Sebastian sighed, shaky and uncertain for the future. He sat at the end of his Grandfather's bed. A steamy cup of green tea next to the older mans small and shaking figure that laid in the bed. The older man cleared his throat.

"Sebastian…" He whispered, as he adjusted the glass over his eye.

"Yes grandfather Tanaka?" Sebastian asked, his voice monotone and on the verge of going into a depressing and worried tone. The old man sighed.

"Your senior trip is about to come up, yes? I want, I want you to attend it and leave me be. I'm most likely not going to live for much longer, but I want you to succeed in life. Be something big and out of the ordinary, something you're proud of. You can be rich, or poor. Be with those you love." He finished, taking a small sip of his tea. Sebastian nodded and exited the room, closing the sliding door with a sigh. He looked up at the ceiling and gave himself a light frown.

"I'm sorry Ciel, but I won't be able to see your cute and flustered face for awhile…" Sebastian whispered as he started to pack his bags for the senior trip, it's been two week since he's been to school last, making him feel uneasy about the trip. His outstanding grades made him able to go the colleges such as University of London, AA Hamilton University, and Southward Collage. Once he goes he can figure out what to do with his life and see what kind of living he can make with himself.

Once he finished packing he picked up his cell phone and dialed Ciel's home number that he…got from Ciel when he overheard him and Finnian exchange numbers in the hallway. The phone was immediately sent to voice box after the first ring, so he tried to call again. But after the phone was picked up, it was quickly hung up.

The day of the senior trip Ciel didn't get a chance to see Sebastian to inform him for one last time HE WAS NOT! GAY!

As Ciel walked down the hallway he got glances from anyone that was in the hallway: students, teachers, or even a parent that was stopping by before school stared. Ciel sighed, Finnian went off to hang out with Angelina and as he walked down the hallway he saw one of his worst enemies, Grell. Ciel was about to walk by him but he soon heard a snicker from the taller male. Grell quickly pushed Ciel into a wall and students quickly walked away for when Grell was mad you didn't want to be near him. Grell spat onto Ciel's face and the blue eyed boy didn't even bother to try to wipe it away for if he did Grell would spit on him again. Ciel stared at the yellow eyed male and sighed.

"What do you want Grell?" He asked as he gave him a simple bored stare. Grell laughed and tightened his grip into the smaller boy.

"You're a pure idiot Ciel~! Sebas is mine! How could you even think for a second he likes you?" Grell bellowed as Ciel sighed once more.

"Shouldn't you be on the trip?" He asked, his dark greenish blue locks falling down into his face, he needed a hair cut badly.

"I can't because of my grades! But it's your fault because I was worrying about you being used as Sebastian's play toy! You're a play toy~ Suit yourself and be used by my Sebas~ He's only using you to get to me~" Grell said, releasing Ciel and placing a hand on his chest and turning, laughing and then snickering as he looked at the depressed look on the younger boys face.

"He has to be right…who would like me?" He spoke in barely a whisper as he headed off to first period.


At the middle of the day, he noticed Finnian wasn't in school, so he quickly rushed out of school, not caring about skipping. He ran all the way home and knocked on Finnian's door, an older man with a lab coat answered. Ciel took a deep breath and before he could say anything the male spoke.

"Finnian is sick, go away." He snarled as he closed the door with much force. Ciel winced at the slamming and he looked down to the ground.

"So I'm alone again?" He asked as he walked home and sat in the closet under the stairs.

"Sebastian used me, I'm not gay, and Finnian is going to be sick because of the stupid Experiments he has to go through with his foster family…I'm all alone…again…" He whispered.

Ciel had a lot of trouble sleeping the next few days, dreading every moment he walked down the halls of Funtom High, He felt so unwelcome…so alone.


Ciel's face lacked any sort of emotion as he placed the disk into the DVD player, he hadn't slept in days; his mind wouldn't shut off. No matter how hard he tried his mind would always wonder onto its usual subject. Sebastian. Ciel let out an exaggerated sigh of deep irritation, grabbing the DVD remote that rested it on the coffee table; taking a seat on the chair that was to the right of the three cushioned couch afterwards. He couldn't stand sitting on the couch anymore, there were too many memories from when He and Sebastian had had sex on it.

This movie was the fourth of the many movies Ciel planned on watching; this particular movie was a about a poor girl who longed to be popular so she gave into the pressures around her, Giving her innocents away; she drank and did drugs and eventually resorted to cutting herself. (a movie called '13') Ciel gasped as the blood dripped down the girls arm, she had taken a razor from a box cutter and slit down her left arm with it, the cut was deep and overflowing.

"…" Ciel pulled up the sleeve on his right arm, gazing at the under part of his forearm, it was clean; no cuts, not even a scar. An idea popped into his head that he would later regret. Looking back up at the TV screen he saw the expression of relief on the girls features. Ciel rose form his seat and wondered up the stair case into his bedroom. The boy began to raid his desk drawers in search of something sharp. Eventually he found a pencil sharpener, he could easily remove its blade with a screw driver so he searched a little more and eventually found one. Ciel took a seat next to his bed leaning his back against it; he began to undo the screw, it fell to the ground once he had finished. Ciel grabbed the small razor and tossed the remains of the sharpener aside, the razor he had decided to use was thick and sharp; it was about the size of a small paper clip.

Ciel took the sharp side of the blade and fixed it halfway down his small forearms, he clenched his jaw preparing himself for the pain. With one flick of his wrist, there was a cut. Ciel gasped; he had hardly felt even an ounce of pain, Relief began to rush through his small figure making him feel as though all of the pain inside his heart, was rushing out of the wound. Blood began to form in the slit some parts of the line of blood thicker than others, a smile formed on his lips, as he leaned back and let out a sigh of relief; resting his bloody arm on his lap.

"Thank you…" He said aloud as if he were speaking to the razor. Closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep, he had finally been able to relax his tense pained body.


The next morning when the boy woke up he was lying on the ground curled into a ball, as he stretched his arms over his head he gasped pulling his cut into his view, it stung; it was swollen and red; surrounded in dried blood. Ciel ran his finger over it His expression Grim.

"Ouch…" He said as he winced slightly in the pain. He rose from the ground; making his way back out of his bedroom, and down the single flight of stairs. Looking through the medicine cabinet he realized that there was no Neosporin or even bandages.

"Damn" The boy whispered walking over to the sink, turning on warms water. He ran the cut under the water before he started to rub off the dried blood. Once he had gotten it all off he went back to his room to dress himself for the store. He unconsciously pulled out a pair of long back pants, and a black long-sleeved thermal. He quickly slipped the pants on and pulled the shirt over his head; placing the razor into his pocket. When he looked into the mirror on top of his dresser he smiled a little. He felt very comfortable, like he could easily blend in.

As his shoes clicked against the pavement he started to wonder what people would say, if they knew he cut himself. Would they think he was crazy, attention hungry, or maybe even gross? He knew that he wasn't crazy, he was just sad, and as for the attention hungry scenario; he was hiding the cut so that wasn't possible. He wasn't sure about the gross part though. The dinging of the bell as he entered the convenience store made his eye brow twitch he was so easily annoyed lately.

"Good morning sir~" the checkout women said to Ciel with a forced smile. Ciel ignored her and made his way to the isle with the bandages, and Neosporin. As he grabbed a box of large bandages and a tube of Neosporin he scanned the rest of the isle. Near the end there were sweat bands, pure black or solid white. Ciel walked over and grabbed a few of them, all of them holding the color of black.

"Will this be all?" the woman asked, Ciel looked around the store once more catching sight of a bucket full of eyeliner that sat on the counter, Ciel blushed slightly grabbing a stick of it and placing it on the counter.

"F-for my sister!" He informed her, his voice cracking at the end. His face went flushed. The woman fought a smirk that was trying to force itself onto her lips.

"T-that will be…10.34$" she announced; almost starting to laugh. Ciel threw a ten and a one onto the counter grabbing his stuff quickly, and then running out of the store.

"Fuck change!" He yelled to the woman as he made his getaway. Once the door had shut she burst out laughing. "Stupid part time cheerleaders" He muttered as he walked by an elderly couple, the old man grumbled in anger. Ciel stomped his way down the side walk, his purchase pressed tightly to his chest so that he wouldn't lose them.

Once he arrived to at his always empty home he fell to the floor, his eyes beginning to tear up, he hated being alone not even Finny was around to visit. Ciel had no way of getting to the hospital, since he had just spent the remainder of his money. Ciel threw the things he had bought across the room, pulling the razor from his pocket and without hesitation cutting his wrist.

"FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!" He cried cutting himself as he spoke each word. Once he was satisfied he dropped the razor and fell to the ground, blood pouring from his arms; and tears shooting from his tightly shut eyes. Once the tears stopped he slowly opened his eyes, that had been stricken with animosity.

"I need you…"Ciel muttered in pure despondence as he got to his feet; gather his belongings he had previously abandoned, and making his way into the kitchen; where he cleaned his old and then fresh cuts, gently wiping away any blood and then slathering them in Neosporin, covering them in a large bandage afterwards.

"Why couldn't…I control myself?" He asked himself as he took a seat at the table and rested his head on his arms. After lying this way for a few moments he began to remove the sweat bands from their cardboard holders, placing them on his arms to cover the bandages.

"I better brace myself for school…" He thought aloud, clenching his fists.


The next morning Ciel awoke a groggy feeling washing over him as he sat up, he had unintentionally woke up several times through out the night, rising from his bed and uncovering himself from the blanket he made his way into the bathroom to take a shower; it was too early to get ready to leave. The water was hot on the boy's numb skin. Ciel began to hum the tune 'My Fair Lady', as he washed his small figure, leaving the conditioner in his hair to soak. Once he had finished scrubbing he rinsed the conditioner from he dark green hair, excited the shower. The swelling of his cuts had died down; Ciel shook his head at his self inflicted wounds.

"What is wrong with you…?" He told himself as he went back to his room, and began to dress. Putting on a pair of blue plaid boxers, followed by his summer uniform, the school year would be ending in about a month. His summer uniform consisted of a short sleeved white button up collared shirt and green trousers with a faint sign of a plaid pattern; with the only required accessory being a tie that matched the trousers. Once Ciel had completely dressed for school he applied more Neosporin and placed a bandage over his cuts. Sighing in regret Ciel pulled the Sweat bands on his arms to cover the bandages. The boy's stomach growled loudly, he didn't have any money so he hadn't eaten for two days. If he was lucky he would be able to get school lunch.

"Oh yeah" He said aloud remembering the other thing he had bought yesterday. After putting his eye patch on Ciel Began to surround his other eye in eyeliner. Once he was done with that he combed his hair so that nobody could see his eyes right eye that was already covered by his eye patch. He nodded approvingly at the image he had created of himself. Grabbing his one strap school back and throwing it over his shoulder, exiting his bedroom afterwards. When he arrived at the bottom of the stairs he noticed his razor, and picked it up slipping it into his pocket. The walk to school was silent, Ciel's mind was shut off he practically thought of nothing the whole way; he was beginning to shut out the world around him. He had headphones in his ears, blasting death metal music into them.

As he walked up the steps of Funtom High School he had an expression on his face that spoke for him 'Go fuck yourselves' He didn't care what any of these people said or thought about him, if somebody so much as got in his way he would shove them; giving them a death glare afterwards. Not even the jocks wanted to screw with him today.

When the boy arrived in his first period class he felt a different atmosphere than usual, 'Fear' Ciel smirked taking a seat in the very back of the room instead of his assigned seat. He enjoyed his new sense of power. Ciel put his head down on his desk, music still pounding in his ears. The teacher didn't even bother to scold him; his grades were so far gone at this point there was pretty much no point in scolding the boy into working harder.

"Hey Ciel~" Lizzy said pulling out one of his headphones. "Class is over silly~" She added emphasizing the 'silly'. Ciel groaned in irritation, Slapping Lizzy's hand away.

"Don't ever touch me again" He growled rising from his seat. He felt unusually bothered by her presents; more than usual that is. On his way out of the door he heard Lizzy begin to whimper. "Shut the fuck up, what do you have to cry about? Your life is perfect" Ciel informed the tear-stricken girl bluntly exciting the room. Lizzy began to cry uncontrollably.

"W-why can't you just like me!" She yelled in between whimpers, the next class was entering.

On the way to second period Ciel was stopped once again by Grell in the hall, he pinned Ciel against the locker.

"New cloths and make-up won't win you my Sebas~" Grell informed him a sharkish smile on his lip. Ciel slapped Grell's arm away.

"Do me a favor!" Ciel began glaring into Grell's cat like eyes "and go fuck your self!" He added shoving the older male as he walked away. Grell had been too shocked at the smaller boy's response to fight back.

"Ouch" A girl laughed as she passed the extremely gay red hair male. Ciel smirked in triumph.


Lunch time was much different than usual, considering two older males came and sat by Ciel. One had light orange hair, with bright pink eyes that were surrounded by a lot of eyeliner and pink eye shadow; a peculiar sticker rested on his right cheek. The other also had lightish orange hair he wore some eye make-up, with a black tears streaming from his left eye. His eyes held the color of a purplish pink.

"Hello, I'm Drocell" The one with the pink eyes introduced himself Ciel nodded.

"Ciel" He replied as he shoved a bite of pudding into his small mouth.

"Joker" the other male said pointing to himself, a sheepish smile on his lips. Ciel nodded still lacking emotion. "You don't talk much do you" Joker pointed out.

"The quiet ones are the cutest" Drocell announced giving Ciel a familiar lusty smile, Ciel became irritated flicking a spoonful of pudding at the older males face.

"Again I resort to wasting such a good meal on an idiot" Ceil thought aloud.

"Well aren't you coy" Drocell said wiping the pudding from his face. Ciel ignored the remark and continued to eat.

"Excuse him, he's too flirty for his own good" Joker laughed, While Ciel remained un-amused and Drocell remained determined.

"Can I get a number?" Drocell asked continuing to flirt. Ciel sighed in irritation.

"No phone" He replied before putting another mouthful of pudding into his mouth.

"Not even a house phone?"

"I don't answer that stupid thing" Ciel growled.

"Awh! Why not!" Drocell continued to pester.

"Bill collectors" the younger male replied, as he began to rip the bread bowl; placing a piece of it into his mouth.

"You don't pay your bills?" Joker asked curiously.

"Normally, my aunt would but she's in jail for hitting me with a car; so she can't really whore herself out from in there" Ciel said nonchalantly.

"What about your parents" Drocell asked ignoring Ciel's last sentence. Ciel threw the rest of his food at Drocell's annoying face.

"They were killed by a drunk driver a few years ago" his voice calm and even as he rose from where he sat and walked away.

"I like em' feisty" Drocell said with another lusty grin. Joker shrugged.

"You're hopeless" Joker laughed.