Sam was pleasant but subdued at supper. Hoss and Joe didn't notice the slight puffiness around her eyes, but Ben and Adam did. Besides, the topic of conversation didn't center around Adam and his journey of memories – there was the Spring round-up to be discussed. And Ben, in his infinite wisdom, kept the discussion going in great detail, deliberately drawing his eldest son into the conversation.
After supper, Sam curled up in a chair and concentrated on her writing. Hoss and Joe rode into town. Adam opened a book but couldn't focus his mind on its contents. He kept sneaking peeks at Sam who, every now and then, was sneaking peeks at him. Ben returned to his bookwork. The only sound in the room was the ticking of the clock.
Adam could stand this no more. Closing his book loudly, he looked at Sam. "I think we need to talk."
"Not tonight, Adam. I'm just too tired. But I agree – we do need to talk." She gave him what looked like a half-smile.
Adam walked outside and simmered. But he remembered what his father had told him: "Give her time." Trying to control his impatience, eventually he went back inside, only to find that Sam had already gone to bed. Give her time.
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Adam had tossed and turned all night but had finally fallen asleep in the wee hours of the morning. When he opened his eyes, he could tell by the sun's position that he had overslept. Dressing in a hurry, he rushed – unshaven and with shirttail flapping – downstairs and found his father and brothers just finishing breakfast.
"Where's Sam?" he asked as he approached the table and noticed there was not a plate, empty or otherwise, at her place.
Hoss finished his last bite of ham. "She went t' town. Said she had t' send a wire and do some other stuff. She sure missed a good breakfast!"
"Did she take anything with her?" Adam pressed.
"Like what?" Little Joe answered. "What's going on with you two anyway? I was hoping I was gonna hear wedding bells."
"Joseph," Ben cautioned.
"But…"
"Joseph! Eat your breakfast. We have a lot of things to tend to today!"
Adam opened Sam's bedroom door and looked around. Taking the liberty of opening her armoire – something he would never have done under normal circumstances – he was relieved to see her suitcases and her clothes.
"I'm going to town," he announced as he emerged from the room.
"No, you are not," Ben said firmly. "You are going to stay here and work like the rest of us. There's a lot to do before the round-up. In case you've forgotten, it starts in three days."
Adam knew better than to argue with his father. Heaving a sigh, he sat down at the table and ate what was left on the breakfast platters.
Ben looked at Adam and knew how upset he was. He longed to tell his eldest son of the conversation that he had with Sam the night before. He had been working late, checking and re-checking figures in his bookwork when Sam appeared. Adam had already gone upstairs.
"Can I talk with you, Ben? I need some advice," she had said.
"Of course, Sam." Ben rose and took her elbow gently.
And Sam opened her heart to Ben. He listened intently, spoke little and, when the conversation was over, he had told her to do what was right for her. Reassuring her that what they had discussed would be held in strictest confidence, Ben had kissed Sam lightly on the cheek and watched as she returned to her room.
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The house was empty when Sam returned from town. Even Hop Sing was missing. But, from listening to the conversations of the imminent round-up, Sam assumed correctly that ranch business was taking precedence.
She walked through the quiet house, looking at things that had become so familiar to her. She smiled as she remembered Ben's booming voice, chastising Little Joe. "Joseph! How many times do I have to tell you to get your feet off the settee!" As she looked into each room upstairs, voices whispered to her. In Adam's room, she sat down and looked around the room, looking at all the books, the pictures on the wall, the bed. Her thoughts went back to the day she had first met Adam – unshaven and withdrawn and understandably cranky. Opening his armoire, she touched his bathrobe and caught a whiff of his familiar scent. What a long way he had come since that day! And what a long way she had come since that day.
And then she went downstairs to her room, sat on the bed, and did some more thinking. She had made a decision, but would it be the right one?
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Hop Sing was the first one to arrive at the Ponderosa, and Sam hurried outside to give him a hand with the supplies. There ensued a long conversation in Chinese ending with an inscrutable look on the cook's face. He planned to prepare a special dinner for the evening meal.
Little Joe arrived next. He discovered Sam dusting the pictures on Ben's desk, a most peculiar look on her face. Putting down the feather duster, Sam spoke at length to the youngest Cartwright and then swore him to secrecy.
Hoss arrived via the kitchen. He had a sandwich in his hands, and Sam heard the familiar muttering of Hop Sing. With Little Joe standing close by, Sam repeated to Hoss what she had said to Joe. And swore him to secrecy.
Ben arrived as the sun was just beginning to sink low on the horizon. He looked weary but he could tell by looking at Sam that there was a personal conversation that needed to be heard. He listened intently to what Sam had to say. And he, too, was sworn to secrecy.
The only man missing was Adam. And Adam was the man Sam wanted to talk to the most…
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Adam had been thinking about Sam the whole day. He tended to the work he needed to do, spoke with the people he needed to speak with, and even sat – though slightly impatiently – as Maggie Ferguson plopped some blueberry pie in front of him as her husband droned on about the round-up.
Adam had so many things he wanted to say to Sam – so many things that were in his heart. His father had cautioned him about being too "pushy," but Adam didn't care. Something told him that he and Sam needed to talk. Not tomorrow or the next day. Tonight!
But he was running late, and he urged Sport into a gallop through the twilight.
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Though he had almost pushed Sport to the limit, Adam discovered that he was late for supper. Ignoring Hop Sing's mutterings – in both Chinese and English – Adam washed up and hurriedly sat down at the table.
"Sorry I'm late," he apologized. "I got caught at the Ferguson ranch and couldn't get away as soon as I would've liked."
He looked at Sam's sweet smile. And he looked at the table, laden with what was left of an enormous standing-rib roast and every vegetable that Hop Sing could get out of his garden.
"Hop Sing really outdid himself tonight," Adam laughed as he reached for the dish of butter-and-parsley potatoes. "What's the occasion?"
"You'll have to ask Hop Sing," Ben answered. He had a strange look on his face as he side-stepped giving a direct answer.
Adam looked at the faces around the table. He could feel something in the air but couldn't put his finger on just what it was. Expectancy?
He hurried through his meal, barely listening to the conversation around him. He was an impatient man tonight. But he would have to wait to talk to Sam just a little longer, because out came a grinning Hop Sing with a dessert he had managed to flambé perfectly.
Sam clapped her hands in delight and laughed out loud, her freckled nose wrinkling.
"Hop Sing! It's perfect!" Sam chortled.
The Chinese cook's face spread into a happy grin. "This velly special for Missie Doctor Sam!"
Hoss and Joe looked suspiciously at the dessert. "What is it?" they asked in unison, eliciting a highly-insulted look from Hop Sing.
"It's a special dessert," laughed Sam. "You'll really like it!"
And they did.
Finally, Sam pushed back from the table. "I'm stuffed. I can't eat another bite."
Hop Sing began clearing the dishes as everybody rose to move into the living room. He froze briefly when he heard Adam say to Sam, "Come walk with me outside. It's a beautiful night."
Three pairs of Cartwright eyes watched as Adam took Sam's elbow and guided her out the door.
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As the two walked outside, Sam looked into the sky. A full moon was beginning to rise, and the first early stars had appeared.
Taking Sam's hand in his own, Adam began to speak. "Samantha, there's so much I want to tell you…"
Adam had never called her by her full name before and, for a moment, all Sam could do was look into those hazel eyes that were so dear to her. She put her finger to Adam's lips.
"Hush," she said quietly. "I've got some things I have to say first. Come sit on the bench with me and just listen."
Feeling the pounding of his heart, Adam walked to the bench, allowing Sam to be seated and then sitting far enough away from her so he could see her face clearly but close enough to smell the scent of the lavender soap that she always used.
Sam opened her mouth to say something, then closed it again.
"Just spit it out, Samantha," Adam said soothingly.
Sam tried to choose her words wisely. "Spring round-up is about to begin, and the house will be empty for a few weeks. It's time for me to go back to San Francisco, Adam. I have work to do there; I can't ask others to do what I should be doing. I've stayed here way too long. Your memory came back so quickly, it seems, and I kept telling myself 'just one more day'. The Ponderosa is like every woman's fantasy, and your family has treated me more like family than what I really am. They've become very special to me. You've become very special to me in a way that confuses me."
All the things that Adam had intended to say to Sam flew right out of his head. "We just need more time," he said intently. "We need to give our feelings a chance to grow. I care so much for you…"
"And I care for you, Adam," Sam answered as she stroked the stubble on his cheeks. "But I have other obligations. Personal ones."
"Dr. Robert Sternberg," Adam said gruffly. "You never bothered to tell me about him."
"No, I didn't. Nobody asked, and my personal life had nothing to do with my professional life. I was asked here in the capacity of a physician. That's all."
"I want to know about him." Adam had become tense.
"He's a good man, Adam. He works hard. We share so many common interests. He's gentle and he's kind. He loves me. And he trusts me. And I feel guilty that I've betrayed that trust."
Adam growled. "So those kisses were just for fun? They meant the world to me but were you just teasing me? That's not fair."
Sam's eyes glistened. "Adam, those kisses meant more to me than you'll ever know. I wasn't playing a schoolgirl's game with you. It was for real. And you're right, it wasn't fair. For so many days, I've lost sight of what should've been a doctor-patient relationship. I saw you as a man – a very attractive, intelligent, caring man. I felt myself being swept away and should have left the Ponderosa before now."
Silence fell between them. Then Adam spoke. "Do you love him?"
Sam chewed on the inside of her cheek. "I thought I did. I was sure that I did. But with you…" She stopped. "I've been trying to second-guess my feelings. I'm just very confused."
"Stay here. I won't go on the round-up. Pa will understand. Give 'us' a chance." Adam wasn't begging. He was trying his best to give this woman an alternative solution.
"Adam, you don't know me at all," Sam said slowly. "You don't know what things I like, what things I don't like. What my hopes and dreams are. You don't even know what my favorite color is, or what my favorite food is. I know everything about you, but you know very little about me."
Adam gave a wry smile. "I know that you don't like riding Old Betsy. And I know you like lavender soap. And I know you can be deadly with a water pitcher."
Sam had to laugh in spite of herself. "And I know that you're a Peeping Tom!"
Silence again. Crickets chirped and somewhere there was the hoot of an owl.
"You've made up your mind then," Adam said.
"Yes."
"When do you plan to leave?"
"Tonight on the late stage. Ben said he would drive me into town."
"I want to take you there."
Shaking her head, Sam looked again into Adam's eyes, saw the pain, confusion and hurt there. "No, Adam. Selfishly on my part, that would just be too hard."
Adam played with a lock of Sam's hair. "Will you come back? If things don't work out with you and…him?"
"I don't know," Sam answered slowly. "I still have my practice there. I don't think Virginia City has a need for what I do."
"You brought my memories back."
"No. You brought your own memories back. You did all the hard work. I just sat around and tried to lead you to familiar things. We were lucky that it worked out."
"I still want to take you into Virginia City," Adam said adamantly.
Just as adamantly, Sam said, "No."
Adam stood up then, resigned to her decision. Sam stood up too. And very quickly, she threw her arms around Adam's neck and kissed him quickly on his cupid's-bow mouth. With skirts flying, she ran into the house, leaving Adam to stand outside and to try to understand a million things at once.
With glistening eyes, Sam looked at Ben. "I have some last-minute packing to do. It won't take me long."
Ben nodded, noticing that Adam hadn't come inside. Hoss and Joe looked at each other sadly. Nothing was said.
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Hoss put Sam's luggage in the buggy. Joe kicked a pebble, raising a small cloud of dust. Adam stood behind his brothers, broad shoulders sagging slightly. Behind him was an unhappy Hop Sing.
"I'm not going to say 'goodbye' to any of you," stated Sam. "That's too final. And I don't want you to say it to me either. When you least expect it, you might find me on your doorstep."
"That would be quite a pleasure," said Ben, his voice deeper than usual.
Sam turned to Hoss and kissed him on his cheek. "What a wonderful man you are. A big man with an even bigger heart. I'm proud to know a man like you."
"Have a safe trip, Sam," was all the big man could say.
Kissing Little Joe on the cheek, Sam smiled. "Joe, one of these days you're gonna be chasing a girl and she'll stop and let you catch her. Then what will you do?"
Little Joe flashed his well-known smile. "I'll wire you for help!" Then, "Take care of yourself."
Hop Sing came next. Sam kissed him on his cheek and spoke briefly to him in Chinese. The cook smiled, nodded, and then handed her a small brown bag. "Food to keep Missie Doctor Sam from hunger on trip."
Adam saw tears in Sam's eyes when she turned to him. Holding both his hands in her own, she struggled to speak. "Thank you for everything, Adam. You've got your memories, and you've given me some precious ones of my own. Vaya con Dios. Go with God."
Adam nodded. It was all he could manage to do.
Ben helped Sam into the buggy and clucked to the horse. Hop Sing had disappeared; Hoss and Little Joe had gone into the house, leaving Adam to his thoughts. He kept hoping that the buggy would turn around but, when it didn't, he went into the house and upstairs to his room. He looked out the window, the lump in his throat seeming to grow so large that surely it would burst.
Turning around, something caught his eye. And on his bed he found a book. It was, of course, Rudyard Kipling's "Gunga Din." Right next to it was an object wrapped in tissue paper. Unwrapped, it revealed its contents – a bar of lavender soap.
In spite of himself, Adam smiled. Maybe there was hope after all.
