Her Words Destroyed My Planet

Chapter 7

Eli:

What do you do when your whole world falls around you? How do you move on when the ground is pulled from underneath you? How can you breathe when your reason for living damn near kills you? Is it worth living at all?

I drove without having anywhere to be. I just needed to get as far away from Clare and the party as possible. I couldn't think straight. Nothing made sense, my life felt like a complete waste. I drove with a void in my heart, an empty space that I felt could no longer be filled.

The open road seemed like my only option. My phone was ringing like crazy. There were missed calls and messages from everyone, Adam in particular. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I'm sure they were all worried about me. I was too. I felt so out of it. It was almost like habing an outer body experience. I could see it all playing out like a movie, a tradegy, a horror. In minutes, everything slipped through my fingers. I lost the love of my life and my heart.

Tears filled my eyes too much to see the road at some points. A part of me wanted to keep going. It would have been so easy to crash and get it over with. If I were lucky I'd go into a coma, or better yet die. But then what good would that do? Reason got the better of me and I pulled off to the side of the road. I had no idea where I was, I had to be miles out of town. I looked at my phone: 25 missed calls and 20 voicemails from Adam, Clare, and other kids from school. They were worried, I had to at least speak to someone so they could spread the word that I was okay, at the very least alive. There was no way I was speaking to Clare so I decided to call Adam.

"Eli where are you!" were the first words out his mouth. "Jesus, we've been worried sick! You can't just take off like that and take forever to respond!"

"I know, and I'm sorry. I'm just going through a lot right now." At this point I had gotten out of the car and was pacing on the side of an abandoned road. It was all to fitting to my current state.

"Where are you now?"

I looked around. There was nothing that hinted to where I might be. "I'm not sure. Just know that I'm okay."

"That's not enough Eli," his tone grew serious. I could tell he wasn't only worried but scared. "Just turn back the way you came, I'll find you along the way."

My anxiety started to build. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears. "If I come, promise me that'll it will just be the two of us. I don't want to see anyone else."

"Done. You got it, just please head back now."

"Okay, I'm on my way." I hung up and got back into the car, and headed back for home.

I drove with a clearer head this time around and soon enough, things started to look familiar. I drove straight to Adam's house. There was no way I was going back to the party. I knocked on his door. Seconds later, Adam was right on the other side. He didn't say anything as he looked at me through the screen door and let me in. We went to his room wordlessly.

"What are you thinking right now E?" he asked after I sat on his computer chair. We still hadn't spoken.

"Not much of anything. I have no idea where to start. This has single-handedly been he worst night of my life. And to think I had all these plans for us this summer. One day in and it's all down the drain."

"I've never seen you like that before. I really thought you were going to kill him."

I laughed a humorless laugh. "I honestly thought I was going to also. I wanted to, so badly. I wanted him to hurt like me. But it wouldn't have been enough."

"Are you ever going to speak to Clare again?"

Just hearing her name made me wince a little. "I don't know. Half of me wishes that we could work it out, the other half wants nothing to do with her. How is it possible that the person responsible for all your happiness can be responsible for all your pain? Did I do something wrong? I don't get it?"

Adam's face was thoughful as he searched for the right words to say. "I think you guys need to talk. I'm not saying get back together, but there's alot that's probably going unsaid."

I nodded in agreement. "I just keep wondering where we went wrong. None of this makes any sense," I growled running hand through my hair.

"These questions will only get answered when you talk to her. You don't have to do it tonight or even tomorrow. You'll just have to whenever you're ready, however long that takes."

I chewed on my thumbnail as I thought it over. "I need to settle this now."

"Are you sure now's the best time? I mean...Eli, things are kind of raw. Give it a day or two at the very least-"

"No. It has to be now." I dug in my pocket for my phone. I scrolled through the contacts until I found her name. I froze for a second before hitting send. Adam watched me with wide eyes from the edge of his bed. The ringing repeated about five times before she picked up.

"Eli!," she said breathlessly. "I'm so glad you called, I was really worried about-"

"We need to talk...seriously talk. Meet me at our spot in the morning, around nine."

"Okay. I'll be there."

I hung up and turned to Adam. "I just need the night to calm down."

"Understandable. You can crash here if you want. I don't like the idea of you being out driving around."

I smiled in spite of myself. "Thanks, I'll take you up on that offer."

I layed on the floor after talking to Adam for a while. He was fast asleep in his bed, probably dreaming about Fiona. I was wide awake. Sleep stayed far from me as my mind kept picturing how tomorrow with Clare would go. I needed to plan it out in my head. I didn't want my emotions to take over. I looked up at the ceiling in the slight darkness of Adam's room. I wondered what Clare was doing. I hated how much I still thought about her. Whatever she was doing now shouldn't have been my concern. Any other guy in my shoes would hav washed his hands completely of her. A piece of me still held on to the hope that we could work it out. I guessed only time could tell.