He looked down at the smaller figure wedged between himself and the back of the couch he was currently laying on. Thoughts of the night and what had lead up to this point flooded his mind. In that moment, Troy realized the exact state of his companion; he realized how serious this was to her. The girl that he was holding so tightly was broken. The pressure from her stolen childhood was finally surfacing now that she had someone to trust, now that she had him. The past month and a half that the pair had spent together was truly something neither had experienced. Troy had been an ear for Gabriella's problem and she had unknowingly been his anchor. She had done what a 12-Step could never do; without a single clue, she had kept Troy from using. When he came close, her bright brown eyes would appear in his head. When he wanted more than anything to forget the past the best way he knew how, the intoxicating combined smell of her coconut shampoo and her vanilla body wash would fill his nose and she would completely consume him, erasing any need to forget because he could just sit and revel in what he had. In her.
But then his guilt set in, like it was now. Just as they were at their closest, Troy couldn't help but feel like a villain. He was keeping such a big secret from Gabriella. His gaze fell to his arms that were wrapped protectively around her and it was if he could see through the long sleeved white flannel. The small circular needle scars were fading, but track marks were definitely still visible. He was a liar. But she was broken and tonight only proved it more.
"My broken angel." he said leaning down and kissing the top of her head.
I was banging on Troy's door. Honestly, I wasn't even sure if he was home, I just need to talk to him. It seemed these last few months he'd been the only one I could truly confide in. Mel and I had made up, but our friendship just hadn't been the same. We just couldn't get back to where we were before everything happened. I talked to the girlfriends and we even went out a few times, but we weren't anything close to being best friends.
My knuckles were turning red from the intensity of the pounding just as Troy swung the door open and peered out of the door quizzically. "Brie," he breathed out, looking somewhat relieved that the banging had only come from me and not someone more intimidating "what's wrong?"
"Today. It's today. This...it's the day he died Troy." I whispered, stepping closer to him as he pulled me into a hug. Just then I noticed he had no shirt on, and he was rocking me against his hard chest. I'd only ever seen him in long sleeves, his leather jacket, or some hoodie. He pulled me into his apartment and sat us on the couch just stroking my hair as I let the tears fall. I looked up into his eyes as he stared back at me, his way of saying 'Take all the time that you need.'
I didn't even want to be crying. I had no intention of crying. When I woke up that morning I'd told myself not to cry.
I wiped the tears that were subsiding and my eyes climbed back up to rest on Troy's jaw line. I placed a small kiss on his jaw, my thank you. My arms dropped from around his neck and fell to rest easily on his forearms. Troy's body stiffened under mine and he quickly looked down to me before retracting his arms and sliding out from underneath me.
"I'll be right back Gabriella." he said, taking off in the direction of his bedroom quickly and looking back at me to make sure I didn't follow. He reemerged less than a minute later, clad in a white long sleeved flannel shirt.
"How are you feeling?" he asked me, worry evident in his eyes.
"I'm dealing." I told him, "It's been damn near twenty years, you think it would be just like any other day."
"He was your father, Gabriella, you're gonna be sad today. Whether you like it or not."
"But I shouldn't hurt, that's the problem. I was the reason he -"
"You were the reason he had to live. Nothing else. None of what he did had anything to do with you." he said looking down at me, the most serious I had ever seen him.
"Troy, you didn't hear what my mother would say at night. She would still talk to him when she was praying. I would hear her say his name and say she loved him, tell him what was going on and then she would tell him about what he left her with; me. Troy, she blamed it on me and she was right. It was my fault."
"She was so wrong, Gabriella. It's not and never will it be your fault." he said into my hair as he pulled me into him.
It was that moment, that Troy had pinpointed as the moment he saw how deep her aversion to love really was. She had never felt loved by anyone. It was also in that moment that Troy knew that without a shadow of a doubt he loved her.
"Gabriella, come on you need to eat something." he called to me from the kitchen as he stirred a pan of box macaroni and cheese. "It's not gourmet, but it's all I have hear." he added, sheepishly.
"Like you ever take me to any gourmet restaurants."
"You never complained before. I thought you liked all the places we go." he said, scooping the noodles into two separate bowls.
"I love them." I told him as I stood behind him and wrapped my arms around his middle, feeling his abs through his shirt.
"Of course you do. Don't try to butter me up, your still eating this."
He placed the two bowls on the table and looked at me, waiting for me to eat it. I smiled at him before picking a few noodles on to my fork and chewing them slowly and thoughtfully.
"Stop thinking about it Gabriella. Your mom was wrong. And your father loved you more than you could ever know. Just get it out of your head."
"I need to stop being such an open book." I mumbled.
"Gabriella, I don't wanna scare you off but I really care about you. I like what we have but you can't keep giving me half the story and then cutting me off." He said, thinking of the hypocrisy in that statement alone.
"I'm trying, Troy."
He'd said that so many times before. That one statement had rolled off of his tongue countless times. Whether it be to his parents, to Melanie, or to the boys in the band. Troy knew what it felt like to try. He was trying right now, harder than ever before, for the girl sitting right across from him. Those two words, "I'm trying" just tugged at his heartstrings.
He reached across the table, grabbed my hand and pulled me up. Troy dropped his hands so that they rested on my lower back and drew me closer to him. "If you're trying, then I'll be with you every step of the way." he told me leaning in to kiss me, shortly.
"Thank you." I said to Troy, feeling nervous all of a sudden "But -uh I'm gonna run to the bathroom."
I closed the door of the cramped toilet, shower and sink that Troy called his bathroom. My reflection stared back at me from the medicine cabinet. I just needed a second to get away, to collect my thoughts. Lately, Troy and I had been getting continually closer. It was inevitable with the amount of time we spent together, but it was times like this that I found myself wanting to pull back. He'd been opening up so much, pulling me into his being. But with the increasing closeness of our relationship, I couldn't help but think that there was more to the Troy Bolton that he let me see.
After Melanie and I had made up, she explained to me that she really only wanted the best for me, saying that she was only looking out for my best interest. The way she apologized with her eyes made it seem like there was more to apologize for than just her recent behavior. I was probably just overthinking it, but it had been weighing on my mind since we'd had our talk. I bent down over the sink and splashed water over my face before turning to exit the bathroom, before Troy began to think I was doing more than just thinking.
I walked out of the bathroom to find him sitting on the couch strumming his acoustic guitar. The wood of the body was covered in autographs, stickers, and scratches; the instrument had clearly seen better days. I leaned against the wall, just watching him. Once he established the chords, his voice filled the room
##I never liked this apple much
It always seemed too big to touch
I can't remember how I found
My way before she came around
I tell everyone
I smile just because
I got a city love
I found it in Gabriella
And I can't remember life before her name ##
"Have you always written songs?" I blurted, unintentionally interrupting him.
He stopped playing and looked up and me with a smirk; he leaned the guitar against the side of his couch and motioned me over, patting the seat next to him.
"Only when I have something really good to write about." he said pulling me into his side.
"Oh? And what could you possibly have that's so good?"
"You." he said simply, before he leaned down to kiss me.
It was sweet, slow and completely innocent. "You're like my muse." he said, pulling me up into his lap. I straddled his lap, smirking felinely at him as I played with the hairs at the nape of his neck. His lips found mine again, this time in a completely different manner. It was rushed and heated. His hand rested above the waistline of my jeans and mine sat on his abs underneath his shirt. I slowly began to pull at the white material, eager to uncover a different side of Troy, but he pulled back.
His eyes were filled were lust, reluctance, and worry. "Brie, you don't really want this." he said, sitting me back beside him on the couch. "You're still hurting, I can tell and I don't want our first time to be because you want to erase some other problem."
I looked down, slightly embarrassed that in the short amount of time, Troy and I had been an item, he could read me so easily. "Come on, we can watch a movie." he said to me, turning on his television and wrapping his arm around my waist to snuggle.
We stayed in that position for nearly an hour, only partially watching the movie, before I became tired. Troy shifted to accommodate my sleepy state, letting me lay on the couch with my back against the back of the seats and my chest facing his, as he coiled his arms around me.
"Goodnight, Gabriella Montez." he said to me, leaning down and placing a final kiss to my hair before the silence ensued.
I could feel my body becoming heavier, but I fought sleep for as long as I possibly could. Just being in Troy's arms was enough to make me forget all about my no love policy and whatever Troy had done in his past. It was as if he was made for me, and I for him. Just as I couldn't hold it off long enough, sleep overtook me.
But before it did, I heard Troy's voice softly in the distance as if it were miles away from me, but the words rang clear. "My broken angel."
Maybe I'd already begun dreaming, or maybe Troy was talking in his sleep. I didn't know. All I knew was that I felt the most safe and secure, right now in his arms.
And I was pretty sure this was what love felt like.
A/N: I start school tomorrow. DX
I'm now a junior, two more years! But um yeah, I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. It was just kinda to get their feelings out there, so you guys were aware. Sorry for any mistakes or weird symbols that might be in there, I had no time to edit. Anyway...not much else to say but I hope you enjoy! Please review!
Love as always,
dev.(:
