He was anxious. So very, very anxious, and even more anxious not to let anyone know just how anxious he was. Tugger leaned on his side in as nonchalant of a pose as he possibly could, stilling his fingers every once in a while when he realized that he was fiddling nervously with his belt. He had been warned—told by his brother that the new cats were going to be introduced to the tribe today. Munkustrap hadn't been sure if they were staying, but they'd been there nearly a week resting and having Miss Jenny tend to them and the Gumbie Cat had been hopeful that they would find their home in the Junkyard.
Tugger jumped a little when a kitten pounced on his uneasily twitching tail.
"Hullo there, Rum Tum!"
"Rum Tum Tugger. And that's The Rum Tum Tugger to you," Tugger said a bit testily.
"Alright, Rum Tum," the little tom said, holding the tail down with his body and batting at the agitatedly flicking tip.
Tugger sighed and narrowed his eyes. It really wasn't good for his reputation to be seen letting a kitten play with his tail. He needed to be aloof and above all this tousling, especially today of all days. He'd already botched his first impression on her and now his only hope was to be so cool that she forgot about their meeting entirely or act so far removed from the bumbling idiot that he'd displayed himself as, falling over and staring dumbly, that she would think that he was altogether a different cat than the one who'd gaped at her and then run away like an oafish bloody fool…
Tugger huffed. He wasn't worried. He wasn't. What did he have to be worried about? She wasn't important. He didn't even know this queen, for goodness' sake. She was just some cat who'd wandered in from the streets, who might add a number to their little clowder. Nothing at all to be worried about.
"Unghf," Tugger said intelligently as the little cat jumped onto his belly. "Mistoffelees, why don't you go pick on somebody your own size? Jelly's had her litter; they must be at least rolling about and asking to be chewed on by now."
"They're too little. They can't even see me yet!"
"Then go jump on Admetus. He needs a good punch. Have you seen his face?"
"Are you just telling me to play with them because you want me to go away?" Mistoffelees drew up into himself and covered his nose with one paw, looking at Tugger with watery eyes and a slight sniffle. His hind paw dangled by Tugger's ribs and his small belly pooched out.
"Oh blast it, don't do that," Tugger said with a groan, sitting up a bit to maneuver the kit into his lap. Why was this kitten so sensitive about everything, and how could he keep his disinterested composure when the little fluff ball looked at him that way, like his every happiness in the world rested upon Tugger's desire to have him around? Every time Tugger tried to shoo him off he would look at him and his eyes would go big and his nose would run and he just looked so pathetic and what could he even do? Tugger sighed again, and reluctantly remembered having his own head patted by his father when he'd felt unwanted.
"Fine, fine," he said distractedly as he scratched a little black ear and listened to the sniffles slowly subside. Tugger took a quick glance around him to see if anyone was looking and then dipped down to rub his cheek against Misoffelees's head and groom him for just a few seconds. He quickly popped up and immediately sat back a bit so as not to look like he was doing anything more than tolerating the affections of an overly attached kit.
"Rum Tum?"
"Yes, what?"
"I just, um. I'm just glad that you can be my brother, that's all."
"Oh," Tugger said, all of a sudden fighting the curiously strong urge to both run away and squish the little cat into his face. He ended up only looking uncomfortable and squeezing him a bit more tightly to his chest.
A quiet burst of excitement on the other side of the yard caught his attention. The new queens were in the clearing now. He could see the unmistakable flashes of scarlet and an unfamiliar shade of gold huddled near Skimbleshanks, and all of the others were looking in the same direction, not crowding them but eager nonetheless. Skimble lead them around introducing them to everyone, Jenny lingering by their side with a calming smile and a paw rested on the golden queen's shoulder to lend ease to her nervousness and help her along on one splinted leg.
"Oh, their fur is pretty!"
"I—what? Well. Yes. I mean, oh! Look at that!" Tugger pointed into the distance at nothing.
"But I don't see anything," Mistoffelees said, staring intently after the direction indicated by the finger.
"Yes, yes I see it. It's a… thing."
"I don't see any things!"
"Just keep looking!" Tugger said, encouraging him to edge towards it.
"But—"
"Why don't you go find it?" Tugger inched Mistoffelees down lower on his legs and then to the ground. He then placed one hind paw on his bottom, scooting him gently away as the small group approached the area where he lounged. Mistoffelees giggled wildly and rushed to climb back on. Tugger pushed him off again. The small cat was very enthusiastic about this new game, and Tugger despaired of regaining his air of insouciance. He considered whether it was less dignified to stay still as Mistoffelees jumped all over him, or endure his only official first introduction while continually shoving the kit away as he laughed maniacally at the great fun that Tugger had unintentionally initiated. He settled on trapping the black kitten under his slightly bent knee, pinning him to the ground and ignoring the breathless hysterics with as straight a face as he could manage.
"Och, and these two here. This is Rum Tum Tugger," Skimbleshanks tipped his head as they approached, "and that wee squirmy one is Mistoffelees. He's a new'un, too. Right trouble makers, the both of them," he said good-naturedly. "Tugger, Mistoffelees, these two girls are our new friends. This is Demeter, and this is Bombalurina."
Demeter waved shyly and Bombalurina stood a bit apprehensively, suddenly ruffling the fur on her face to attempt to better hide the fading scratches. Jenny gave Tugger a look which told him that she expected him to be welcoming and social for once, or he'd get an earful later. He tried to unstick his tongue from the roof of his suddenly dry mouth, but was cut off before he had a chance to speak.
"Hullo," Mistoffelees said, having wormed his way far enough out from under Tugger's leg to peek out at the group. He was blessedly still and gripping Tugger's calf shyly as he looked up. "Do… do you like to play with newspapers? Because I have a whole pile of newspaper that you can play with if you want to. It's very crinkly."
The whole group looked at Mistoffelees, and Tugger was glad for once that the attention was no longer on him. Bombalurina slowly kneeled low to the ground, a hand out to stroke the small tom's head. "I love newspaper. It's very generous of you to offer," she said, her eyes soft and bright. Tugger stared at her face, for the first time able to really look at her. Her coloring was so rich, so vibrant, and her eyes… Tugger let out a slow breath as he stared. Her eyes were so beautiful, but sad, and she looked at Mistoffelees like she was sincerely grateful for his offer of old newspaper down to the very everlasting part of her. Her eyes then turned to him, and he struggled for what seemed to him a very long few moments with his dry, stuck tongue and swallowed painfully.
"H-hello," He said, "I… um."
She waited with a slightly worried look for him to finish his sentence, but he never did. Instead, he stared at her with wide eyes and appeared to once again stop breathing. Very strange, thought Bombalurina. Strange, and yet that stunned look on his face made her want to reach out and sooth his nerves, and the deep blue of his eyes made her want to stare into them a bit longer.
"Well alrighty, then. On we go!" Skimbleshanks was doing an admirable job containing a hearty guffaw and managing a mostly straight face, but his raised eyebrows, pinched lips, and the laughter in his eyes gave him away to his mate. They had both watched the brief exchange with age that had witnessed such afflictions before. Jenny looked pointedly at Skimble as they walked away, noting the way in which Rum Tum Tugger's eyes did not leave Bombalurina, and the flustered way that she looked at her fidgeting paws and then glanced quickly back at him.
Tugger stared. He could not seem to convince his eyes to look down, or away, or to the side, or at anything but her. He stared at her shiny red fur, the slight sway of her hips, and her eyes when they darted back at him. Hopeless, he thought. Something was wrong with him. He was ill.
"Rum Tum?"
"Uh… What?"
"I like them."
"Yes…"
"Ouf!" Mistoffelees had taken his opportunity and wriggled out from under Tugger's leg while he was distracted, jumping once again onto his belly. Tugger lost all of the air from his lungs, and he was not sure if it was the kitten or the scarlet queen that had done it.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid! I can't believe it. No, actually I can. I'm such an oaf!"
Munkustrap watched his brother pace, paws tugging at his ears and mussing the fur on his head.
"Not even a sentence! 'Um,' I said. 'Um!' She thinks I'm a bloody fool, can't string two words together. 'Oh, yes! There's that poor dullard who can't speak properly and probably drools on himself if he has to scratch an itch in two places at one time. I wonder if he can even feed himself!'" He punctuated the last remark with a swift and clumsy kick at the wall, succeeding only in ruffling himself further.
"Tugger, I'm sure that she doesn't—"
"'Look how that kitten loves him! I bet he makes the little guy feel bright. At least he's good for bolstering the self-esteem of toddlers!'"
"Tugger."
"And this is twice, now. Twice! Twice that I've made myself out as an idiot. I can't even—I can't—" Tugger stopped his pacing in favor of slapping his forehead rather violently with the heels of his palms.
"Tugger!" Munkus stood and grabbed the agitated cat's arms, halting the abuse to his cranium. Tugger looked up finally, glaring. "Stop. I'm sure that she isn't thinking any of those things about you. I don't doubt that she was nervous too, meeting so many new people. She probably was too concerned with everything else to even think much about it." Tugger's glare softened marginally, and he took a breath. "Besides, I doubt that it was even as bad as you think it was—hey!"
"Not that bad?!" Tugger yanked his arms out of the grey tabby's paws and resumed his pacing. "Munku, you weren't there. You don't know—I was this close to her face," he held his fingers a scarce distance apart, "and I just stared at her and gaped like a dying fish."
Tugger flopped face first onto his pillow and let out a long, agonized groan. Munkus held back one of his own. There was no dealing with him when he was like this. It was going to be a long night.
Demeter was staring at her sister oddly. "What?!" snapped Bombalurina, irritated at the fact that Deme seemed to be amused at her expense.
"He likes you."
"Who?" Bomba bit the word off as though it had gone sour, but her stomach did a little flip.
"You know. Come on, you know. The one with the…" Deme wiggled her fingers vaguely at her neck, smiling a sly little smile.
"Oh, please. He barely wanted to speak to me."
Skimbleshanks tittered from the corner, and Jennyanydots smacked his arm lightly in response.
"Why is this funny? I just want to make a good impression. I'm not used to having friends, this is hard enough without everyone being so entertained by it," Bomba said somewhat glumly. The others sobered at her distress, and Demeter looked at her guiltily.
"I'm sorry, Bomby. I didn't mean to tease you."
"It's alright, Demeter. I just don't know how to do this. I don't know how to be like cats our age are supposed to."
"Oh, you little dears," Jenny said, "there is no 'supposed to.' You do what's right for you. You make friends by talking to the others, sharing in the community. And—there's no doubt about it, that Rum Tum Tugger is growing into a fine, handsome young tom. There's no shame in noticing that."
"Aye, lass. Also no doubt that you've made quite an impression upon him, indeed," Skimble added with a wink, smiling broadly at her. "I can tell you the first time I laid eyes on my lovely Jen here, my tongue was so twisted I feared the rest of my body would just have to spin 'round itself to untie it. By the time I got back to the station, I was so dazed that one of the service attendants decided that he'd need to carry me aboard lest I trip and fall onto the track. Imagine, the train withou' me to oversee the workings! They would've met disaster that day if not for that attendant!"
Bombalurina looked thoughtfully at her paws. What did it mean if a tom like him had an eye for her? She couldn't imagine it. She thought of the grimy paws and unkempt fur of the toms she had… bartered herself to while living on the streets. She didn't know what it was to be wanted in a different way. What other way was there? What could he possibly want from her, if indeed he wanted anything at all?
She had a moment of struggle inside of her own head before admitting that yes, maybe, she did want to be wanted by him. Maybe she wanted to find out what that meant.
As her thoughts lingered on blue eyes and possibilities, she turned her gaze to her sister, curling up comfortably next to Miss Jenny. Demeter looked so content. She looked warm and calm and serene. She looked happy.
Maybe Bombalurina also wanted to stay. Maybe she wanted a home with these cats, in this little junkyard village. Maybe she wanted Jennyanydots to sooth her self-doubt and Skimbleshanks to make her laugh and tell her stories. Maybe she wanted to see her sister really truly smile every single day, because they did not have to live in isolation. Maybe she wanted to stay to find out how soft Rum Tum Tugger's mane was.
Bombalurina smiled to herself. Yes, she wanted to stay. She wanted all of those things and everything else that life here could afford them.
Her decision made, she curled up by her sister to join her in sleep. She would ask Demeter how she felt in the morning.
A bit later as Jenny watched the two sisters rest peacefully, she hugged Skimble and let herself relax. "Darling," she said, "I think that these girls will be fine. Just fine." She smiled happily, and accepted a tender kiss from her mate.
