The only sound that made it to Jack's ears over the furious pounding of his own heart against his chest was the air that rushed in and out of him as though he was being forced to keep breathing. He felt as though a fire had been lit within him. A flame that had been ignited by the spark of memory, the floods of which were as gasoline to the fires of rage. He could see only blurs of past in his mind's eye. A shape here, a muffled echo there. Nothing real. Nothing permanent. But as the moments passed in their hour-like feeling, the blurs became more sharpened.

Jack needed to leave, he had to get some air that didn't taste of bitter smoke and deceit. His hands had been clenched so tightly into fists that they protested to any movement he attempted to force them into doing. He flexed them, the movements slow and precise. Jack's eyes had been burning holes into the hardwood floor, his jaw locked with vice like strength. When he spoke, the utterance was quiet and forced. "I need some air..."

Without looking to Ennis and his now red eyes, Jack turned and all but threw himself out of the door before slamming it closed behind him. The room seemed so much colder with his absence. Or maybe the shivers that rippled up and down Ennis' quivering spine created the illusion of such a temperature. Either way, Ennis' jaw shook, his lips trembling as they tried frivolously to make words like 'sorry' and 'please' sound. No begging would save him now. No amount of soup and heated kisses would wash away the hurt he had caused. Ennis had knowingly brought a world of pain upon them both.

Perhaps he had thought Jack would be able to overlook the lies and secrets to what they shared for so long. Ennis couldn't live without Jack and maybe some part of him, hiding from rationality, hoped the same would be said for the other man. Living without Jack was the worst thing Ennis could imagine. The hollow emptiness he felt within him each time the sun rose, the light doing nothing to cast out the shadows. Now he had to face the same fate, only this time knowing that Jack was so close to being his once more.

His shaking hands moved from where they were slumped awkwardly by his sides to press into his tearful eyes. The raw feel of them made worse by the pressure that he added. He needed it though: he had to think clearly. His hands moved up to hold his head that threatened to drop with the rest of him at any given moment. He glared at nothing in particular for a moment, his eyes wide and his teeth pressed together. What little air he could draw into his lungs did nothing to clear his mind: the unseen pressure against his throat sought to that. There was little he could do to stop it. The tears were falling again, his chest becoming tighter with each breath. He couldn't help it. He had no choice. His lips parted without his consent as they drew in a gulp of air only to be spat back out again in a sob that echoed around the room. The lone sound was all it took to break the man's resolve. The spittle that had been cast from his mouth now clung to his lip. Some landed on the floor, unseen. Ennis' legs became weak, his strength had left him when the sob broke free from his chest. The man stumbled into the counter top, clutching to the stone-cold surface for any support it could offer.

Outside, Jack stood on the chipped wooden porch. His hands were wrapped around a broken rail that overlooked the woods from which he had stumbled, so lost and confused. He would have never guessed that he would find himself with such brutality. Neither would he have guessed that he would want so desperately to be lost again. This state of midway between knowing who you were and wanting to cling to the comfort of who you were was where Jack had found himself.

All he could see in his mind's eye was the image of Ennis' skin beneath his on touch. His hands gentle against the other man's cheeks as he uttered soothing words to him, drying his eyes, holding him as he let out the pain he had obviously clung to for so long.

But how could he forgive the man who had lied to him? Who had neglected to tell him who he really is. How could he ever feel anything other than discontent for such an individual? But he did. Or at least that's he thought. And one thing he knew above all: he needed answers. And Ennis was the only one who could give them to him.

Back in the house's kitchen, Ennis threw water that had collected in his cupped hands from the tap onto his face. He rubbed his neck with his cool hands, the sensation calming him significantly. The water seemed to cleanse him of whatever it was that stopped his mind from functioning beyond sobbing and shaking. A few drops that clung to his lips were drawn in as he stood straight, pulling air into his lungs. His eyes were closed tight as he dried himself, the air escaping in a shaken sigh. There was no avoiding it now. He had to take make Jack understand who he was and what his life was like.

Ennis grabbed his jacket, the keys to his truck in the pocket jingling noisily as he pushed his arms through the sleeves. He straightened the jacket before he made for the door. He found Jack stood a few feet from ahead of him, eyes fixed on something that Ennis couldn't see. His hands were no longer clasped into fists and his breathing didn't seem as erratic as Ennis had expected it to be. Ennis' heart thundered against his chest as though he had been running for hours. He managed to calm his breathing as he spoke though. A slight cough sounded to clear his throat but also to signal to the other man that he was there if he hadn't noticed already.

Ennis spoke without looking for signs that Jack acknowledged him. "J-Jack?" He took a step forward, speaking a little louder. "Jack, I gotta show you something." Jack turned his head in Ennis' direction, his eyes searching the ground as desperately as the man himself searched for truth.

"You want to help me?" Jack's words were almost spat out. "You were the one who lied to me."

"I know, I should have told you, but I couldn't. You gotta understand!" Ennis was imploring Jack to understand. But how could he? He didn't know who he was, who Ennis was and the sacrifice the Jack had been willing to make so many years ago.

"Understand what?" Jack turned now, his words holding to them a fire that burned brighter than pleading glimmer in his eye. "There ain't nothin' you can do to make this alright."

"At least let me try." Ennis' hand reached into his pocket to pull out the key to his truck. "I promise you, I just want to show you the place I stayed before I came here."

"Why in Hell should I trust you?" Jack's brow was brought in tightly, his voice loosing its stability for a moment.

"Look in my eyes," he begged. "I'm not lyin' to you. I swear."

Jack tilted his head up, eyes searching Ennis' for any sign of a lie. Every fibre of Jack's being was telling him to run as fast as he could from this crazed old fool, but something deeper sounded, it's low call resonating from the very core of the man. It was the same feeling that urged him forward as he stumbled through the wood and the same feeling that reassured him he was safe inside the stranger's house.

"Suppose you ain't lying. Suppose I trust you. Why do you need to show me where you stayed before?"

"Because I know it'll help you remember who you are." Ennis' words were softer now but his eyes still burned with the a desperation that Jack barely noticed. The man thought on the past few hours and everything that had happened. He thought on all the lies that had been revealed. In his thoughts were the echoes of a feeling that had all but taken over him when he saw Ennis. The feeling he would do anything to feel once again without the sting of betrayal that now accompanied Ennis' presence. His shoulders slumped as he sighed in defeat to the curiosity that ran as rampant as a giddy child.

Jack nodded, his eyes not meeting Ennis', his feet making haste towards the truck. Ennis disappeared into the house only to return a moment later. Once he had locked the tattered wooden door, he made his way to the driver's side of the truck. Jack noted the way his eyes remained on the ground, his brow furrowed, as he made the short journey. It was almost as though Jack could feel the waves of guilt that threatened to drown Ennis at any moment.

The door was opened and shut, the engine started and the truck set upon it's path to an unknown location without a single word or look exchange. Though as Jack watched the landscape crawl by, he couldn't help but feel the unease of the man sat beside him. And though there were still remnants of rage rushing through Jack's veins, the sudden anxiety that had appeared almost swallowed him whole.

This was it. He would soon find out who he was. Who he is...

But is he the same person? Is the Jack that is riding shotgun to a stranger any more the man he was before than the one who sat beside him, behind the wheel. It seemed that only Ennis knew. And Jack didn't feel like much conversation was to be had. After all, how could he trust that what he said was truth.

Jack knew it was his own fault for accepting all that he had from a stranger in the middle of nowhere but something felt right about saying yes. About taking the offer. About the kiss.

Curiosity would be the death of Jack, and he seemed not to mind as he turned to Ennis, air pulling into his lungs in preparation for one of many questions he wanted answered.

"What was I like..." The softness of his words shocked even him and Ennis had to almost strain to clearly hear what was being said. "Y'know, when you knew me before. Was I a good person."

Ennis smiled to himself slightly, his chest tightening a little. He allowed a silent moment to pass before he glanced to his side. "Jack," he looked back to the stretch of empty road before turning his eyes back, locking with Jack's. "You were the greatest man I ever met."

Jack seemed content with the answer. A smile threatened to linger in his eyes but his lips barely twitched. Not because the answer was unsatisfactory or because he expected more, but because there was a pang of emotion with which he had become far too accustomed for his own liking: longing.

The truck slowed to a stop a short while later, a large house casting no shadows to offer refuge from the early sun. The colour of the paint looked as though it was once white but had faded with age. A tree grew at the side of the house and it looked as though the roots must be twisted in the very foundation itself. Not too far away was a small barn that looked older and more worn down than the house did and the lack of windows made the dark shadows within fill Jack with a fear of the unknown. The windows on the house were coated in a thin layer of dirt, but he could tell that light still shone within. Just like it always had...

Tears rolled down Jack's face before he was even able to register an emotion. His face hurt from how he had contorted it. Ennis sheepishly reached a hand over to Jack's to take hold with a light grip of reassurance. Against the judgement that would have been deemed better were he in his right mind, Jack held on for a moment before Ennis began speaking with a soft and informative voice.

"You used to live here. When you were a kid. Your parents lived here until they-" Ennis looked to Jack who only nodded as if to say he knew what was about to be said. There was no need in repeating harsh words, right?

"I want to go inside." His voice almost broke on the final word. So odd it was to see a man with so strong an exterior have such a fragile soul. Ennis didn't think any man could withstand what Jack had and return unbroken. "Can we?"

Ennis ran his thumb over the wheel of the car, wishing he could hold onto Jack in comfort, as he nodded before affirming with a "yes" that was barely above a whisper.

The air seemed ice cold and the world itself a darker place despite the sun's light. Jack wandered ahead a few metres as Ennis followed, key to the house in hand. He watched as Jack almost staggered on the dirt, his tear filled eyes scanning every part of the surrounding area. Memories of a boy playing flitted through his mind. A man working and a mother bringing the two drinks. The man yelling at the boy. The boy working harder and with more determination to please his father. The mother loving her boys. A family.

But not just any family. It was Jack's family. His mother and his father. He had a family. He a place he belonged: A place he was loved. He smiled at how easy it was to accept the memories as his own, to know they belonged within him. They were his and his alone. This place was his and nothing could change that. All anger that he had felt before was gone now, replaced instead with joyful reminiscence.

Ennis opened the door as Jack wandered through his memories and a place he once called home. Jack didn't need to be called: he was right behind Ennis as the two stepped into a worn out kitchen, lit only by the sun through the murky window panes.

"I'll let you..." Jack was lost to him but Ennis wanted to give him the chance to be alone with his thoughts and recollect the shattered fragments of an identity he once owned. The fragments were the best Ennis could offer and he owed him so much more than that for his deception. The thought made the guilt twist his gut again. Ennis lowered his eyes as he told Jack "I'll be out here if you need me."

Ennis sat upon a large upturned box that lay on the ground just beside the door through which he had left Jack with some privacy. His mind lost time as he thought through everything he knew about the man he had been longing for ever since the fist night that they had kissed. And every moment they had shared since. Jack was wrong: Ennis couldn't make it one a couple of high altitude fucks. He longed for Jack more than a drowning man for air. It was just that Ennis could see with more rationality than Jack and his dreams of a happily ever after that would never be. Even now, he could tell that if Jack had been in his situation, he would have lied for the sake of a happiness they could share: a life that would be theirs and theirs alone. He wouldn't have subjected Ennis to a pain like this. He would have ensured their happiness. But then again, he would have built a ranch from nothing and reared the greatest of livestock. In such a reality, Jack would have had anything he could dream. But that was a different reality, not the one in which they found themselves now, and Ennis knew what he did was right in the end. It had to be. Otherwise, what was all the pain worth?