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Edward's Thoughts

"Be careful." Was all Alice said to Edward as his eyes followed the ebony boy across the lot of the school. He watched as Harry hugged Neville with a fond smile.

Harry had picked a good friend, Edward thought, listening to the pureness of Neville's mind. He didn't need to be told by Alice to be careful.

"What do you see?" Edward asked, never taking his gaze off Harry.

"Several scenarios." She answered. "Each one is confusing me. I can't hear what is going on…"

Edward saw it in her head, one scenario of pure bloody death, the other of pure seduction that had him literally stunned, and the other was a pleasant conversation.

"I like him…" Alice said smiling. "He's very sweet and I saw the other day that he wanted to slap Cho Chang. I mean he came so close that I saw it. He also thought about approaching me… and you should have heard what he said to Ron Weasley! He left the idiot stumped and feeling stupid!"

"I remember that!" Jasper put in. "I heard it too." 'He's intelligent for a human. Definitely different. But he's a danger… a problem.'

Edward twitched at Jasper's thoughts. Always the strategist. He thought, always thinking about the outcomes and ways to handle it.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. Mind rambling on about non sensical things as usual. Emmett was laughing at Edward's expense… as usual.

Edward turned away from the little green-eyed creature and stared down at Alice. "Approach you? Why?"

"I don't know. He wanted to ask a question. But I think he chickened out."

"Would you give it a rest on this boy?" Rosalie huffed. 'What is up with his obsession? He's never been this damn obsessed. He's not that cute… well… much. Still! It's not like he's worthy to be looked at.'

Edward closed his eyes briefly as he began to walk. Rosalie, Jesus Christ. How could Carlisle ever think Edward would fall for her? All these years, Edward was still stunned at the preconceived notion.

Emmett was bobbing next to Rosalie and slung an arm around her small shoulders. "Don't worry love, once Edward kills him, he won't bother you no more."

Edward growled lowly. "I will do no such thing!"

Emmett beamed. 'I know that, but she doesn't! Keep her happy will yah? I missed out last night…'

"Spare me the details." Edward groused.

Jasper had his head down, 'Do you think you can get through this? If not we'll have to put up a master plan. A huge one at that.'

"Should. I'll make it. I have too."

"You're going to approach him?" Alice said in more of a statement than question.

Rosalie growled. "No you're not!" 'You will not approach that stupid human Edward! Don't be ridiculous.'

"Keep out of it, Rose." Edward warned, shooting a venomous glare at her.

'Awe, come on, Edward! I really don't want to be left with what human's call blue-balls all night. She'll do it you know-' Emmett moaned in his own head.

Gross! Edward thought shaking his head and breaking away. "See you at lunch."

"He won't be at lunch." Edward heard Alice say.

Edward ignored every other bland and blasé scent and followed the mouth watering one through the school. His throat burned as usual, he had fed enough, stuffed himself to the point of feeling it all want to come back up. But the thirst for Harry continued to throb on, in a steady fiery rhythm beneath the glands of his throat. He stepped to the side and out of sight of Harry. He held his breath as the fire got hotter and stronger. He could take it in very small doses, but the monster inside still wanted to act and he was being beat up because of it.

Harry looked good today, he was in jet-black jeans that were slightly on the baggy side, with a black belt and silver markings. He could see the detail. A black sweater and over it was his leather jacket. Much too thin, he needed something warmer. His hair was down and flying around him so remarkably, the blue hue setting itself off so nicely from the lighting. It was like silk, Edward could bet and marveled for a moment at how it felt.

"How was the weekend?" Edward heard Neville ask.

"Spent it with dad watching old ridiculous sitcoms and then I ranted to him for an hour about stupid stuff that made no sense. He just stared at me and wondered if his son needed mental help." Edward laughed silently at Harry's remark.

He wondered how close they were. How much alike they were… he began to wonder thing she hadn't expected to wonder about the minx. He wondered basic things, like favourite colour and foods. Well, he already knew that Harry loved lemonade; Harry loved candy and anything remotely sweet. He was a caffeine addict if the cappuccino cups he had in his truck were anything to go by.

Also that truck. Edward thought it was the most adorable thing to see little Harry, green-eyes wide and alight get into the humongous tank. He realized at that point how - nauseating he sounded. It was something Emmett would say when he watched Rosalie work on a car… or something Rosalie would think when she saw Emmett tackle his favourite grizzly bear.

Disgusting!

"You have a good relationship with your dad. Even after you hadn't seen him in ages."

Harry smiled. "I do, I know. Though, I wish he would stop it with his nickname!"

Edward unconsciously ran his fingers up and down the pole he was concealed behind. Nickname? Edward modeled Neville's thoughts.

His eyes narrowed however, when an annoying set of thoughts got closer and pushed itself to the forefront of his mind. They were so loud and so - Edward growled under his breath causing a nearby girl to jump out of the way and run. How dare he…

'I have plenty of nicknames for you, pretty Harry. My pretty Harry! Damn, he's irresistible… I wonder how I can make him mine?' "What nickname?" Cedric Diggory came up beside Harry, causing Neville to scowl, when the gorgeous blonde placed a hand on his thin shoulder.

Edward had the sudden idea of stalking up to the blonde and ripping his hand off… preferably detaching it from his body so that it would never be used again. The sudden need to do this was aggravating. He was intrigued by Harry, intrigued by the scent, the flavour, the burn, the … challenge.

How could this little thing do something so monstrous to him? He was sweet, innocent, and obviously… playful.

"Nothing, you need to know about." Harry jabbed him in the chest playfully.

Why did Edward feel a disgusting cringe inside of him? A weird ache that he shouldn't feel. He was a vampire; he didn't feel pain. Well, physical pain anyway.

'Harry is always so playful with me, he has to like me. He just has too! There is no other question about it. But how do I find out for sure? Stupid Neville, I wish he'd go away. Sure, he's Harry's friend, but I want Harry to be mine, literally! All mine.' "Ah, come on! What's your nickname?"

Stupid boy, Edward thought bitterly. He didn't think this kid was worthy of someone who smelled so delicious. He shouldn't have that. He didn't deserve it.

Neither did Edward for that matter. He was a vicious monster seeking to prey on an innocent beautiful being.

A human.

That went against all the laws of a vampire. This was a no, no.

"Nuh." Harry stuck out his tongue childishly. "I will never tell."

Edward swallowed the saturated venom that filled his mouth. He was so playful; he'd never known anyone as happy and playful acting as Harry. Yet, he seemed genuine, a genuine person was a rarity.

He regretted despising Harry, but it was better to despise than to kill… to push his hate toward Harry would be saving Harry. Saving him from death, saving Chief of Police James Potter the torture of burying his only son.

Oh, pains that Edward wasn't used too vibrated through him. He actually grimaced. This was uncomfortable. He didn't like that, not at all. Then, Harry said something that made Edward literally stiff with horror, when Cedric asked, how he could get Harry to talk about the nickname.

"When I'm dead and cold!"

Damn, did he have to say that? That very line… The venom was replaced by something else. Something … disgusting. He'd never thought this way before, or felt it. The negative responses were new. So… humanizing. Edward knew this was punishment. It was the sentence he received the moment his throat burned and blistered in torment. The first time, Edward visualized and daydreamed about the blood of crimson beauty washing through his mouth and down his throat, quenching that awful burn. Succumbing to temptation. How close…

"Ah, come on!"

Harry reached up and tapped Cedric's nose. "N-O." He turned and looped his arm through Neville's. "See you later!"

'The little tease! He's walking away from me. Though, the way he walks…' "Ahh, Harry!" Cedric called, indignation apparent in his voice and thoughts. Edward sighed; he hated Cedric's train of thought. The way they were so tight on Harry. As if he knew for certain Harry would want him. A simple little human.

School had never been so interesting. Edward didn't think there was anything in this world left to learn. Eighty years of study in different subjects and mastering most had left him empty handed. But this little green-eyed boy was so captivating.

One word, captivating. He was… the conversations had him hooked. The burn was bad, every time his hair flew up, the wind blew, or he shifted. The monster inside wanted to take control, but the other side wanted it tamed, wanted to know him; the challenge of understanding this little being who was eluding him with his thoughts.

Edward felt wonderful and bad at the same time. How many ways could he accidentally insult Harry? He must have made a horrible impression that day. Did something bad happen in his past to warrant such thoughts? Was someone mean to him about being gay? What was in Harry's past… and when he asked for some more information he got a surprise.

Harry's mother was named Lily. How beautiful. He marveled. He wondered if Lily and Harry's eyes were similar. He had so many thoughts and questions. Then this Severus Snape. Who was he? Why did he take his anger out on a teenager who couldn't help but be fathered by someone he didn't like?

Edward wound up heading back to the school with him, the boy's words flowing over him like the silky waves from an ocean. They were nice, they were fulfilling. His intrigue grew and the captivation was madness.

His Hum… his eyes, his pink flush; Edward wondered what they felt like… no he didn't. Well, yes, he did. He'd swallowed so much venom during that lunch hour… every two to five minutes it would fill and the burning would strengthen. Edward would have to move away to find a clean stretch of air to suck in.

Harry was intoxicating.

Okay, he was becoming a little obsessed. A little stalker-like, if one could read his mind. But what could he do? This creature… thing… minx… boy… child… young man… beauty… everything was different. He was a puzzle. A logic puzzle filled with luscious blood.

No, filled with … intrigue… and blood. Edward scowled inwardly. How could he think this?

No one had made Edward laugh so much in a long time. The way Harry used words to twist them and tease. The way he asked simple little questions, like his smell. How he brought the strand of hair to his nose and inhaled. Edward was easily knocked for six.

Jesus, Rosalie was right. He sounded like a broken record. It was all Harry, Harry, Harry. Since he met the boy. It wasn't every day that the vain 'chit' was right. Edward wanted to smile as he stole Harry's little word.

There was the flush of blood, when he told Harry the truth about his scent. Delicious… just the air around him. Sunny and warmth. Impossible.

He was amused at how Harry handled Hermione. God, she was annoying.

He heard Neville's thoughts, avoiding Cedric's curse words and different forms of torture for his own being. Not that the tortures would do anything to him. Not even a scratch… but oh well, let him have his little notions. Neville, however, was a little more pure and honest.

'Ooh! Harry's finally talking to Edward Cullen. I wonder what's going on? I'm not going to ask, that's prying and not right. But Harry is my friend… a good friend. Getting so close to best. Harry was a pure hearted person and if Edward Cullen so much as hurts him… I don't care how many siblings he has, I will go straight to the Chief of Police, and I will tell James Potter… I will make his life hell...'

Ouch, that's harsh coming from such a nice kid. Though, Edward wanted to smile and bow appreciatively to Neville for such fierce protection for Harry. It was much better than Cho's jealous thoughts and Hermione's theories. He wouldn't even begin to delve into those.

While Cedric's thoughts became amusing, 'Wonder what he'd look like after being ran over by my car? I bet he wouldn't be so pretty then… rich bastard.'

Edward was beginning to lose a bit of control. Harry was now sitting dreadfully close and he had to lean away to fight down his urges. He clamped his sticky mouth shut again and listened to Scrimgeour bark out a lecture. He noticed that Harry looked a bit panic stricken and wondered if he had noticed the way Edward was sitting.

Something was bothering him. Especially, when he placed his hands to his cheeks and his hair flopped over impressively, curtaining most of his sweet little features.

After the order to pair up, Edward looked at Harry who hadn't moved. He tapped the boy's book. "Partner?"

"Hum."

Edward couldn't resist the smile, but he had to know. "What's wrong?"

"Thinking."

That explained a lot! NOT! If he were anyone else, Edward would have all the answers he sought. But no, of course not. His thoughts were concealed. All that juicy stuff rolling in his head would never get out to him… not in the way he needed and wanted. He groused inwardly. "That can be bad you know." Edward taunted, trying to show mock concern. "Thinking too much might give you health problems."

"You don't say." Harry sounded adorably frustrated.

Chuckling quietly, Edward ignored the girl in front of them that was struck by his laughter. He really wished people would stop eavesdropping. He tuned her damn thoughts out as well as Cedric's. He was now screaming at Edward.

"Hokay, what did the idiot say?"

The way he said that. The way he manipulated the language. Edward would usually find it rather annoying, but Harry gave it a playful edge. He knew his words and yet he messed them over, making them funny and interesting. They made you alert, shocked you every time. "You didn't hear a thing did you?" He mused.

"Nope, swirling in my mind of rabid thoughts before they could make me implode."

The curiosity was as bad as the burning and swelling in his throat. The venom in his mouth was next to nothing with the way he felt about not being able to see inside that thick skull. Please, please, if there is a God, open this boy's mind so I can look in!

"I am dying to know." Edward finally confessed.

"Know what?" Harry asked.

Edward turned the other way and breathed out. But it didn't help. That scent was all over, everywhere. It would forever haunt him. Even if Harry did die or leave the country. "What you're thinking."

Harry shrugged. "What's it matter what I think?"

"It does." Believe me Harry Potter! Edward wished to say.

"Why?"

Edward wasn't allowed to tell him. "I don't know." It wasn't like he'd be believed anyway.

"There you go again." Harry stuck out his tongue. "Well if you don't know, then I can't help you." He smiled prettily and this caused Edward to become even more curious and attracted… especially with that tongue coming out of his mouth.

Okay, Edward, stop that! He was going insane. Too late… he was already insane. He wondered if the Volturi would put up a mental institution just for him… he'd be willing to pay Albus, he was sure of it. Vampire Mentality… someone needed to write a thesis on it. Edward would pay big money to read it.

He wondered if Carlisle would do some research if he asked?

But then he noticed everything going on. His thoughts, the way they were turning and whirring in his head. The way Harry boggled his mind repeatedly. The sheer delight Edward got whenever he spoke a random word, especially the silly words.

'I'm an idiot and I'm a predator.' Were two very big things being said in the back of his mind. He was all these and more. Harry must think he had a split personality; he was warring with himself and he didn't know how to handle it. He'd never come across this before.

"We shouldn't be doing this." Edward finally admitted. He felt sad saying this. Because he loved it and he shouldn't love it. The burning in his throat and the scent told him so. The way the monster acted, if he didn't have a tight rein on his mind and body, Harry would be dead…

Edward shuddered inwardly.

"What? Talking?"

"Yes."

"Why not?"

"I shouldn't. This is wrong…" He wished he could make Harry understand. The teen went speechless, as he should be.

"…."

"So, wrong…" Edward took the stuff out of the box and set up the microscope. "I'm going to hell for this." He said more to himself than to Harry.

Shock came over him when Harry's voice turned into a block of ice. Ice colder than his own hands. "For talking to me?"

Completely shocked and baffled, he turned to Harry. "Yes, for talking to you."

"Then why are you doing it?" Harry hissed, eyes flashing with anger. He could almost see the spite and hurt mingling together in those emerald pools that he had vowed to hate.

He held his breath, swallowed the venom, and whispered. "Again, I don't know."

"Figure out something you do know, Edward!" Harry snapped and why Edward decided to do it, he didn't know. But he placed his hand on top of Harry's warm blooded one. That instant, Harry's skin was soft, velvet, and perfect. It was small and Edward could see it curled in his own. Harry gasped, and Edward withdrew. That was the worst idea in the world. But it felt so nice. A strange little current and it left his fingertips tingling.

He sounded preposterous.

He would probably be suspicious now. Grossed out even by the freezing temperature. He knew he was icy cold, though he didn't quite know what icy cold felt like, but he could see the expression clear enough and read most people's eyes and minds.

"Sorry." Edward strangled out and then clenched his teeth tightly together, holding his breath. With the contact of Harry's hands, the vampire felt the fire lick him again, growing hotter. It had been doused and this time dangerously.

He could almost feel his eyes darken.

"For what?" Harry challenged, "Does my touch sicken you?"

Whoa, whoa! What was this creature saying? Edward turned to him, scandalized by the thought. Lovely boy, how could you think that? "How could you say that?" Edward whispered almost desperately.

"Re-examine your questions, Edward Cullen." Harry hissed. "Perhaps then you'll find your bloody answer." He snagged the slide from Edward and got to work silently.

What have I said? He ran through the conversations. He stared for a while and pictured Harry like Alice did her visions. He was so perfect, so visual. The conversation; not the appearance. He heard Harry's words and his own.

Shit! Edward had never thought of how it would have sounded from another perspective. He was being so cryptic that he hadn't given it a thought that Harry would take it that badly.

"Oh… I never meant it like that."

"Yeah, yeah." Harry refused to look up. He was irritated, flushed, and hurt. He shoved the microscope to Edward so he could finish up and went back to packing his things.

Edward winced inwardly at the feelings that swept across Harry's features if the blood was anything to go by. The heart beat, the fast rhythm… perfect rhythm… attractive rhythm…

"I apologize." Edward whispered, as truthfully as he could. He compelled Harry to believe it. "I meant, I was sorry for shocking you… with my hands. They're rather cold."

Harry chewed his lip. "Okay." He answered quietly. "That didn't bother me."

"It did me." Edward confessed.

"Why?" What did one say to this question? "If you say I don't know again, I'm going to stomp on your foot."

Edward cracked a smile before he could stop himself. He stared down at his hands for one long moment, debating about his funny little teenage feelings. Weird things they were, very weird. He was acting silly and stupid. He knew it. He was being childish. While he was seventeen in a still frame body. He was too old for this. Harry glared and Edward wanted so much to tap his nose, to get him to quit. Too attractive and not right to be thinking this, Harry was just a babe. A small one at that; at least in his eyes. Finally, he confessed. Harry should have some truth. "It bothered me - because -" He pushed the scope away and pressed his hands flat to the surface. He gave a human sigh. It actually felt good to do that. "I liked it much more than I should have."

He knew he left Harry stunned and probably 'freaked' out. So the word goes.

He didn't look back at Harry as he cleared the stuff away and left as soon as the bell rang. What else was he to do?

Edward would evade anything Alice asked. He needed to get to Carlisle. He had to speak to him, again.

It was hardly twenty minutes later. He tossed the keys to Alice and took off, ditching school as he usually did. Being a female teacher next, Edward wasn't too worried.

He jaunted across, through the woods and the greenery, too fast for a human to ever see and any creature wouldn't even look up. Edward made no noise and his feet barely touched the ground. It was a like a glide over wind. Seemless and perfect.

Forks General Hospital stood out in the glittering day. It was wet, obviously. The snow had melted but by the looks of the branches that he passed, the temperature seemed to rise. They were frozen stiff.

He slowed, coming to a human walk before exiting the woods and jaunting humanly across the road.

He passed by giggling nurses, who stared back at him. Some knew him, but everyone had their own opinions and ideas. Their thoughts turned lewd and offensive.

Edward resisted making a face.

He slipped into Carlisle's office and planted himself on the dark wooden desk and waited. He could hear the mundane chatter, the beeps of heart monitors and IV drips. The smell of antiseptic and the fresh blood from patients swirled ominously, but after smelling something as wonderful and tantalizing as Harry, Edward was completely un-phased.

'I heard you.' Carlisle's compassionate tone. Edward could hear him walking down the hall toward the office. 'I wonder how you are son? How did today go?'

Of course, he would wonder. Edward mused. It wasn't like Carlisle to doubt anyone's self control, but when Carlisle had described it, the older vampire seemed to understand.

The door popped open and Edward was graced with a beautiful, definite, non-human.

Dr. Carlisle Cullen, every nurse's fantasy. He was in his twenties, younger than even Esme, but older in vampire years than them all. Pale, perfected blonde hair, strong pale jaw line that was locked and slightly squared. His eyes were a fanatical glowing blue. Jasper could be his – er, well not father - but he could definitely pass off as a slightly older brother. Rosalie too.

He was a male version of Rosalie, without the vain and acidic personality. He was tall, perhaps an inch shorter than Edward.

"It went fine. I spoke to him."

Carlisle smiled delicately and placed a clipboard on the desk next to Edward. "I'm glad."

"Did you doubt me?"

'I tried not too. You are the strongest of us all…'

"No I'm not. Don't kid yourself. I was tempted. Very tempted. Although, after smelling him and being in the same area as him - I will never have control problems with anyone else…"

Carlisle chuckled softly and placed a hand on Edward's shoulder. "You are strong. You are built that way; your mind is strong. If you weren't, you would have killed him without a second's thought. You wouldn't have cared that James Potter would be grieving right now in Forks Cemetery. You wouldn't care that he James Potter would probably die of said grief…"

Ergh. To harm Harry's father so deeply. That sounded… his mind went quiet, looking for the proper word. There wasn't one. Simply how bad it was to feel and think.

'See.'

"I think I'm becoming a predator though."

Carlisle shook his head. 'I doubt that. He intrigues you. You've never seen a case like him. He appeals to you more than anyone ever has and you can't read him. It must confuse you.'

"Dammit, it does." Edward said, reaching back and plucking up a picture of Carlisle and Esme off the desk. She was so cute, and short with her dimples showing in her perfect pale complexion.

'You want him…' Carlisle's thoughts said in the most wistful tone.

"No." Edward said swiftly and put the picture down as if to confirm this. "That's wrong."

"Is it?"

"Carlisle!" Edward jumped up with extra speed and rushed toward the window and peered out into the street. "You know that is …"

'It's not stupid. It's never stupid. You want him.'

"I don't even know him." Well, except that he liked lemonade, he said, hum all the time, and his mother is named Lily and he hates his stepfather.

'No one has ever interested you. Not even our kind. Not even Nymphadora can entice you…'

Edward pulled a face. He loved Nymphadora she was a great friend, like a sister. But thinking of her like that made his stomach churn. Same with Andromeda and Narcissa.

'See.'

"Carlisle… you know this is impossible."

"I know it is." Carlisle then said out loud. "But that doesn't stop the want. It is easier to deal with if you admit it, than being in denial."

"Like a human."

"Exactly." Carlisle smiled gently. "I know it's tough, Edward. If only…" 'Turning him wouldn't be a good idea...'

"No!" Edward growled vehemently. "Hell no!"

Carlisle held up his hands in a placating gesture. "I know, I was just thinking." He chuckled. "You know I would never subject anyone else to this…" 'Unless you wanted it that badly.'

Edward narrowed his eyes. "No."

Nodding. "Of course, son." 'My selfless son.'

Edward chose not to reply or retort. Selfless? Him? No! That was not true. A selfless person wouldn't think of tearing a young beautiful boy apart with their teeth just to get a taste of the sweetness.

Edward was a monster. He turned and faced the window again.

'I don't have to read your mind to know what you're thinking. You're not a monster. I've heard you enough times shouting it at Alice and I. Stop it with those thoughts. You are - a vampire. You are resisting, you are doing what Volturi don't want us to do. Albus wants us to fail, wants us to use humans as food and nothing more. We see them as a lot more than a meal and every day we are defying what they believed for so very long…'

How can one man be so damn compassionate? His vision was perfect and Edward could hear the determination and the vindication.

He couldn't let Carlisle down.