Chapter Seven

Armstrong

"So, Major Armstrong, what's your-"

"Stop! Cease! Desist!" Armstrong said, his mustache bouncing up and down to give off the impression that there was actually a mouth underneath it.

"Excuse me," said Mird in a shut-the-fuck-up-or-I-kill-you voice. "But I'M the therapist here. I call the shots. Now sit down or I'll turn your muscles in to flab."

His confidence wavered- he didn't like flabby muscles- but he didn't sit down. The little girl in front of him barely reached five feet! (1) Why should he be intimated by such an Ed-sized specimen?

"Stop! Cease! Desist!" he continued. "It has come to my attention that you are not the proper person to carry out this particular job!"

"You mean therapitizing people?" Mird queried, curling a piece of hair around her finger. "I'm doing great at my job."

"NONSENSE!" Armstrong exclaimed. His mustache began producing Cullen-esque amounts of sparkles. "THERAPITIZING PEOPLE IS A SKILL THAT HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN THE ARMSTRONG FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS! ONLY AN ARMSTRONG CAN SUCCESSFULLY-"

"Do I need to get another restraining order on you? 'Cause I was trying to give you a second chance, but now I'm not so sure."

Armstrong ignored her. Goddammit. He's such a jackass. I hate him.

"How 'bout this?" Mird said. "If you promise to shut the fuck up, let me therapitize you, then leave and never come back, I'll give you this scrapbook of all the coolest mustaches in the world." Mird held up previously mentioned mustache. She stared at Armstrong's mustache in awe, wondering how any mouth could possibly exist underneath it.

Armstrong twitched. Oh, how he wanted that book! It was unbearable!

But no. He must not stray from his noble mission.

"How about this? You give me your therapist job and I give you an all-expenses paid trip to Australia and a pet squirrel."

Mird caved instantly. "I'LL TAKE IT!" she shouted.

"Good!" Armstrong stole her clipboard (covered in doodles of squirrels and fanfic ideas) and shoved her out the door. "G'bye, bitch! WAHAHA!" He slammed the door in Mird's face. Mird stared for a moment, contemplating the blatant OOCness. Then she shook her head and smiled. Kukuku, she thought. Dumbass Armstrong. You won't last a minute. Now all I need to do is wait...In Australia!

And so, this chapter ends with a failure of a fucked-up YuGiOh Abridged quote.

-End Chapter Seven-

(1) It's true. I'm such a shrimp.