Keith Urban and it's call Only You Can Love Me This Way.