Words.
Back at Amanda's apartment Jesse and Franny played together while Amanda and Sonny sat in the kitchen. Amanda was still unusually quiet like she was the past few weeks. "Amanda, you okay?"
"Fine."
"I know when you're lying."
"I'm fine."
"OK."
Another few moments of silence before Sonny spoke up again. "You know when you aren't focused on work bringing people to justice, your quiet."
"So?"
"That's not like you."
Amanda knew that he wasn't going to quiet asking her. It was just his thing. "Fine. Truth?" Sonny nodded. Amanda leaned back on the counter and said, "I'm not a good mother."
That hurt Sonny's heart. He hated when Amanda said that. She was a good mother. "Yes you are. Probably one of the few best mother's I know. Up there with my mother, sister and Liv."
"I've just been thinking about Declan coming back. When he came over he tried to bond with Jesse," Amanda recalled. She didn't give out specific details to Olivia or Sonny when they asked her about the visit. Just minimum words. "They bonded but it took Jesse and Declan a little while to get to know one another. Sometime after I told Declan why I didn't get around to calling him."
"Yeah, I remember you telling me that. You said he understood."
"He did. But I felt this...guilt in me that night. Like, I should have at least called him a few days later. Sonny, how would you feel if one of your ex-girlfriends or a girl your friends with but hook up with a few times, got pregnant and said she'd call you when the baby was born and you don't hear from her for a long, long time."
"Honestly?"
"Yes."
"Firstly, if I was able to keep track of the weeks and I didn't hear anything a month after her due date, I'd track her down and see my child." Carisi stated. "Even if I was undercover I would had maybe hired someone to track her down and see what was up."
"You bashing on Declan?"
"No, but I assumed either you've been telling him or if not than he'd hire someone." He said. "But I mean if I got my girlfriend pregnant and never told me and I found out years later, I'd be upset."
"Exactly." Amanda stated. "I-I didn't tell him for almost an entire year and he came back all of a sudden and now I have this guilt in me."
"Did you talk about it with him?"
"Not much. I mean, we decided at lunch that he'll send letters and video chat whenever he can, but not too often since he's undercover."
"Like I said I thought you've been doing that all along."
"I wish I had been."
Two hours later Sonny was on his way out to get home early for tomorrow's work day. Sonny tossed his jacket on just as he walked to the door, Amanda holding Jesse following behind. "Get home safe." Amanda said, giving him a friendly hug.
"Thanks." He said as he returned the hug. "Bye Jesse."
"Say 'bye' to Uncle Sonny."
The year old girl looked at Sonny and waved. "Bye daddy."
