AJ: I'm sorry everyone! Please don't kill me!

Ashly: With that said, please kill him.

AJ: NOT HELPING!

Andrew: Meh… AJ is just so busy these days.

AJ: Why don't any of YOU GUYS type any chapters huh?!

Andrew: I'm the spell checker.

Ashly: I'm the plot writer.

Tica: I'm too busy checking out your Beta.

AJ: What the hell?

--X--

Sasuke was not having a good day. Nope, he was not a happy bunny… er… bat… thing. Whatever. On the way to Konoha, he was attacked by a group of bandits, rouge ninjas, two A-class nins, a pedophile, a giant monkey with a staff, Karin (Who tried to rape him… again.), and a squirrel. Sasuke shuddered, thinking about how dangerous that squirrel was. He had HUGE nuts for crying out loud! HUGE FUCKING NUTS!

Sasuke snickered at that thought, "Hehe… nuts…" no… NO! Now is not the time to think about his massive nuts! "Haha… massive…" DAMMIT!

I mean like seriously, they were big, round, and HARD! Any squirrel that knows how to use nuts their nuts as a weapon is considered at least an S-class ninja! Sighing for the umpteen time today for the past 2 hours, he just hoped he didn't get attacked again. He was strong enough to take on everyone else but not the squirrel, seriously. Getting hit by those nuts really hurt.

As if on cue, a squirrel brandishing a pair of massive nuts jumped out of the bushes and blocked Sasuke's path. His nuts were even BIGGER than the last one! "Sasuke! I challenge you to a duel to avenge the death of my brother!" the squirrel declared, swinging his nuts.

Sasuke sighed again, activating his seal, "Oh Kami… he has macadamias… someone out there must have it out for me…"

Oh, if he only knew…

-Back to Naruto's molestation-

"Gah! Wait a minute! Let's talk about this!" Naruto screamed, trying to crawl away with his pants pulled down at his ankles.

Vanilla only held onto his pants, trying to pull him back to bed, "I am afraid not. Anko said if you refused, then I have to use force to get you to commence intercourse."

"Anko's freaking crazy! Don't listen to her! Just let me go!" Naruto pleaded, not even THINKING of switching places with a freaking clone.

"That may be true, but she did tell me an excessive amount of information concerning sex. I still wish to know what a penis looks like." Somehow, Vanilla managed to say that with a straight face, "Also, she told me that I should sheath your penis within my vaginal walls as to feel pleasure."

For a moment, Naruto stopped to look back at her with a face that CLEARLY states, 'What the fuck did that woman teach you? Do you even have ANY idea what you're saying?' Only Naruto can express that with one expression, "Vanilla… do you even know what you're talking about?"

At the question, Vanilla let go of Naruto's pants and tilted her head, "I believe I saw a vide on how to commence sex. I believe it was titled, 'Icha Icha: Yumi and the Fox'. I do not really know what they were doing, but I'm pretty sure they were expressing great pleasure out of their actions. I believe the male from that video looked slightly familiar." She watched the video, she learned from Anko, she read that Icha Icha book that was sent to Naruto's house, she followed Anko's instructions, and she STILL doesn't know what sex is?

Naruto blanched, 'Oh… shit…' he remembered that video. He remembered because the guy was in the video was based on HIM! Damn you Jiraiya! Damn you!!!

Kakashi, who was peeking- er… watching over Naruto and Vanilla… yeah, let's go with that, outside Naruto's apartment had to suppress the urge to laugh his ass off. Seriously, a girl who wants to fuck the guy's brains out, and a guy who's brains don't want to fucked… did that sound right? Whatever, has GOT to be the best show he ever saw! Well that and watching Jiraiya get his ass beat whenever he was caught peeking too. But this was funnier. "Poor Naruto. I wonder when he'll finally give in to his temptations. She looks all set and eager to me."

Sai appeared out of nowhere from the shadows, visibly shaking, "Must… resist… urge… to… say- Penispenispenis. OH FUCK IT ALL TO HELL!!!" he receded back into the shadows, weeping his eyes out.

Kakashi only groaned and shook his head, "Something is seriously wrong with that guy…"

Oh Kakashi, if only you knew…

-Onwards to Tsunade-

Tsunade visibly paled as she read the report in front of her. She looked up at the nervous Anbu who was scratching the back of his head sheepishly in a Naruto-like fashion.

"As you can see Hokage-sama, Sake somehow leaked in the water supply of the village. This explains the erratic behavior of all the citizens and ninjas that drink the water or use them for their activities."

The Anbu blinked as Tsunade slammed her head. She already knew that a few minutes ago, but that's not what was concerning her. Since the Sake leaked into the water supply, which could only mean one thing… Guy and Lee.

-Guy and Lee-

A huge explosion was heard in the Konoha Bar. People were screaming and running away from the place. Women were crying, searching for their babies, Men were screaming the end of the world. Everyone was scrambling, doing their best they can NOT to die. Within the chaos were two lone men… wearing bright green leotards…? Guy and Lee were clearly drunk, and getting the two strongest Taijutsu specialists in the village drunk was not a good thing. They were singing, holding a glass of the impure water.

Lee started off first, While Guy was singing in the background.

"Oh!!!!! What is the malted liquor? What gets you drunken quicker? What comes in bottles or in cans?"

"Beer!"

"Can't get enough of it!"

"Beer!"

"How we really love it!"

"Beer!"

"Makes me think I'm a man!"

"Beer!"

"I could kiss and hug it!"

"Beer!"

"But I'd rather chug it!"

"Beer!"

"Got my belly up to heeeeeere!"

"Beer!"

"I could not refuse a!"

"Beer!"

"I could really use a!"

"Beer! Beer! Be-er!"

"Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer!"

They continued singing, not realizing the havoc and destruction they are causing. Sakura, who was on her way home, could only stare in muted horror as they wreak drunken destruction and hellish pain. After figuring out what had caused all the weird behaviors, she finally realized true pain. She dropped to her knees, her fists waved to the heavens, "DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!" No one really knew who she was screaming at, but hey. No one would blame her.

-x-

Kyuubi could only sigh as her container refused to have sex with the young girl before him. She was watching through his eyes withing the depths of his mind. I mean how can he REFUSE such an offer? What the HELL is wrong with him?! I mean sure, she's technically a loli, but he's 15! It's freaking legal! Sure it wasn't morally right, but come on! Sex! Hot 13 year old girl! Making love by the fire! Oh wait, wrong show… "Looks like I have to take matters into my own hands…"

Although right now she was wondering why she had an urge to sing about chocolate salty balls.

--X--

AJ: Naruto's not a prude… it's just that… he has morals.

Andrew: I'd say fuck the morals.

AJ: Heh… indeed.