Disclaimer: *Thinks for a moment* Nope! After about five minutes of intense internal debate and checking to see if my name is somewhere on the jackets of the DBZ DVDs, I have finally deduced that Dragonball Z is NOT mine!
Author's Note: I'll probably get lynched for saying this, but this STILL isn't the last chapter. I had every intention of completely finishing it at chapter seven, but my writer's block has finally decided to leave me and I wrote more than expected. I'm sorry, I wanted to finish it, but when the next part started to expand to a good six pages, I knew it was getting too long. It might look like it ends here, but it really doesn't. I've had the ending planned out for some time and some of the things that happened in Chapters Five and Six sorta play a role in it. Anyway, I really didn't want to daunt you with a huge last chapter, because sometimes I have trouble reading the long ones myself, so, again, I chopped it up.
Here goes:
"Mom!"
...
"Mom!!"
...
"MOM!!"
"Eeerghhh...what IS it, Trunks?!"
Startled into wakefulness by the sudden cries, Bulma's eyes snapped open only to find herself staring right at her son, who had an overjoyed grin pasted on his face. "Mom!! Look!!" he exclaimed excitedly, pointing out the broken window. "The snow's stopped!"
"Oh, just quit it already, Trunks!" she snapped irately, turning back over onto her side. "That ISN'T something to joke about!"
"No, but really! I'm not kidding!" he sputtered, continuing to point outside. "Come and look!"
"Oh, all right, ALL RIGHT!!" Rubbing her crusty, bleary eyes, she grudgingly heaved herself upwards and over the others (who were still sleeping) and padded over towards the window.
What she saw absolutely flabbergasted her. She found that Trunks had not been playing pranks and that the snow had indeed...stopped. The sun was shining brightly and the once roaring wind was now completely still. In fact, the snowplow was even rumbling along on the street below. And THAT also meant...
"Guys!! GUYS!!" Gohan suddenly rushed into the room excitedly, his hair sticking out in all directions and his expression like a kid's at Christmas. "I can feel their Ki! I CAN FEEL THEIR KI!!"
Bulma smiled at him radiantly. "Thank Dende...the nightmare's finally over!"
"I'll say..."
"Yeah," Trunks piped up, "Let's find Dad and leave already!"
Bulma, who was sure that by this time Vegeta would be feeling downright homicidal, decided to get underway immediately. "OK, you guys! Let's wake everyone up, get packed, dig out the car, and GET OUT OF HERE!!"
***
Gohan squinted down the street. "Yeeeeahhhhh....I think it's right- right- THERE!" He pointed at a smushed-looking brick structure at the end of the block. "I can't be too sure exactly where, 'cause their Ki isn't at their normal levels, but it's definitely them."
"Are you sure now?" Bulma, who was driving the car, questioned.
"Yeah, I'm positive it's them! They must still be asleep or something!"
"All right, then!" Smiling triumphantly, she braked and pulled over into the parking lot of the building that Gohan had indicated. "Let's get cracking!"
"Bulma, do you have any idea what this place is called?" Chichi, who had been driving a second vehicle behind them, asked curiously once everyone had gotten out. "All it seems to say over there is...Inn!"
Bulma squinted. "Yeah, you're right..." She shook her head. "Weird... Place looks kind of run down, too."
Chichi blew it off. "Well, I don't really care!" she declared. "I don't care where they stayed as long as they're finally reunited with us!" Without a second thought she then slammed the door of the van and trudged off in the knee deep snow towards the motel.
Everyone else kind of stared at each other. "Well, I guess she's got the right idea," Krillen commented as he watched the strong-willed woman march off determinedly. "...C'mon, let's get going too!"
As everyone started to leave themselves, Bulma lagged behind for a moment on the pretense of checking that she had removed the car keys. There was something present in the back of her mind...a feeling. A bad feeling. That something in that motel was terribly, terribly wrong.
And do I even have to mention who she had a bad feeling about?
***
"Hey, how may I help you guys?" Redhead asked the Z fighters pleasantly when they had all reached the front desk.
"If y'all are looking for a room, then I'm sorry to say that we can't help you right now," Dreadlocks, who had just arrived from the back room, added. "None of our guests have checked out yet, and-"
"Oh, we're definitely not doing that," Bulma snorted, pushing her way up to the front of the group. "We want to get out of this hellhole of a city as quickly as possible! But we were wondering...have you seen a guy with tall hair wearing spandex around here lately?"
The two hotel workers, startled by the question, looked at each other and gulped visibly. "Um...really revealing spandex?" Redhead asked nervously, his eyes roving all over the various members of the group in front of him.
"Er---yes, I guess you could say that," Bulma replied, a little irked (and disturbed) at the teenager's observation.
"Well...um...yes, he IS here, ma'am. Checked in with another guy about three or four days ago. Ummmmmmm..." He trailed off, an anxious note still hovering in his voice.
After about twenty seconds Bulma stamped her foot and rolled her eyes. "Well, take me TO them!" she barked. "I don't want to just STAND here all day!!"
Dreadlocks, despite his eagerness to get the hapless, warmongering duo as far away from him as possible, just absolutely had to draw the line there. "No way, lady!" he exclaimed, shaking his head. "What's up there isn't something that females should have to see!"
Bulma sighed in frustration. "Listen, I don't have TIME for this, kid! We need to get the hell home!" She paused and thought for a moment before adding furiously, "Well, if you're not going to help me, then I guess I'll just have to help myself! I'M going to head up there and find them, if I have to search every-"
Before she could move even another pace Dreadlocks had blocked her way up to the stairs. "No, no, ma'am, you don't want to go up there! I guarantee that you don't!"
"SHUT UP! MY HUSBAND'S UP THERE AND I WANT HIM RIGHT NOW!!!"
"You won't after going up THERE, lady! Trust me, you're better off leaving at this point." Having thought he had scored a point, Dreadlocks cleared his throat and nodded sagely.
Bulma gritted her teeth. "I don't CARE!! I am going up those stairs and getting him NOW!!"
"NO!! You don't know what you're getting yourself into if you go up there!"
It was at this point that Chichi herself decided to intervene. And as we all well know, -well- Dreadlocks didn't even stand a chance against her. Her eyes absolutely aflame, she stomped over to the delinquent but well-meaning teen and yanked him roughly by the ear. "LISTEN, BUDDY!" she screeched right into it, "WE WANT OUR HUSBANDS RIGHT NOW AND WE ARE GOING TO GET THEM RIGHT NOW!! I DON'T CARE HOW WEIRD OR STUPID OR SMELLY THEY ARE, WE LOVE THEM ALL THE SAME AND THEY ARE COMING HOME WITH US!! AND NO SAUSAGE HAIRED, SNOT FACED, LITTLE TURD IS GONNA TAKE THEM AWAY FROM US!!" Releasing his ear with an especially painful twist, she then shoved him away and stood before him defiantly, her hands planted firmly on her hips.
Dreadlocks gulped. Things were NOT looking good. "Good Dende," he muttered to himself, staring nervously at the group angry, strong-looking people around him, "no WONDER that short, angry one is as pissed off as he is! He's learning it from THEM!!"
Bulma spat, "Care to say that a little louder?"
"Um, no! No!" Dreadlocks replied in an unusually high voice. "No thanks! Uh, I'll take you to them now! Come on, all of you! I'll take you to see them!" His limbs trembling visibly, he produced the keys from his pocket and started to ascend the stairs, not forgetting to mouth down to his companion at the desk, "They must be bisexual, Freddie!"
***
Everyone crowded outside of the Honeymoon Suite expectantly, waiting in complete silence as Dreadlocks fumbled with the skeleton key and slowly proceeded with unlocking the door. "There you go," he said quietly, upon hearing the telltale click, "But don't say I didn't warn you!" With that he turned to go downstairs.
And the door quietly swung open...
The first thing that one could see or hear upon entering the room was the sound of the relaxing yet annoying Muzak that was emanating from the still-on TV, of which on the screen blared the permanent still that read as, CURRENTLY OFF THE AIR UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. Another thing that everyone noticed as they quietly filed into the room was that the whole place entirely reeked and reminded them of both Goku and Vegeta. Towels were strewn everywhere...Vegeta's boots were precariously thrown on top of an emaciated-looking chair in the corner...a large hole in the wall was also to be seen, suggesting that someone had ripped some sort of electrical appliance right from it...Goku's underwear was hanging limply from one of the TV's antennas...
And, both lying in the middle of a bed collapsed right in half, a thin ray of fragile sunlight illuminating them, lay the two Saiyans in the flesh, both snoring uproariously, drool hanging from their mouths. Vegeta was lying on top of Goku, his head nuzzled affectionately into the crook of the other Saiyan's neck and his hands lying gently atop his shoulders. Goku, on the other hand, lay relaxedly on his back, his strong, strong arms outstretched and his hands firmly clamped on Vegeta's -how can we put this nicely- very tight-looking behind.
Everyone was absolutely shocked. Of all the THINGS they had expected to see when Dreadlocks had anxiously warned them---THIS was not one of them. Bitching, yelling, complaining, THAT was what they had expected, but not, not- THIS.
There was a complete silence for a short time, but finally Bulma gathered herself together and spoke up. "Trunks," she ordered firmly, "Go wake up your father."
Trunks shook his head almost desperately. "No way!" he exclaimed. "Once Dad finds out he's hugging Uncle Goku, he'll flip out!"
"Goten?"
"No! NO!" the younger boy replied, almost driven to tears. "He's scary when he gets mad!"
"Krillen?"
"I'm not doing it! The minute Vegeta wakes up is the minute he'll blow up everything immediately surrounding him!"
"18?"
"That would be like signing my death warrant, Bulma!"
"Gohan?"
"No way, man! I'm keeping my distance!"
"Roshi?"
"Heehee! All this action, all this groping, it's TURNING - ME - ON, fellas!"
"Euuuuuwwwww!!! ...Um, Yamcha?"
"The only thing that Vegeta hates more than groping Goku is me, Bulma! I am NOT gonna get thrown up on the roof again!"
"Chichi!"
Her friend made a face. "This is- this is- just GROSS, Bulma. I can't, I can't - do it!"
Bulma sighed in exasperation. "Well, I'm not doing it! So now I guess nobody will!" She sighed again. "This is even worse than the time I went to Namek..." She hung her head sadly.
However, that was when- that was when...something happened. That was when Vegeta stirred. Turning his head slightly and his eyes opening about halfway, he blinked sleepily for a moment before uttering in a deadpan voice, "Kakarott, get your hands off my ass."
Goku, stirring a little, took a moment before replying sleepily, "Oh, so THAT'S what I'm squeezing! I'm so sorry, Veggie, I- AAAAAAGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!" Suddenly he woke up fully and realized just exactly what he was doing and started to scream. Vegeta, now fully awake as well, began to shriek himself, and again, like the other morning, they both jumped out of bed and began to hop around like a couple of hyperactive drugged out llamas.
"KAKAROTT, HOW COULD YOU DO THAT??!!"
"I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M REALLY SORRY! THIS IS STARTING TO GET REALLY WEIRD, THIS IS-"
"APOLOGIES JUST DON'T CUT IT ANYMORE, KAKAROTT!! EVERY MORNING I WAKE UP ONLY TO FIND MYSELF BEING GROPED IN PLACES I DIDN'T THINK I EVEN HAD!! HOW CAN YOU EXPLAIN THAT, YOU STUPID BASTARD?! HOW CAN YOU?!"
"I CAN'T, VEGETA!! I CAN'T!! I'M SORRY!!"
The two stared at each other, breathing heavily, for what seemed like an eternity, a thick, tension-filled silence enveloping the room. Finally Vegeta declared in a subdued but no less menacing voice, "Kakarott, I'm taking a shower!" He shuddered involuntarily at just the mere estimate of how long he had been in Kakarott's sweaty arms.
Goku had to think about this for a moment. "Um, can I hop in with you?" he asked brightly, as if he had proceeded to immediately forget what had just occurred not two seconds ago.
Vegeta gave off a feral, animal-like growl. "NO!!"
"Oh, come on, Veggie! If we work together as a team, then we'll save water!"
"NO!!!!"
"Well, why not?"
"Listen, Kakarott," Vegeta said in a low but extremely dangerous tone, "I am absolutely NOT interested in seeing you naked for about the thousandth time since we arrived in this shithole! It's like a goddamn nudist colony in here! I've seen your entire body in frightening detail more in three days than I've ever looked at my own! Have you no shame, you baka?! So NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" He absolutely roared that last sentence.
Goku cracked a goofy smile. "Oh, come on, Veggie! It's not THAT bad! Unless-" -he tapped his chin with his pointer finger for a moment- "-unless you're EMBARRASSED, that is!"
"I AM NOT EMBARRASSED, YOU MORON!! I JUST DO NOT WANT TO SHOWER WITH YOU, KAKAROTT!"
Goku chuckled. "I knew it! I KNEW IT!! You're embarrassed!" He stuck his head almost nose-to-nose with Vegeta. "So what's wrong then, Veggie? Have a funky scar somewhere? Or is something really really sma-"
"KAKAROTT, I'M WARNING YOU!"
"Better not make it a cold shower, then, huh, Veggie, otherwise you won't be able to see i---"
Before Vegeta could respond to this absolutely appalling insult, someone cleared their throat loudly behind them. Both Saiyans jumped about a mile, Goku letting out a high-pitched shriek. They both whirled around...and...
There stood an angry-looking Chichi, hands firmly on hips...and completely flanked by everyone else who had tagged along on the damnable vacation. Goku gasped in fear and Vegeta's jaw scraped the floor in shock.
A tense, foreboding silence enveloped the room.
Finally...
"SO THIS IS WHAT YOU TWO HAVE BEEN UP TO!!" Chichi exploded, rounding in on the two angrily. "LYING AROUND IN HERE AND TALKING DIRTY WHILE WE SAT CRAMMED IN A CRAPPY LITTLE HOTEL ROOM WORRYING OUR ASSES OFF ABOUT YOU!! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!! ABSOLUTELY ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES!! HOW DARE YOU OPEN THOSE POTTY MOUTHS OF YOURS IN THE PRESENCE OF OUR CHILDREN!!"
Goku looked positively fearful. "Chichi, I'm s- sorry!" he stuttered, literally shaking in his shoes (had he had any on). "I d-didn't know you were there! I didn't know that ANYONE was here!"
This did not improve things. "THAT'S NO EXCUSE, GOKU!! THAT ISN'T ACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE!! I'M DISAPPOINTED IN YOU!! VERY DISAPPOINTED!!" She stood there shaking for a moment, too enraged to talk. "UUUURGHHHHHH!!! THAT'S IT!!! FOR ABOUT THE NEXT FIVE YEARS, YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE NO- NO - NO-" She jabbed her finger in the air decisively, knowing full well that she didn't even have to finish her sentence in order for Goku to get the message.
Goku's face exponentially fell with each jab. "But Chichi! I- I- what did I DO that was THAT bad?!"
"You know it and I know it! Now get your underwear on and let's drive home!"
Bulma, meanwhile, was taking advantage of the moment herself and was chewing out Vegeta, who had hitherto tried to stay out of the line of fire. "AND DON'T YOU THINK THAT YOU'RE NOT GONNA BE PUNISHED WHEN YOU GET HOME, BUDDY!" she shrieked, poking a sharp fingernail into her husband's rock-hard chest.
Vegeta scowled. "Do your worst, woman! No one punishes the Prince of all Saiya-"
"PRINCE OF ALL SAIYANS, HUH?! PRINCE OF ALL JACKASSES IS MORE LIKE IT! NOW WIPE THAT STUPID SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE AND FIND MY HANDBAGS SO WE CAN GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!"
Surprisingly enough, Vegeta's smirk DID disappear instantly at that comment. "What handbags, woman?!" he asked almost nervously.
"THE HANDBAGS THAT I SENT YOU TO GET IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU DIPSTICK!!"
"Oh, those?" he replied irately, "I bribed the hotel manager with those hideous things!"
"YOU WHAAAAAAAT?????!!!!!!!!"
Before Bulma could even begin to think about unsuccessfully pummeling Vegeta into oblivion, Chichi, who had been listening in on their exchange, jumped in with a question of her own. "And where are little Gohan's schoolbooks, Goku?" she asked suspiciously, sure that he had done something stupid with them.
And she was right.
Goku, already bewildered at Chichi's tirade, screwed his face together into a frustrated frown. "I-I'm sorry! I used them as - as toilet paper!"
A hushed silence fell throughout the room. Everyone in the room locked their eyes on both Goku and Chichi, Goku still having the guilty bed-wetting child look on his face and Chichi completely frozen in rage.
Silence...
Silence...
Silence...
And then finally...
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!! The collapsed bed, thought to have been well smashed in by Vegeta a few nights previous, suddenly started to vibrate violently again.
This alleviated the tension immediately. Chichi began to laugh. Krillen began to laugh. Goten began to laugh. Even Goku started to chuckle hopelessly. Everyone in the room laughed; well, except for Vegeta, that is, but he never usually laughed unless he was beating the crap out of someone.
Everyone then promptly began with the inane babble.
"Wow, guys! That was one crappy vacation, huh?"
"You're telling me! Man, I thought I was gonna go insane in that little room!"
"I will never EVER take home for granted ever ever again!"
"Hey Trunks, wasn't it COOL when we blew up the toilet?!"
"Oh, yeah! And guess what! My house has twenty-three bathrooms! We can try it AGAIN!!"
"Don't even think about it, boys!"
"My porn! All gone!" *sniff*
"Soooo...anything big happen up here with you two?" Krillen asked Goku curiously, looking around bewildered at the desecrated room, which was looking even more seedy and cheap than it had before the two Saiyans had graced it with their presences.
Goku chewed on his finger lightly. "Well...um...not too much...Just that Vegeta wouldn't let me watch ANYTHING at all without screaming at me!! Man, I couldn't even watch a decent movie without him ripping the VCR right out of the wall!"
Vegeta gritted his teeth but said nothing.
Bulma was rather amused at this. "So, uh, what ELSE did he do, Goku?" she asked slyly, walking up to him. "I'm quite curious to know what my husband's been up to for the past few days!" Vegeta emitted a warning growl, but she carelessly waved him off and waiting for Goku's reply.
Goku had to think about this for a minute. "We-ell, I dunno," he replied, his finger jammed deeply up his nose in quiet contemplation, "...Nothing really, it's just that he was so darn cranky the entire time!"
This caused both Bulma and Trunks to laugh quite loudly (and also for the right side of Vegeta's face to twitch in a violent manner). Everyone else then chanced a look at look at him to see if he had gone homicidal yet and then began to guffaw themselves.
"SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!!" Vegeta roared, his face turning a mottled purple. "NONE OF YOU EVEN BEGIN TO KNOW WHAT I JUST WENT THROUGH IN THIS BLASTED ROOM!! NONE OF YOU!!"
Bulma giggled, "You looked so adorable, snuggled up against Goku like that! Who woulda thought-"
"I AM NOT ADORABLE, WOMAN!!"
"You had such a cute little smile on your face when he was grabbing your a-"
"I WAS NOT SMILING, WOMAN!!" Vegeta positively screamed, large wads of spit flying out of his mouth in every direction.
Everyone roared with laughter.
"YOU'RE MORONS!! ALL OF YOU!! I AM THE PRINCE OF THE SAIYANS!! YOU SHOULD ALL BE BOWING DOWN AT MY FEET!!"
More laughter.
"Ve-geeeee-ta-" Bulma gasped, barely able to talk, "so I take it you had fun spending some quality time with your-" *wink wink* "-best friend?!"
"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!"
More laughter.
"So does this mean that you're from- should we say- the queer side of the river, Vegeta?" Krillen giggled, thinking himself incredibly witty.
More laughter.
"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!"
"Yeah, Vegeta!" Yamcha said pointedly, feeling safe since he was in the middle of the group. "Looks like you had a-" *wink wink* "-gay old time in here!"
More laughter.
"RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!" At this point Vegeta looked ready to explode.
"Geez, Vegeta!" Bulma exclaimed sternly, still wiping the tears from her eyes. "We're just kidding!! KIDDING!!" But then she got a bewildered expression on her face... "Although I bet at some point you and Frieza DID--"
"WOMAN, IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP I'LL-"
Bulma rolled her eyes. "Oh, you're no fun! Come on, let's get in the car and go! It's a six hour drive to the airport, anyway..."
"Come on, Goku, you too!" Chichi called to her husband sternly. "Get your underwear on! We leave NOW!!"
Goku became upset. "Awwwww, Chichi! But WHY?! I can just go commando, can't I?!"
"NO!!"
"Geez...." Shaking his head at the stubbornness of all women, Goku scooped up his underwear and headed for the bathroom.
Bulma, meanwhile, had grabbed Vegeta by the arm and was dragging him out of the room. Just as they rounded the corner, though, Vegeta stuck his head back in and mouthed at Yamcha furiously, "You are dead, you pathetic weakling! DEAD!!"
Bulma just gave an extra tug and continued to haul him away. She allowed herself a crafty smirk, proud of her recent accomplishments. Why punish her arrogant Prince the normal way when deflating his oversized ego worked just as well?
Author's Note: This still isn't the end! Don't stop reading now! As I said, there's still a loose end I have to tie up, and it involves Bulma and Vegeta (awww, I think this fic is really deep down a B/V!). And there's also the car ride home, in which I will make Vegeta as miserable as possible. Anyway, I've got almost 2000 words so far for Chapter Eight, and that's only about half, so expect that the next chapter up (in hopefully a week or two) will be about the same size.
I also thank everyone for their support, especially for the last chapter. I never thought I'd get so many reviews for my little fic! I was very pleasantly surprised.
Here are some shout-outs for the last chapter, since I've been wanting to do some for some time but just didn't have the brain cells to do it:
Blue-Flame12: Uhhhhh...I was actually thinking about doing another fic with a similar premise before you suggested it. How does the two of them getting stuck on a senior citizens' cruise sound to ya? Just think...Viagra...Super Poly Grip...Senior Aerobics Day...prunes...the possibilities are endless!
Rissa of the Saiya-Jin: Yes, unfortunately, the crap DOES exist. Luckily I've never been forced to watch it beyond the age of seven. Run away from it. Far, far away.
Youkai-Onna: I reviewed your fic! Your Lupin one, that is. Just lettin' ya know!
Bishonen Krazed Girl: I don't think I've EVER laughed as hard as I did when I read the suggested hentai DBZ quotes on your bio. I actually remember hearing some of those and thinking the same thing! Leave it to Funimation...they censor all the nummy parts and completely change the dialogue...only to make it gayer and even more suggestive. If they have to censor it at all, can't they even do it right?! Kudos to you for posting all of those in one place!
Luna Inverse: Yeah, I've heard a lot of good things about that show! Think I'll watch it when I have the time...right now I've been struggling just to see those last DBZ episodes!
Chuquita: I'm really glad that you've enjoyed my fic from the very first chapter! Thank you! And yeah...poor Veggie *sniff*...And as for how often he gets some, well, that would explain his extreme crankiness over the course of the entire series.
Leigh: Baka is the Japanese word for 'idiot' or 'fool'. It's a fairly common word in DBZ fics.
Also thanks to Insane Kitten, Lili, Itaihoshi, sakura117us, and Rice Princess! (I didn't miss anybody, did I?)
Anyway, I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can! Hopefully my muse'll stay with me and I won't get stuck.
Please review! :)
