If You're Gone~part 7
Hey! Thanks so much for all the great feedback and keep it up! I really appreciate it. Oh yeah, in response to a review, yeah, Monica did tell Chandler that Steph looked like him, but then Chandler said, no, she looks just like Jen and Monica agreed with him. I've been really careful about stuff like that cuz I've had this whole fic planned out for months, so that wasn't like a slip-up or anything. So newayz, here's the next part, enjoy : )
"You've been awfully quiet tonight, you okay?" Monica asked Chandler that night after everyone had left and Stephanie had gone to bed. Chandler just gave her a look telling her how stupid that question had been. "Yeah, stupid question, but you weren't like this yesterday, what's wrong?"
"Why would something be wrong?" he avoided eye contact.
"Chandler."
Chandler sighed, looking up at her, pausing before actually answering. "I'm not Stephanie's father," he finally said, barely above a whisper.
"What?"
"Jen's lawyer asked for a paternity test, and," he paused, "I'm not her biological father."
"Oh my god," was all Monica could say in response.
"And it's like the only thing right in my life is a lie! That kid's all I live for! And they want to tell me that I'm not her father!"
"Chandler, you are. No matter what some piece of paper of blood test says, you are her father. You're the only father that kid's ever known. Hell, you're the only parent that kid's ever known."
"Yeah, but I'm not so sure a judge would see it the same way."
"Chandler-"
"And you wanna know what really pisses me off about all this? Jen never told me! She never even told me that there was a possibility that she wasn't mine!"
"Would you have stayed if you knew?"
Chandler looked down, not about to lie, but ashamed of his answer. "No. Not if I'd known before she was born that she might not've been mine. I wouldn't have let myself get attached before I knew for sure," he looked back up at her. "But if I'd found out even the day after she was born, I would've stayed. Because I fell in love with her the second I held her in my arms."
Monica paused for a second before asking another question. "So would you really have rather never found out? Would you rather have kept living a lie?"
Chandler half-smiled at her, "Well, I am starting to believe that whoever said 'ignorance is bliss' really did know what the hell he was talking about."
~*~
Chandler sat at the kitchen table, once again reading trough everything from his lawyer. They were going to court the next day, and even though his lawyer had told him that he had very little chance of getting custody because he wasn't Stephanie's biological father, he refused to believe him and just give up. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself if he knew that he'd lost his daughter without a fight.
Monica walked in without Chandler even noticing her. He was just sitting there, staring at the stack of papers. She continued to watch him as he sat there deep in thought. He'd done nothing to deserve any of this. Absolutely nothing. And she hated seeing him in this much pain.
Walking up behind him, Monica wrapped her arms around him and gave him a hug, kissing the top of his head.
"I didn't even hear you come in," Chandler said, setting the paper he was reading down. "What was that for?"
"You looked like you needed a hug," she sat down next to him. "You okay?"
He shook his head, "No where close to okay. And, god, I'm just so scared!"
"Did you explain to Steph about Jen?"
"Yeah, kind of, but she had a bunch of questions I couldn't answer," he paused. "Tomorrow, Mon. We go to court tomorrow! What if I lose her?"
"You won't lose her," she reached across the table and took his hand, but he still avoided eye contact. "Chandler, look at me," she whispered and he looked up. "You can't believe that you're going to lose her. And don't for one second believe that you aren't her father. You are. You are an amazing father, and if some judge wants to tell you any differently, he'd have to be crazy. Trust me."
"I want to, Mon, believe me, I want to believe that so badly, but I can't. Cause there's always a 'what if,'" he paused, "What if," he said again, Monica knowing what came next.
What if he did lose her?
~*~
"All rise, the honorable Judge Jaquelin Memphis residing," the bailiff said as the judge entered the room and everyone obeyed. "Case number 516873, Jennifer Nelson v. Chandler Bing for custody of minor Stephanie Bing. You may be seated."
"Okay," the judge started, "From what I understand, Stephanie presently lives with Mr. Bing here in New York and Ms. Nelson lives in San Diego. Is that correct?"
"Yes, your honor," they both answered.
"Okay. Mr. Bing, how long has Stephanie been residing with you?"
"Since she was born," he answered.
"And did Ms. Nelson ever reside with you?"
"Yes."
"For how long?"
"Until Stephanie was eight months old."
"And what happened at that time?"
"She left."
"Ms. Nelson, under what circumstances did you leave?"
"I just wasn't ready to be a mother. I felt that I couldn't take care of a child, and I was too irresponsible, so I left."
"And what makes you think that you can now take responsibility for a child?"
"I've settled down a lot. Before, I'd move almost every six months, changing jobs and moving all over, just because I felt like it. And now I've been living in San Diego for almost two and a half years, and I've been at the same job the whole time."
"And you're at a permanent residence that would be suitable for a child?"
"Yes, your honor."
"And Mr. Bing, I understand that you aren't currently living at a permanent residence?"
"No, I'm not. But that's because there was a fire in my apartment building, so I'm living with a friend for the time being."
"How soon will you be able to move into your own apartment again?"
"I'm not sure."
"Okay."
"Your honor, may I point out that Mr. Bing is not the child's real father," Jen's lawyer said.
"Using the term 'real father' is questionable," Chandler's lawyer responded.
"Please rephrase," the judge looked at her lawyer.
"Alright, may I point out that Mr. Bing is not the child's biological father," he responded.
"I think that you just did."
"Can I say something?" Chandler asked, and the judge nodded. "I might not be her biological father, but I am her father in every way that counts. I was there when she was born. Her first word was 'dada' and it was directed at me, not some stranger you say is her father just because their DNA matches. I was there when she took her first step and I caught her when she fell. When she cries in the middle of the night, she cries for me-"
"Mr. Bing, are you going somewhere with this?"
"Sorry, your honor. I was just saying that I might not be her biological father and I may not be what he," he looked at Jen's lawyer, "considers her 'real' father, but I am her father in every other way. I am the only parent she has ever known. She hasn't even seen Jen since she was eight months old; she doesn't know her."
"When did you find out that you weren't her biological father?" the judge asked him.
"About a week ago. Jen's lawyer asked for a paternity test."
The judge looked from Jen to Chandler and then back again. "I would like to meet with the child, so the court will recess until 4 p.m. this afternoon, I'd rather not drag this case on longer than it needs to be, at which time I will read my decision," she hit her gavel and everyone stood up, leaving the courtroom.
"God, I can't do this," Chandler said, walking over to where his friends were standing with Stephanie.
"Sure, you can," Joey reassured him.
"But I can't," he sighed, running his hand through his hair. "Why? Why'd she have to come back? We were doing just fine on our own." When no one answered him, he just sighed once again, turning to walk away. Stephanie ran after him and pulled at this bottom of his suit jacket, so he picked her up.
"Don't be sad, Daddy," she said, giving him a kiss.
Chandler smiled, that giving him a little bit of hope. "Thanks, baby girl," he whispered back before kissing her on the tip of her nose. She just laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck as he took her to meet with the judge.
~*~
"I'd first like to say that it's clear to me that either way, the child would be in a good and loving home. Too many times it's the other way around and it's a lesser-of-two-evils type thing. I've met with the child, and it's clear that you've done a good job raising her, Mr. Bing."
"Thank you," Chandler quietly replied.
"However," she paused, "The courts don't like to take children away from their biological parents if it's at all possible to avoid. So, I award full custody of Stephanie Bing to Jennifer Nelson, with visitation to be decided at a later time. Custody will need to be turned over with in the next 24 hours. This case is adjourned."
Chandler felt for the chair behind him and sat down, afraid that if he stood for any longer he'd collapse. He felt numb, not wanting to believe what the judge had just said. It couldn't be true. But as he looked over at Jen, who was grinning and hugging her lawyer, he knew that it must be.
Chandler finally stood up and walked over to where his friends were sitting, Stephanie on Monica's lap. He took her from Monica without so much as a word and sat down on the bench, burying his face in her and holding her tightly. He sat, rocking back and forth, fighting tears, not wanting Jen to see him cry.
But as reality sank in, the tears came, and he cried.
~*~
After Chandler got Stephanie ready for bed, he lay down next to her on the bed. "Come here, Steph," he motioned for her and lifted her up, setting her down so that she was sitting on his stomach. "You know you're going to go live with your mom now, right?" he asked and she nodded.
"Yeah. But why?"
"I don't know, honey," he answered, not sure of how to explain to her an answer that he himself was not sure of. "And you're going to move to San Diego."
"Where's that?"
"On the other side of the country."
"Like Seattle?"
"Yeah, like Seattle."
"Are you gonna come, too?" she asked and he shook his head.
"No, I'm not," he whispered, "but I want you to know that it's not because I don't love you. I do love you and I always will," he tried not to cry.
"Do I still get to see you?"
"Yeah, just not everyday."
"Why not?"
"Because," he replied, "but you can call me whenever you want, even if it's in the middle of the night, okay?"
"Okay," she paused. "Aren't you gonna get lonely by yourself?"
"Yeah, I am," he whispered, "I love you, baby girl."
"I love you, Daddy," she whispered back, lying her head down against his chest.
Chandler kissed her on top of her head. Even after he knew for sure that she was asleep, he refused to let himself cry again. And he refused to let himself go to sleep. He didn't want to. He just wanted to stay awake all night, holing her in his arms and watching her sleep.
But he was dying inside. It felt like someone had literally torn his heart out and stomped on it, and then expected it to work after they put it back in. They had told him that he wasn't her father. That she wasn't his. And then they took her away from him. They just took away the only thing in his life that had ever gone right, the only thing he'd been living for.
He once again leaned down to kiss the top of her head, resting his lips against her hair. He squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to let the tears come.
They could take her away from him. They could tell him that he wasn't her father.
But no one could take away from the fact that her 'I love you, Daddy' had been directed toward him.
To
Be
Continued…
Four words: please don't kill me : )
