Disclaimer: If I told you that I owned Naruto, would you believe me?

Sasuke: No.

Kitsuru: Evil muse…

Okay, so, thanks to the wonders of masking tape—which HAS to be magical, there's no way that something so amazing can't be!—the fourth wall has been repaired! Of course, while it was broken, Tenten managed to become a bit OOC.

-Whistles innocently- Yup, it was the broken fourth walls fault, not mine. Tenten's sudden evilness is in not my fault in any way whatsoever…

The chapters just keep getting longer—this one managed over four-thousand words, without the A/N. That's both a good thing, and a bad thing, in my opinion.

It's good because story length is always something that I've wanted to work on. It's bad because it means more work for me, and with school starting next week that could be a problem. I'll try to update as often as I can, but I was really hoping to finish this story before the end of summer… -sighs-

Does anyone have any flashback requests? I didn't do one this chapter, because nobody really asked for any… however, I did bring the girls in! Not to mention a certain Uchiha and shark-man duo!


It was just another day of vacationing for the Uzumaki girls, filled with sun, swimming, and Temari screaming at the pool-boy. Until, of course, a certain member of their group caught another huddled in a closet, feverishly dialing Naruto's phone number.

"…Ino?" The pink haired kunoichi managed to say, her voiced shocked and disapproving. Her long-time rival, friend, and fellow wife winced.

"I couldn't help it…" The blonde admitted guiltily. Sakura looked around cautiously, and then smirked.

"Move over, Oinker!" She urged eagerly.

"I should've known that you weren't the goody-goody that you always pretended to be, Billboard-brow!" Ino taunted as she made room for the other woman. Sakura merely cackled in reply.

"Sakura?" Both women froze at the new voice. "Ino?"

"Hinata!" Ino welcomed with a sigh of relief, as she and Sakura turned to face the once-shy girl. "Come on, you're just in time!"

"Just in time for what?" The dark-haired woman asked, confused.

"We're going to call Naruto!" Kakashi's former student explained, looking around for any listeners. Finding none, she gestured for Hinata to join them. "Now hurry, before Tenten or Temari—"

"Did I hear my name?" Tenten asked from behind them, and Sakura paled.

"Tenten, hi!" The blonde greeted with a nervous laugh. The weapons mistress gave them a look.

"It's finally happening, isn't it?" She asked, after a moment.

"What's finally happening?" Hinata wondered. Tenten blinked, having just noticed the other woman.

"You're here too, Hinata?" She mused out loud. "Never mind, then. You two aren't the type to confess your passionate love to each other with an audience." The brunette paused for a moment, then added, "at least, not until you've confessed to each other."

Silence. It was a shame that Shino wasn't there to supply the chirping crickets, but he was still busy running around sunglasses-less in Konoha.

"…Wait, what?!" Tsunade's two apprentices shrieked in unison. Tenten brushed their confusion off with a wave of her hand.

"Nothing, nothing at all." She said, a forced cheerfulness in her voice. "So, why are you hiding in the closet this time?"

"We've never hidden in a closet before!" Ino protested, and Sakura nodded vehemently.

"Hai, you have." Tenten replied smugly. "Or need I remind you of what happened at my bachelorette party?"

Ino and Sakura blushed and less-than-subtly put some distance between each other—in other words, they scrambled to get away—as Hinata blinked in confusion.

"What happened at your bachelorette party?" She asked, confused. "That night's a blur to me, since I think that somebody spiked the punch or something…"

"I did that." The weapons mistress told her, grinning evilly at the memory.

"That was you?!" The pink-haired woman yelped. The blonde appeared to be choking. "Why the heck did you do that?"

"I wanted to see what would happen." Tenten said cheerfully, casually avoiding an angry attempt at to strangle her. "And let me say, that was definitely a night to remember!"

"Speak for yourself…" Ino muttered, then blinked. "Hey, wait, if you spiked the punch during yours… then who spiked it at mine?"

"And come to think of it, I'm pretty sure that someone spiked it at mine…" Hinata recalled with a frown.

"And don't forget mine!" Sakura added, favoring the brunette with a suspicious look.

"Make that nights to remember." Tenten revised, smirking. Before the other women could kill/maim/torture her, she hastily changed the subject. "So, what were you three doing here, anyways?"

"Ano…" Hinata murmured guiltily, glancing at the medic-nins, who seemed to have discovered that the floor was really quite fascinating. Tenten stared at them expectantly for a moment, before she noticed the phone still clutched in Ino's hand.

"So that's what you're up too!" She exclaimed, and the three women nodded, embarrassed. "Well it's about time!"

The trio blinked, caught off guard by the unadulterated glee in Tenten's voice.

"…Say what?" Ino managed to squeak. The weapons mistress smirked at them.

"Come on, you didn't think that I'd try and stop you guys, did you?" She asked. Her fellow wives exchanged looks, but kept quiet. "I've been meaning to call for the last few days, to see whether or not Naruto's burned down Konoha yet!"

"Now hand over the phone!" She said, ignoring the terror-stricken expressions on the trio's face as she squeezed into the closet.

"Okay, do I even want to know what's going on here?" Temari's voice suddenly cut in, and the blood drained from the four women's faces. They turned, the looks on their faces the epitome of guilt, and Temari's gaze darted immediately to the phone.

"You have got to be kidding me…" She muttered, glaring at them. Sakura stared at the floor, while Ino tried to meet the other blonde's eyes in defiance—and failed miserably—Tenten grinned, and Hinata just gave her a helpless shrug. After a moment, Temari gave a resigned sigh.

"Alright, move over." She ordered, and had to hold back a smile at the triumphant smirk from the weapons mistress, the sigh of relief from the Hyuuga as she moved closer to Tenten to make room, and the twin squeals of glee from the medic-nin's.


"O-ohaiyo…" He managed to stammer, terror filling his heart. "… honey's."

"…Okay, what did you do this time?"Ino demanded after a moment of silence.

"N-nani?" Please sound convincing, please sound convincing, please pleasePLEASE sound convincing… "W-What are y-you t-talking a-about?"

"You're a worse liar than Neji, Naruto." He heard Tenten say. "But a much better kisser, I'll admit."

"That's for sure." Temari agreed.

"Really?" He asked, grinning triumphantly. "I—WAIT, WHAT?!"

"Calm down." The former Suna kunoichi ordered. "It was a party, and we were drunk."

"And I went on a few dates with him during those two years that you were training with Jiraiya." The weapons mistress informed him cheerfully. "No need for you to panic."

"Yet." Sakura added, and the blonde paled.

"Wh-why would I need to panic?" He asked, trying to forget Tenten's comment about his lack of lying skills. She was probably just joking around… everyone had always told him that he was a great liar...

... After catching him in the middle of a lie. Come to think of it, he had never gotten away with lying that he could remember… crap…

"You sound like Hinata used to." Tenten informed him matter-of-factly.

"And last time that happened, you were at your third bachelor party and Sasuke and Sai had gotten drunk and declared their eternal love for each other." Temari reminded him. "You were convinced that the world was going to end, and—crap, hold on a minute. Sakura's fainted from blood loss. Ino, can you—darn it, she's out too! Tenten, get some—why am I not surprised? What about—Hinata! Not you too? Am I the only one here who isn't perverted?"

"Temari!" Naruto suddenly shouted.

"OW! Darn it Naruto, were you trying to deafen me or something?!"

"Temari, are you still there? I can't hear you!" The blonde continued. "I'm losing you—Temari!"

"Naruto! What are you—"

He hung up the phone, smirking as he recalled something that Jiraiya had told him while they were running away from a horde of angry kunoichi who had caught the perverted author 'researching' at the hot springs while Naruto trained. Needless to say, the blonde hadn't been interested in any of the 'wisdom' that his hentai of a teacher had wanted to pass on.

"If all else fails, just pretend that you've lost the connection and pray that they're a heck of a lot farther away than you think that they are."

Ero-sennin really did get weird sometimes… He still had no idea what that had had to do with their situation, especially since the women had almost managed to catch up to them and none of them were on the phone. But, that was a story for another day, and to make sure that he lived until that day, he had to get going.

And fast, before Temari tried to call him back…


"Naruto!" The blonde shouted. "What are you talking about?!"

Only silence answered her. She scowled, hanging up the phone. He hung up on me! He actually hung up on me!

Drip.

Now why am I thinking about dripping about a time like this? She wondered, and then realized that the sound hadn't come from her mind. She put a hand beneath her nose, groaning when it came away wet and red.

"Give me a break…" She muttered, looking at the other Uzumaki's, who were still unconscious. "At least they're worse than I am, or they'd be awake." She shuddered. "Tenten would never let me live this down…"

She looked once more at the phone, and sighed.

"Well, whatever's going on, it can't be that bad." Temari decided at last. "I mean, nobody was screaming in agony in the background this time, and I didn't even hear anything about fire!"

Not yet, anyways…

"Now, where's that pool-boy…?" She wondered, scowling. "I'm still waiting for my lemonade!"


"Okay, I think we're in the clear for now." Naruto announced.

"For now?" Sasuke asked Kiba, who shook his head.

"Whatever it is, we don't want to know." He said firmly. Sasuke considered that for a moment, before nodding in agreement. When dealing with Naruto, it was always better to be safe rather than sorry.

"Arf!" Akamaru barked, drawing their attention. "Ruff ruff arf!"

"Nani?" Chouji asked through a mouthful of chips. "What'd he say?"

"He says that he's got Shino's scent!" The Inuzuka shouted after a moment, grinning as he pulled the camera back out. "Come on, we can cut him off if we—"

"Don't even think about it." Naruto growled, and his friends froze guiltily. "You're going to help me find my kids."

"Why would we do that?" Sasuke asked, faking disinterest. He'd probably end up helping; just on the virtue of being Naruto's former teammate, but that didn't mean that he'd let the blonde know that.

"Teme, if you're going to threaten not to help, be serious about it." Naruto retorted, smirking. The Uchiha grumbled.

"There he goes…" Kiba moaned, standing at the window. He blinked. "Hey, Naruto?"

"What is it?" He asked absently. "We need to find my kids!"

"About that…" He gave a nervous laugh. "Well, there's kind of a baby on Shino's head."

Complete and utter silence.

"Think that it might be one of yours?"


"OH EM GEE!!"

Shino ran, once again shrieking at the top of his lungs. Konohaians scattered before him, rushing to get out of his way, and the few that failed to do so were quite literally trampled. And afterwards, all they could do was groan about an 'eye-blocking brat.'

In other words, Uzumaki Inoichi had inherited his fathers' penchant for getting on peoples nerves, as well as for ending up in very unusual places. But, where Naruto had spent his time on top of the Hokage monument, Ino's elder son had decided to go on a somewhat smaller—not to mention hairier—head.

Shino's, to be precise.

"I'M BLIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!" At the moment, he was giggling as he held his little hands in front of Shino's eyes, blocking them from viewing anything, and from being viewed.

Which was why several of the wealthier citizens of Konoha tried to identify him. Not that they were going to put a hit out on him for keeping them from seeing the Aburame's eyes or anything! They just wanted to return him to his parents.

Really.

"SHINO, STOP!"

Inoichi giggled slightly as he considered waving at his panicked father. He decided against it, since he had apparently inherited his mothers common sense rather than his fathers lack of it, and went back to holding on. Shino, meanwhile, was oblivious to the proceedings.

"YOU WON'T STOP ME!"

Or not.

"YOU WILL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, FLYSWATTER PEOPLE OF VELGUS-TWELVE!!"

Okay, never mind. He was definitely oblivious.

Kiba tripped while trying to get his mind around Shino screaming about aliens. In fact, he was still having trouble getting used to the whole 'Shino screaming' part of it all. Especially seeing—or rather, hearing—as Shino was screaming like a girl.

Not that he'd say as much out loud, at least not around any kunoichi's.

After all, he wasn't Naruto; who healed inhumanly quickly and seemed to instantly forget any beatings he'd been given before by his pink-haired teammate, his other wives, his Hokage, and several other miscellaneous kunoichi (i.e. Anko) once said beatings were finished. In fact, the Inuzuka was secretly convinced that the blonde was a masochist. It made sense when you thought about it.

He staggered to his feet, spitting out dirt and looking around. The street was empty, save for him and a tumbleweed. Oh, and two women who seemed to be on top of one another.

At that, the Inuzuka did a double take and found himself sorely disappointed. Not only were they not… messing around, but also, as he determined nearly a full five minutes later, one of them wasn't even really a woman! He wanted to sob at his disappointment, but since that would wake them up, he decided against it.

For the moment, at least.


"I… I can't…" Naruto, exhausted beyond all belief, had collapsed, panting, in a heap in the middle of the street. Sasuke, standing above him and barely looking winded—or interested, for that matter—poked him with his foot. "…Teme… knock it… off…"

"Some future Rokudaime you are." Neji snorted. The blonde growled. "And very articulate."

"…Arigatou…"

"That was sarcasm, dobe." Sasuke informed him.

"TEME!!" Naruto roared, leaping to his feet angrily.

"Weren't you exhausted beyond belief?" Neji asked. The blonde blinked, before falling back down to the ground.

"…At least… we managed to get… Inoichi back… ne…?" Naruto asked. He smiled at the infant, who was squirming happily in Neji's arms. The Uchiha, much to the blonde's amusement, kept giving Inoichi highly suspicious glances, perhaps wondering if he had inherited his mothers love of glomping people—after all, they had found him on Shino's head.

"Hai." The Hyuuga affirmed, shifting his hold on the excited baby. "Only eleven more to go."

"It could… be worse…"

"Great." Sasuke groaned, palming his forehead. Suddenly, and without warning, Sasuke was covered in a certain, smelly fluid. He took a pointed step away from the now-giggling baby. "You jinxed it. Just… great…"

"What are you guys waiting for?" Naruto asked impatiently. The Uchiha gaped at his old teammate, stunned by the fact that a) the blonde had gotten up and over his exhaustion so suddenly and without even being cued by the author in any way, shape, or form and b) that he hadn't taken the opportunity to at least point and laugh at him.

On second thought, scratch the b. He wasn't one to look a gift baka in the mouth. And speaking of baka's…

"We've got to find them before they get hurt and I get maimed!" The blonde was shouting, waving his arms around pointlessly.

So this is parenthood… Sasuke realized, awed at Naruto knowing the word 'maimed' and not seizing a chance to taunt him. …Or maybe Naruto's fear of his wives. Or both.

"Certainly." Neji acquiesced, dumping the mini-blonde in Sasuke's hands. The Uchiha blanched and tried to hand him back, but the Hyuuga had already gotten out of range. "But there's one problem."

"Nani?" The blonde blinked at him, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"How are we supposed to find them?" He asked. Naruto blinked again.

"Well, duh!" He replied, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "We use Akamaru, dattebayo!"

"Brilliant plan." Neji said dryly. "But how are we supposed to do that without Kiba? He's the only one of us who speaks dog, remember?"

Naruto blinked. Sasuke blinked. Akamaru—who had been sniffing something at the side of the street—blinked. Even Inoichi blinked.

And then Akamaru took off in search of his partner. Naruto ran off after him, since Akamaru was most likely the only being that could possibly save his children—and himself, when his wives got back. The two Clan members exchanged blank looks, which were quickly replaced by their usual aloof 'I'm-so-much-better-than-you-could-ever-hope-to-be-peasant' expressions.

"So…" Sasuke began. "…Want to get some tomatoes or something?"

"Eh, why not?" Neji agreed. He smirked. "Of course, you couldn't come."

"Why not?" The Uchiha asked, outwardly indignant and inwardly horrified at missing a chance to eat his favorite food.

"Because you have that." The Hyuuga pointed at Inoichi, who gave them a toothless smile. "Besides, have you smelled yourself lately?"

"I'm trying not to." Sasuke muttered. Then, a smirk spread across his face as well. "I have a question, Hyuuga."

"Nani?"

"What would happen if Hiashi found out Hinata's kids being missing?" The younger man asked.

Neji grinned evilly. "He'd be very, very angry…"

"Hai." The Uchiha agreed. "At you."

The Hyuuga's crazed grin at the daydreams of Naruto being maimed and forced to divorce Hinata quickly vanished. He frowned at the other shinobi. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, if you knew that they were gone and possibly in danger, but you didn't help to find them…" He let the sentence trail off, and watched Neji grow very, very pale and very, very quiet as his imagination got the best of him.

And the worst part was, the fate he was imagining was probably a lot better than what would await the Hyuuga. Neji wasn't exactly the most imaginative of people, and Hiashi…

…Well, let's just say that Hiashi was very imaginative and leave it at that.

"The Inuzuka compound is north of here, ne?" Neji asked dazedly. Sasuke nodded and cackled silently.

Kukukuku!

He frowned as he realized what he had just done, albeit mentally. Okay, he had definitely spent too much time around Orochimaru.

Note to self: find a way to get therapy without anyone finding out about it…


What the heck is that guy in a dress for, anyways? Kiba wondered abstractly, poking the aforementioned dress-wearer. I mean, he had to be picking up chicks to get like that with one, but…

The woman groaned and shifted a bit, allowing him to see her face. Or rather, her—slightly cracked—mask. She was an ANBU!

Kiba quickly put two and two together, and managed to get something resembling four. He decided that the guy in the dress must have been there for a while, probably even since the night before when most drunkards tended to pass out in the street. And the ANBU must have gotten hit in the head, causing her mask to crack and knocking her out.

Neither of them probably had any idea about the position they were in, nor, more importantly, who was in it with them. Grinning evilly, Kiba looked around. Nope, the street was still empty.

Perfect. He thought gleefully. I'll finally show all of Konoha just who the greatest prankster is!

He cackled, winced as the very feminine unconscious man groaned, and tried to cackle at a whisper-level.

Tried being the key word. Needless to say, the result was a very… interesting sound. In fact, when Shizune—who was nearby searching for Tsunade—heard it, she screamed.

"Not again!" She wailed, dropping the stack of paperwork that she had been trying to get the errant Hokage to work on. It cracked the pavement when it hit it, but Shizune was too busy panicking to notice.

"Tonton, don't do it!!" She cried. "DON'T GIVE IN TO KARAOKE NIGHT!! NOOOOOOOO!!"


"OH EM GEE!"

"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!"

"OH EM GEE, A SNAIL CREATURE FROM MEEPTRON-ALPHA!"

"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!!" Tobi shouted.

"GET AWAY, SNAIL CREATURE FROM MEEPTRON-ALPHA!"

"OKAY!" The Akatsuki member, who had been running alongside the Aburame, ran off in another direction. "HAVE A NICE DAY!"

"THANKS!" Shino replied, waving goodbye. "YOU TOO!"

"Do I even want to know?" Kisame asked Itachi from their spot at the side of the road. The pair had been sent to see why Deidara and Tobi hadn't returned yet.

"Know what?" His partner asked.

"Why there's an Aburame running around without his sunglasses on." The shark-man explained. Itachi froze.

"Did you just say that there was an Aburame… running around…. without his glasses?"

"Yup." The swordsman replied cheerfully. "Didn't you see… oh, sorry, I forgot."

The Uchiha turned around, walked to—and into the wall of—the nearest building, and started banging his head against the wall. Repeatedly.

"You know…" Kisame commented, watching Itachi with a bored expression on his face. "…If you would just get glasses already, this wouldn't be a problem."

"For the last time, Uchiha's don't need glasses!" Itachi growled. "Do you have any idea how my foolish little brother would react if he saw me wearing them?"

"And how would he react with you walking into walls?"

"That's not the point!" The Uchiha said petulantly. "I refuse to get glasses! I'll look like a geek!"

"Then get contacts."

"Ew!" The S-Class missing-nin shuddered at the thought. "I'm not sticking things into my eyes, thank you very much!"

"Whatever." Kisame acquiesced with a shrug. "It's no skin off my nose if you walk off a cliff or something."


Five minutes later…

"Oh, come on, I was just kidding!"

"…"

"Hello? Can you hear me?"

"…"

"Are you still alive down there?"

"…"

"Crap."

"…Hn."

"So you are still alive… double-crap."

"Kisame?"

"Nani?"

"I may be willing to consider getting glasses."

"Yeah, whatever. I stole Kakuzu's secret hoard of cash, so just make sure to pick the most expensive pair."


"NoooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
"Did you hear that?" Sasuke asked.

"If by 'that,' you mean the scream of complete and utter anguish and loss…" Neji began. "… Then no, I didn't."


"AKAMARU!!" Naruto wailed. "COME BAAAAAAAAACK!!"

"Troublesome…" A familiar voice sighed. "Would you mind keeping it down? I'm trying to watch clouds here."

"Shikamaru!" The blonde shouted, resulting in another exasperated sigh. "Have you seen Akamaru?"

"No."

"Oh…" Naruto drooped sadly, then brightened. "Well, what about any of my kids?"

"Depends. Are they as troublesome as you are?"

"From what I've been told, they're even worse than I am." Naruto said proudly.

"That's not a good thing."

"It's not?"

"No, Naruto, it's not." Shikamaru informed him with a roll of his eyes.

"Oh…" The blonde was silent for a moment. "But anyways, have you seen any of them?"

"No."

"Aw…"

"If that's over with, would you mind getting off of my face?" Shikamaru asked. "It's troublesome trying to watch clouds with you there. Plus, you're heavy."

"I am not—wait, what?" Naruto blinked. Then he looked down. Then he quickly jumped off, looking sheepish. "Sorry about that, Shikamaru. Daijoubu?"

"I'm fine." He replied with a lazy wave of an arm. "But weren't you in the middle of something troublesome?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" The blonde screamed, remembering his predicament. He ran off. "AKAMARUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!"

"What the heck was that about?" A new voice asked.

"Something troublesome." Shikamaru replied with a shrug. "Now get back to fanning me, this troublesome heat is… troublesome."

Kankuro growled, wishing not for the first time for a chance to get back at Naruto for knocking him out and giving Shikamaru a chance to blackmail him—trust me, you don't want to know how—into being his slave for a week. That, and to get out of the maids outfit that he had been forced to wear. This thing's itchy!

"FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND RAMEN-FLAVORED!" They heard Naruto scream. "NOT THAT!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!"

"YOSH!" They heard Lee reply in his usual obliviously happy and loud way. "AREN'T REUNIONS BEAUTIFULLY YOUTHFUL, GAI-SENSEI?"

"TRULY THEY ARE, LEE!"

"HOW COULD YOU?!" He wailed. "YOU TURNED MY SON INTO A… A..."

"WE MERELY GAVE HIM A MAKEOVER! RIGHT, GAI-SENSEI?"

"YOSH, LEE! NOW HE IS AS COOL AS WE ARE!"

"It sounds like someone's going a bit overboard with the caps lock." Kankuro muttered. Shikamaru coughed pointedly, reminding him of what had happened to a certain member of ANBU.

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"OH EM GEE, YOU'VE EVEN MADE HIS TEETH SHINY!" Naruto sobbed. "SAKURA'S GOING TO KILL ME!!"

"THERE'S NO NEED TO THANK US!"

"HAI, WE ARE HAPPY TO HELP OUT A FRIEND!"

"WHY MEEEEEEEEE?!"


Did you guys think that I had forgotten Kankuro? Iie, I was just waiting until you thought that I did! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Sasuke: In other words, you completely forgot about him and now you're covering it up by explaining what happened to him now.

Kitsuru: -nervously- No, of course not! And what the heck are you doing down here, anyways? This is my space to beg shamelessly for reviews! –hinthint-

Sasuke: I don't see your name on it.

Kitsuru: -points to the left- See, it's right there! –points upwards- And there, too!

Sasuke: So's mine.

Kitsuru: You and Shikamaru—not that he ever does anything other than hang around and look at clouds—get the pre-story space! BAD MUSE! BAD! Do I have to get out the newspaper?

Sasuke: -activates his sharingan- What was that?

Kitsuru: -nervously- Um… Do you want to read the newspaper?

Sasuke: Not particularly. Just get on with begging for reviews or whatever you usually do down here.

Kitsuru: Hai! If you liked this chapter—or if you didn't, since I really like constructive criticism, as long as it's not flaming—then please review!