So it's come to this…

ATLAS OF THE ANCIENTS

Chapter 7

Setting: Our group is in the Ice Caves. DUN DUN DUNNNN

Clara (reading the tome): There's a section in the tome that mentions a "crystal solution".

Roxton: *pulls out a bag of crystal meth* Heh heh, I got your crystal solution right here. ;D

Clara: …gee, I totally didn't see that lame attempt at a witty comedic response coming.

Roxton: That's because I'm just so damn funny, right?

*crickets chirp*

Jordie: …OH, ROOK, A CANDYCHAN. (Srsly wtf, there's just a random Candychan in this panel)

Candychan: Hay gaiz, 'sup?

Roxton: Just looking for the crystal solution, lil' dawg.

Jordie: You mean rike a srushie from the Snow Foods shop?

Clara: Wow, seriously, Jordie? A slushie? How the Hell did you come to that conclusion? Are you half-idiot or something?

Jordie: I just making suggestion. :'(

Roxton: Bad urchin! Bad! *whaps with newspaper* Only speak when you're spoken to! No suggestion-making!

Jordie: Aaah! *cringe* ;_;

Roxton: You know you're not allowed to be a retard! *whap*

Jordie: I sorry, master!

Roxton: No more fried rice for you for a week!

Jordie: *gasp* No, master! How I rive wivout rice!? I Asian! We no rive wivout rice!

Roxton: *whap whap whap* And what have I told you about stereotyping!? This is a children's website! *whap beat whap*

Clara: Right…because it's perfectly acceptable to expose children to acts of corporeal punishment.

Jordie: Prease, master! I never do it again!

Roxton: That's right you're not. Now go get me a comb...beating you tousled my perfectly groomed mustache.

Jordie: *sniff sniff* ;o; *crawls away in shame*

Clara: …*cough* Right. Um, what if the tome is referring to the "Heart of the Mountain"? It protected the Bori for centuries and helped defeat the Bringer of Night.

Roxton: I know—I did the plot. GOSH.

Clara: Well I think it qualifies as a "crystal solution".

Roxton: Why are you putting everything in quotes? Srsly.

Clara: You're supposed to say, "Perhaps you're onto something, Clara…I'd say it's worth looking into, because you're just so gosh darn smart and perfect."

Script Guy: Uh, no, he's not supposed to add all the smart and perfect stuff…

Jordie: *crawls up with a comb* H-here, m-master…

Roxton: Good urchin… *comb comb comb*

Clara (examining a wall of ice): Hmm, the markings on this ice are similar to those in the tome. I think we're close.

Roxton: But close to what?

Jordie: Hey guys, what's this?

*STEAM HORN FROZEN IN THE WALL OF ICE…WHAT THE CRAP*

Roxton: Ooh, something tells me this is what we're looking for.

Clara: Excellent, now give me the excavating tools.

Roxton and Jordie: *blank stare*

Clara: Um, guys, I need the tools to break the ice apart…

Roxton and Jordie: o___o

Clara: So no one brought them?

Roxton and Jordie: Buuuhhh…

Clara: *foreheadpalm* Great…just how are we supposed to free it from the ice?

Roxton: Oh, let's try clicking on it!

Clara: …with what.

Roxton: D:…WELL IT WORKED FOR EVERYONE ELSE!

(Scene changes to the three outside again, walking down an icy path)

Roxton: The little gadgets we keep finding are pretty random.

Clara: Finding, Roxton? You stole the last one. From a water faerie.

Roxton: YOU were the one who pelted her with a slushie.

Jordie: Where the Herr you get srushie in Faelierand?

Roxton: Yeah really!

Jordie: Ironic, no? I stirr think srushie answer to our probrem!

Clara: Yeah…some crystal this steam horn really is.

Jordie: I know what to do wiv it… *takes the horn and BLOOOOOWWWS*

*MOUNTAIN RRRRRUMMMMBBBLLLLLEEEESSS*

Clara: Youuuuu dipshit. We're on a freaking ICE MOUNTAIN. WITH ICE. AND SNOW.

Roxton: Everybody RUN!

Snow: I'MMA GET YU, RAWR.

Roxton: Dammit, urchin! If we weren't running for our lives I'd beat you so hard!

Clara: Quick, climb up that tree!

Snow: NOES! I CAN'T GET YU UP DER. ):

Roxton: Whew, that was a close call…

Jordie: Yeah rearry.

Roxton: Well, since we're stuck up here… *smacks Jordie*

End Ch. 7