I already knew what Carlisle and Esme would say once I entered the house. Their thoughts were buzzing frantically, concerned for my safety and wondering what on Earth would have happened to me that would cause my extended absence. I knew that once I crossed the threshold and they caught the scent of Bella all over me, suspicions would be raised. But I was prepared to explain the recent occurrences to my parents, however unbelievable they might sound. I didn't know how they would react to the news that Bella knew of our existence, but regardless of their reaction, they had to know.
I took a deep breath and opened the door. Carlisle and Esme were there, waiting for me in the foyer. When they saw my entrance they rushed towards me, their faces inquisitive.
"Edward, where have you been?" Esme asked.
"Out hunting, like I said," I replied calmly. "I found some deer."
Carlisle sniffed the air and gave me a slightly reproachful look.
"And is that all?"
I knew the time had come to inform them of the circumstances.
"Actually, there is something else," I said solemnly. Carlisle raised his eyebrows and Esme looked concerned. "Come, we'll sit."
I walked past them into the sitting area and took an armchair. Carlisle and Esme followed behind and sat opposite me. Neither of them spoke, waiting for me to say something.
"While I was out hunting, something happened," I began slowly. "I was in the middle of feeding from a deer, when someone found me."
I paused and looked up at my parents. Shock marked their faces; Esme had ceased to breathe. The news that a human had discovered our species was mortifying for them. If they thought this was bad, they knew nothing of what was to come. I continued.
"They just…came from behind me…" I said, now lost in thought, my voice distant. "I was horrified; nothing like that had ever happened before. We were exposed."
We lapsed into silence again, and a period of internal communication took over. Carlisle interrupted my thoughts with one of his own.
And who was it?
He seemed to already know the answer, but asked nonetheless. I looked straight at him, my eyes glazed over as if looking at something far away.
"Bella," I whispered. I winced as I reminisced on that moment when I turned and saw that it was her, shock and mortification in her brown eyes.
Esme gasped slightly and Carlisle looked as though his worst suspicions had been confirmed.
"Oh, Edward…whatever did you do?" It was Esme that had spoken.
I forced myself to regain my composure and swallowed hard.
"I followed her," I replied. Esme's mouth opened and Carlisle looked as though he was about to voice his disapproval, but I interjected quickly.
"No, you don't understand," I said, raising my hands in front of me. "I found her in the moors – she was no longer shocked. When I told her that I was a vampire she wasn't surprised at all; it was as if she had known all along…" I explained hastily, determined to make them understand.
"Are you sure, Edward?" Carlisle inquired. He looked doubtful as to my description of Bella's reaction. "Surely the news that you were a vampire would have some effect on her?"
"That's what I thought. But, Carlisle, she's not like any other person I've ever met. She's…different, unlike any other normal human," I replied, frowning as I tried to remember exactly how she had reacted to the news that I was a vampire.
"And? What did you do next?" Esme inquired, prompting me with her eyes to continue.
"I took her home, as the sun was beginning to rise – I did not want her to see me in the sunlight," I responded. To my surprise, Carlisle chuckled.
"Why ever not? I dare say there is nothing to hide from her anymore, Edward!" he said, still laughing.
I managed a laugh at this remark.
Esme, however, did not express amusement. She was still concerned, and I could hear it in her voice when she asked, "What are you going to do?"
"I am going to see her tomorrow." I knew that this was not what she was referring to, and shortly after my response Esme set out to correct herself.
"That's not what I meant," she said, fully aware that I, too, knew what the question was in reference to.
I sighed.
I knew, deep in my heart – the metaphorical one – that I would not be able to stay away from Bella now. The love that I had for her created a bond that connected our lives, intertwined them so elaborately that nothing would sever it. The fact that she now knew my secret, knew of the existence of my species, only strengthened that bond further. Only if she requested that I leave would be the only time I would. My very presence endangered her life every moment that we were together, and if she wanted me out of her life then so be it. But for now, at least, I would not go. No matter how much pain it caused me to resist her blood; how much effort I utilized in order not to harm her; how much I knew that the relationship between vampire and human was utterly incongruous; I would not leave her. I loved her – she was my life now.
"I can't stay away from her, Esme," I said, realising how very true that statement was. "I know I should – I know every moment of every day that it's not right – but I can't." I sighed heavily.
Carlisle and Esme both nodded, as if finally comprehending the severity of the love I had for Bella. They did not seem to have more questions in mind, so I rose from my chair and headed towards the staircase that wound upwards, onto the bedrooms and study. I had one hand on the rail and was about to climb up the stairs, when Carlisle's single, low question stopped me.
"Do you love her?"
A ridiculous enquiry, to say the least – the answer was more than obvious. But something about the way he asked – so tentatively and sincerely – made me halt and question my own feelings. I thought hard on just how extensive my love for this woman was. I knew that it was vast, but I hadn't really delved deep into my own self and comprehended just how immeasurable it was. I now began to grasp just how profound, how incredibly unfathomable my feelings for Bella were. It was more than enough for eternity.
I turned my head to the side and looked down, wondering how best to form an answer that would explain what I was feeling this very moment.
"More than you know…"
I had barely whispered, but I knew that Carlisle and Esme would have heard it. They said nothing, so I continued upstairs towards my bedroom.
I browsed the many bookshelves I had in my room, looking for anything of interest. My search was in vain, so I retreated to my leather couch and stretched out on it, relaxing.
I saw today's newspaper on my desk and this confused me – I was certain it was not there before. I then recalled the fact that I had been out for most of the night and morning, dealing with my own predicament concerning Bella. I smiled slightly at my short term memory loss, and reached for the newspaper.
I flipped through the pages, unsatisfied with the articles I was finding. They were not what one would classify as news – mainly insipid items containing nothing of importance. Then a familiar headline caught my eye: SERIAL KILLER STRIKES AGAIN IN SMALL TOWN. I realised that this was in conjunction with the article I had found previously, the one about the anonymous murderer killing innocent people in this very town. Intrigued, I read:
"Two more people have been found dead in a field, north of the local town. Police suspect the same culprit to the two previous murders, and fear that this may be the work of a serial killer.
The bodies were found with the same slashes on their clothes, the same deep wounds across their bodies; one was even found with severed limbs. A local police officer reports, 'This is becoming an epidemic. We must find the culprit quickly in order to prevent more innocent lives from being taken.'
The first body was found half-buried in the soil, covered in grass, the other left in the middle of the field under a tree.
The circumstances of the killings puzzled authorities even further, and while they reassure locals that they are doing everything they can to capture the offender, the investigation is surely not over yet."
My suspicions were stronger than ever now as I finished the article.
I had many reasons to suspect werewolves; not just the fact that we were sworn enemies, but the conditions of the corpses found seemed similar to the result of a werewolf attack.
I took the paper with me into Carlisle's study, where I found my father writing some document with inhuman speed. His elegant script, however, was perfect. He did not look up when I entered, but continued writing quickly.
"Carlisle?" I called out, my voice curious.
"Mmm?" Carlisle still did not look up, his hand never pausing for a second.
I unfolded the newspaper and thrust it towards him.
"Read this."
Carlisle finally stopped writing and looked up, my outstretched hand inches from his face. He took the paper silently, and with a slightly puzzled expression, began to read.
He finished the article within minutes, and upon concluding, looked up at me. He was more bewildered than ever.
"Why did you show me this?" he asked.
"The murders," I began. "Don't they seem familiar?"
Carlisle was still confused.
"Werewolves," I said emphatically. Carlisle finally seemed to comprehend my vagueness.
"You mean to suggest that werewolves are responsible for these murders?" he concluded, still slightly quizzical. Then he chuckled.
"I don't think so, Edward."
"Why not?" I asked, rather deflated. I was so certain.
"The circumstances of the killings are similar to that of werewolves, yes. But the way these people were murdered; it is too" – he frowned, trying to think of the right word – "delicate to be the work of werewolves."
I nodded, and took the newspaper back from Carlisle. Slightly confused, I turned and exited the room. Carlisle's pen was already furiously scratching away when I closed the door behind me.
I had been so sure that it was werewolves. I wondered as to why I cared so much about these murders, but found no answer. I pushed the thought to the back of my mind and returned to my bedroom. I browsed the bookshelves one again, finally accepting a battered volume and beginning to read.
I could not focus on the book properly; my mind kept returning to Bella. I flinched as the familiar feeling of longing and anxiety consumed me again. I had to resist the urge to run to her house and see her, to prematurely fill the void that was being created within me right now. I had been foolish – so very foolish – to assume that I could last one night away from her. It was true; I would be seeing her tomorrow. But I couldn't wait that long. It made me anxious to be away from her for a prolonged period of time, and tonight was clear evidence of that. I shook my head to clear it, and tried once again to focus on my book.
I was grateful when the sun rose the next morning. Usually I would be unappreciative of the sunlight, avoiding it at all costs. But this particular morning brought the reminder that I would get to see Bella today, so the sunlight seemed considerably less bleak than what I would usually have made it out to be. Today, I would not be deterred.
I tossed my novel aside happily, thankful that I did not have to endure another second of its mindless nonsense. I flew down the stairs, stopping only to don my coat and bid farewell to Carlisle and Esme. They already knew where I was going and, surprisingly, did not object.
The sun was not shining so brightly that I would sparkle extremely, but I shrugged on my coat nonetheless. I chose a shortcut through the forest that would bypass the town, giving me the freedom to run without fear of exposure.
I darted through the forest, eager to get to Bella's house. Trees and grass rushed by in a blur of green as I ran.
I recognised Bella's house immediately. Lights were on inside, and I wondered if she had told her parents where she was going today. I smirked as I imagined the absurd conversation – Bella explaining with ridiculous calmness, that she was going off with a vampire for the day.
I climbed up the side of the house and reached what I assumed to be Bella's bedroom window. The room was rather small, keeping in with the size of the cottage. Her bed was empty and unmade. Bella was not present, and I wondered anxiously where she could have gotten to.
I breathed a sigh of relief when she entered the room.
She was more beautiful than I remembered. Her face was still that lovely pale colour; it flushed with red, however, when she saw me outside the window. Her hair was wet, possibly from some morning showering ritual. Her deep, brown eyes stared into mine with evident surprise at seeing me here. Her heart was beating erratically once more.
I opened the window effortlessly with one hand and stepped into her room that was illuminated slightly by the sunlight. Not enough to cause my skin to sparkle uncontrollably, but enough to make it glow softly.
"'Morning," I said cheerfully, and flashed a crooked smile, my teeth glinting in the faint sunlight.
Bella did not say anything, but instead smiled wanly in response. She walked towards me, still staring, still silent.
The corners of my mouth flicked upwards in a grin. "Did I frighten you?"
She did not answer immediately, instead continuing to walk towards me, until her fingertips found mine. I sighed and was deeply thankful, my anxiety subsiding, the void within me finally sealing.
"No," she replied finally.
I shook my head in disbelief and a smile touched my lips. I was faintly irritated. I did not say anything, but grasped her hand completely now, and hoisted her onto my back, preparing to run again.
"What?" she asked, determined to know what had caused my expression.
"You're not scared of anything," I replied, a smile in my voice, tinged with irritation again.
"Of course I am," she replied, as if it was obvious. Then her tone turned teasing. "Should I be?"
I chuckled and muttered, "It's about time you were."
I laughed again and jumped out the window, landing softly on the ground and running with inhuman agility once more.
I headed towards a small field of grass and heather that I had stumbled upon once. It was a wonderful place, enclosed by trees and with an unobscured view of the sky. We reached it within minutes.
I informed Bella that it was safe to open her eyes, and eased her gently off my back and onto the ground. As soon as she saw where we were, she tried to stifle a gasp – but failed. The sunlight was filtering quite strongly now through the few clouds, though I was still protected by my long coat. The sun shone on the grass and caused a faint, green glow to radiate from the sward. It was exquisite.
"Do you like it?" I asked Bella.
She nodded, still lost in the fascination of the field we were in.
"It's wonderful," she breathed.
I laughed, and this seemed to snap her out of her reverie. She turned to look at me and her mouth opened in what seemed like wonder. I wished once again that I could read her mind; know what was going through her head this very moment. I was still trying to read her thoughts and failing in vain, when awareness glinted in her eyes.
"What is it?" I asked.
She raised her eyebrows, as if expecting me to know what she meant. Again, I cursed the fact that her mind was blank to me.
I cocked my head to the side and I said curiously, "What?"
She sighed heavily, her manner teasingly exasperated.
"You promised," she reminded me.
I now recalled the fact that I had indeed given her my word that I would allow her to see me in the sunlight. I laughed at my own foolishness.
Smiling and without a word, I took off my coat and exposed my skin to the sun.
Bella gasped again. She stood there, unmoving and staring at my skin. Her eyes glittered with amazement and wonder; they never left me once. I turned to face her completely now, the smooth, white marble of my skin casting glittering diamonds into the sky with every movement I made. I grinned, flashing my teeth; they glowed brilliantly in the sunlight and Bella even held up a hand to shield her face from the incandescence.
"Sorry," I murmured quickly, closing my mouth. A faint smile still played along the edges of my lips.
Bella still did not speak. I began to wonder if she had snapped; my glittering skin too much for her to take and hence going into a very overdue state of shock. Her eyes still glinted with wonder.
"What are you thinking about?" I asked softly.
My enquiry seemed to draw her out of her trance. She opened her mouth as if to say something but closed it abruptly.
After another moment of hesitation, she replied quietly, "You." She looked down in embarrassment, and she blushed a divine rose colour. I smiled.
"Me too," I replied, looking straight into her eyes. She blushed again.
She looked away, and sat down lightly on the grass. She sat cross-legged, and after a moment of staring at her knees, she looked up at me again. I joined her on the ground, kneeling; her eyes followed me.
"What about me, specifically?" I asked lightly.
"Everything," she replied simply. "Your skin…"
I laughed. "Does it frighten you?" My voice was teasingly hopeful.
"No. Amazes me, more like," she replied. "Then again, everything about you amazes me." She looked down pointedly.
I laughed a hollow laugh, though my eyes were still smiling. What on Earth could amaze her about a horrible creature like me? I thought.
"Still not scared? Shocked?"
Her eyes flashed up to mine. "You seem disappointed."
I grinned crookedly again, and shrugged.
We lapsed back into silence, though it was not uncomfortable. Bella seemed to be lost in thought; she tugged absent-mindedly on a tuft of grass every so often. I did not question her, but took the time to simply gaze upon her in the sunlight. Her pale skin seemed whiter than ever in the light, illuminated slightly, though it was not transparent. Her long, brown hair shimmered, and every small movement of her head caused it to glow even brighter.
And then she looked up. Her eyes stared into mine, gentle yet probing; she smiled slightly, as if pondering on something particularly amusing.
"What is it?" I asked, smiling also.
"Your skin…" she trailed off, wistful again.
I reached out to stroke her face gently, the swift movement startling her momentarily. I froze, my hand still in place. But then her face relaxed; I resumed the gentle caressing of her cheek. My arm and hand twisting every so often caught the light, throwing gleaming rainbows into the sky; the tiny diamonds danced in the few wisps of white that interrupted the otherwise cloudless sky.
Bella noticed my skin and the sudden burst of sparkling light that it cast into the atmosphere. Her eyes turned thoughtful again, but before I had time to analyse them, they were closed. They remained so while I continued to gently stroke her face.
She laughed suddenly, softly, and murmured fondly, "You put the sun to shame."
I chuckled. My hand moved to caress her eyelids, her brow bone. Her eyes opened suddenly, and I drew my hand away. She gave me a contrite look, but I laughed lightly, silently assuring her that there was no need for apology.
"Charlie would kill me if he knew I was here," she said, finally breaking the silence.
"Why – because you're here with a male he is unknown to, or the fact that that male is a vampire?" I asked jokingly. She smiled, but it did not touch her eyes.
"I'm serious," she insisted, now that I had begun to laugh. "He's quite the over-protective type."
My laughter faded away, as if the wind had taken it with it, scattering the loud, musical tones over the forest and diminishing with the breeze.
"Tell me about your father – your family," I requested, thoughtful. I realised that, as much as I was in love with Bella, I knew nothing of her family – or herself, for that matter. I didn't know, what she liked and disliked, her hobbies, her interests.
Bella seemed surprised by my sudden curiosity into her personal life, but she answered all the same.
She spoke animatedly of her mother, who was, in some ways, like her. They had the same features, though their personalities were certainly very different. Her mother was, apparently, carefree, happy most of the time, and rather erratic; Bella seemed to be the voice of authority when it came to her mother.
I inquired as to what her interests were, her favourite foods, hobbies – everything. I wanted to know absolutely everything there was to know about this gorgeous being sitting in front of me. The mere fact that she was sitting here in the grass with a vampire, completely undeterred by what I was; I felt the need to question everything about her to fully understand why she was so comfortable with that fact.
"Are you done yet?" she asked, after answering yet another one of my questions.
"Certainly not," I replied calmly. "I'm far from done."
"Why all the questions, anyway?"
I smiled faintly and stroked her hair.
"You intrigue me more than anyone I've ever met, Bella," I replied thoughtfully.
"Me?" Bella was incredulous. "What could I possibly have that could intrigue you? I'm not very interesting, you know."
I chuckled softly. "Quite the contrary. If you only knew how enthralling you are to me…" I trailed off, still gently stroking her hair.
"Then tell me," she insisted.
I shook my head and grinned. "I'm still not done with you, remember?"
Bella sighed heavily and complied grudgingly. I laughed and continued with my questioning.
After a while she became tired of my endless inquiries, and insisted that she ask the questions now.
"What would you like to know?" I asked after ceasing my inquiries and shifting so that I was more comfortable.
"I want to know why you don't hunt humans," she said after a while. "Before, in the moors – you never got to finish what you were saying."
I struggled to form an answer that would make her understand why I deviated from the ways of normal vampire dieting habits. I decided that if there was ever going to be some sort of just aspect to our relationship, I would have to be honest with her, about both by present – and my past.
"Carlisle, my adoptive father, introduced me to the new ways that he created," I began. My voice was low, distant. "He had discovered many years before that our thirst could be satiated enough by animal blood that we would not have to hunt humans as well. He was always the most compassionate, the most moral – he never wanted to kill innocents. That's why he changed Esme and me when we were near death."
I smiled suddenly. "He calls us vegetarians."
Bella did not say anything, so I continued.
"But then, a decade after I was changed I'd had enough. I didn't want to drink animal blood anymore, and, since I was a newborn, my cravings were much stronger than they are now.
"So I rebelled. I went off in search of humans, seeking out only the worst and taking their lives instead. I'd killed them…slaughtered them and taken their blood like a savage…"
I looked at Bella, scanning her face to see her reaction to my confession. Her face was slightly paler than before, but still showed no immense terror or disgust by what I had told her.
"A few years after my rampage, the guilt began to creep up on me. I became disgusted with myself, with what I was. I had abandoned everything Carlisle had taught me, given in to everything I had been trying not to be for so long; and I hated it. So I came back to Carlisle and Esme, who, of course, welcomed be back with open arms... I didn't deserve it."
Bella had said nothing during my monologue. I gazed into her eyes, whishing once again that I could read her mind; know what thoughts were rushing through her head and causing her expression. Her eyes stared back into mine and stayed there for what seemed like forever.
"And now?"
Bella's question came out rather shakily; her voice was low.
"I have not killed a human since," I replied, pronouncing each word carefully. "I simply refuse to take another human life. Carlisle's way of feeding is more…humane" – I snickered internally at the word – "than the traditional methods." I looked up at Bella and held her gaze. "I try so hard, Bella, to resist what I am. I try to be ethical, to have some sort of principles – like that will give me redemption from what I am. I don't want to kill people, and that is why I resist; why I refuse to feed on humans. I…I don't want to be a monster."
My voice was soft, thoughtful. I looked down, unable to face Bella as I sat in silence, waiting for her to say something.
Something warm touched my cheek. I realised it was Bella's hand. I looked up and saw her staring at me with wide, sad eyes.
"You're not a monster," she said softly, gently stroking my cheek with her thumb.
"But I am," I replied in a low voice. I sighed and took her hand away from my face, holding it tenderly in mine. I gazed down at our hands while I spoke. "You have no idea how many times I've wanted to kill you, Bella." Her hand twitched in mine. "All those times I went to town and watched you…somewhere in my mind was the helpless, relentless desire to kill you – and it made me sick. I loved you so much" – her hand twitched again – "and I hated myself for thinking those things.
"Just being near you made me almost die of thirst. I managed to control myself – miraculously – until you had gone and I could go home and hunt."
"If I made you so uncomfortable, why did you keep coming back?" Bella asked in a whisper.
"Because I loved you, Bella. Despite my desires to take your life every moment that you were near, I also loved you. In many ways that made it worse, the feelings I had for you. I struggled with myself for so long, trying to understand these complex emotions that were so new to me, trying to contemplate how on Earth I could want to kill you, but still love you at the same time.
"So I came back. Every day, I would go to town and ignore my thirst as best I could in order to see you. It made me insane – the scent of your blood in that crowded, hot little marketplace. But I didn't care. Regardless of my thirst, I knew that I would rather cause myself extreme discomfort than not see you at all."
Bella's hand felt limp in mine. It had grown considerably warmer throughout my speech, and though it was now searing hot, I continued to hold it, grateful for the warmth.
"I…I saw you…in the town…" Bella's shaky voice came clearly to my ears, though she had barely whispered.
I looked up now, gazing at her.
"I know – I saw you, too," I replied, reminiscing on that glorious moment when our eyes had met.
"That was the moment I'd realised that I loved you." Her confession was uttered swiftly, with just a hint of timidity. I wondered if she had meant to say it.
Suddenly and without warning, I was overcome by a strong desire to kiss her. Though I knew that to exercise such an idea was pushing the limits far past their precincts, I still leaned forward. Her hand was still in mine, and she sat cross legged on the grass, I, with my legs under my thighs, kneeling. Her hand grew hotter and hotter as I leaned in. I was apprehensive, wondering what would happen if I could not cope being in such close proximity to Bella, and I shuddered at the thought. I would have to exercise the fullest self-control in order to not push myself too far, and not accidentally hurt her. But I decided I would risk it. I had waited for an opportunity like this for so long, and now I was going to seize it.
My conscience, however, was thinking clearly. It screamed at me, yelled for me to stop and consider what I was doing – but I already had. I was disciplining myself enough that I would be able to control my thirst, if it happened to rise and threaten to overpower me. But my mind still persisted.
You're an idiot… It hissed at me bitterly, trying once again to make me understand that my behaviour was irrational, imprudent. But it was too late.
I leaned forward slowly, tilting my head and staring straight into her eyes. Her hand twitched yet again in mine, and her breathing quickened greatly.
Stupid, stupid, idiot.
I ignored the screaming and continued to incline towards Bella. Her scent was pungent in my nostrils, radiating off her skin and swirling around me, the sweet fragrance filling my every pore.
Fool.
Her heart was hammering against her ribs, so fast now that I thought it would jump out of her chest. Her breathing was erratic and seemed to come even faster as I leaned in. Our faces were inches from each other now, and her breath was warm and sugary against my cheek. Slowly, slowly, I closed the small space between us and our lips met.
I could no longer hear the protesting voices in my head, notice the grass or the sun or anything else – my mind was buzzing. In the instant that our lips had connected, a shock, much like a small electric current, had flooded through me. If I had thought her scent was wonderful, it was nothing compared to her taste. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. Floral and absolutely soaking with syrup, it filled every pore, numbed my thoughts and tasted so unbelievably sweet that it very nearly made me dizzy. Her lips parted slightly and she sighed, the sweet ambrosia coming even more powerful and further intoxicating me. I was undeniably euphoric.
And then my thirst welled up inside me. It raged through me, finally seeing the chance to step just one centimetre over the boundary of restraint and take her life. It begged, pleaded for me to surrender and kill her, to push it too far and drain her of her blood. I recoiled from the thought – I would never allow myself to give in to my natural vampire instincts, even if it drove me insane. So, reluctantly, I broke the kiss.
I breathed in fresh air once again, grateful that my head was clearing. I looked at Bella who had a most curious expression on her face; one of both astonishment and wild excitement.
"Oh…" She collapsed against my chest. I caught her and held her against my body, surprised at her reaction.
"Bella? Are you okay?" I asked in a low, anxious voice.
Her breathing and heartbeat gradually returned to normal, and after a few minutes of lying limply against my chest, I held her by the shoulders and drew her away to read her expression.
"I…I'm…I'm fine," she said weakly, still slightly dazed. Her expression belied her confidence.
"Are you sure? Because you look rather ill right now," I said. Then I grinned. "Was it not good? I apologise – my kissing skills are not perfected, you see."
She blushed, and the blood rushed to her cheeks, tinting them with red.
"No, no…it was very" – she swallowed hard – "good," she replied, breathless.
I grinned even wider.
I let go of her shoulders and instead pressed one hand lightly to her cheek. It was warm, and she seemed to tingle when our skin came in contact. I leant forward again, not to kiss her, but just to rest my forehead against hers. I closed my eyes and inhaled slowly, her scent sending another wave of electricity and delight coursing through my body.
And so we remained like this for an immeasurable amount of time, before Bella's quiet voice interrupted the silence.
"Love me?"
Her soft inquiry sent tremors down my spine. I didn't have to think about my answer – I had been sure of myself for a while now.
"Forever."
My whispered response sent the same tremors down my spine as before. Every syllable rang true, and, unlike other relationships where these declarations were merely empty promises – I was actually able to love her for eternity. And I would.
After sitting in silence for a while, Bella resumed her inquiries into my life and history. I answered everything she asked me, however inane the question. Eventually, the conversation turned to my vampire abilities – on this subject she was most eager to know about.
"Before," she began, "when you were telling me about your past. How did you seek out only the worst?" Her eyes had turned thoughtful, filled with genuine curiosity. I recalled the conversation, and was not confused by her vague inquiry.
"I can read minds," I replied. Then I grinned. "It's one of my more…useful talents as a vampire."
Bella's expression turned from inquisitive to shocked. Her eyes stared down at the grass, holding some sort of embarrassment that I was unknown to.
"Can you read my thoughts?" she inquired finally, her voice small and soft.
"Actually, I can't," I replied thoughtfully, remembering all those times I had attempted to read her mind, but failed dismally.
Bella's head snapped up, and she looked greatly relieved.
"Good," she said, rather breathless.
"Not really," I said, slightly annoyed. "You don't know how irritating it is, to not be able to read your mind." I sighed and my eyebrows knitted together in concentration; I was trying, yet again.
"You seem more relieved than necessary, Bella," I stated after finally giving up trying to read her thoughts. "Why is that?"
Bella looked down once again and red tinted her cheeks. "I don't want you to know what's in my head," she mumbled.
I grinned and took one of her hands in mine, playing with her fingers.
"Is that why I'm so interesting to you? Because you can't read my thoughts?" she asked suddenly, understanding in her tone.
"Pretty much, yes," I replied. "The mystery you presented to me only grew more intriguing when I discovered your mind was blank to me."
"Oh."
I looked up at her and smiled warmly, my golden eyes holding her gaze. She blushed again, and her splendid, sweet-smelling blood rushed up to her cheeks to grace them.
I looked down and smiled at our hands, rasing hers up to my face. I smiled even wider and brought her hand to my lips, gently kissing each fingertip. I felt her blood course, hot, through her veins and I sighed as her scent wafted more strongly through the breeze and hit me square in the nostrils.
I groaned. "You're unbelievably alluring, you know. It's very unfair."
"Me?" She was clearly disbelieving. "What about you?"
"What about me?"
"Oh, please," she said sardonically, as if unable to understand why I was oblivious to this hidden trait I had. "You're dazzling."
I laughed.
"Literally," she added, waving a hand at my sparkling skin and smiling.
I laughed again, and extended my hand to stroke her cheek.
It happened very quickly. My thirst, as if it was biding it's time in the back of my mind, burst forward in a wave of sudden sensation. I abruptly had a very strong desire to kill Bella, and I wondered why it had sprung up on me now.
My hand froze in place, still on her cheek. I turned to stone, willing myself to resume self-control and to not attack her. I drew my hand away slowly, carefully, so as not to accidentally break her jaw. I sat on my hands, a habit I had developed.
"Edward?" Bella's voice floated towards me. It was concerned, and it sounded very distant to me. I groaned. Why was she so observant?
"Edward, are you alright?" she asked more anxious now that I was not responding. I closed my eyes and sighed. I had almost taken her life, then and there, and now I had to tell her.
"Bella," I began wearily and with great sadness. "Bella…I'm afraid that this – our relationship – is putting your life in danger. Every moment that we're together only endangers you further, and I could never do that to you." My voice was strained with agony. "And now that you're affiliated with me like this – so elaborately and severely – only risks your life further.
"Whenever you're with me, I have to exercise complete control in order not to kill you. If my hand moved the wrong way by just an inch…I…" I broke off, unable to go on and say aloud the consequences of me putting my guard down. "I love you, Bella, and I would never, ever forgive myself if I hurt you." I looked into her eyes, tried to communicate the internal anguish I felt inside me with my eyes.
"I'm prepared to take the risk." Bella's voice was sincere, low, and her eyes were filled with anxiety and despair. She seemed near tears when she spoke next. "I love you, Edward, and I don't want you to leave me; I wouldn't be able to take it. I don't care; I need you." Her eyes were filled with great sadness, and, to my surprise, terror. There was also another fear, one which I was unknown to, one which seemed to scare her more than everything I had said. Panic and horror marked her face, creasing her forehead, knitting her eyebrows together in an expression of pure trepidation.
"Don't worry, Bella, I won't leave you," I murmured softly. "I keep telling myself that if I absolutely had to, if our relationship was putting you in jeopardy too much, I would be able to leave. But now I don't know if I could." I smiled gently, and risked extending a hand to stroke her hair. "I'm selfish Bella – so very selfish. And, loathsome creature that I am, I need you too much to leave you. I know that our correlation is highly absurd" – I grinned – "and that it is frowned upon by most other vampires; that it is, essentially, not right – but I think it's a little too late to turn back now, isn't it?"
The fear still remained in her eyes, radiating from behind her deep, brown irises. I pondered on what could possibly have her so terrified that she was on the verge of tears. She lowered her head and nodded once, a single tear escaping and slowly making its way down to her chin, leaving tracks in its place.
I reached out and took her in my cold embrace, holding her against my chest. I kissed the top of her head.
"I'll take you home now, Bella," I said softly into her hair. She nodded again.
I stood, grateful to stretch my legs after sitting for so long. I could see the sun setting in the distance, fading slowly from blue to pink to red to orange. My skin was not sparkling extremely now, only a faint glow radiating from it, tinged with the many colours of the setting sun.
I slung Bella onto my back in one swift movement, her hands gripping my neck so tightly that if I were not a vampire, she would surely have hurt me.
I took off, taking the same detour to circumvent the town that I had previously. We reached Bella's little cottage within minutes; there were lights on, and I wondered if her parents would be worried about her.
She eased herself off my back and I turned to face her. I stroked her cheek softly with my fingertips.
"No more tears," I said softly.
"No more tears," Bella repeated, reassuring me with her eyes that she was okay. I decided that I would ask about her odd behaviour tomorrow, when she was feeling less tired and was devoid of all sadness.
"I'll see you tomorrow, love," I said fondly, and kissed her forehead. She gave a wane smile and murmured a reluctant farewell, before turning and disappearing into her house.
I ran home, curiously elated despite recent events. I recalled my first kiss with Bella and smiled, the scent of her blood, the taste of the wonderful nectar she contained hitting me en masse. I recognised my thirst rising inside me, pleading to be quenched. I tried to clear my head of thoughts of Bella, and ran even faster in the direction of the forest.
I sped along the dirt trail, barely containing my joy. Despite my raging thirst, I was nevertheless extremely ecstatic.
My, what power you have over me, Bella…
I smiled as I realised how true that was. She had the power to make me feel anything, whether it be sadness, anger, love, or, in this case, pure happiness. I went deeper into the forest, searching for animals absent-mindedly, my thoughts mainly focused on Bella.
Bella…
I said her name fondly, over and over in my head, surprised at how delighted I felt whenever I merely thought of her name.
I crouched low, finally catching the scent of a deer in the distance. I moved forward with blinding speed, grinning impishly as I went in the direction of the animal. The trees and rocks rushed past in a blur, my feet making no noise on the soft forest floor. Again, merely because I just couldn't help it, I said her name again affectionately in my mind.
Bella.
