Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my writing.

Note: Thanks to all my regular reviewers (you know who you are)! You guys make my week. This chapter introduces a lot more characters, which hopefully is a good thing! Enjoy.


Chapter 7:

She walks into the hallway, shutting the patient's door quietly behind her and noticing him against her will. He's sitting in one of the chairs lining the hall that are meant for waiting family members. What could he possibly be waiting for?

He holds out a box of chocolates. After a moment's deliberation, she moves to sit beside him.

"The nougats are gone. Sorry." He smiles ruefully.

"Aw," she makes a noise of mock-disappointment before reaching for a chocolate. It's nice, to be able to sit near him and joke with him again. It's not nearly enough, but it reminds her of the way things were before. "Did you get these from a patient?" Her voice is muffled as she chews, and she knows she must look like an idiot with her sticky hands and cheeks full of chocolate. But who cares? He's seen her look far worse.

"No." He takes another chocolate from the box and examines it before popping it into his mouth. "I bought these for Julia, but she's standing me up for an emergency ocular transplant surgery, so I'm gorging myself on Valentine's chocolate." Julia. The reminder of everything that's over between them makes her stiffen. She's come to terms with being "just friends" with the beautiful man sitting beside her, but it's much easier to do when there's still the slightest hope of something more. With Julia in the picture, she knows she'll never be anything more than the one who turned him down. If they're "just friends," it's her fault.

But she wants this, and she wants things to feel normal again, so she offers an uncomplicated reply. "I'd mock you right now if my mouth wasn't so full." He frowns, and in another lifetime this is when he would have nudged her with an elbow or shot back a jaunty reply. Now he just stares down at the chocolate, not meeting her gaze.

"Try the square ones. They're caramel with sea salt." As she picks out the recommended chocolate, she has to hold back a laugh. How ironic is it, that the two of them should end up alone together on Valentine's Day? It seems like the universe's idea of a joke.

He looks at her sideways and sighs. "I didn't want to disappoint her, you know? I bought candy and flowers." Oh, perfect. The universe knows how to rub salt into a wound.

There's a hesitation before he finally looks her in the eye. "I got rose petals, Lex. Bags of 'em." He shakes his head, and she realizes all of a sudden that he's not joking around anymore. That Julia let him down, and he feels humiliated. In the same second, she suddenly feels small. Mark Sloan wouldn't buy rose petals for just anyone. He never did for her. "I was looking forward to sharing it. But now I'm alone, on Valentine's day, eating chocolate." He smiles flatly and turns back to the box, allowing her a moment to collect herself. She pushes her emotions aside, forcing her face to assume an innocuous, if not entirely cheerful, expression.

"I can do you one better." After swallowing the last bit of chocolate, her voice comes out clear. "My hot date tonight? Zola." She's gratified to see his eyebrows shoot up. "I am babysitting."

The two of them share an embarrassed smile and one last moment together before leaving the hospital, each to spend the rest of the night alone.

Lexie wasn't even surprised by the news that Mark had fallen into a coma. When she arrived at the hospital twenty minutes early so she could drop Zola off, changed into her scrubs, and then found Dr. Webber waiting for her at Mark's door, her first thought was that she should have known. I'm an idiot for ignoring all the signs. He was trying to tell me yesterday. He was trying to say goodbye, and I wouldn't let him. She remembered the nightmare that she'd had in the woods, where she'd been trapped and dying under the wreckage. You're not dying, Mark had said. You're gonna be fine. The two of them loved each other so much; of course it was going to be impossible to let each other go.

"...and because of the injuries he sustained, there isn't much-"

"-Thank you for telling me, Dr. Webber." Lexie's voice sounded strangely flat, even to her. Dr. Webber paused. If he was angry with her for interrupting, he didn't show it. "I'm going to be late for rounds." Lexie's tone was one of clear dismissal, but to her frustration Dr. Webber stayed right where he was. Go away. Go away now.

"That's not all." It isn't? Lexie bit back a venomous reply. How many other ways can you find to ruin my life?

"Before he-" Dr. Webber paused, checking himself. Lexie wondered if he had stopped because he was afraid to say the word died around her or because he had just realized at the last second that falling into a coma might not exactly qualify. "Last night, Mark made a change to his health care directive." Lexie shook her head and started to walk away. She wasn't doing this right now. If Mark was brain dead, nothing in his health care directive could change it. Besides, he'd made it clear the night before that he wanted to make his own decisions about life-sustaining treatment. "Mark has made you his power of attorney." She stopped in her tracks.

"What?"

"He put his medical decisions in your hands, and revoked his decision to withdraw care after thirty days." Lexie couldn't bear the look of pity on Dr. Webber's face. "He… it's up to you now. He wanted it that way." Lexie found that all she could do was stare at Dr. Webber blankly, turning his words over in her head. Mark would never do that. They weren't family. They weren't even dating when they boarded that plane!

After opening her mouth to protest, Lexie found there was nothing she could say. Dr. Webber wouldn't lie to her. There was no mistake. There was just one more ugly decision resting on her shoulders.

"I have to get to rounds." Lexie said slowly. Maybe if she walked away and avoided this hospital room long enough, everything would go back to the way it was before. Maybe Mark would wake up again, and she'd never have to face the choices that he had left her in charge of.

Dr. Webber put a careful hand on her shoulder, searching her face. She wondered what he would find; all she felt was a vast emptiness, and it crossed her mind that maybe she wasn't out of shock after all. "You take care of yourself today," was all he said before turning and walking away. She watched his figure become smaller and eventually disappear as he rounded a corner, and she shut her eyes against the loneliness of standing in front of Mark's door by herself. Everything's going to be fine. It's all going to be fine. She didn't know why she bothered.

Five minutes later, she was in a patient's room beside Dr. Yang, standing tentatively off to one side. Cristina had been cleared for surgery even earlier than Lexie, but the two of them hadn't really spoken since the crash. Lexie was still harbouring some resentment for the way Cristina acted in the woods, so she had figured that it might be best to let them both grieve far away from each other. She saw now though that that might not have been the best decision after all.

"You're late." Cristina's voice was cold and she didn't even look at Lexie before turning back to the patient, a man in his late fifties. Lexie, confused, glanced at the clock. She was five minutes early, as she'd anticipated. She knew better than to be late for rounds. "Mr. Hengst, your stats look good, so we've scheduled your surgery for this afternoon." Lexie shifted her weight uneasily. Normally the resident would present the patient's case. She'd memorized all of Cristina's this morning before coming in. Stephen Hengst, fifty-seven, presented with severely high blood pressure and pain in his chest. He's been scheduled for a coronary artery bypass, which, accompanied by a healthy diet and exercise, should eliminate the risk for further complications. She was prepared and she'd been on time; why was Cristina so angry? "Dr. Mostow will be assisting." What?

"Dr. Yang-" Cristina shot her a death stare and Lexie shut her mouth, her fingers clenching Mr. Hengst's chart. It all suddenly felt like too much to handle. Suddenly Mark might never wake up and Cristina was kicking her off cases for no good reason? This was not how she had wanted her first day back to go.

Cristina gave her patient a detached smile and led Lexie out into the hall.

"Dr. Yang?" Lexie tried again. Cristina ignored her, leaving Lexie to follow like an idiot into the next room.

"Dr. Grey, present." Swallowing her frustration, Lexie focused on the next patient.

"Anna Beaumont, twenty-six, born with a congenital heart defect, is here for a heart transplant. The-"

"-Dr. Grey, how many times has Anna been here for surgery in the past year?" Lexie gritted her teeth. Cristina had no right to interrupt her, and that information hadn't been in the chart.

"I-"

"Who was Anna's last physician before she was transferred here?" Cristina was glaring at her, and Lexie realized all at once that she wasn't expecting her to have the answers. She was asking her difficult questions deliberately to make her look stupid.

"I- I don't know." Lexie kicked herself for proving Cristina right, but there was nothing she could have done. In order for her to have known those answers, she would have had to have taken a detailed patient history, which Cristina had done herself. Lexie could only be expected to know what was in the chart!

Cristina snatched the chart out of her hands. "You were late, and clearly unprepared for my cases. You're off my service." Lexie backed away, shocked and angry. For a moment, all she could see in Cristina's face was the same rage as when that jug of gasoline had been torn out of her fingers. "Get out." Lexie turned and left the room, her cheeks burning in humiliation. She couldn't understand why Cristina was acting so hostile. She's grieving, the logical voice at the back of her mind spoke up. Lexie understood, but she couldn't summon much pity. Mark was lying in a bed with a tube down his throat. Meredith's ashes were still sitting on Lexie's dresser. They were all grieving.

Lexie sat outside the patient's room, in one of the chairs meant for family members. A memory stirred in the back of her mind. What am I waiting for?

"Hey." Lexie looked up to see April Kepner, a coffee in either hand. Lexie remembered overhearing that Dr. Hunt had kept her in the program because he was understaffed since the crash. The thought left her feeling slightly resentful.

April sat down, leaving a chair between them. Keeping a safe distance, Lexie thought bitterly. But when April held out one of the coffees, Lexie took it gratefully.

"Long day?" April asked, her eyes on Lexie as she sipped the coffee.

"You could say that," Lexie sighed, wishing that she trusted April enough to confide in her. April had hung around Meredith quite a bit, but she and Lexie had never been friends.

"Hey, I… I heard about Mark. I'm sorry." Lexie felt herself stiffen. She did not want to talk about this.

"Yeah, me too." Lexie hoped that April would read into her tone and drop it. She didn't need to be reminded that Mark was, for all intents and purposes, dead. Everyone is leaving, and everyone is dying.

"Do you know what… what you're going to do now?" April's voice was quiet. Lexie felt a flash of anger. You mean now that it's my job to decide when to pull the plug?

"No," Lexie said abruptly, "and since you're only sitting here because my sister isn't, you're the last person I'd want to talk to about it." She watched the hurt flare in April's eyes, watched her walk away, and she couldn't even bring herself to feel guilty. I'm as bad as Cristina, Lexie thought dismally, burying her head in her hands. I'll never be myself again.

"Dr. Grey?" Lexie looked up. Dr. Bailey was standing where Kepner had been, her lips pursed in concern. "Who has you on their service today?"

"No one." Lexie stood up. "Do you need me for something?"

"One of my patients is asking for you specifically. You can work with me for the rest of the day." Lexie nodded, relieved. If the patient had requested her, it means that she had developed a good relationship with them. A friendly face could turn her whole day around. She followed Dr. Bailey, wondering who it could be. Clara, the one whose arms were reattached after a boating accident? Or Justine, the writer whose characters seemed to perfectly sum up Lexie's life?

When Lexie finally entered the room after Dr. Bailey, she only vaguely recognized the man lying on the bed. He was chatting emphatically to a nurse as she checked his IV tube.

"- was my skydiving instructor all those years ago, and I'd been in love with her forever. After my accident, Dr. Grey was the one who convinced me to tell her how I felt." Lexie vaguely recalled the case, which had caused quite a stir throughout the hospital. The man, whose name was Rick Jones, had fallen 12,000 feet and only required an appendectomy. But Lexie was only an intern that year, and she hadn't been on the case. "I finally worked up the courage to ask her on a date, and the rest is history. We're married now, and we have a beautiful son, and it's all because of Dr. Grey!" Rick looked up, seeing Lexie in the doorway, and his face fell. Lexie had a sinking feeling in her stomach. "Oh, there must be a mistake. This isn't Dr. Grey." Dr. Bailey looked from her patient to Lexie, her face dawning in sudden understanding.

"No," Lexie answered, trying to keep the raw pain out of her voice. The universe had a sick sense of humor. "You're thinking of my sister." Dr. Bailey opened her mouth to apologize, but Lexie shook her head. The room suddenly felt very small. "Excuse me." Lexie nodded once to the patient and backed out of the room. Outside, she leaned on the wall, taking deep breaths. There was a monster inside her, struggling to break the surface, but she couldn't afford to let it. If she allowed herself to feel this grief, she might never be free of it.

"Lexie," Dr. Bailey stepped into the hallway, closing her patient's door quietly behind her. Her eyes were filled with pity. Lexie looked away. "Go home." Lexie was ready to protest, she wanted to protest, but no words came to her. She stood in the hallway with Dr. Bailey, fighting back tears, until the attending grasped her hand. "Today was hard," she began. Lexie opened her mouth to interrupt, but Dr. Bailey held up her hand. "but tomorrow will be better." How do you know? Lexie wanted to scream. How do you know that? "Go home." Dr. Bailey squeezed her hand and then disappeared back into Rick Jones's room.

Her heart heavy, Lexie picked up Zola from daycare and drove them back to Meredith's.