Juice's patch-in party was a huge success – not as big as Jax's patch-in party had been, but Jax felt like Juice deserved it. They had put him through hell as a prospect for the last year, and he was usually included in whatever the club was doing. He was trusted, he was loved, and Jax knew they were all glad to finally patch him in.
The party was absolute chaos and Jax smiled in spite of himself. Clay had perfect timing in voting to patch Juice in and inviting down most of the SOA charters – this party was exactly what everyone (especially Jax) needed.
He had stood on Clay's left, beaming with pride when Clay handed over Juice's cut, and the boys from Washington, Oregon, and Nevada all piled up with SAMCRO for congratulations. The drinks went all around, the music blasted, and Jax quickly grabbed a beer and tried to find a table that someone hadn't started taking body shots off yet.
He nearly stopped when he passed three girls doing body shots off each other, but Tig and Bobby were already ushering an already wasted Juice into the middle of it, so he clapped his new brother on the back and kept walking.
When he finally found an empty table, he looked behind him and realized he was pretty far away from the center of the noise and flashing lights of the party. He sipped his cold beer silently, smirk plastered to his face.
He supposed he should be sad and missing Wendy, but he didn't. If he had to be honest, he was glad that he was here and she was in rehab. He had been done wrong and lied to, so she didn't really deserve any more of his time.
Several people walked past him, either taking shots or grinding on one another. He took a big drink of his beer, wondering when the last time he had danced with a girl was. He figured it had to have been the night of the house party, more than a year ago. He shook his head, dancing with a girl was half the fun of the chase. The dance let them know who you were and what you could do.
As the DJ blasted, he saw some of the SAMCRO members sitting around a fire, smiling and laughing at some joke. He thought about joining them, but thought better of it. Since the day he had found Wendy in the kitchen, everyone just threw him pitiful looks, as if they were waiting for him to break down.
He chugged his beer and stood to get another one. He spotted Happy, from the Tacoma chapter, and waved. His eyes traveled to the faces of some of the other Sons that he knew and he nodded. At the end of the line, a short brunette stood up against the wall, talking to some prospect.
For a second, Jax stopped in his tracks and the smile faded from his face.
No…it couldn't be. Not here.
The prospect turned to wave to him and the girl turned with him.
She smiled warmly at him and Jax breathed a sigh of relief. It wasn't her, she hadn't ran away to another Son, another chapter.
Realizing that the girl was still looking at him, he put his mental breakdown aside and his mouth curled into a knowing smirk. She was wearing a bright yellow halter top that stopped just shy of her midriff, and he thought he could see a belly button ring over her tight stomach. Her cutoff shorts were just short enough to get his imagination pumping and her stilettos didn't help.
But her eyes… She was hungry for him. And not in the same way Wendy usually was - full of love and devotion. This girl wasn't hungry for his love - she was hungry for what was in his pants.
It had been a long time since Jax had been looked at that way.
Before he had married Wendy, he was known as the womanizer of SAMCRO. Women melted in his presence and he usually took a different one home every night or every other night. It was rare that he slept with the same woman twice, and even rarer that he was refused. But when Wendy had moved in with him, he thought he was okay trading the look of hunger for one of love. The problem was, Wendy never hungered for him anymore. And it bored him.
He quickly crossed the party, the beer long forgotten.
"I'm Jax," he said, putting an arm against the wall of the clubhouse and easing his body onto hers, cutting in between her and the prospect.
"I'm, sorry?" she replied, pushing him back.
"Sorry, darlin'. Thought I should at least tell you my name before I started."
"Started what?" she purred.
He leaned in close, putting his lips next to her ear. He took a deep breath, "Before I started to dance with you. Now what's your name, baby?"
He could feel her go to pieces and he smiled – he still had the old charm.
"Alicia."
He grabbed her hand and led her to the middle of the party, where a throng of Croweaters and Sons had started grinding to whatever the DJ was playing. It was a faster paced song, one Jax swore that he had heard before, but he couldn't concentrate on anything but Alicia. Her body was swaying to the beat, and at first all Jax could do was watch.
As the bass dropped in the song, Jax knew he had to quickly get to work if he wanted to get somewhere with this girl. He pulled her close and let his hands explore her body, pulling her close to him and grinding on her, showing her exactly what he wanted to do later.
She leaned back into his body and Jax thought he could hear her moan in the midst of the music.
God, she was hot.
She ran her hands through her hair as the song ended, and Jax smiled keenly at her.
"Wanna go again?" she said, breathless.
Jax shook his head, "Let's go get a drink from inside."
She nodded and followed him inside the clubhouse. It was mainly empty, save for a few guys who had scored Croweaters or brought their old ladies. They were scattered throughout, grinding or making out on chairs, bars, pool tables, anything flat that they could find.
It was for this reason that Jax had locked the apartment before the party started. Although he didn't stay there now that Wendy was in rehab, he had figured Juice would need a room sometime during the night and wouldn't be able to drive home, so he had locked the room and kept the key tight so it would remain unoccupied.
He chuckled to himself as he pulled Alicia close to him in the hallway. He kissed her lips, growing hungry with need. Not really for her in particular, but for someone. Someone who didn't know about Tara, didn't know about Wendy, didn't know that every woman he'd loved had left.
"This isn't the bar," she said as he kissed her neck.
"I know," Jax whispered. "I'm suddenly not thirsty anymore."
She giggled as he fumbled with the key from his pocket and kissed her neck. After what seemed like an eternity, he opened the door to the apartment. She looked inside and saw the bed, catching on to his thoughts in a few seconds.
"Now?" she asked him, eyes growing wide with excitement. "But what about the party?"
Jax kicked the door shut behind him, locking it. "I'm the only one with a key."
Alicia nodded and grabbed his hand, smiling as she reached for his pants, "Alright, tiger."
He nodded, grabbing her ass and crashing to the bed.
…
An hour later, Gemma looked around the party, trying to decipher where her son had gone. Clay had told her repeatedly not to worry, but Gemma did anyway. Jax hadn't been himself since he caught Wendy with crank, and it was beginning to worry Gemma more than she let on. Of course, Jax had been acting normal around the guys, it was times like when Gemma caught him home alone or in the shop by himself that he acted different.
She sipped her beer and sat on the top of the picnic table, with Clay on the bench below her to her left and Tig on the right. Most of the SAMCRO bunch sat around a makeshift bonfire, telling stories and jokes as Bobby played the guitar. The only ones missing were Opie, who was in the big house, Juice who was neck deep in pussy, and Jax, who was MIA.
"I'm going to find Jax," Gemma said for the tenth time that night.
Tig just shook his head, "I'm telling you, Gem. He's off somewhere getting his dick sucked by that brunette he was dancing with. No need to worry."
Gemma just wasn't so sure, but she sipped her beer anyway. If he was doing what Tig suggested, she didn't want to interrupt. It wouldn't be the first time she had caught her son fucking some girl, but it was only awkward for all parties involved.
It wasn't that she had little faith in her son to keep his vows – Gemma just knew men. Regardless of who they truly loved, only half their thinking was performed by their brain. The other half was all about physical pleasure and if a woman knew how to control that, she could control a man.
She had warned both Jax and Opie about how easily a woman could control them early on. Maybe that was why Jax was so cavalier about sex, she thought. But she didn't care, she had made both of them tough, and neither would take any shit off anyone. She was proud of her boys.
As she looked around the party, she wished that Opie hadn't gone to prison. While he wasn't her own flesh and blood, she had basically raised him when Mary checked out and again when Piney was on his own. Opie understood Jax on a level that she didn't, couldn't, and didn't attempt to. They were brothers and had been for nearly all their lives – he would be able to pull Jax out of whatever weird thoughts he had going on in his head.
Sometimes she wondered if his different behavior was due to the marriage or the drugs. He assured her that he was fine, just a little upset about being lied to, but Gemma was smarter than he gave her credit for. There was a look permanently etched on Jax's face that he was trying to cover up, one that she had seen before in the mirror, years and years ago when JT had started making his trips to Belfast.
She had never said anything to anyone, because she didn't feel as if she had any right to after what had been going on with her and Clay. So she had put on her make up, fixed her hair, and became a badass old lady.
When the beer was gone, she contemplated going home. She had made an appearance at the party, kissed Juice on the cheek, and snapped the necessary pictures for the albums. The only thing left in her queenly duties was to party, but she was almost getting too old for all that shit. She turned to look at Clay who was telling some joke about a rabbi – clearly wasn't ready to leave.
She didn't want to go home without him, so she figured she might as well grab another beer. She stood up from the picnic table and looked around the SAMCRO circle.
"Anybody want another beer?"
Tig, Clay, Bobby, and Chibs all raised their hands, so instead of heading toward the big cooler in the middle of the parking lot, she headed into the clubhouse, hoping to have a minute to think without bass pumping through her body.
Most of the people had cleared out or passed out of the clubhouse, and Gemma was relieved to be able to hear her own thoughts again. She reached into the fridge, grabbing the beers and opened her own, taking a few sips.
Bang…bang…bang, she heard. It sounded like someone was banging something against the wall.
"What the hell?"
She walked out of the kitchen and down the hallway, where the sound had stopped. She rolled her eyes, Juice had probably snuck off with some girl. She sipped her beer again and walked back to the bar, sitting on one of the stools.
She heard the door to the apartment slam, and she whipped her head around to see the brunette she had seen dancing with Jax. She was carrying her shoes in one hand and trying to smooth her hair in the other, cursing up a storm.
"No need in trying to fix your hair, sweetheart."
The girl just rolled her eyes, "I can't fucking believe him."
Gemma raised her eyebrows and sipped her beer.
"I'm out of here."
The girl walked out of the clubhouse, slamming the door behind her.
"Good riddance," Gemma huffed. She grabbed one of the extra beers and headed back toward the apartment, gently pushing the door open.
Jax sat on the edge of the bed, sheets pulled up in his lap, head in his hands. His long blonde hair was mussed, but he didn't look up when she came in.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Gemma said, extending the beer.
Jax looked up, clearly thankful that it was her and not the brunette. He took the beer and opened it, taking a few gulps. "First time back into the game for a while."
Gemma nodded, "She seemed pretty heated. Want to talk about it?"
Jax shrugged, "Her name was Alicia."
"What does that matter?"
Jax chuckled, taking a sip from the beer, "It really doesn't matter. Just stupid."
As badly as Gemma wanted to press the issue, she didn't. There was no telling what had happened. "There's a hell of a party going on outside. Get dressed and come out there with us."
Jax just looked at her, "I don't think I'm going to."
"What are you going to do?"
"Probably just go home."
Gemma nodded, knowing better than to press her luck. She kissed his forehead and left the apartment. "Goodnight, baby."
…
Jax walked into the back door of the house, briefly wondering how safe it was to leave the door unlocked all the time. He didn't think the door had ever been locked, but he was a Son, everyone knew better than to rob him.
He walked into the kitchen and clicked the answering machine. There was a message from the rehab center, reporting on how Wendy was doing. He half listened and got another beer from the fridge. He was glad to know that she was clean – one step closer to being rid of her.
The next message was from the Charming Boys & Girls club, trying to get him to donate. He made a mental note to mention it at Chapel tomorrow. He liked donating to clubs and things like that, it made him feel like one of the good guys.
He sat at the kitchen table, thinking about the girl again. For one moment he had lost himself and the wrong name had slipped out. Easy mistake, he knew, but he should've lied when the girl (what was her name? alice, Allison, Alicia?) asked who she was. Somehow, he knew "the one that got away" wasn't the answer a girl wanted to hear.
He reflected on what Opie had told him at the prison the other day. Was he trying to make other girls like Tara? Did he miss her that bad?
Sipping on his beer, he tried to think about what Tara would say about him calling out her name during sex with a random girl. He chuckled, knowing exactly the cussing she would give him.
He sat at the table a few more minutes, still drinking the beer. He thought about calling her, thought about going to see her. He had heard through the grapevine that she was in Chicago now, working for some big hospital up there. He could do it, he knew. Head out right this second and be there by morning.
But what would it accomplish?
Tara might answer his phone call, but he doubted she would. And if he tried to go to Chicago, no matter what excuse he made, Gemma would cut his throat.
But he wanted to hear her voice so badly. He wanted to hear her say his name – not even in a sexual way, just to hear her say Jackson in the aggravated tone that she used to.
He sighed - he should've brought someone home with him. Being alone gave him too much time to think.
The cellphone was still sitting on the kitchen table. He had changed his number several times, but he knew Tara's by heart.
He picked it up and flipped it open, deliberating for just a second longer. She had been gone for seven years and he ached to talk to her. Was seven years long enough? Would hearing her voice be enough?
The beer came down hard on the table as Jax made his decision. He started dialing the numbers, pacing the kitchen, suddenly more nervous than he had been since she left.
Riiinnnggggg…..
Riiinnnggggg…..
Riiinnnggggg…..
Then a click.
"You have reached the cell phone of Doctor Tara Knowles. I can't come to the phone right now. If this is an emergency, please call Chicago Presbyterian and ask to be forwarded to my extension. Otherwise, leave your name, number, and a message and I'll get back to you soon."
Jax felt as if all the air had been sucked from his lungs. He dropped the phone and it clattered shut on the ground. He ached for her worse than he ever had in his life.
But she had left him, she had went away. He sat in the middle of the kitchen, feeling the hot tears slide down his face. He felt ashamed, crying over her again as if he were nineteen – the pain was just as fresh as it had been years ago.
He knew deep down that Opie was right.
He missed Tara.
