Chapter 7: Cutting Ties
"Hurry, Miss Bella," Ashley called from the front porch, pulling me away from the sudden wave of anguish that was threatening to overtake me.
I tore my eyes away from the window where Edward was now rising from the dining room chair and clearing the table, while the blonde woman, Tanya, walked towards the living room.
"Can you ring the bell, sweetie?" I called to Ashley as I wiped the tears from my eyes and crouched down to pick up the suitcase I'd dropped.
"No."
I sighed. She was five years old and holding a plate of cupcakes. Of course she couldn't ring the bell.
Take Ashley's things up to the door. Go in. Get out. Quick and efficient. That is all I have to do.
Crap, crap, crap!
I took a deep breath and walked up the path to the porch. Pushing the doorbell with my elbow, I stepped back out of Ashley's way while my heart thudded loudly in my chest.
The front door opened.
"Ashley! How is my little princess? You look beautiful!" the woman all but squealed. Of course Ashley completely ate it up. What little girl didn't like being told that she was gorgeous? "And you brought cupcakes?"
"Nana and Aunt Alice made them," Ashley said proudly, as if she'd been responsible for it. If I hadn't have been so confused and upset, I think I would've been amused.
"Well, I think that you need to go take those inside and give Uncle Edward one—he didn't have a very good day."
Ashley sighed dramatically. "Is he brooding again?"
It was ridiculous, so completely and utterly absurd that a six-year-old would make such a remark. Quite obviously brooding was something that Edward did often, and it was commented on enough that a child could recognize the behavior. And my emotions were going in every single direction that I had to laugh.
Tanya giggled, as well. "He is. Come inside, it's freezing out here."
Ashley walked through the door, and Tanya turned her attention to me. "You must be the sitter. When I last talked to Kate she said that Carmen had cancelled on her and she was calling everyone she knew."
"Yes, she was pretty desperate," I said nervously as I took a step towards the door and handed the suitcase and pillow over. The sooner I could get out of here, the better.
"Come inside. As I already said, it's freezing out here. I've got some water on for tea if you'd like some."
"Oh… uh… Th-thank you, but I really should be going," I stammered.
I could tell that she was getting ready to argue when I heard Ashley cry, "Oh! I forgot my wand in the car!"
Fuck!
I wanted to scream, to shout, to… anything, but instead I took another breath and forced myself to hold it together. "I'll be right back," I said.
Tanya gave me a confused look as I turned back to my car. It took only a moment to find Ashley's wand in the back of my car. I held it in my hand for just a moment, twirling it between my fingers and wishing that I could wave away all of the pain that I was feeling… I just wanted to fix things.
With a shake of my head, I walked back to the house. Tanya was no longer standing in the doorway, but the door had been left ajar for me. I pushed it open a bit more, glancing for a table or something nearby that I could set the wand on and make a hasty retreat.
Of course, to reach the table, I had to actually set foot inside the door to reach it. The idea of just throwing it and running flittered through my mind, but I couldn't bring myself to do that.
So, I did the only thing that I could, I walked through the door and set Ashley's wand on the table. As I turned around to leave, I hazarded a glance into the living room, and I saw Edward down on his knee, grinning as he was being fed a cupcake by Ashley. Dabs of pink frosting decorated his nose and the corner of his lips, and even from a distance I could see a sparkle in his eyes. He looked happy for a change.
I moved my eyes back to the door and moved so I was just behind the wall and out of the line of sight into the living room. As I moved my hand to the doorknob, I heard, "Please come in and sit for a bit." Jumping slightly, I turned back to see Tanya again. She held out her hand to me. "I'm Tanya, by the way. And you are?" she prompted.
Squeezing my hands into fists at my sides, unable to grip her outstretched hand, I answered, "Bella." My voice was quiet, and I hoped that Edward wouldn't hear.
God, I need to get out of here, I silently prayed.
It was just like with Jasper. Tanya's facial expression turned thoughtful and questioning as she then assessed my appearance. She'd obviously heard about me. It made me feel uncomfortable, and I wondered what in the hell Kate or Alice, or any of the Cullens had been thinking when they sent me over to face this couple.
Tanya continued to watch me but said nothing, making me feel more and more uncomfortable as the seconds passed.
I glanced back towards the living room. As long as I stood flush against the door, I was pretty sure that Edward couldn't clearly see me standing here. "I need to go."
She merely nodded sharply, and I wished that I knew her well enough to know what she was thinking.
That was when I heard Edward speaking in the other room, "Where is Miss Carmen, Ash?"
"Miss Carmen couldn't come, so I brought Miss Bella."
"Fuck," I whispered soft enough so that Ashley wouldn't be able to hear me.
Tanya eyes narrowed in disapproval, and I saw the change in Tanya's demeanor, as if she'd finally come to some sort of conclusion. That was when I realized that she'd made a decision about me, and it wasn't the same one that everyone else in Edward's family had come to.
"Didn't your mother teach you manners for when you're at someone else's house?" she all but snarled.
And there it was, as I'd suspected, she had chosen a side in this strange battle. I had just met this woman—literally moments ago–and she was already passing judgment on me? "I beg your pardon? Who in the hell do you think you are?"
"I'm someone who actually cares about this family. How in the hell did you worm your way into my sister's life?"
She never said the words that I was expecting: Edward's wife. Edward's girlfriend. And I again wondered who they were to each other that he would laugh with her and caress her stomach.
"You've been talking to Edward," I noted bitterly.
"Yes, she has," Edward said, now joining us in the foyer.
"Miss Bella! Miss Bella! This is my Uncle Edward!" Ashley said excitedly.
"I see that."
Edward glowered at me.
"Come here," Ashley said, grabbing my hand and tugging me into the living room past Edward and Tanya who were now wearing beautifully matching sneers. I couldn't help but notice that they looked perfect together.
Ashley pulled me over to show me the huge bowl of Halloween candy that Tanya had sitting in the middle of her coffee table. I had to fight not to roll my eyes. I crouched down and smiled at her. "You look lovely tonight, sweetheart. I had a lot of fun. Thank you for taking me trick-or-treating with you," I said as I brushed a blonde curl out of her face. "But I need to go home now, okay?"
Ashley leaned forward and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I smiled. "Have fun tonight, honey."
"Okay. Bye."
I stood up slowly and walked back towards the door, keeping my head down in an attempt to avoid eye contact with the other two adults in the room.
I hated this.
I hated everything about this.
Here I was, doing a favor for a friend, and then Edward appears and I end up feeling as if I've done something horribly wrong.
With my hand on the door handle, I braced myself for a fight and looked up at him, meeting his steely gaze. I completely ignored Tanya; quite frankly I had no desire to even consider her place in this equation. The possibilities were painful to contemplate and far more than I wanted to deal with. Even if she was just a close family friend, I couldn't help feeling jealous of the affection she was able to garner for her baby while I was left to feel like a social pariah. No, I had no desire to deal with either of them, but this was the first chance I'd had to speak to Edward since the day of my ultrasound and I felt as if I should probably take advantage of that opportunity. "I need to speak with you," I said tightly.
His gaze flitted from the woman standing next to him over to the blonde little princess who was watching my departure with curious—almost worried—eyes. He gave a stiff nod and motioned for me to continue outside.
I gave Tanya a tight smile that probably looked more like a grimace and went outside to the porch.
Edward followed closely behind me and shut the door. "What?" he asked.
"I just want you to say what I know you were dying to say in there."
Of course he said nothing.
"Come on, Edward. I know that you feel like you'll combust if you don't say it. Just lay it out there," I goaded.
His eyes narrowed. "Fine. I hate that you keep pushing yourself onto my family and into my life. You're acting like some crazed stalker."
"You really don't get it, do you? I didn't do anything! I'm not pushing myself on anyone! You're just being a huge ass!"
He simply glared more, as if his eyes could actually cause me bodily harm.
"I am not seeking anyone out, but they are finding me. It was all just a bunch of random coincidences, and then Esme and Alice began showing up. And…" I shrugged. "Kate and Angela were the first friends that I had here. I didn't plan any to sneak my way into your life." I wrapped my arms around myself in an effort to keep myself warm.
Edward pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger and squeezed his eyes shut. "I'm just trying to figure this all out," he whispered.
"So am I." I sighed and then forced myself to say, "But we both need to figure it out soon."
He opened his eyes and stared at me, his gaze no longer hateful. His green eyes were only filled with worry, grief, and confusion as he nervously ran his fingers through his hair. After several minutes, he looked back down at the porch and nodded. "I know." The words were so quiet that I almost didn't hear them.
"Look, I don't know what's involved, but I'll call a lawyer on Monday and ask what needs to be done."
Edward instantly stiffened. "Of course," he hissed. "You've got to get all of your ducks in a row before you sink your claws in."
"What the fuck are you talking about? Sink my claws in? Are you seriously that stupid?" I shouted.
"Then explain it to me!" he challenged.
"I just want to know what can be done to make sure that you are under no obligation for anything. I don't need nor do I don't want your money. And at this point, I really don't even want you around."
He just stared at me and scrubbed his hairs with his fingers roughly.
The cold seemed to be seeping through my skin and into my bones. I shivered. "I need to go. And I think that you need to go back inside to your pregnant girlfriend." The words made acid creep up my throat as I looked up and noticed her peeking through glass next to the door.
Before he could even respond, I rushed down the steps and down the walk to my car. When I opened my car door, I looked back up to the porch where he was still standing, staring at me. His hair was in his eyes, and he looked downtrodden. And for a fraction of a second, my heart ached for him.
But, I reminded myself as the tears began to fall, he has someone else to turn to. A woman and a baby that he can claim. Obviously, that is what he wants.
Edward didn't turn around to go back inside until my car pulled away from the curb.
I went home and did everything I could to try to forget about the end of my evening, but even as I finally fell asleep from pure exhaustion, all I could see in my dreams were a pair of green eyes that flickered between hate and despair.
~X~
"Alice, I really don't feel up to shopping today," I said. I was standing in the entryway of my apartment, holding my robe tightly around me as Alice tried to push herself past me and into the room, but I refused to open the door far enough for that.
"I heard about last night. You just need to go get in the shower and get dressed."
"I am not going anywhere. I'm done, Alice. I refuse to play this sick, twisted game any longer."
She rolled her eyes. "You're being ridiculous, Bella. Now, go get in the shower before I toss you in there myself. I changed our plans. We're going to a spa, so you don't need to do much."
"Alice, I can't go to a spa," I said, pointing my stomach.
"Sure you can. I asked Dad. He just said that I had to choose a spa that dealt with prenatal clients. You can do most everything, even a massage."
"You called this morning? How did you manage to get an appointment?"
"You worry too much, Bella. Let's just say that my family is well-connected."
And that again reminded me of why I wasn't going to do this. She was from the well-connected, well-to-do family that saw me as a gold digging whore. Well, Alice didn't seem to see me that way, but her brother certainly did and that was what mattered.
"Besides, we need to talk about last night," she prodded.
I leaned against the doorframe. "What's there to talk about?"
Alice blew out her breath, exasperated. "You are just as stubborn as my brother."
I snorted.
When she didn't say anything more, I sighed. "I feel horrible about all of this, Alice."
"About what? This isn't your fault, Bella. No one is blaming you."
"Edward is."
She shook her head, but I think that even she knew that she couldn't deny that.
"But that's not the point, this is a horrid mess that I can't seem to fix… and I just want to fix it, Alice. I would give almost anything to fix it." I brushed my hand against my stomach and looked down. I could feel him kicking and turning around inside of me. How was it that I could already love the being that was growing inside of me? "Except give him up," I amended.
Alice studied me for a moment and nodded. "What you have to understand is…"
"Yes?" I prodded after she trailed off.
She shook her head. "It's not my place to discuss it. But Edward has his reasons. They aren't reasonable or even logical, but they are what they are. I just think that… I think he's really confused now, Bella. Please try to be patient with my brother."
"I'll say he's confused." I laughed without humor. Thoughts about Tanya again began swimming in my mind. I rubbed my palm against my forehead for a moment, trying to think. "I guess what I really don't understand is why are you so nice to me? You, Esme, and Carlisle. Why are you all so accepting of this mess?"
"Why wouldn't we? Seriously, Bella, things happen. This is all just part of life. It's not like it was planned."
"Yeah, but he had to have cheated on his girlfriend. I mean, seriously, if she hadn't been so bitchy, I would've felt sorry for her. Hell, I think that I do feel sorry for her." Then my eyes snapped to her before she could answer. "And I'm mad at you, Alice. Why could you send me over there like that? Really, the entire mess is like some badly written soap opera! And why would you think that I'd like Tanya after that?" I was angry again, and I found my voice rising louder and louder with each syllable.
Alice's mouth hung open as she stared at me dumbfounded. "Wait a second. Back up. Girlfriend? What the hell are you talking about?"
The look on my face must've been just as confused as hers. "Tanya, of course. You said we had a lot in common, I'm just shocked that you could be so callous about the entire fiasco."
And then she laughed.
"What is so funny? My God, Alice, not only is he with her, but she's hugely pregnant! He had to have cheated on her to be with me, or maybe they broke up for a time. Hell, I don't know, he told me he didn't condone cheating. All that matters is that after all of that, she obviously took him back!"
She laughed harder.
"What?" I all but shouted.
"I'm sorry, Bella," she said, trying to calm down. "God, I can only imagine the horrible thoughts that have been running through that overactive mind of yours."
I gritted my teeth. "I think you just heard them all. Get on with the explanation, Alice. I'm still waiting, and I warn you that my patience is worn very thin."
"Sorry," she said, giggling again. When I glared, she managed to compose her features. "Edward is not nor has he ever been with Tanya."
"But he was there with just her, putting his hand on her stomach, laughing with her."
"Tanya's boyfriend is down in Dallas on business," she explained. "Edward and Tanya are just friends. You do know that she and her sisters are really close to our family, right?"
I nodded.
"He thinks of her as a sister. Really, when he called me last night to tell me what happened, he said he'd gone over there to talk to Tanya about you. He wanted to speak to someone he could trust and who wasn't involved. Edward thinks that Mom and I are too emotionally invested." Alice rolled her eyes.
"Oh," I said as I tried to absorb what she was telling me. "Wait. Edward called you last night after I left?"
"Yes. He was upset, and he said that Tanya wasn't helping him any. Apparently you got her pretty riled up."
"She wasn't the only one," I muttered.
"Like I've said before, things will work themselves out, Bella. You just need to be patient."
I nodded, unsure what else I could say.
"Now come on. After all of those thoughts about Tanya, it's no wonder you look like you only managed about an hour of sleep last night. I think you need that massage far more than I had originally thought."
Taking a breath, I allowed everything settle upon me and realized what I needed to do. "No, Alice. I… this… we…." I sighed. "Just… go home. Respect your brother's wishes… and don't come back."
My heart broke when I said the words. I liked her. She was sweet, kind, funny, bubbly, and genuine. I felt as if I could trust her, but this wasn't going to work. In my very core, I knew that staying friends with her and Esme was going to cause me more pain than anything.
I couldn't make a rational decision about allowing any of them to be in my baby's life if they were constantly in mine now. And all of it was simply causing more friction when it came to Edward. Things would be better all around if he and I had nothing to do with each other.
Edward had to come to me if he wanted anything. It had to be his choice. Otherwise, he was going to resent me, resent the baby, if he felt forced into anything because of his family. So, that meant cutting them off.
As she looked at me with a pained but resigned expression while I shut the door on her, I felt the slice of pain through my body as I removed the Cullens from my life. Clicking the lock, I then leaned my forehead against the door, fighting back a fresh wave of tears.
~X~
I dumped the dough onto the flour-covered board and began kneading it, wishing that I had taken Alice up on that massage. At least got the name of the salon from her so that i could go on my own. Standing in the kitchen for several hours would cause anyone's back and shoulders to ache, therefore it was only logical that a pregnant woman's back and shoulders would feel doubly-worse.
"Mom, will you baste the turkey for me?" I asked.
It was Thanksgiving, and my little apartment was actually crowded with my mom, her husband, and my half-sister staying with me. They'd arrived Tuesday evening, and I'd taken Wednesday off so I could spend more time with them.
Alice had attempted several times to call me over the last few weeks, but I never returned her calls, and she had respected my wishes by not coming down to the office or returning to my apartment. I had spoken to Esme once, and she told me that she would respect my wishes but asked me to call if I ever needed anything. The last message that I had received from Alice had been Monday afternoon when she'd called to tell me that she was worried about me spending Thanksgiving dinner alone and she wanted to invite me to their family dinner. She'd even promised that Edward would be working and she wasn't trying to trick me into anything. It was painful to listen to her pleading on my voicemail for a full five minutes, and in the end, I'd decided to send her a simple text message that read, No.
Kate had called, and I'd seen her once, but she neither asked, nor mentioned anything about the events on Halloween, and I found myself extremely grateful to her for respecting my privacy.
I'd contacted a lawyer, who basically told me that there was very little that I could do until the baby was born and that I would do best to stay away from all of the Cullens. Since I'd already cut them out of my life, there was nothing else to be done. She told me that DNA testing could be done after the delivery, if I needed it. Otherwise, she told me to just take care of myself and my baby. So, I tried to do just that.
"What else can I do to help you, Bella?" my mom asked, snapping me out of my reverie.
"Nothing, Mom. Why don't you go sit in the living room with Phil?"
Renee said nothing as she opened the cupboard and pulled out a pan and filled it with water and put it on the stove.
"Where are your potatoes?" she asked.
I pointed to a bin in pantry as I formed the dough I'd been kneading into balls. My mom grabbed far more potatoes than I thought were necessary and took them to the sink where she began to wash, peel, and then cut them into chunks.
The tension in the air was growing by the second. When it finally became too much for my mom to handle, she tossed the paring knife in the sink and spun around to look at me. I didn't even flinch as I calmly covered the pan of rolls and set them off in the corner to rise a final time.
"Bella, look at me."
I turned around and met her gaze. "What?"
"I'm worried about you."
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. "I'm fine, Mom," I said as I went to the pantry and pulled out the things to throw together a green bean casserole.
"No, you're not. You're alone in a strange city and you're pregnant. I want you to come back home with Phil and me."
"Florida has never been my home."
"Your home is with your family, Bella," she asserted before turning her attention back to the potatoes.
"No, my home is wherever I choose to live, and I choose to live here."
"You didn't choose to live here—your boss transferred you."
"But I want to stay. Besides, I'm not alone. Aren't you the one always reminding me that Charlie lives close by?"
"And when was the last time that you saw your dad?"
I pursed my lips but said nothing.
"That's what I thought."
When had my mother become so parental? I'd have asked her that out loud, but I knew the answer. And she was sitting in the other room on Phil's lap, watching football with her dad. Brett had completely changed my mom. Where she'd seemed to have continuously tried to cling onto her youth when I was born, with her grip growing stronger with each year that I was alive, Brett had altered my mom, making her grow-up and see what was important in life.
"I'm not alone here, Mom," I told her.
"What a few friends from work? I know you, Bella. You're not one to socialize with people, and you certainly aren't one to allow people into your personal life."
"Yeah, well, I haven't been given much choice in the matter," I grumbled, thinking about how Angela had been calling me almost nonstop since Halloween. I was certain that she'd found out about me breaking off contact with the Cullens and she was trying to ensure that I wasn't alone. The only time during the week when I'd been truly free of her was when she was faithfully attending her Monday night Single's group.
Renee cleared her throat to gain my attention again. "Well, I'm glad that you have people, then. You need some people to push themselves into your life."
I snorted. "You have no idea, Mom." Only this time I was thinking about when I'd first encountered Alice and Esme, and I fought down the twinge pain from that loss.
We were silent for a few more minutes while she rinsed the potatoes and then added them to the boiling water, while I finished mixing the casserole.
"So, who are these people? Was I right, are they from work?"
"Yes," I answered too quickly. My mom was fishing now—I recognized it instantly—and I knew myself far too well… I was going to give in. I was going to give her more information than was necessary and even though it wasn't a lie—at least it wasn't a lie now—I could never lie to Renee when we were face-to-face.
"Just Angela. My assistant."
Renee looked at me and pursed her lips; she knew that there was something else that I needed to discuss.
I sighed. "About a month ago, I was spending time with Edward's family."
"Edward?"
I placed my stomach on my twenty-nine-week belly for a moment, before I turned around, busying myself by removing the turkey from the oven and then placing both the rolls and the casserole in to bake.
"Bella," my mom said, moving to stand behind me. "You told Charlie that the baby's father was some guy in Phoenix."
I swallowed, but refused to turn around to look her in the eyes.
"Bella," she prodded again. "I want to know what's going on."
So, I told her… everything. I told her about my one-night stand and about how I felt around him that first night. I described to her how it felt like our souls touched. Then I told her about the morning after and moving to Seattle. I told her about going to Dr. Cullen and the wedding and the ultrasound and Alice and Esme and Halloween and the lawyer…. I even told her about Alice's message inviting me to Thanksgiving with her family.
By the time I was finished, she had her arms around me while I sniffled hopelessly against her shirt.
"Well, I think that I'd like to string this Edward Cullen up by his balls."
I snorted and wiped my nose on a tissue my mom had handed me. "They are a nice family. I'm just confused. They all want to be a part of this, and I want that too, but it's so confusing and complicated and…." I sighed. "I'm here, Mom. I like Seattle, but it's been hard shutting my door to them. But what it really boils down to…" My voice trailed off, and I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment.
"What?"
Opening my watery eyes, I looked at my mom. "I don't want Edward to do the same thing to this child that Charlie did to me. He deserves to feel loved and wanted and important."
Renee grabbed me hand and held it firmly. "Honey, you'll make the right decision and figure it out. But you can't compare your situation to mine with your dad. It wasn't his fault, you know."
I shook my head. I'd heard her reasons dozens of times before, and I certainly didn't need to hear her making excuses for my father now. Damn, maybe it would be better if I just left, went to Florida with my mom, pulled myself completely out of this mess and spared my son the heartache that I'd suffered. Hadn't I wished for a magic wand to fix everything?
As if she could read my thoughts, my mom said, "Perhaps you're right. Seattle is the best place for you. But if you're going to stay, I need you to do me a favor—"
Whatever it was that Renee was going to ask me to do was cut-off by a knock coming from the door. I moved to go answer it when she grabbed my arm, "Don't be mad at me, Bella. I hadn't realize how much stress you were under."
I gave her a puzzled look as I moved to open the door, only to reveal Charlie standing there, looking at me happily and expectantly.
And he wasn't alone.
