'This is so fucked up.' Cobra was currently walking through a pink orchard and the trees had gummy bears growing on them for fuck sake. He must be off his face on something.
This was definitely not real. A small rustle behind him made his steps falter.
"Look I really am not in the mood for this, if this is a dream or probably a nightmare would describe it better, if I turn around and look at what's behind me right now, there will be some really fucked up shit there, like Midnight naked or Angel with a penis. Please cut me some slack."
'Oh shit no please don't be Angel at all, I'm thinking about it, it's going to appear now, Cobra stop.'
He started hitting his head with his palms as if to smack the image out of his head.
Feeling satisfied that is old guild mate wasn't going to appear he slowly pivoted his body towards the noise. "Oh hell no." He groaned as he spun right back around and walked in the opposite direction.
"Erik please don't leave, I'm here to help." The feminine voice drifted to his ears as he marched away.
"Lucy, well obviously not Lucy, I know that isn't you and do you want to tell you why?" He held his hand in the air and raised his middle finger at her, keeping his back to the weirdly attractive looking imposter "One, you have fucking fairy wings" He raised another hand and raised his other middle finger.
"And two, you have three breasts. Now fuck off"
"Erik you will never leave this place if you do not listen to me. I may not be the Lucy you know but I am how you want her to look."
Cobra snorted at her, this girl looked like a fly fucked a cow and put a picture of Lucy on it's face. He liked Lucy just the way she was, she didn't need to change anything about herself, not a thing. She was perfect.
He finally decided to face the figment of his imagination and poison her for insinuating such a ridiculous thing. He was surprised but also majorly relieved to see that it looked normal now. No more fairy wings, just soft curves and two regular looking breasts, just the way he liked them. Perky and attached to Lucy.
'There she is' he thought.
"My little fairy, Lucy" he spoke softly as she did a little curtsy and smiled "Now where do I need to go to get to the real version of you sweetheart?"
With a smile as sickly sweet as syrup the fake Lucy pointed upwards, where a huge rainbow was projected in the sky "At the end of the rainbow is where you will find your treasure, your figurative pot of gold." Holding out her hand she waited for Cobra to take it so they could start their journey.
He looked down at her open palm, it looked like Lucy and even smelled like Lucy but it was just missing something. Sighing he begrudgingly grasped her hand which caused a little happy squeal to leave her lips.
"Of course it's at the end of the fucking rainbow, am I in a kids book or some shit? Alright whatever princess, let's get me home, I want my special cake your ass offered me."
The real Lucy was sat in the train carriage with Loke as she watched Cobra's face very carefully for any signs of consciousness, he sounded almost awake when he said that. She shot a venomous glare at Loke who was currently rolling on the floor laughing at what Cobra had just mumbled.
'What the hell did he mean, my little fairy? I'm nobody's fairy, I'm vicious and i'm most certainly not little.'
"Cobra I'm going to kick your skinny little ass, if this is just a prank you're playing on me this is so not funny. I knew you could absorb poison, you're fine aren't you?"
She poked his cheek, when she didn't get a response she scoffed. "I saw you flinch idiot, I know you can hear me. If you don't cut this out I'll cut off your little python in your trousers."
Still no response.
'Alright don't say I didn't warn you'
Ignoring Loke's protests of having to see another dragon slayers penis, she continued reaching into Cobra's trousers, sliding her hands down his pelvis he still hadn't reacted.
'He's got a great poker face.' She lifted up the waist of his jeans and gasped, she could see him clearly through his boxers, did she say python? She should've said a bloody anaconda, it was huge.
The admiration of his member was short lived as she burst out laughing at his choice of underwear. It was covered with cartoon snakes. How adorable.
Her eyes traveled up his body and fixed on his hand. His glove had slightly come off revealing the edge of what she assumed was a tattoo. Curiosity eating away at her she gently pulled it off his hand. She dropped it on the floor when she saw what it actually was.
"He got his guild mark in the same place as mine?" She whispered, unsure if it was creepy or sweet. Or just done to annoy her. Either way it made her heart flutter.
Cobra jolted forward, scaring the crap out of Lucy in the process and causing a. "Aha I knew it." but she shut up as soon as he spewed up a black liquid all over her top. Realizing that he actually was still unconscious and his condition was rapidly deteriorating she flew at Loke, completely ignoring the dark fluid on her top.
"Loke you need to get to the guild now, I'll suffer the consequences if you get in trouble for this but you need to take him through the celestial realm and transport to the guild. I will owe you big time." She practically begged him which he couldn't refuse.
Picking up the sick dragon slayer he threw him over his shoulder and winked "You will owe me big Luce, see you later princess" and then he was gone.
Collapsing onto the train seat she exhaled a shuddery breath and let her eyes fall shut.
"Please fix him." she whispered to the empty compartment as she tried and failed to hold back tears for the poor man who had no one else to cry for him.
Loke didn't really care if Cobra survived the trip through the celestial realm or even at all but his master did, so he would do whatever he could to ensure his survival. Once they had passed through and arrived at the guildhall, Cobra seemed to be in the same condition, luckily it hadn't gotten any worse.
He rushed him over to bar where Mira was sitting with Wendy.
'Just my luck, he might survive after all.'
Loke dropped his limp body on the counter, ignoring everyone's greetings and winked at Wendy "Hey cutie pie, fancy taking pity on this little reptile and fixing him up for my princess?"
Wendy gasped looking down at Cobra, the black from his bite had spread all up his arm and his neck. His face was deathly pale and his lips were turning blue. She held her hands above his body, a warm glow radiating from them. The onyx fluid started to come out of his skin in droplets and created a ball in Wendy's hands. Mira rushed to get a cup for it to fall into.
Sweat droplets were forming on the young blue haired girl's forehead as she strained for her magic to get the last few remnants out of Cobra's body.
Loke was absolutely fascinated at the amazing skill a girl so young had, Cobra looked almost completely healed. His face had gained a small amount of color, nowhere near his usual complexion but better than before.
Releasing the black orb of poison, Wendy relaxed her body, allowing the liquid to splash into the cup which got covered up by Mira and taken away to be safely disposed of.
"Wendy you are a literal lifesaver, Lucy will be so grateful."
"Lu- Lucy?" Cobra moaned out, his hand reaching for someone that wasn't there, causing everyone to look at him and wonder why he was calling for their celestial mage. Someone he had attempted to kill in cold blood in the past and who had been threatening to kill him not even two days ago?
Cobra's eyes shot open, slightly disoriented he looked around at the unfamiliar surroundings he started to panic.
'Where the hell am I, I'm not in that crazy ass forest anymore with fake Lucy. I'd made it to the end of the rainbow, now where the fuck am I and where is the real Lucy?'
Cobra growled menacingly, his implanted dragon instincts kicking in, everyone's thoughts were deafening, he needed to get out of here, get to Lucy's house to get his prize. It would be quiet there and safe.
"Hey man it's Loke, Lucy is-"
Not waiting for him to finish he pushed the stranger off of him and ran out of the building he was being kept in, inspecting it as he ran out he realized he was at Fairy Tail's guild hall. Why wasn't Lucy there?
'She doesn't care about you asshole, why would she be there?'
"Shut up" he growled at his internal voice. It was like he had two people inside one body. One extremely negative and poisonous personality that gave him nothing positive, just anxiety and a bad temper.
The other side of him was caring and loving but being kept as a slave in the tower of heaven for most of his life and then being in a dark guild didn't really give him much need for a more soft hearted side. He needed to be strong, not weak.
Stumbling along, Cobra winced as his arm started aching, pulling his sleeve up he noticed that all the black toxins had been taken out, probably by Fairy Tail's healer Wendy.
He'd need to thank her for saving his life when he saw he next but it still hurt like a bitch, they may have pumped a lethal amount of whatever the hell it was into him but they packed a nasty bite too. His arm wouldn't feel right for a long time.
"Where the hell is my glove." he moaned glancing down at his hand he was missing his glove that covered his guild mark, he kind of regretted getting in the same place as Lucy.
He would be massively embarrassed if she ever saw it, she would think he was some sort of stalker or something probably. 'Yeah like she's not going to think that when you show up at her house' he thought sarcastically.
Seeing a sign for Lucy's street he smiled weakly, he was almost there. Knocking on her front door he waited impatiently, 'what am I going to say when she opens the door? Crap I didn't think this through.' He listened for her soul but couldn't sense it.
She wasn't at the guild but she must be in Magnolia, how else would she have gotten him here?
Turning the handle he was surprised to see that it opened without any resistance, walking inside he collapsed to his knees, he was fighting a losing battle. "Honey I'm home." he muttered as he collapsed on her fluffy carpet 'at least it's comfortable and not cold, score one for me.'
"That train ride was ridiculously bad, why did that creep have to come sit next to me." Lucy muttered as she waved goodbye to Ichiya, who had insisted on sitting with her when he had stumbled into her train compartment, he literally fell through the doors.
He was currently blowing kisses from the window as the train pulled away.
'Thank Mavis that's over, the man gives me the creeps.'
Running to the guild hall her stomach was full of knots, was Cobra going to be dead on the floor? Or was he going to be spewing poison at everyone for getting too close? Who knows. Standing at the guild's doors she stopped to compose herself but was almost run over by Loke who looked extremely panicked.
When he saw Lucy he stopped dead in his tracks and fell to his knees, wrapping his arms around her legs and sobbed. "Princess I am so sorry"
Her stomach dropped 'He's dead oh no.'
She closed her eyes and tears fell down her face.
"Don't cry Lucy please I promise we'll find him, he can't have gotten far." Loke voice was slightly muffled as his face was pressed in her crotch.
'Wait what, find him?'
Wiping the tears from her face, she scowled and slapped Loke's head away.
"You idiot he's not dead? Why did you make me think he was? Are you a moron? What the hell happened Loke?"
He looked up at her pitifully "It was all going fine, Wendy healed him as much as she could, she got all of the poison out of his system but he was still quite damaged from the effects of it all and just the physical trauma of the bite itself but he woke up saying your name and then just ran off, he was heading in the direction of your house, that's where I was about to go check."
Trying not to show her anxiousness at the thought of finding Erik waiting at her house for her she nodded at Loke.
"Okay no that's fine Loke, you've done great, I really do appreciate your help, but you can go back to the celestial realm now, I don't think you or anybody else coming with me to see him would be a good idea, he has a really bad time with strangers near him, he doesn't even like me near him and I'm probably the closest thing to a friend he has here. I'll let you know how it goes later okay?"
She placed her hand on his shoulder and smiled. "Trust me" As he disappeared he laughed "You best tell me how it goes, I want all the gossip. See you soon princess."
Avoiding going into the guild hall as she didn't want to have to explain this to anyone just yet she hightailed it to her apartment. She looked up at her window but couldn't see any lights on or any movement coming from inside, she just hoped and prayed that Cobra was going to be there so she could look after him.
It's the least she could do since it was her fault this happened. Sneaking up the stairs she saw her door was slightly ajar, debating on whether it was Erik or a robber she stuck her head through the door, whip in hand. Looking at the floor she sighed with a smile on her face.
"There you are Erik, came home to mumma didn't you."
Kneeling on the floor she examined his face, his good eye was shut. He looked very peaceful. Staring at him she looked at his plump lips and just couldn't resist. Slowly bending down she pressed a gentle kiss on them, they tasted just as she imagined, sweet like honey. She pressed against them slightly harder, trying to get a response. A small moan came from the unconscious man but nothing more. Laughing against his lips she gave him one more soft peck and then rested her forehead against his.
"I can't get you out of my head Erik, you're like a poison inside of me that I don't want to get rid of, it's scary."
Grasping her table she pulled herself up, looking at the sofa and then back at Erik, she debated on if she was going to be able to get him there by herself. Laxus's words echoed in her head.
'You're a strong girl blondie, you just need a bit of a kick.' Well if stopping a sleeping man drooling on her very expensive carpet wasn't a kick to get him moved then nothing would be.
Taking a deep breath, she grabbed Erik by the waist and slung his body in her arms. 'Oh my Mavis he weighs so much, how is he so skinny yet so fat.' Shuffling across her apartment, it felt like she had done a marathon in just a few meters.
She chucked his body onto her sofa and took a few deep breaths.
"You fat fuck Erik you almost broke my back." she panted out.
Stumbling over to her kitchen, Lucy poured two glasses of water and wet a piece of cloth to place on Cobra's forehead, she couldn't leave him to go wash herself until she knew he was healthy enough to be left alone for a bit.
Plus if she left him in here he'd probably end up waking up and walking in on her in the bath somehow, everybody else managed to so she sucked it up and tried to ignore the fact that she was covered in blood and vomit.
Putting the cold piece of cloth on Erik's head you could practically see steam coming off him from how high his temperature was.
She decided to stay on the same sofa to keep a close eye on him she settled in on the end, gently resting his head on her lap. She stroked her fingers through his hair, Laxus and Gajeel always found this soothing whenever they felt sick and made her do it until her fingers cramped.
'Those assholes.'
Flicking through the lacrima TV she settled on a documentary on reptiles, this particular one was about all the different species of snakes, as soon as it mentioned anacondas she started snickering thinking of Cobra's penis, that was it's new name.
She was fascinated and interested by all animals but Reptiles the most because they were so different from every other animal and they were, in her eyes, the most beautiful.
She felt herself drifting off as the narrator of the program lulled her to sleep as well, leaving her fingers tangled in Erik's hair she let herself be sucked under into a, hopefully, dreamless sleep.
