The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion Lucien Lachance & Anarine Valarus "A Single Nightshade"


"Ah. Do you now see why I had tried stopped you all this while? You never knew. And you weren't going to know. Until now. You are carrying my daughter. Our daughter, dearest Anarine. You now have a reason to keep living. Please live, Ana. I know you will take good care of her. You will make an amazing mother to our child."

I had made the ultimate decision of moving out of Cyrodiil. I had decided to head to Skyrim. I had made this decision the night I found out I was pregnant and Lucien spoke to me in a dream. It soon dawned upon me that Lucien may be gone, but he was still living in me, in my head. In my dreams. Maybe it was the Gods' work, or even Sithis'. Or maybe my heart didn't want to let him go and was crafting something for me to hold onto.


The next day, I took the first carriage travelling from Cyrodiil to Skyrim. In the carriage, I befriended a priest of Kynareth named Riesa. The Wood Elf was going to the Temple of Kynareath located in the heart of Skyrim, a little city named Whiterun. She was a lovely young lady. She had reminded me of Darna, my Imperial guardian. I soon learnt to trust her. Trust her enough to tell her my story. Well… not all of it.

"I… I recently lost someone," She had questioned me about why I had been keeping a forlorn look on my face, despite my occasional smiles. She asked me if something was bothering me and why did I look rather ill. "Someone who made my life worth living. He was wrongly dubbed as a traitor and was murdered before I could even prove his innocence. I loved him. I really did. I… I had tried to kill myself. I'll admit to that. But now I have a reason to keep living."

"And that is?"

"I… I am with child. His child."

"Oh dear… Anarine…"

"When I get to Skyrim, I don't know what to do." I admitted, tears forming in my eyes. "I have no one to turn to. I have nothing there."

"Now, that's not true. You have me." She smiled at me. "Come with me to the temple. We'll take of you until the baby is born. Maybe by then, we can find something for you to make a living out of?"

Never have I ever seen such kindness. I thanked her over and over again for her thoughtfulness towards this all. I assured her that I would find a way to repay her, although she, of course, declined. Too bad. I was going to repay her somehow.

I was going to have a place to stay and to make septims to support myself and my child. Things were going to get a little better after all.


The one promise I made to myself was that I would never do what my parents did, and that was abandon their child, no matter what the reason was. I was going to keep her forever and ever, if possible. Other than all the Nightshades in the world, she was my only precious remembrance of Lucien.

I had even made the choice of giving up my murdering ways, if needed. But of course, I was going to do anything and everything for her. I was going to try to be a good role model to her. I was going to have her mix with the right group of people. I didn't want her to have an attitude like mine, or a personality like mine. I wanted her to be the purest soul that would set foot on Nirn.

When she was finally born, she was a perfect copy of Lucien. She had his loving brown eyes, that flowing brown hair and of course, she had Lucien's beautiful warm smile that had kept me smiling for a long time. And now, it seems that I would be smiling even longer.

I had ultimately decided to name her Lucilla; Lula for short. I wanted something that was inspired from Lucien's own name. I even wondered if he himself would like it. And I got my answer in the usual way: in a dream.

"It's a beautiful name, dearest Anarine. I love it. I love her. And I love you."

I had instantly opened my eyes and got up to check on my newborn Lucilla. She had been sleeping soundly, without a peep. Without a care in the world. I smiled to myself and whispered. "I love you too."


I had made a living by selling flowers. I had sold all the different species. I would usually keep the Nightshades for myself for obvious reasons. While I was out in my stall at Whiterun's marketplace, Riesa would take care of Lucilla in the Temple of Kynareth. I was ever grateful to have met her in the first place. I was glad to call Whiterun my home.

Eventually, I had offered one-handed training in daggers. That earned me a little more gold. I soon had more than enough money to buy Breezehome, a little house in Whiterun so I could move out of the temple and give room to those who had needed it more. I couldn't bear to leave Whiterun, especially Riesa. I had owed her too much. I was glad for her friendship and kindness.

Breezehome was the perfect place for Lucilla and me. I had certainly wished Lucien was here to share it with us…

"Ah, but I'm always here, my dearest. I live within you. In your precious little mind. In your dreams. Wherever you are, I will find you and you will hear from me. I will not let you go, dearest Anarine. You are mine."

Sometimes I had wondered if Lucien's voice echoing in my head was just an illusion. A little mirage my mind created because I had been missing him so badly. But he had warned me from committing suicide and all. He had known about Lucilla. Maybe he truly was here with me. Sometimes, I didn't even have to sleep just to hear him whisper in my ear gently. Lucien was still here with me. He didn't want to let me go, and neither did I.


Lucilla was going to know what a loving man her father was. Of course, our past as Dark Brotherhood assassins was going to be kept in the dark. She did not need to know that. She was never going to know that. As far as she was concerned, her father was a good man, who died for the wrong reasons, and the people who were responsible for it paid for it. Lucien was a murderer, a killer. True. I won't deny that. Hey, I'm just as terrible as him. We're assassins, for Arkay's sake. We killed because we liked it. We killed because we were getting paid for it. We didn't care who we hurt. We had our own little world, where everything else was insignificant.

But when it came to the matters of the heart, you can damn well bet that Lucien was the most devoted man in all Nirn. He cared for me. He loved me. And Lula was going know that. She was going to know that he would have been the perfect father to her.


Lula had grown up to be a living beauty. It was damn near impossible for any man not to be able to turn his head when she would walk by. Unfortunately, she never found her other half. She kept emphasizing on how she never wanted to leave me alone. She wanted to grow old with me, if possible. She said that, because Lucien was not around, she did not want to leave me be.

"Aren't I your only connection to Papa, Mother? I'm not leaving you for any reason. You're all I need. I'm going to stay."

And 30 years was not enough for me. I had wanted more. I had wanted Lucilla to live past those 30 years. Use her elf blood to live over 100 years like me. Live forever, if possible. Why do I say such things?

Well…

When she was about to turn 30, it was the 4th Era, the 31st year and she… she fell ill. It was not any regular disease. Nobody knew what it was. She just… fell ill. She had a raging fever. She could not stop throwing up. Her body became so weak that she was even unable to stand up. In addition, she had started having hallucinations. Riesa had tried everything to cure this disease of hers, but it was no use. Something was killing my daughter, and there was nothing I could do about. I had even made trips to all the temples, but no one was able to diagnose her, or cure her. Her condition worsened every day.

My perfect little girl - once the heart and soul of Whiterun, was now slipping away from us all.

Then, there was one night that I had stopped Lula from taking her own life. She had my Blade of Woe in hand and it was leveled with her neck. I managed to seize it from her. She told me she could not take it anymore. She hated that her own body had wanted her dead. She had wanted it to get it over and done with immediately.

"Lula, I get it. You're hurt and in pain. But taking your own life? You are better than that! Don't you ever do something like this again!"

"But why, Mother? Why? I have nothing to live for! I don't have a husband or a child or anything! I'm miserable! Why should I stay alive and suffer?"

"What about me? Can't you live for me?" In a fit of anger, I revealed what I had planned to do to myself 30 years ago. "Lula, 30 years ago, I wanted to do the same thing you were about to do. Yeah. I wanted to kill myself as well! I was so depressed because I had just lost your father! The pain was killing me and I didn't want to live anymore without him! So I tried to kill myself to. But I couldn't. You know why? Because I found out I was pregnant with you. You, Lula. You the reason I decided to keep living. I'm living, only for you, Lula. Can't you live for me as well?"

That was more than enough. She never thought of committing suicide ever again, no matter how bad her condition got. No matter how terrible she felt. Although… it soon came to the point where she was unable to leave her bed anymore. She was too weak. Too frail. She could barely speak. Whatever this disease was, it was life-threatening. And it was taking my little girl away from me.


I told myself: our past as Dark Brotherhood assassins was never going to come to light. I was wrong. On the day before Lula's last day… I was forced to reveal it all. Not without consequences.

"Mommy…?"

"Yes, dearest? What do you need?"

Lucilla was lying on her bed, back against the bedframe. She took my hand and gave it a soft squeeze. "I want to know something… before I go."

"Now, child," I gave her a fake smile. "Don't speak of such things. I told you: you're going to be fine."

"You're a terrible liar, Mother. I hope Papa knew that." She chuckled.

I bit my lower lip. That had been it. "What would you like to know, dearest?"

"What really happened to Papa?"

My heart had stopped beating right then. "What do you mean, Lula?"

"You… you told me he was a good man but he had died for the wrong reasons. What were those reasons? What did you and Papa do for a living back then? I want to know, Mother."

I kept my faked smile. "Lula…"

"I just want to know. Whether what you tell me is good or bad, honorable or disgusting, I could give a flying skeever. I'm a dying woman, Mother. Nothing can disappoint me right now."

"But you will never love me again."

"It's not like you killed someone, Mother," She struggled to laugh.

I remained silent, as I felt another knife pierce my heart.

"Dear… Mara…" I didn't look at her, but I could easily pick up the stun in her breathless voice. "What did you and Papa do?"

"Lula-"

"I asked you a question, Mother! Answer me!"

I almost jolted at the new anger in her voice. I didn't want to have to do that. I didn't want to. But she was forcing me to. "Lula, I… I'm so sorry… but it's now in the past and I've dropped everything just for you!"

"Dark Brotherhood?"

I hung my head at that, and was driven to silence.

"Oh dear Gods…" She whimpered. "The residential flower-seller. The woman who offers one-handed training in daggers. The woman whom everybody looks up to, because she had the strength to move on and raise her child as a single parent… was an assassin!"

"Lula, I didn't have anything! Killing just became a part of me! And…" How was I going to justify this? "I can't justify this. I was a murderer. I murdered for money and because I liked it. I get it. But please, know that after I found out about you, I never, ever touched that dagger again. I resisted. I controlled the urge to murder something. Because I wanted to change. And I wanted to change just for you. I wanted you to have someone to look up to."

"And I can't BELIEVE it was YOU I looked up to all these years!"

"Please don't say that…" I said through gritted teeth, tearing up. "I left that part of me behind!"

"And Papa? Was he a cold-blooded killer like you?" She asked, tears in her own eyes.

"He… he was the best. He was a legend." I could not put it any other way.

Lula looked away from me; I could see a whole debate running in her mind. "I don't want to be the daughter of killers! How could you do this to me?"

"I gave it all up! It's not part of me anymore!" She turned her had away again, knowing she could not escape from me. "Lula… listen to what I have to say. Please." I reached for her arm but she pulled away from me. "I didn't know who my parents were. I was an orphan. They gave me up. Darna was an Imperial woman who raised me. She was all that I had left. She was what kept me sane. After she died, I… my sanity went with her. When I was 17, a bandit tried to force me against my will and I killed him to survive. And that point… I felt… relived. Because there was one less person in this world who wanted to hurt me. This need to kill something was born because I had nothing and people from all directions were trying to hurt me. Lula, I was crazy back then. I'll admit it! But I gave up everything, the moment I found out about you."

She turned her head back to me, with tears still those brown eyes. "So I wasn't even in the picture, would you have still killed?"

"No." I immediately answered. "No because I would've actually killed myself after losing your father,"

"Papa… what happened to him? I know he wasn't a good man, like you claimed because he was an assassin! But did he really die for the wrong reasons?"

She was giving me a chance to explain myself. But I also saw it as a chance to let go of a 30-year burden. "That's where you're wrong, Lula. Lucien was a good man. He was the only one who actually cared about me. I didn't think it was possible for killers like ourselves to have feelings. But he gave me those. He gave me everything. He gave me you."

"What happened to him?" It was all she wanted to know.

I prepared myself by taking a deep breath. "There was… a traitor. Members of the Dark Brotherhood were dying. We thought we had him taken care of but he were wrong. Within the Dark Brotherhood, there was another section known as the Black Hand. These people worked closely with the Night Mother and Sithis. The Listener was the one who would listen to the Night Mother, and receive new 'contracts'."

"Innocent targets, you mean,"

"Not all of them were innocent, you know. Anyway, the Listener would pass these contracts to their Speakers to carry them out. And if the Speakers had their own individual assistants, known as Silencers, they would carry them out."

"Let me guess," Lula held a finger up. "Papa was a Speaker. And you were his Silencer." I nodded at that. "So… what next?"

"Lucien planted my new targets, known as Dead Drops all around Cyrodiil. I had to find them and carry them out. By then, we had already fallen in love. Well… rather he made me fall in love with him. I carried those Dead Drop contracts out. But I didn't know that I had actually been systematically killed off members of the Black Hand."

Her eyes widened at that. "The traitor switched them, didn't he?"

I nodded. "The remaining Black Hand members thought that Lucien was the traitor and was hunting him down. I raced against time to find evidence. But… when I did…"

"M-Mother?" She saw the tears welling in my green eyes. "Mother, what happened to Papa? What did they do to him?"

"They tortured him… killed him…" The tears fell one by one. "I told him, 'It's not safe to be on your own. Come with me', but he didn't listen! I should've forced him to come with me!"

When I expressed those bottled up emotions, Lula took my hands and held them; a sign for me to calm down, but try to go on.

"I got my revenge, Lula. And it was sweet. I killed him. The traitor. And it felt good," I smiled evilly, but it soon disappeared. "But do you know what hurt the most? The Night Mother knew of the traitor. In fact, she knew of his intentions since he was a young boy! And that undead BITCH did nothing! She could've prevented this all and you would still have your father!" I almost cried out. "Lula, please… you can call me a killer. A monster. Anything you like. But please, please don't say your father wasn't a good man, because he was! If it wasn't for him, I would've killed the both of us."

Lula furrowed her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"I told you: I tried to kill myself many times. But each time, I couldn't. I couldn't because I would hear your father's voice in my head, telling to stop. And soon I realized why…"

Realization was written all over her features. "Because you were pregnant with me…"

I nodded at that, but I couldn't control my tears. I broke down in front of her, while she attempted to grasp all of this. "Lula, I'm so sorry…. Please forgive me. For everything I've done thus far. But I've changed and it was all for you and only you. Please don't judge me on my past. I'm not that person anymore. Please forgive me for everything. But don't hate me, please."

Lula couldn't say she hated me. Not after what I had just related to her. Of course, she could not accept my past, but she was willing to accept the present. She knew that her father was a loving man and that he loved the both of us every much. And Lula was going to take this with her to her grave.


"Mother…" On Lula's last day, she was the weakest she had ever been.

"Yes, dearest?" I tried to control my tears, because I knew the time was coming.

"Do you… do you think that Papa would speak to me as well? At least… before I go?" She gave me the smallest smile possible; it was all she could muster. "I would love to hear his voice and call me Lucilla. I would love for him to tell me that he loves me and is waiting for me on the other side…"

I didn't want to ruin this moment by telling her that Lucien was in the Void with Sithis and the Night Mother. But I knew somehow, he would meet her, and tell her everything she had wanted. If he had managed to speak to me thus far, he should have been able to do this. "I'm sure he'll do just that, Lula. I'm sure he will."

Shortly after, she fell asleep. She didn't die; she just fell asleep. I stayed by her side and prepared more bouquets of Deathbells and Dragon's Tongue to sell for the next day. I was so busy tending to my work, and I almost didn't catch those last words that escaped from Lula's lips:

"I love you too, Papa…"

And then she stopped breathing.


Almost everyone, including the Jarl, attended Lula's funeral. I was grateful for their attendance and it pleased me to know that Lula has touched so many hearts. She definitely deserved to live a lot more longer.

For some strange reason, I hadn't shed a single tear. It was as if something was restraining my emotions. Déjà vu all over again…

On the night of Lula's funeral, I kept her ashes in an urn and stored it on an altar in her bedroom, surrounding it with Nightshades. She had loved them very much. It wouldn't have surprised me the first time.

I tucked myself into bed and rolled to my side, trying to sleep. But it was impossible. My mind had been wrapped around the fact that I was never going to be woken up by my little girl the next day. She was not going to make me breakfast like she always does, and she was not going to be by my side at the marketplace. Not anymore.

I shut my eyes tightly… and the tears began to finally flow.

"Lucilla is a thing of a beauty. She may look like me, but she gets her grace from you, Ana. Please don't cry. Everything will be fine. Lucilla is fine. She is happy now. I know your heart longs for the both of us, but we live within you. You are never alone, dearest Anarine. I swear it."

After a long, long time, I heard Lucien's voice again. As he spoke, I slowly opened my eyes, trying to find meaning in his words.

But when I did, next to me on the bed… was a single Nightshade.


A/N: Sorry this one took forever. I now have exams :(

Posted this today because it's my birthday! :)

Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I know I'm a cruel thing for killing off Lula, but it was the only way the next chapter could come into place. Why? Give it a guess! What's the next chapter about?

Enjoy! Please review! :)