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Chapter 5: It's Over
^^ Day 3 ^^
*Tobias POV*
I desperately turn my head to look back at Tris as I am being dragged out of her room. I am yelling for her to just hear me out, telling her that I need her in my life. It kills me to see the way that her shoulders are shaking as she sobs. She is hurting so badly and it is all my fucking fault, I hate this, I hate myself. I'm quickly escorted out of the main hallway and out past the secured doors.
Waiting outside is Kelly White, the therapist that had handed me her card earlier. She walks over and asks me if I am calm enough to have a conversation so that I can learn about what is going on. I decide in that moment that I need to know what the hell happened to Tris. I stop resisting the guards that are restraining me and urge Kelly to tell me.
She explains to me that the area I was just dragged out of is a secure wing that is not just for Tris, but for multiple women that were held captive until recently. It is a place for all the victims to recuperate and feel safe. I frown, understanding the meaning behind her words.
I apologize for the disruption and agree to calm down. She nods to the guards to show me to a conference room to the side of the large room we are standing in.
As we are walking I notice off to the side there is a man that is crying loudly and holding a woman with two small little girls, their small arms wrapped around her legs. I hear the older child cry, "I am so glad you are home mommy!"
I feel a lump rise in my throat. It is such a personal moment, so raw yet so beautiful. I am happy for these strangers, but it also amplifies the despair I feel about my situation with Tris.
Kelly explains that Tris had already signed a legal waiver for me to be able to hear her confidential legal and medical information. I nod my head for her to continue. I am given a briefing on the multiple kidnappings of Genetically Pure women from the Bureau and Providence over the last couple of years. A secret lab where testing took place was discovered and Tris was one of the victims found that was alive, but in a medically induced coma. Kelly explains to me that although a year has passed for me, to Tris it feels like the day she woke up from her coma, was just a day after she last saw me.
My head is pounding at how painful my relationship with Christina has to be for her. Earlier when my passion for Tris took over, I wasn't even aware Chris existed- that moment it was only Tris in my heart. She was right, it was not ok for me to push intimacy with her so soon. Especially since I have not ended things with Chris. It doesn't make it right, but I was desperate for Tris, but that's still no excuse. I do love and respect her. I need to treat her as such, not just say it.
I am also shaking with fury to learn that she was held for a year, like a lab rat and experimented on. I have to take a moment to get up and walk around. I want to break something, or someone.
I hate this situation. While I was living my life, my love was in a terrible situation and God only knows what she was enduring. While I was screwing Christina this last month. Tears fill my eyes, but I quickly wipe them away. I realize that Tris is going through something terrible, and all I have done is make things even worse for her.
I walk back in the room, I know that Kelly knows what is going on because of my dating Christina.
"Kelly, please listen to me. I adore Tris, she is the love of my life. I have never stopped loving her, not for one moment. If I could turn back time, and not have started something with her best friend, I would. I know I've hurt her, but she loves me too. Can you help us? Please?" the emotion in my voice is thick, pleading even.
She looks at me sympathetically and assures me that Tris has a strong support system here, from doctors, to therapists and even other women who are going through similar situations. I nod my head in understanding.
She also explains as a loved one, I am also allotted therapy hours to support me. I just nod.
She asks me to be patient and wait until I hear from her. I tell her I will try, it is the best I can do. I ask her to please let Tris know I am sorry, that I love her, and that I am ending things with Christina immediately. Kelly nods her head sympathetically, but tells me her role as a therapist is not to deliver promises. She suggests I tell Tris myself about any changes, after actually done.
As I walk back out through their visiting area I see the woman from earlier, the one that had been reunited with her husband and daughters, now sitting on a couch, she is smiling and talking with the younger woman that was with Tris earlier. I believe her name was Jessica. I remember how fiercely she tried to protect Tris, even going as far as trying to physically pry my hands off of Tris's wrists.
I slowly walk over to the ladies, the moment Jessica sees me I see her stiffen and she mumbles something to the other woman. Jessica tells the woman named Michelle that I am Tobias, the one Tris had told them about. Both women look at me with straight faces, but their eyes are blazing with irritation.
I first apologize to Jessica for anything I may have done earlier to upset her, and especially Tris. She slowly nods her head in acceptance. Michelle looks me over with pursed lips. I guess she has been brought up to speed on what a douche bag I am. I sigh, and tell both women that I made a mistake, that I still love Tris and that I had never ever stopped. And that I never would. I tell them, if they have a chance, please tell Tris I am sorry and I want to work on proving myself to her again.
They nod softly.
Before I walk out of their sight, I look back once, "I know I am asking alot, but please, remind Tris that I love her."
Both the women finally give me a small smile and agree they will pass along the message.
+o++++o+
As I trudge through the bureau hallways towards the temporary offices that Johanna has secured for our support team I can barely concentrate on where I am walking. My mind is reeling, it takes every ounce of self-control that I have to not turn around and run back to break into Tris's room again. I am desperate to hold her in my arms, hell, even if she doesn't want me to touch her. I would be satisfied just being able to look at her. She is alive, she looks healthy and strong, she is as beautiful as ever.
I physically cringe remembering the sloppy kiss that Christina and I shared as we exited the transport. I am sure Tris saw it all. I hate that I hurt her, and in this moment, I hate that it even happened. I know I need to end things with Christina, as soon as possible.
As I enter the offices some of my peers immediately run over to see if I am ok. I assure them I am fine, and then I am told that Johanna wants to see me in her office as soon as possible. I hurry in as there are things I want to discuss with her as well.
"Tobias, how are you? Everyone is completely shocked. How is Tris, is she ok?!" Johanna asks rising from her desk to approach me. She places her hand on my arm as a gesture of support.
I sigh and run my fingers through my hair, "Things are really messed up, but I need to get it sorted out. Tris is alive, and that means everything to me. I may need a favor from you."
"Anything," she assures me.
I explain to her the situation and that it is still on a news blackout as there are still some victims that have not been pulled out of their comas yet. She nods her head and wonders if this subject is going to be covered at her leadership meeting tomorrow, it is listed as high priority and top secret. She is allowed to bring one staff member that has previously been vetted, which I have. I look at her and before I even ask she tells me I can go with her. I nod my head appreciatively.
I then explain to her that the former captives are going to remain at the bureau for the time being in a secure wing and that they will be provided with counseling, security and even moral support from other victims. The favor I ask of Johanna, while Tris is staying at the bureau – I won't leave here. Not without her.
Johanna agrees with me, and we work out that I will be moving to the bureau and telecommuting while also working side by side with my team members that are already situated here permanently. I'll basically be moving here effective immediately.
She asks me how Tris is again. I frown and tell her the truth, that Tris found out immediately and with her own eyes that Christina and I were a couple.
Johanna raises her eyebrows at me, "Were a couple?"
I sigh and sit down, admitting I still need to talk to Christina – but yes, we are over. There is no doubt or question in my mind or especially my heart.
Johanna doesn't look surprised. She knows me well.
Johanna warns me that Christina is very upset, I cringe hearing this. I am not looking forward to hurting Chris. Johanna gives me the same advice that she gave Christina earlier today in the terminal bay after I ran off after Tris- -
Life can be hard, as this situation is, but we all have to make peace with the position we are in, and try to be respectful and mindful of each other as we all move forward.
Johanna tells me that Christina was given a key to the hotel room I was assigned for my visit. I ask if I can get an additional room as I will not be staying with Christina now.
Johanna winks at me and hands me the key to my new room, she anticipated would need it. I take my new key and head over to talk with Christina. This is not going to be easy, but it is necessary.
+o++++o+
As I knock on the hotel room door I go over what I need to say to her. What I was not expecting was for Christina to open the door while wearing sexy lingerie. My mouth falls open but I quickly avert my eyes. She tries to pull me into the room, but I refuse.
"Christina, please get dressed. We need to have a conversation, you need to put your real clothes on, and now," I say calmly.
She huffs and agrees. Once she reopens the door wearing her outfit from earlier, I enter. I see that my luggage is in the corner of the room.
I sigh and rub the back of my neck with my hand. "It's her Chris. Tris is really alive." I am expecting some kind of reaction, they were best friends.
Christina is standing still, finally saying, "What do you expect me to do Four? Jump up and down with joy that she is back, and now I am losing you?!"
I frown at her, holding her gaze. I give her a moment to speak before I continue. She doesn't say a word.
"Look, no matter. I just needed to have a conversation with you. We can no longer see each other romantically, in fact I am going to take my luggage and get a different room. I believe Johanna already talked to you about needing you to keep your scheduled return flight and then releasing this hotel room the morning you fly out," I say calmly.
Christina moves closer and I stiffen. "I love you, Four, and I don't want to lose you."
It is the first time she has used the L-word, but I already knew how she felt. I smile at her sadly but I can't return the sentiment. I am honest with her, I tell her that her friendship has helped me so much over the last year. And that I recognize that if it wasn't for her stopping me from taking memory serum, I would not be here as the man I am today.
Most importantly, I tell her that I do care for her, but that what we shared will never compare to what I feel for Tris. I remind her, that no matter how much she had pressured me to move on, I had not nor would I ever have really gotten over Tris.
Christina snaps, "Oh! So it's my fault that we got together?!"
"No! That is not what I am saying. I take full responsibility for my role in all of this. I am a grown man, and I made choices. Just like I am making my choices now," I finish.
Christina moves closer to me and asks me if I had already forgotten our quickie from this morning. I frown at her for even bringing that up. It is also a painful reminder to me how it devastated Tris to learn about that.
"Chris, of course not. I remember it all, but please understand, what I have felt for you this month was special, but it was nothing compared to what I will always feel for Tris. I hope we can remain friends, but I understand if we can't…"
Christina looks furious, "You are making a mistake. By the way, how did your wonderful reunion go?"
I physically shudder at her question as the last image I have is of Tris, sobbing with her back to me, flashes through my mind.
Chris snorts, as though my reaction confirms her suspicions, "You forget that I know her too, Tobias. As her best friend I know how her mind works as she processes things, her deep insecurities, her rigid expectations regarding intimacy…she'll never get over us. She was my best friend, I suffered when she died, you aren't the only person who lost someone that day! You are not the only person that loved her. But I know her. Tris is never going to truly forgive me, and she especially will never get passed what you did with me."
While blocking out the meaning of Chris's words, I frown, "What's happening between Tris and I, is going to stay between just us."
Christina is wrong. She has to be. I pick up my suitcase and head for the door.
"Christina, I am sorry about all of this. We are done. I do wish you well," I say as I quickly close the door behind me.
I hear a frustrated scream come from inside the room as soon as the door closed.
I breathe a sigh of relief as I walk away. I am glad that's done.
It's over.
+o++o+ Chapter End +o++o+
