A/N: You guys...are impatient lmao I love it. Thanks Jess for your incessant prodding :) x
Chapter 7 – On My Own
Macy stared at him, waiting for him to speak, to say anything, to react in any way, and in actual fact, his response was scaring her. She slid off of where she was sitting to sit on the bed, and pull Mackenna into her lap. She tried convincing herself again that Joe was right. Nick needed to know this, especially since he spent practically every day with her. But the common sense of him knowing was pushed aside as she watched Nick pace around the bedroom, never once looking down at them. Nick wanted to look at them, but this wasn't going into his head. None of it was making sense. He knew he'd never had sex, he'd remember something like that, but Macy was his best friend, and she had no reason to lie, and he could've assumed she meant father in the acting like her father way - which was weird to him but he would've understood – but she had said biological. Meaning that some part of her was just like him, and that was the part that didn't make sense to him the most. He spent so much time with her, that if this had been true, he'd know. He'd just know. So there was only one logical explanation to all of this.
"You're lying."
Macy looked up at him, not believing what he said, trying to read his face, but he'd already turned away again, continuing to pace.
"Why would I lie about something like this?" She said, frowning. "Look Nick, you...me...it happened, okay? Trust me, I know it happened."
"Funny. Because I know it didn't happen, because I'd remember something like having sex!" he snapped at her, even though he hadn't meant to, but he was too angry and confused to apologise. "How can you even suggest something like that when I know that I'm a virgin!"
"...You were drunk." Macy walked over to Nick, but he turned away again sharply, and Macy had to hold back tears. Looking up at the ceiling to recompose herself, she walked over and sat on Kevin's bed. "Remember...Stella's cousin, Billy? When he came to visit for his birthday he threw that...huge party at Stella's place. He got in all those beers, and he raided Stella's moms wine cabinet, and...Is any of this making sense to you?"
"Vaguely." He said, disinterested. Of course he remembered the party. It was a long while ago, so the details sure, were hazy, but he remembered there being a party, and Stella calling them to come, that it was going to be fun, and to ditch rehearsals for the night to come and hang out. "So?"
"So...you got drunk. And I got drunk but...not as much as you." Macy pulled her hair to one side, and played with the tips. "Don't make me go into it."
"You want to walk in here, claiming that not only we had sex, but you had a baby, and you don't want to explain it?" Nick spun round to look at her, glaring. "I don't understand, Macy! I don't get how you can lie, and say those things, when I know that we didn't have sex! I'd remember something like that!"
Macy had been at the party for a little while, and she wasn't enjoying it. This was not the kind of party her or Stella were used to seeing. Macy thought big parties when your parents weren't home, where things got broke, and people were throwing up in the bath, were only things of TV shows. But she was living it, and she squealed slightly as a couple started making out on the couch next to her. Her head was hurting from the drinking and the noise, so she slipped out into the backyard for fresh air.
"Macy. May. Cee. Maaaaay. Ceeeeee." Macy turned and spotted Nick lying on the grass, staring up at the sky.
"Oh, Nick. Are you okay?" she asked, sitting next to him. He threw an arm around her shoulder.
"Yeah babe, I'm...I'm good. Real good. But the world...it's spinning. Like real fast." He wasn't looking at her, just at the sky, and Macy giggled.
"Did you drink a little too much, Nick of Jonas?"
"I think I did, Macy of...Misa." He nodded to himself. "Yep. Gonna call you that from now on."
"You're actually a real dork, aren't you?"
"Macy of sports. Macy of...fansite. Macy of hotness. Mmhmm." Macy's eyes widened.
"You need to sleep this off, c'mere." She said, pulling him to stand, and leading him out the back entrance down towards her house. It was only a few streets over, and it was dark and quiet enough once they were away from the party that no-one would see just how drunk Nick Lucas was.
"See, you...you're sweet. And you don't expect me to write a song for you. You just...you're Macy. Pretty Macy." He slurred, still drunk, and it made her blush. "Ohhh, I made you blush. Awesome."
"Come on, rock star, you've gotta be quiet, my mom's probably asleep." Macy rolled her eyes, pulling him towards the stairs, and half dragging him up them. Eventually, she pushed the door open, and giggled as he started making noises as she flipped the lights on. "Shhh, someone'll hear."
"But I want them to know, Macy! I want them to know how much I want you..." Macy giggled more in her drunk state, but flipped the lights off as it was bright and hurting her eyes.
"I think you need to sleep on the couch." She nodded, as they both toppled onto it, giggling. She opened her eyes to see she was lying flat on the couch, Nick's body on top of her. She blinked a few times, her glassy eyes mirroring his. He moved a hand to cup her cheek.
"Macy of...Nick. Because. I like you." He nodded, his head lulling to the side slightly, finding her neck, and pressing kisses there. Macy froze up, at the thought of Nick Lucas. Nick Lucas of Jonas kissing her, but she made herself promise to keep calm. She didn't want him to go away. She couldn't frighten him away.
"Let's...my room." She said, rolling off of the couch, and away from Nick, and she started towards her room. It surprised her that he followed her in, but she didn't say a word of argument as Nick lay her down, and started kissing her, and they both begun undressing.
"Do you remember waking up on my mom's couch?" Macy said bitterly, looking down at her lap now, instead of at Nick. "And how I told you you'd got drunk and passed out there? You were probably too hungover to remember how awkward I was, and how...nervous I was at you being there. I was so scared that you knew, and that you were going to freak out at me because I was just some crazy fangirl, and not someone you wanted to do...that with. That's why I made you go and sleep on the couch...afterwards. And that I cried because I'd used you, and I was a crappy person. But you didn't say anything, and I was fine with that, and I...I didn't say anything else about it, because you didn't need to know."
"I didn't need to know..."
"No. You didn't."
"Right. And I 'didn't need to know' when you realised you were pregnant? When you were getting bigger and bigger, and I was away, or when you went into labour, or when you held her for the first time? I didn't need to know then?"
"Nick—"
"No, Macy, please, tell me why it's now you suddenly realised that it was something I needed to know, because it's not making any more sense to me."
"You were going on tour, Nick!" Macy let out a sob, her hands locked in front of her face. "You were excited, and so were your brothers, and your mom and dad, and I wasn't going to stop you going! I couldn't come to the shows, no matter how many times you asked me, because I didn't want you to see me like that, and not know. And I couldn't tell you in the middle of the tour, and be the reason why you had to let your fans down, and your family, because I know you would never do that."
"And when I got back. When I was with her." He said, no expression in his voice. He just kept his eyes on her, but this time, she was the one not looking up.
"Because I knew it was too late to tell you. Once you saw her, and you were being so good to her I thought...it didn't matter, because you were there for her, and that was all that mattered, a-and you loved her, and she loved you, and I just thought—"
"I can't listen to this." Nick said suddenly, turning away again and shaking his head. "All these...lies, Macy. I mean, I get it, you need someone around, but to say something like all this—"
"...You don't believe me." She said, quietly. "Nick—"
"You want me to believe this...any of this..." he motioned to where Mackenna was lying on Nick's bed, but he couldn't look at the baby right now. "Then get a test."
"What?"
"I want proof." He looked at her seriously. "I want us to go to the hospital right now, and get a test done, so I know for sure, because I can't...take responsibility for something like this on a whim, okay? I can't do that to my family, or myself, or my career, and—"
"This is your child we're talking about!" Macy stood up, the fire building in her again. "This isn't about your career, or what people will say! This is about her needing her father!"
"You weren't saying that all the times I told you to tell him. You had so many opportunities to tell me if it was me, and you didn't take any of them! I'm sorry I'm the most convenient person to blame, but I'm not just going to step into a family that isn't mine, just because you claim it is!"
"Then what do you want me to do, Nick! I can't turn the clock back, pretend all this didn't happen, because it did!"
"I told you what I want. I want you to get out of this house, and I don't want to...see either of you until you have the results."
"...You don't want to see us?" She asked, staring at him. "You'd miss valuable days with your-"
"Don't say it again, Macy. Just don't."
"I'm not getting a test. If you're going to call me a liar, and deny her—"
"I'm going to call you a liar if you tell me something so crazy, and don't expect me to want proof!" He yelled at her again, his hands in fists. "You didn't tell us about the baby in the first place, how are we supposed to know what else you've been lying about!"
"...Fine. Don't expect us to call you." Macy was nearly at breaking point, the tears rolling down her cheeks. She didn't see the point in wiping them away, and stepped down onto Nick's bed to pick Mackenna up, and held her close, careful to turn her to her face was away from Nick. She knew the baby didn't know his face, but it was important to her that she didn't see Nick, and Nick didn't see her. "Bye, Nick."
"Bye." Macy stared at him, waiting for him to look up at them, but he didn't, and Macy sobbed as she ran down the stairs.
Nick didn't move for a long time. Just sat with his head in his hands, staring at the ground as he took the seat on Kevin's bed that Macy had previously occupied. He looked up when he heard footsteps.
"Dude, that's my bed."
"I know."
"I kinda need to sleep in that."
"I know."
"...You and Macy got into a fight, huh?"
"I kn—wait, how do you know that? Were you listening in?"
"No. There's just nothing else that can make you into a moody dude like girls do. Great for songs, pretty bad for a brother to watch."
"Sorry about that."
"So, what happened?" Nick felt the bed depress next to him. "Mackenna spit up on your keyboard?"
"No."
"Your songbook?"
"No."
"...Not my guitars, right?"
"No Kevin, Mackenna didn't spit up anywhere, okay? This has nothing to do with her, she has nothing to do with me, no matter what Macy says and—" Nick stopped when he realised he'd already said too much, and threw his head back against the sheets.
"...What?" Said Kevin, looking confused, and turning to Nick.
"Do you remember Billy's party?"
"Stella's cousin? Dude, that was crazy. You were puking all next day that we had to call off recording for the day. Joe told dad you got food poisoning."
"I was that bad?" Said Nick, looking at him.
"Mmhmm. You got mom to pick you up from Macy's, she was pretty worried about you too."
"...I was at Macy's?" He sat up, looking at Kevin. "All night?"
"Mmhmm. You fell asleep on the couch, according to her. She didn't tell us anything embarrassing you said though, don't worry." He watched as Nick groaned, and covered his hands over his face. "Unless you said something really embarrassing that night, and you wanna share it with me now for blackmail?"
"I didn't say anything that wasn't the truth that night, Kevin." Nick sighed. "But I did something...really not good." He stood up, and went and lay back on his own bed, his hands covering his face. He sat up all of a sudden, finding something digging into his back. Sitting up and turning on his side, he found it was Mackenna's pacifier digging him in the back. Staring at it, he remembered the number of times he'd tried to coax that thing away from her to make her eat. Or given it to her when she went to bed. Or popped it into her mouth when she was crying.
Her mouth.
"Kevin..." Nick got up again. "You've gotta help me."
"What?"
"The hospital, we need to get there now, and take this, and—"
"A pacifier? What's that gotta do with anything? Nick you're making even less sense than me, and honestly, I thought that was imposs—"
"I might have a daughter, Kevin." Said Nick, grabbing hold of his arm. "And I might have messed up big time."
Macy had put Mackenna down to sleep. She hadn't needed one yet, and wasn't tired, but Macy was too emotionally drained to deal with her right now. On her own. With no-one else to turn to for help. Her mom was out collecting for the store, so the house was quiet, and the store was closed. She had a pile of homework she needed to get done, but pretty soon none of that would matter. She wouldn't be in school to do it. Sitting at her computer desk, she surfed through a few sites, before she pulled out her cell phone, and dialled Stella's number.
"Mace, you okay?" She asked as soon as she'd answered. Just as her and Joe had left to spend some time together, they had heard shouting from upstairs. "What was going on earlier? Me and Joe would've come up but-"
"I just...Stella you...your aunt lives in L.A., right?"
"Aunt Lisa? Well yeah, she does, but she's crazy sometimes, and—"
"But she lives there?"
"Yeah, but Macy, I don't underst—"
"...Can you find out if she knows of any jobs going?" Stella paused before answering, understanding what Macy was telling her, and not wanting to believe it all at the same time. "Stella, are you there?"
"What?"
"Then again, who'd employ a high school dropout who's messed up her life?" Macy started sobbing, holding onto the phone so tightly she thought she might have hung up on her.
"Macy, shh..." Said Stella, wishing she was there in person to calm her down. "It's okay sweetie, you don't have to go, or do this on your own. I know, and Joe and Kevin and Nick—"
"Can you call her? Please? I need to know, Stella."
"But Macy—"
"I'll get on the plane and go there by myself if you don't ask her." She said, interrupting her before Stella could guilt trip her anymore.
"...I'll call her. I promise. As soon as we hang up, I'll call her, and then I'm coming over with icecream." Said Stella. "...Are you sure you wanna do this, sweetie? I mean what about the father, shouldn't he..."
"He knows. And he doesn't want us. So I don't have a choice." Macy closed her eyes again, and ended the call, switching her phone off, and slipping the home phone off of its hook. She let out a sob as Mackenna woke up and started crying, but ignored it, going into her room and lying curled up on her bed, her hands over her ears to block her out. Block him out. She didn't want any of this. Not anymore. Not right now.
