After a couple of minutes, the trio noticed that the hypnotized citizens had stopped marching. Now they were neatly lined up in two straight lines, like soldiers waiting to receive orders, in the large and ominous hexagon-shaped room.

"Ooooh, science-fictiony geometry! Where are we, Sam?" Max asked.

"Hmmm, in a high-tech geometrically-shaped command center of sorts. No doubt the work of alien lifeforms who've played too many Star Fox games," Sam guessed.

"This is the Kindergarten Control Room," Steven explained, waving his hands in front of the entranced Connie and Greg. "This is where Peridot keeps all her logs… And where she checked on those creepy fusion experiments."

"Fascinating," Sam looked around. "Curious, what kind of criminal sci-fi fanatic would hijack a gem origin control center and kidnap two A-list humans and a bunch of B and C-list neighbors?"

"That would be MY doing."

A low and slippery voice answered from nowhere, echoing throughout the cavern. Sam, Max, and Steven jumped a little and looked around, searching for the source of the voice. Suddenly, a large slab rumbled and moved, opening up and revealing a secret room, small and concealed in shadow. A tiny silhouette was the only thing seen in the shadows; it stepped out of the opening and into the light. Steven's jaw dropped when he saw who the silhouette belonged to-

"Onion?! YOU'RE the evil guy who kidnapped everyone!?

Sure enough, out of the shadows stood the small, creepy, onion-headed child, Onion. He didn't respond; he just stared back with those cold, creepy eyes that seemed to stare deep into Steven's very soul every time the two of them met. It was true that the little mime didn't always show the best behavior -stealing from the arcade and Steven's house for no reason and making Steven watch his birth video-but no one would ever expect Onion to resort to kidnapping.

"Not exactly," The voice spoke again… But it didn't come from Onion. "But I see you're familiar with my newest pawn, Crystal Gem."

Onion stepped aside, revealing a larger, more menacing looking silhouette hidden in the shadows. The silhouette advanced forward slowly and creepily towards the light. What emerged from the darkness made Steven's jaw drop: A seemingly human man in a suit sitting in a hovering chair. However, what was most surprising of all… The man had no head; instead there was a fishbowl with a menacing-looking fish swimming in it!

"We meet again, Freelance Police," The fish greeted, menacingly.

"Well what do you know?" Sam said in surprise. "If it isn't me and Max's slippery old friend and arch-nemesis, Mack Salmon!"

Steven couldn't believe his eyes. "Whoa! Mack Salmon in person! ...Wait, how exactly did he get that way, Sam?"

"Beats me," Sam shrugged. "Some sort of boating mishap."

Max -showing no respect for personal space- leaped onto Mack's bowl and stuck his finger in the water. "How often do you clean this water?"

"What's this fake body made of? Melmak?" Sam tapped onto Mack's fake body.

Steven hopped up onto Mack's fake lap. "Are you really talking, or is there someone back there who's a ventriloquist?"

"Your casual indifference and childish inquiries cannot save you this time!" An irritated Mack Salmon barked. "All three of you are my prisoners!

"At long last, Sam & Max, you will pay for your part in causing my… CONDITION!" Mack spoke that last word with venom in his voice.

"Not that we have even the foggiest recollection of whatever it is you're talking about," Sam dismissed. "But would it make it all better if we said we're sorry?"

"Coochy-coochy-cooo!" Max tried to grab Mack from within his bowl. Mack swam around trying to avoid Max's fuzzy white butterfingers.

"Stop that! Stop that! Universe! Dewey!"

At Mack's command, Greg and Mayor Dewey grabbed Max by the ankles and yanked him off of the fishbowl. Max squirmed in their grip, until the hypnotized adults dropped Max to the floor.

"W-wait!" Steven remembered something. "If you're one of Sam & Max's enemies… How'd you get all the way here?"

"That, my young gem, is yet another calamity caused by these two insufferable ignoramuses," Mack explained.

"Wow, I can't remember the last time I've been called an ignoramus!" Max smirked. "...Wait a sec, was this when we locked you into that science fair rocket, stuffed the muffler with lit match heads, and blasted you out of the atmosphere?"

"I don't have to answer the likes of you! … But maybe," Mack admitted. "I crashlanded into your muggy little city, and convinced young Onion here to be my escort to this… Fascinating little lab."

"Huh? How'd Onion know about this place?" Steven asked.

"You'd be surprised at what your young friend here knows," Mack answered. "It is unfortunate that you will not live long enough to see how his involvement will help my newest scheme come to fruition."

"Aww, come on! Show us," Sam begged.

"We won't tell," Max promised.

"Please? We wanna know," Steven whined.

"Well… Alright then," Mack agreed. "Behold! The bounty of my genius!"

"He's a FANCY talker," Max whispered to Steven.

Mack Salmon scooted his fake body out of the way, clearing the entrance to the shadowy room again. Just then, a series of small stomping sounds echoed from the shadows, and marching into the light THIS time was a small army of robotic droids, all looking almost exactly like Mack… Only with actual working legs.

"Feast your primitive minds on my creations… The Salmonacra!" Mack declared proudly.

"Salmonacra?" Steven queried.

"I think I prefer 'Fishsimiles," Max joked, causing Steven to giggle.

"So the bounty of your genius adds up to a bunch of robotic copies? Not exactly HAL material there, Salmon," Sam scolded, more than a little disappointed at Mack Salmon's obvious plan.

"You'd think so, wouldn't you?" Mack smirked. "But these are no mere robotic copies… They are fully operational service droids!"

"Service droids?" Steven asked. "You mean like the ones in that movie-"

"Shhh, Steven," Sam covered Steven's mouth. "We don't TALK about that movie, Steven… Too many untasteful memories. You were saying, Mr. Evil Scientist Fish?"

Mack rolled his eyes, but continued. "Anyways, these droids are capable of any menial task or trivial wish at the owner's desire. If you want a five course dinner, done in 10 minutes; if you want to go out for a walk, it will act as your legs; if you need to blink, it will blink for you!"

"You mean these robots are capable of performing even the most tedious tasks that society's become too lazy to do on their own?" Sam asked.

"Our prayers! They've been answered!" Max cheered.

"Wait, why would you make a bunch of robots do stuff like that?" Steven asked.

"To corner the market in robotic servants for the holiday season. Foolish knaves across the planet, nay, across the universe will pay by the thousands for their very service drone!"

"But if these robots can do EVERYTHING," Steven was starting to get nervous. "How can people do anything for themselves?"

"They can't." Mack Salmon grinned. "They will grow lazier, complacent, dependent on the droids! Then, with no resistance left in their chubby little carcases, they will be forced to accept Mack Salmon as their rightful ruler!"

"And the citizens of Beach City are your zombie workforce building the droids!" Sam finished.

"Fascinating! Convoluted! Diabolic!" Max praised. "But how?"

"See for yourselves."

Mack directed their attention to the wall on the other side. Like the wall he and Onion came from, this wall rumbled and moved as well, revealing another secret room. However, standing at the entrance of THIS room was a large monstrous anglerfish standing on two muscular legs with a large blue glowing orb at the end of its lure, gnashing its hideous razor-like teeth and staring at its three possible victims with its cold cruel eyes.

"Oooh! He's a keeper," Max marveled.

"I hear the really big ones are up in Canada," Sam joked.

"Wait a minute…" Steven looked closer. "That blue orb thingy… That's a gem monster!"

"Correct! The creature you see before you is the result of the experimentation of a blue saltwater pearl from my collection… Turns out the gems of OUR universe do not operate under the same logic as the gems of THIS universe. Because he has no significance unless he is on THIS world, I call him MCGUFFINITE!" Mack declared proudly about his creation. "He is the keystone to my entire operation! It is he who acts as my hands; breaking into the houses of the addresses young Onion gives to me and bathing each citizen in his gem's bewitching glow, transforming them into my tireless drones!"

Steven gasped in horror. "Onion gave you all their addresses!? Even his own mom's!?"

"Indeed… Unfortunately, Vidalia was out of town at the time of the harvesting. Also, for some reason, Onion did not give me YOUR address, Steven. Perhaps he wished you to be spared of the harvesting." Mack turned to Onion, "Regardless, our alliance must come to an end. Here is your reward, Onion."

The McGuffinite monster lumbered over to Onion, and presented him with an industrial bag of Maximum BBQ Chaaaaps. Onion clung to the bag, and made a dash for the tunnel leading back outside. Steven, Sam, and Max just watched him leave with their jaws dropped.

"A bag of Chaaaps? He bargains the free will of his fellow neighbors for a bag of Chaaaps?" Sam queried.

"I think I might like that kid," Max smiled.

"Nooo! Onion, how could you!? This is horrible!" Steven cried.

"Why, because he can gamble with the lives of everyone around him without a second glance?" Sam asked.

"No, because I KNOW he won't eat the Chaaaps! He NEVER eats the Chaaaps! WHY DOES ONION HATE FOOD!?" Steven wailed to the sky.

"Enough," Mack groaned. "The time has come for you three to join those you've come to save in a lifetime of servitude to Mack Salmon!"

"Over my cracked gem!"

The three detectives, Mack, and McGuffinite turned their heads towards the tunnel exit; and standing at the mouth of the entrance were the gem, posed and ready for a possible battle. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl had their weapons drawn, and Peridot had a large pointed stick.

"Explain to me how this 'stick' you gave me is supposed to suffice as a weapon," Peridot questioned.

"It's not," Amethyst snickered. "But it's a LOT of fun to poke guys with it!"

Pearl raised her spear. "You won't be forcing our Steven to serve anyone, you twisted…. Fish?" She took one look at Mack Salmon and groaned in frustration. "You know what… Should I even ask at this point?"

"Either way," Garnet continued. "Release all the hostages and shut down your sick operation!"

"And more importantly," Peridot added. "Get your aquatic touch stumps out of the CONTROL ROOM! It's the ONLY access to my logs I have left since some certain CLODS threw out my limb enhancers!"

Amethyst smiled mischievously, a halo practically appearing over her head.

"You're in no position to be making demands, Crystal Gems," Mack retorted. "Especially since I'M the one with the army of hypnotized worker drones, my Salmonacra-"

"Fishsimiles," Max muttered.

"-AND the mesmerizing power of the McGuffinite!"

"That may be," Garnet replied. "But we have an Amethyst with a bottomless stomach."

"And I gots a craving for SUSHI!" Amethyst snarled, showing her teeth.

Mack flinched, but recovered. "Is that so? Well, let us see you back up your infantile threats once you fall at the mercy of my monster! McGuffinite! Illuminate them to a life of servitude! Obey!"

The McGuffinite monster roared loudly as its gem began to glow a bright cobalt glow. The glow grew brighter and brighter, until the whole room was bathed in a blue glow of spellbinding light! Mack Salmon smirked in triumph as his seven foes became engulfed in the blinding light, most likely ready to join his army of worker slaves unable to stop his diabolical plan!