Jen's face was sullen. She had been thinking about the situation all day. It was impossible. She knew she had to do the right thing and finish it before it got started again, but now Tilly was stood in front of her, and they were together in the privacy of the bus, she wasn't sure she could go through with it. She put her hand to her forehead
"We need to talk..."
"Okay..." responded Tilly, sitting down on the edge of the bed
Jen sighed, about to begin, when Tilly interrupted her
"I know where this is going"
Jen steadied herself then continued:
"Tilly" she started "we shouldn't..."
But Tilly didn't want to hear it, interrupting her
"I know, I know, you don't need to say it..." she paused, their eyes locked together, it was pointless, she had heard it all before. Then she changed tack "Shouldn't is better than can't" she smiled cheekily.
Jen was serious
"I meant can't"
"well, you said shouldn't" Tilly replied, smiling still.
"You're not making this easy..." Jen said, rolling her eyes, becoming frustrated.
"Sorry" Tilly responded, serious this time "I know I'm not, and I know this is difficult for you. I understand why you think you have to stop it. You are taking a massive risk. Prison, career, life. I get it. These are big deals"
Jen was grateful for the understanding
"Ok, so you see I have no choice"
"I see you have two choices"
"Two?"
"Yes. You can stop it..."
"Or...?"
"Or you can trust me"
"Tilly...' Jen replied with a warning tone in her voice "It's not that simple"
"Yes it is. Look Jen, I know it can't go anywhere, when we get home it's all off. I understand." she paused, searching Jen's face "Jen, I'm not going to tell anyone, I swear."
"Its not that I don't trust you, it's like I said at the folly, I want this" Jen said, gesturing between Tilly and herself "so I'm fighting my instincts. I can't trust myself. I am hopeless around you. I have to remove temptation. I know what the right thing to do is, so I have to do it." Sometimes she still felt that Tilly didn't quite grasp that it was Jen putting everything on the line, risking her future.
"Ok but look, you're not my teacher now, we're not even at home, lets just take this time to be together, give ourselves a break, and when we get back home we'll go our separate ways, I won't tempt you anymore, I promise. I know you are weak!" Tilly was starting to tease again, "I can be the mature one..."
Jen remained quiet. Tilly wondered if maybe she was considering it, so she walked over to her
"But for now..." she said suggestively "we're not home..."
Jen sighed and looked away, shutting down Tilly's advances with her body language "If only... "
Tilly tried a different angle.
"Look Jen, I just think we should stop giving ourselves a hard time about this, lets keep it light, have a holiday, forget all the angst, just for this week, have fun, take some memories home"
Jen stood up, and walked over to the window. Tilly continued
"people do this all the time..."
"I don't think they do!"
"People separate for a period of time, live apart for months, long distance relationships, people in the army, it'd just be like that."
"It wouldn't' Jen countered 'we couldn't meet, or text, we couldn't be together in any sense of the word."
"But we can one day, when I'm eighteen, and I could still see you, pass you in the street, exchange the odd small talk, I could see you from a distance at college, we'd know it was only temporary until we could be together. It's a matter of months, not years. People cope with much worse."
"What if we get caught? It would ruin me"
"We won't"
"You don't know that"
"You don't know that we will!"
Jen smiled and her face softened. Tilly's optimism was catching.
"We can be careful," Tilly continued "we can have ground rules." Her face lit up with an idea and she was suddenly excited "oo! I know! We can have safe words!"
"Safe words?" asked Jen
"Yeah, safe words, you know..."
"Are you sure you mean safe words?"
"Yeah"
Jen giggled, and raised an eyebrow;
"You mean a word we agree on, an everyday word, like 'cauliflower' or something that I cry out in bed when you're getting too kinky!?"
Tilly was shocked at her mistake,
"Shit! No! Ha ha! I meant like a word we say in normal conversation that means something else that only we know!"
Jen broke into laughter 'that's codewords, you idiot!" and they both creased up at the misunderstanding.
"no, I definitely meant code words!" Tilly giggled, then she joked suggestively,
"that is unless...?" and gave a little wink, stepping forward, smiling as she grabbed onto Jen's loose t shirt material near her stomach, grazing her bare flesh with her fingers as she did so, making Jen inhale sharply at being accidentally tickled. Jen lovingly pushed her away
"One thing at a time, Casanova..."
she teased, smiling back as they paused, looking at each other, sharing a grin, feeling the tension in the air lifting slightly.
"Cauliflower!?" Tilly mocked.
"First thing that entered my head!"
"Hmm..." she replied "what is going on in there..." their eyes were locked together.
Tilly became suddenly aware of the time. She should get back before the others noticed.
"Will you think about it?" she asked. Jen said nothing. They were still looking at each other. Tilly knew Jen was conflicted between doing what she should and doing what she wanted. She just hoped she would have the courage to choose correctly.
"I'd better go. The guys will be ready to leave soon."
"ok..." Jen replied.
They stood where they were a little longer, their eyes communicating beyond their words, the lust and affection clear to read in them. It was the rules of the rest of the world that was a problem, nothing was wrong with how they felt about each other.
Tilly stepped towards Jen again, confident, taking charge. She reached out and put her hands either side of Jen's face, resting them on her cheeks. Jen was surprised but didn't push her away.
"Look, I am gonna kiss you now though," Tilly said, her face close, her expression honest, sincere. "Just in case it's the last one..."
And with that, she decided to give Jen something to really think about, pulling her in and gently pressing their lips together. Jen was reluctant at first to respond, but the kiss felt so good, against her better judgement, she soon melted into it. It was tender but incredibly passionate. Holding each other tightly, Tilly was in control and Jen was surrendering to it.
Still kissing, Tilly's hands dropped to below Jen's waist, where they pulled her closer and squeezed her hips, before running up her sides, very slowly and deliberately grazing the side of her breasts with her thumbs. The effect was instant, it sent shivers up Jen's body and her heart began to pound faster. Tilly was teasing Jen, knowing the effect her touch would be having, knowing how easily turned on Tilly was by every single touch from Jen, and that Jen would be the same. Jen was hopeless once they started kissing, always had been, and Tilly knew it. Her hands lingered there long enough to give the desired response, as she felt Jen kiss her back purposefully, like she meant it. It was instinctive, as if she had stopped thinking about it, and it served to confirm Tilly's thoughts, that Jen wanted to be with her. But she knew it would not be easy, convincing her to ignore the reason in her head. She had to be carefully managed. It had to be Jen's choice. So Tilly moved her hands away again, as if to tease, and they continued upwards to wrap up behind Jen's back. One hand ventured under her hair to the back of her neck. Jen let out a breathy sigh between kisses and grabbed on tight, pulling her close.
Tilly had only meant to kiss Jen, but she was enjoying feeling her respond to her touch. Jen was being so cute, so irresistible, she couldn't help herself. She chose to push it a bit, be a bit naughty. This was Tilly's one chance to convince Jen to take a risk. She had tried her best to reason with her, but perhaps she needed to show Jen what she was thinking about throwing away. So she dropped her other hand slowly over Jen's chest, down her belly, past her hips and finally to between her thighs, feeling how warm she was there, touching her over her clothes, pressing her against the wall of the bus.
The response from Jen was immediate as she let out an involuntary moan at the sensation, and gripped on to Tilly, pulling them both in against the wall behind her. Tilly stopped their kiss to look at her, eyes sparkling. She gave Jen an irresistible smile then kissed her again. Deeper this time, more enveloping, calming the voices in Jen's head as Tilly allowed her hand to fall under her skirt, and her fingers began tracing a path over Jen's underwear, touching her exactly where she wanted it the most. Jen moaned again, into the kiss. She couldn't help herself, she felt like her knees might buckle.
Tilly was confident that her plan was working, as she felt Jen press herself forwards into her hand and heard her breath quicken and become heavier. She was enjoying the feel of Jen under her fingers, but Jen could no longer concentrate on kissing, she was too distracted by what Tilly was doing to her, and she broke the kiss to help her catch her breath. As she gasped for air she wrapped her arms around Tilly's neck and brushed her lips past her ear, breathing her name as she did so, as if it was a request for more.
Hearing Jen say her name like that - this girl, the one she had been thinking about for months, was almost too much for Tilly, and it was what she had been waiting for. Obliging, she leaned into her, against the wall of the bus, and buried her face and lips into Jen's neck, pulling her hand away from beneath Jen's skirt just long enough to hear her moan in protest, before navigating around Jen's underwear and returning her hand to its previous location, only this time there was no fabric between them. Tilly caught her own breath to feel just how aroused Jen clearly was beneath her hand, as she heard another gasp escape from Jen's lungs at the touch. She had given into it, she was no longer fighting it. Her body's response had betrayed her words, it was contradicting them, and she was clearly lost in it.
Tilly pulled her face back to look at her. She had her eyes closed, lips slightly parted, breathing heavily. She looked beautiful. Tilly had not touched her like this before, and she was completely loving it. Loving how it felt but also what it meant to be this intimate with her. It was really turning Tilly on. She could feel her own core aching with anticipation and overwhelming desire. Jen opened her eyes and they held each others' gaze, pupils large and dilated, sharing the moment, as Tilly continued to explore with her hand. Jen felt unmistakably swollen and wet under her fingers, her warmth radiating from her as Tilly caressed and circled around. She felt Jen push herself back against her hand, reaching forwards, her actions begging for more, desperate to feel Tilly inside her. She gasped every time Tilly moved her fingers close and then away again, her breath strained and ragged, until Tilly heard her name escape from Jen's lips again, louder and more urgently this time.
Tilly wanted to. More than anything she wanted to. But she had a grander scheme to consider.
It was unbelievably tempting to stay longer, but Tilly knew what she had to do, so abruptly and completely against all her instincts, she broke away from their embrace
"Bye Jen" she said, and stepped back.
"Aaaah!" exclaimed Jen in disbelief as she watched Tilly turn around and leave the bus, pausing at the door to look back and smile before disappearing up the path towards the house.
Jen had absolutely no idea what to do with herself. She was left standing there, still leaning against the wall, breathless, weak at the knees and ridiculously turned on, alone in the bus to think things over.
'Fuuuuuuucccccckkkkkkk...'
