I'll find the places where you hide
I'll be the dawn on your worst night

-OneRepublic-


Sliding into the seat next to Lily, Dirk stared her down determinedly. Lily turned the page of her book and pursed her lips. Her eyes didn't move, her scowl became more pronounced when he moved closer until he was an inch from the side of her face.

"Why are you breaching my personal space?"

"How was detention last night?"

Lily snorted and turned to face him. "Same as always you creep."

"Ah huh, so riddle me this Lily why didn't you come back to your dorm? Hmmm?"

"Riddle me this," She mocked, "Such a Ravenclaw."

Dirk smirked, "Yes, yes I am. Now why aren't you sharing?"

"What is it that you want me to share?"

"You…Sirius Black…alone in detention all week, all alone and you don't come back…Come on, Lily."

Lily laughed at him, her face ducking into her hands. "What is wrong with you?"

"I just want the information."

"What information? What have I supposedly done?"

"Are you saying that you and Sirius Black have nothing going on between you two?"

"I'm saying that I have never done anything romantic with Sirius Black."

Dirk said, "Are you sure?"

"Why are you asking?"

"Because I've been hearing some rumors."

"…About me?" Lily blinked, resting her arms on her notes. "What do these rumors say?"

Dirk shrugged, "That you are Sirius Black's new broom closet buddy."

Lily snorted, "That's my favorite. No I mean it…I want you to spread that one around."

"I figured it was a lie, but when Mary said neither of you came back to the dorm last night I began to wonder. Where were you?"

The events of the night before played in her head, before she shook her head. "Why are you so interested?"

"Because, my dear friend. You've been acting odd lately."

"You read one detective novel and suddenly you think you are one."

"I'm just saying you are hiding something. Perhaps it wasn't Black, but none of the other Marauder's came back either."

"Where do you get your sources?! Do you have an in at the dorms?"

Dirk snickered, "I have my sources."

She rolled her eyes. "Well, that's lovely, but I'm trying to study for our Herbology final. You know the one…it's tomorrow… it counts for 40 % of our grade."

"Please, I already studied, because I, unlike you, prepared ahead of time so that I could use my vast free time to figure out what it is you are up to."

"I'm not up to anything…But while we are on the topic of hiding things. How did your talk with Mary go?"

Dirk's shoulders slouched. "Okay. We're still friends, she just doesn't feel that way about me."

"I'm sorry."

"Honestly…I'm glad I brought it up. I won't have to sit there and wonder 'what if?' You know?"

She nodded.

"I wish she felt differently, but I guess we can't choose who we like."

"I wish we could." Lily put her hand on his arm squeezing sympathetically. "I really do."

Dirk said. "Have you ever been rejected?"

"Of course." She laughed moving her hand to half cover her face. "Once I told a guy I liked him and he laughed directly in my face and told me that I was stupid for thinking he would like a girl that looked like a tomato…He shouted it so all of his friends could hear, mind you."

"Bloody hell."

"Yeah, so when I say I get it." Lily patted his shoulder, "I get it."

Dirk said, "I guess so."

"What time is it?"

"Just after six."

"Ugh…" Lily sighed, shutting her book. "Food?"

"Sure."

Dirk helped her put away her books and they walked side by side. Lily took one step outside of the library and was immediately swept up off her feet. Her bag fell to the floor with a crash and she was over Sirius Black's shoulder before she could put up much of a protest about it.

"BLACK…." She groaned defeatedly.

"Sorry, Cresswell," Sirius said conversationally, one hand tucked under Lily's legs. "I need to borrow Evans."

"I'm not a book, Black! You can't just borrow me!"

Sirius said, "Relax, Evans. I'm only temporarily borrowing you."

Dirk looked at Lily. "You ok?"

She sighed and hung over Sirius's back limply. "Leave me. I'll be fine."

"I'll see you at dinner?"

"I'm assuming so." Lily said, "Will you take my bag, please?"

Dirk nodded, with a small laugh. "I will meet you there. I'm going to swing by the loo. Have fun…" But he mouthed to her, 'nothing, huh?'

Lily rolled her eyes and sighed into Sirius's lower back. "Bye, Dirk."

Sirius whistled, and continued down the hallway. "Thank you for your cooperation, Evans."

"Do I have to be carried?" She asked, "All of the blood is rushing to my face."

He slid her down into his arms and continued carrying her bridal style. "Is this better?"

She covered her face and chuckled. "I don't…Why?! Just why?"

"Because Lily Evans. You are about to be initiated into a very small club-"

"I don't want to be a Marauder."

"Good, because that's not what's happening." Sirius said flatly, "It's the Remus Lupin Appreciation club."

Lily said, "That's a good club. Do we wear crowns or hats?"

"No, but we really should."

"I'm just saying…Or OOH! We could have uniforms, or shirts."

Sirius snorted. "Your enthusiasm is appreciated, Evans."

"Okay you can really put me down now. I feel like I'm being brought as a sacrifice."

"Maybe you are." Sirius teased before putting her down just before the Great Hall. "Redheads are predisposed for it."

Lily said, "Redheads are predisposed for sacrifice?! Where the hell is that written?"

"Probably on a stone tablet somewhere."

Snickering, she shook her head. "How did I get stuck with you? I remember the day when you wouldn't come within five feet of me."

"Because I thought you said you'd hex my balls off."

"Ah how I miss your fear." She mused.

"But now I know you are all talk no bite."

"Oh I'm full of plenty of bite. I just have grown used to your exhausting presence." Lily said pushing his arm warmly.

Sirius grinned and wrapped his arm around her, ruffling her hair. "Exhausting presence? You know you love me, Evans. Don't fight it. Your resistance is futile."

Lily said, "Your ego, is just out of control."

"So I hear."


She'd been friends with Remus for years, so she had been near the Marauder's for a while, but she'd never been with them. They were always the one's she saw in her peripheral vision. Everyone looked at them and noticed them, it was hard not to. They were this shot of life; full of youth, good looks, charisma and laughter. They were everyone's favorite tv show, and she had gotten a temporary guest spot.

Sirius sat down in his natural place next to James, but Lily went around the table and sat next to Remus. His amber eyes greeted her and she went into his open arms without hesitation. She grinned up at him, before scooting forward to pile some food on her plate. Her eyes flickered over and she saw James and Sirius's plate. Sirius had scraps of meat left, whereas James had every vegetable imaginable on his plate. She smiled, but focused her eyes on her own plate. Lily took a handful of grapes and began mindlessly popping them into her mouth.

"Where's Peter?"

"He's taking it easy, still a bit broken down." Remus told her quietly.

"Ah." Lily nodded, but she paused when she saw a few girls down the table staring at her. When a seventh year, Emmeline Vance eyed her curiously Lily gestured to Sirius and made a wide gesture with her hands.

Emmeline snorted and looked away, her black hair swishing in her wake.

"What was that?" Remus questioned.

"Everyone thinks I'm shagging Sirius." She said offhandedly raising her glass to Sirius, who smirked at her in turn.

"And you are okay with that?" Remus asked incredulously.

"Why wouldn't she be?" Sirius interjected.

"Because you throw yourself at everything …including objects."

Lily said, "Hey! Don't judge him. At least he tries things…"

Sirius grinned, "Yes! Thank you!"

Remus glared at Lily.

"What?! Go on a date!" Lily exclaimed. "Just try it!"

"You know I can't." Remus scoffed, "Why is it so important to you?"

Lily took a bite of her food and sighed. "Because you are my friend, and I think before you give up on love you should give it a try first."

"Lily," He started firmly. "I can't. Drop it."

She scowled but didn't continue.

James piped up. "So what is the story on you two?"

Lily stilled at the sound of his voice and said, "Well when we didn't come back from detention, apparently we had quite the evening."

"Does it bother you?" Sirius asked his voice softening.

"Nah," Lily shook her head, taking a sip of water. "I've heard worse…What the hell?!"

Dirk stumbled into the table and was covered head to toe in ink, her bag completely drenched. "So, I ran into some problems."

"God…" She groaned. "Is it all destroyed?"

"Well I just ran into some lovely blokes…I'm sorry Lil."

"Oh no! Are you alright?"

"Just delightful."

"I'm so sorry, Dirk."

"No I am. Your stuff is ...ruined."

Lily's head dropped into her hands. "Ugh…It's fine. My brain is fried anyway... I will figure it out." She raised her wand and all of the ink disappeared from him. Lily rose from her seat and told them, "I'll see you guys later. I'm going to go try and salvage what's left of my bag."

The minute she left, Dirk disappeared to the Ravenclaw table. And Remus stared at the table, not touching his food.

"Moony?" James questioned.

"She should hate me…I keep waiting for it to hit her…" He leaned against his hand. "But…she's acting like she always does."

"Maybe because she really doesn't care, Moony." Sirius said, "I have to give it to her…She's a trooper. She went with it."

Remus frowned, and chewed his bottom lip.

"Don't stress about it." James reassured him. "She's not subtle. You'd know if she had a problem with you."

"Yeah…"

Remus grew quiet and began to pick at his food. James and Sirius shared a look but they left him alone to his thoughts.


It could be worse. Yes her books were destroyed and her notes were unreadable, but she had covered everything…twice. So there was really nothing she could do. Maybe Remus or Mary could quiz her, but her bag was done. She'd just use her back up bag and put spare parchment and quills in it. It wasn't remotely ideal, but, it was livable, and that was enough for her.

Lily tossed the bag in the bathroom trash when she heard a sniffle from one of the stalls. Curious, she went over and knocked.

"You okay in there?"

"I'm fine."

Lily's eyebrows rose in surprise. "…Mary?"

"Lil?" Mary whispered, pushing open the door. Her eyes were puffy and her eyelashes were all clumped together.

"What are you doing? I thought you were tutoring."

"I-I was." She choked, "I'm fine-"

Lily stepped into the stall, sitting on the floor with her. "What happened?"

"Just…they kept cursing papers to hit me and when I ignored them they'd make the papers to say something."

"Like what?"

She picked up one and handed it to Lily.

Lily's jaw ticked and she said, "Who did it?"

"I'm used to them calling me a mudblood. Okay? But I try. I try so hard to fit in. I do all of my homework but I don't volunteer too much so I'm not a brown noser. I read everything I can get my hands on so if I don't understand something." She halted to suck in a breath. "Then they can't just say it's because I'm a muggle. It's not because I'll never be good enough but it's because no one gets it…"

Lily didn't say anything she just reached forward and took Mary's hand.

"I just…" Mary swiped away her tears fiercely. "I'm sick of working so hard to make it only for them to just…blindly hate me. What did I ever do to any of them? I'm so sorry that my birth was such an inconvenience…Like I chose to be inferior to you-"

"You're not inferior to them, or anyone else Mary McDonald."

"It's easy for you to say." Mary smiled at her, her eyes still full of tears. "You go at them with fire…and it hurts you but you use it. I…I don't do that."

"Because you still want them to like you. And I understand that. You want to think it's your fault because then you could fix it easier than if it's just because they can't understand a world where they aren't above someone else."

Mary squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head. "Just…why me?"

"Because you are sweet and kind and they pick on someone that they think won't fight back."

"Well, they were wrong. I hexed them into the Black Lake."

Lily busted out laughing. "You didn't!"

"I did. I…I'd had it."

"Well I'm proud of you!" Lily said cupping her cheeks. "You did the right thing."

Mary let out a shallow breath. "I think I just want to go back to the dorm. Do you mind if I go back by myself?"

"No, of course not. You alright?"

"Yeah, just need some time to clear my head."

Lily nodded, squeezing Mary's shoulder once. "Okay. I'll see you later, love."

She smiled and was supportive. It wasn't until she rounded the corner next to the bathroom that she started to cry.

Mary was a good person, she helped first years find their classrooms, she often offered to help the house elves clean and she even tutored, something Lily could never fully commit to. But Mary could, because she was right, she did try. She was such a noble person, only interested in doing what should be done and working to make the world a better place than she entered it, even if it was just in getting to know all of the younger students so if they needed to talk she was there to talk too. Lily couldn't imagine anyone not liking her. It wasn't shocking when Dirk started to fancy Mary, but how could anyone not?

It infuriated her.

Yes, in theory she understood why people did it. They pick on other people so they can feel better about themselves. But it doesn't work like that. Telling someone they have a pimple don't make all of your freckles go away and making someone feel horrible about themselves doesn't make your life any better. And how could they not realize that? Yes, they were out for her because of the principle but how could anyone knowingly do that to someone else? It was different when you are upset and you lash out at your friend then genuinely going out of your way to make someone else have a harder time.

It was disgusting and she began to shake she was so mad.

When would they stop? When would they learn? Why couldn't they recognize that though this seemed harmless to them, like pouring ink all over Dirk, it had consequences. And maybe they weren't immediate, but it builds up. Then one day that person will break and they will remember all of the times people knocked their books out of their hands, muttered a slur under their breath or whatever it was that they deemed enough to make them feel like their stick was bigger than everyone else's.

She wanted to make them listen, make them understand what they were doing, but it wouldn't work. Once you are that ignorant you live in denial and some words from her wouldn't do anything to remedy that.

"Evans…?"

Lily looked up and saw James coming towards her. "Wha…what?"

"I was looking for you…Alright?"

"No.." She shook her head, tears freely flowing down. "Mary just…" Her tears became heavy as she tried to talk. "I'm…I'm sorry I can't stop…"

She expected him to leave, or look uncomfortable at the very least but he just shrugged and looked down at her. "Why are you upset?"

She shook her head and then, horrifically, started crying harder. This sniffling, trembling, snotty mess.

This poor guy was just looking for her. Probably to talk to her about something simple and he had to find her in the middle of the sixth break down that month. The more she tried to stop, the worse it got until he did actually look concerned.

James said, "Evans…what…what do you want me to do?...You aren't really breath."

Lily stopped crying for a split second, her teeth gritting together. "What do I want? I want them to cry! I want them to be afraid of me for a change!

James stepped back.

"I'm sick of being weak, and small. I don't want them to hurt; I want them to be terrified of me. I want them to realize that I may be a small redhead with little to no upper body strength but I can still take them down."

"Well…"

"So are you in or not?" She said fiercely, tears still glistening on her cheeks.

James's eyebrows rose. "Uh…"

"This is not my area of expertise, Potter!" Lily exclaimed, "I'm not good a revenge or…or actually fighting back…And you are! So are you going to help me?"

"Er….sure. What exactly do you want to do?"

"I want to tare them a part!"

"Yes, I'm getting that." He laughed, crossing his arms. "But what do you want?"

"They made Mary cry! And I want them to feel pain! And…stop laughing!"

"I'm sorry," He cackled, "Just the idea of you trying to take on everyone is hilarious."

Lily yelled, "You don't think I can do it?!"

"I've seen you hex a line of Slytherin's and save my ass countless occasions…but you look like you escaped from Azkaban."

Lily gaped at him before pushing him. "You…You…" A laugh bubbled up in her chest before it escaped and she couldn't contain it. "Ass!"

Her laugh was so loud and sudden that it made him laugh.

Lily doubled over, her face scrunching together before her hands covered her face. "I'm sorry. I just…"

"It's fine, Evans." James said, raising his hand with an easy smile. "I'll help."

"Thank you."

James smiled at her, and she blushed slightly at the sight.

"So…how do we do this?"

"I have an idea."


The phrase, 'desperate times call for desperate measures,' had caught her ear plenty of times over her lifetime, but it applied quite well to the situation she had gotten herself in. Why else would she be huddled under an invisibility cloak with her back plastered to James Potter's front?

It was in the middle of the night. She was very aware of the fact that she should be asleep as she had a final in Herbology the next morning, but even more aware of the fact that certain parts of his anatomy were very close to certain parts of hers.

But, she forced herself to focus on the present. Originally he had suggested that she keep look out and he go in, but she demanded that she do it. It was her friend that was getting fucked over and this whole thing was her idea to start.

"Just stay low and near things you can easily slip behind." He advised, his voice low.

She nodded, gulping and rubbing her hands together while she fidgeted where she stood. "Okay. Got it."

He smirked before chuckling. "I can't believe you wore all black."

"It's slimming and flexible!" She said quickly, pushing his arm.

"Then what's with the black marks under your eyes?"

"They do it in football!"

"They do it in Quidditch…I just wanted to see your face get all red."

Lily huffed, "Potter!"

James smiled, and pointed up the stairs. "On the right, six doors up. You know what to do if you get caught."

"Run out screaming and sending sparks down."

He rolled his eyes and said, "Go, Evans."

Lily smiled, ducked under the cloak and charged up the stairs as quickly as humanly possible.

She crept into the sixth year Slytherin boy dorm and, with her heart pounding in her chest, and her eyes wide for any sign of movement, she began to work. First she took all of their robes, shirts, trousers or anything they could use to cover themselves up and hexed anything they might make shift into a shirt. Then with the help of a very powerful spray, she left a lovely message on each of the boy's chests for the entire world to see. And she could have left it there, but she wanted to really make the point sink in.

Lily army crawled across the floor to the bathroom put some itching powder in all of their shaving cream, and face cream. Then…as a finale, she grabbed the bundle of clothes she had taken away from them and threw them out the window. She nearly tripped, but caught herself in the nick of time. Sweat built on her forehead, and Lily gripped the closest bedpost.

She let out a sigh of a relief and was about to head towards the door when someone said, "Who are you?!"

Lily froze. She didn't recognize the voice, but she did register the anger. And for a second she didn't do anything, she just stood there, all in black, her dark red hair in high bun.

"WHAT THE HELL-?!" The same voice shouted, and then she just bolted.

She kicked the stray clothes out of the way frantically and leaped down the stairs. There was no attempt to be quiet now, that one boy had woken them all up and they were all screaming with rage. Lily was halfway down the staircase when she heard all of them barreling down after her.

"POTTER RUN!" Lily declared before she reached the bottom of the stairs.

James tucked his cloak into his shirt and without further ado sprinted to the portrait hole. He pried it open and held it open, "COME ON!"

Lily dashed over to him, her hair wiggling out of its constraints and a few wisps fell into her damp face. They darted out of the common room and twisted up the first staircase.

"WHAT DID YOU DO?!"

"ONE OF THEM JUST WOKE UP AND ALERTED ALL OF THEM!"


Incoherent shouting and swearing echoed in the halls behind them and then they both heard a pack of footsteps coming after them.

"WHAT DO WE DO?!" Lily panicked, her calves aching when she pushed herself to move faster.

"Hold on."

"James!"

They went up the steps to the Great Hall and he said, "Hold on, I've got this."

She was about to ask what the plan was. They might have had a head start but the Slytherin boys caught up faster than she would have anticipated. They could keep running but eventually spells would start flying and Lily would doubt once they got a good look at them that they wouldn't know who they were. With her hair and his hair and glasses combo, they would be unmistakable.

James had a plan for that. The second they reached the main floor; he grabbed her hand and dragged her over to the side of the main staircase. Then he pinned her against the cove in the wall, yanked the cloak from his shirt and threw it over them. His arms were on either side of her face, and her hands were planted on the cold wall behind her. They were pressed closely together to the point where their chests nearly touched and in between breaths their knees would brush each other. Lily could see his adam's apple bobbing in his throat and could feel his hurried, but uneven breaths against the crown of her head.

They could have been caught. Yes, he had the cloak, but one quick spell and they'd be found. Not only were the numbers not on their side, but also if they were caught they would be terrorized for the stunt they pulled. And Lily was concerned about that, but it was hard to take that as seriously as she intended to. Especially when James was so close that she could see the spot just below the right side of his jaw where he had missed shaving. The smell of his cologne was inescapable. It wasn't too powerful, she was just too close to ignore it. She wanted to look away, but she couldn't. It was a tug, forcing her to look up at him, and appreciate for a few moments that he was a beautiful specimen of a bloke.

Then they ran up the stairs and paused on the main floor.

James looked down at her, his hazel eyes locking onto hers before he moved in closer. Not to kiss her but almost as if to protect her incase they did find them. Lily blinked, and rested her head on his collarbone. For a few tense minutes, she held her breath and felt the muscles in his chest bunch up.

"Where did they go?!"

"Up the stairs, there's nowhere else for them to go."

"They could have gone outside."

"Split up," Avery said. Lily looked over and saw his lip curling in a way that made her want to throttle his throat. "You two go outside, you two come with me."

"I can't run around the castle like this-!"

"You can, and you will Nott." He spat. "Now move!"

Lily clenched her eyes shut and waited for them to go. She didn't breathe until she heard them all disappear.

"Thank you, god." She breathed, when James stepped away.

He furrowed his eyebrows at her.

"Oh no! Not that part…Just that they left." Lily said, flushed and unable to look at him.

"Oh, well we better get out of here…You hungry?"

"Uh," Lily stumbled, "Sure." Confused, exhilarated and a little taken aback, Lily stared at him.

Laughing, James took the cloak off them and offered her his arm. "Shall we?"

She shook her head and took it. "Weirdest night, ever."


They sat on the floor of the kitchens with a bowl of pudding between them and Lily passed James the spoon. "What do you even do for that many hours?"

"Mostly drills and team building exercises. When you are older though it's about hazing the younger kids."

"Like what?"

"Like putting toilet paper around their dorms and waking them up early for runs…Nothing damaging." He said with a smirk before taking a large scoop of pudding. "It's to help the kids bound. When you don't get sleep and you are with each other all day you can't help but make friends."

Lily curled her knees up to her chest and smiled. "I never went to camp or anything like that, but oddly enough it sounds kind of fun."

"I met Frank Longbottom and a few other guys there actually." He grew quiet for a moment before adding. "I don't have any siblings or family my age so my parents always sent me to whatever camp they could get my into."

"Besides Quidditch what was your favorite camp?"

"Fencing."

Lily laughed, "Of course, that would be it."

"What does that mean, Evans?" He snorted handing her the spoon.

"You're competitive."

"I just go for what I want."

Lily said, "Is that what you call what you do?"

"You do it to. You just are more selective about you fight for, Evans."

She looked at him with his jawline and his hazel eyes and that honest look in his eyes and she couldn't look at him for long. He wasn't supposed to be looking at her like that. Sure he could look at her like he wanted to have sex with her, but not like she was the only person that he wanted to sit on the floor of the kitchens at 4 in the morning.

"God," She said rubbing her eyes, "I'm going to be exhausted tomorrow. I don't know how you do it."

James leaned in, his glasses slopping down his nose. "The trick is naps, Evans. You drink a lot of caffeine, take the test and then crash. Before you know it you are refreshed and ready to start all over again."

"How do you ever pass anything?"

"Just because I don't go to the library doesn't mean I don't study."

"You are just full of surprises James Potter."

James paused for a minute. "You alright to go home?"

"…What do you mean?"

"I mean…" He looked down, "With your dad."

Lily bit her bottom lip, "I…I dunno. I guess I haven't…really let myself think about it."

"It has been a weird couple of weeks."

"Well if you told me a month or two ago I'd be sitting here with you…" Lily said with a weak smile, her eyes filling with tears. "I…I think I've been trying so hard not to think about it that I've been just crying and a mess everywhere."

"You haven't been that bad."

She gave him a look before laughing at him. "You are so full of it."

"Okay…you have been yelling more."

"And I really am sorry about that." She said softly, her eyes filling with regret. "I know I've apologized, but it was really shitty of me and-"

James interrupted, "It's fine, Evans."

"No, I really-"

He reached over and put his hand on hers and said, "I'm over it, Evans."

She smiled at him.

"But we should get back." He said, before taking his hand away. "They will have gone back by now."

Lily nodded and stood up, but she had a sinking sad feeling. She needed to go. She needed to get some kind of sleep before her exam, but…There was a but. A part of her that despite exhaustion was really happy sitting and talking to him. Obviously he'd want to get back. He'd already gotten more involved than he probably ever intended and now he lost sleep because of her. The entire walk back, she tried to think of a way to properly show him how much she appreciated it, but the words kept getting lost on her tongue. James was just walking next to her with his hands in his pockets, occasionally he'd look at her with that …warm expression, but he didn't say anything.


Finally when they were about to separate to their respective rooms, Lily stalled. She shifted her weight from foot to foot and rolled her lips together.

"Potter." She began quietly, "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Tonight…" She looked at her hands, "For asking about my dad…Mary and Dirk have never known how to ask and I'm sure they just don't want to make me sad, but…I appreciate you asking when you know you don't have to."

James said, "Are you afraid?"

She tried to speak, and nodded when she found she couldn't.

"Why?"

"B-because," she choked, "My entire life he was there. Every room of my house belongs to a memory of him and…When I came back here it was like I was turning back the clock and erasing it. While I'm here he's still alive and I don't have to wonder what would…I dunno what would happen if my mother gets remarried or just…see his chair empty."

"His chair?"

"Yeah he has this worn armchair he always sat in. It's brown and hideous, but really comfortable. I'd always find him in the living room passed out in it…I…I used to come down stairs to get some water and put a blanket on him and turn of the tele." Lily gulped, her eyes shining. "I just…I don't know if I can do it."

James said, "What about your mom?"

"She will be taking care of my sister…They were always closer. It was me and my dad and my mother and my sister and now…It's just me."

He looked at her, not just at her, or her face, but really looked at her. And suddenly she forgot how to breathe.

She'd heard about it; that fluttering feeling, but that wasn't what it felt like to her. It felt like someone had punched her in the stomach, but in a good way.

James said, "It's never just you."

"Oh, I know. I have Mary, Dirk and Remus-"

"And you have you."

Lily stared at him blankly.

"You may think you have been messing everything up, and maybe you have been," He said fairly, "But you are still here. Still fighting and that means that no matter happens, as long as you keep doing that you will be fine."

"...really?"

"Yeah."

Lily smiled.

"And... If you ever need reminding. I will probably be up. Stags are crepuscular-"

"Are …what?"

"Look it up." James snorted.

They both smiled at each other for a few moments before, James put his hand on the stair railing and said, "Night, Evans."

And she whispered after him, "Night, Potter."