Chapter 7

Are we moving to quick?

Waking up to the feeling of being cuddled was amazing, I've missed this so much. Brittany had her arm around my waist while holding my hand, her legs cupped with mine, I felt loved again I missed feeling loved, ok Ava loves me but it's not that type of love. I can't deny it I still love Brittany, people make mistakes and I guess walking away from us was hers.

'Morning beautiful!' Brittany whispered as she kissed ear then my lips. 'Morning baby, did you sleep well?' 'Of course I did babe because I was sleeping next to you again, honestly I've missed sleeping next to you, kissing you, holding your hand, seeing your smile first thing in the morning.' 'I also missed when you were so tired and you didn't speak at all!' Britt chuckled. 'Aww babe I same I missed you so much, but no one can find out about last night we went to fast, I loved this but we still gotta talk.' I stuttered. 'Okaii we can talk now' 'Look I want you in Ava's life but she doesn't know you like I know you, I was there since she was born and she knows me as her Mom but I'm sorry your just that Mom she's never met' I stated. A tear fell from Brittany's eye, pulling her close to me, I wrapped my arms around her as I kissed her head. 'I know and I-I-I didn't mean to walk out on you, I was scared!' ' I wanna be a Mom to Ava our child!' Brittany cried. 'Britt I understand, I didn't mean to make it sound like that it's just that she's not going to be ok around you for a while, she has to get used to you.' 'But I know she loves you very much and hasn't stopped loving you, hey why don't me and you go out for lunch today and we'll talk more, right now I gotta go back to my Moms.'

After the conversation that just happened, silence fell into the room and It became seriously awkward. Quickly getting dressed to avoid further conversation, 'I'm going now babe I'll text you later' I said. 'Ok beautiful, yeah text me bye.' Getting in the car I couldn't stop thinking about what had happened last night because I told myself that I wasn't going to let things move fast, but I guess I just wanted to, I have missed Brittany so much. Eventually I picked my phone up to call my Mom. 'Hey, Mom I'm on my way back, how is my princess?' I smiled. 'San, she's just eating her fruit and yogurt.' 'Aw hahah she's so healthy, don't forget to give her, her tablet.' I reminded. 'Don't worry san she remembered, look get back and I'll make you and English muffin and fruit.' 'Ok thanks Mom, I love you' 'I love you to baby.'

'Mommy, I've missed you!' Ava screamed as she jumped into my arms. 'Aww baby I've missed you to, how was your night with Grandma?' I asked Ava as we walked into the kitchen. 'Yeah it was amazing, we played princesses and watched films and made a cake and Uncle Luca came around aswell!' Ava shouted as she got really excited. 'Aww I'm glad you had an amazing time beautiful!' Confused I sat Ava down on my lap. 'So Luca came back to jump on my back and criticize me then?' I barked. 'He found out that he had a niece, but he thought you had her with a man' Mom replied. 'Oh well that's fucking great, why didn't you tell him that it wasn't with a man?' I cried. 'Hey Ava go play with Grandpops' 'look I did Santana, but why give a shit about what he thinks, you are who you are and I love you for it and so does your Dad.' Mom insisted. 'But he's family Mom, family are meant to support each other.' I begged. 'Look san just eat your breakfast, today we'll all go out for dinner ok!' Leaning in for a hug I cried my eyes out. It was still hard knowing that my own brother didn't except me for who I am.

Seeing my Dad play with Ava, was amazing because it showed that I didn't have to move to New York to get away. 'Grandpops, can I get on your shoulders?' Ava asked my Dad 'Of course Av, hop on' Dad smiled. 'Hey how come its Grandpops now?' I laughed. 'San, hey I've always said if I have a granddaughter I want to be called Grandpops' Dad giggled. 'What up Lesbian, how's your fanny licking girlfriend' Luca laughed. 'Luca don't say things like that when my daughters around ok, or just don't say those things at all!' I screamed. 'Ok but its not my fault you like girls, that's what men are for!' Luca laughed again. 'Luca that's enough, if you're going to say things like that to your sister then you're not welcome here anymore' Dad shouted as he strolled up to Luca. 'Luca your sisters been through enough, do you think coming out was easy for her?' Mom bossed. 'Do you think accepting myself was easy?' 'I had to not only come out to my whole family but to my friends as well and guess what that's not easy!' I cried.

'Mommy are you okay?' 'I love you so much!' Ava wept because she heard what had happened and she also seen me cry. 'I'm ok baby, as long as I got you I'm okay!' 'Mommy, you are who you are, don't let no one get you down!' Ava mumbled into my ear. 'Thanks baby, I love you' 'Mommy you got a text of Brittany while you were talking' Ava stated. Wait why did Ava have my phone? Laughing I grabbed it out of her hands trying to avoid her reading it.

Hey babe I miss you already, last night was amazing I couldn't ask for anything better. We still on for lunch? – Brittany

I had totally forgot that we were going out for lunch, but I should really stay and spend some time with Ava.

Hey Britt, something just happened at home and I should stay and look after Ava because she's upset how about tomorrow? – Me

'Mom I just got a text from B-R-I-T-T and last night she asked if we could go out for lunch and talk but I kinda cancelled on her because I wanna stay here with Av is that harsh?' I asked knowing that she'll probs offer to look after Ava while she insists me going. 'No its not harsh but I'm sure she'll understand your child comes first' 'But you can go if you want to I'll look after her.' Mom insisted. 'yeah but its her child as well' 'The child she's never made any effort with or even seen.' Mom demanded. 'don't go for lunch go out for dinner with her tonight' 'we're going out though' 'not any more, I want to see you happy ok'

I guess that's ok, is Av alright? – Brittany

I'm sorry Britt and yeah she's fine, it's just Luca's here and he was being homophobic and Ava heard the family argue and cry she's pretty torn up about it speak tomorrow bye – Me

Later that day I had taken Ava to the park I used to go to whenever I got upset or when I was thinking. There were just so many memories here that I didn't want to remember. Like when I had tried to commit suicide because I was just too scared to accept myself, or like when I had no friends. I don't want that to happen to Ava, I'm going to try my best to make sure that she is always going out with friends and to show her that she is who she is. 'Hey Ava why don't you go on the slide?' I asked because it was my favourite thing as a child. 'Ok Mommy you gotta come down with me' Ava smirked. 'Baby I'm too old now!' I giggled. 'wait no you're only 21 Mommy your still able to go down the slide!' Ava rejoiced. 'Ok baby I'm coming!' 'Do you want get some Ice cream?' Ava nodded as she grabbed my hand. 'with Strawberries and raspberries!' Ava asked. 'What ever you want princess.'

When we got home, I had to get ready to go out. I don't know if you'd call it a date. Should I wear a dress or should I keep it smart but casual? Butterflies were flying around my stomach, my nerves travelled through my body, the thing was I didn't even ask Brittany if she wanted to go out tonight, so I have no clue what her answers going to be. 'Mom do I look ok?' I asked. 'You look beautiful, Britt's going to love it!' Mom replied. 'Thanks, Mom.' I thanked. 'Ava are you ready for bed?' shouting up the stairs as I looked in the mirror. 'Ahh come on then get in princess!' 'Good night baby, I'll see you in the morning, I love you so much!' 'Night Mommy love you to' Ava whispered as I kissed her head and ran my hand through her long silky brown hair.

Knocking on Brittany's door my nerves had gotten worse. 'Santana, what are you doing here?' Brittany gulped. 'I kinda felt bad for not meeting you today, so I just wanted to ask if you wanted to go out for dinner?' I Answered. 'yeah sure, I'll just go get ready.' 'No Britt you don't have to you look so beautiful as you are now!' I persuaded. 'Are you sure, San?' 'Of course I am.'

As we had Arrived at The Fox And Vivian, Brittany kept asking questions about where we were going. There was this nice pub in town, I had to take her somewhere nice and special. 'Omg Santana, this place Is amazing.' Brittany praised. 'I know right I had to take you some where special!' 'I'll go find where our table is.' Should I be scared of this, I honestly don't know because I've known Brittany for 8 years why should I be? 'Hey, guys your table is just over here.' After the waitress had shown us to our table me and Britt ordered our food and drinks.

'Babe I wanted to meet up with you today because I want to be with you again and I want to see Ava, I want us to be a family!' Brittany groaned. 'I want us to be a family as well, but Britt it's been two days, we have to take things slow' 'I really want to see Ava really badly, she's our baby!' Brittany cried. 'Yeah she is but she's not going to be huggy huggy with you like she is with me because she barely knows you' I said as I grabbed her hand. Suddenly, we both leaned forward as our lips touched. We kissed for a few seconds, then Brittany pulled away as she cried 'Santana Lopez, I still love you, I never stopped loving you!'