Summary: A stupid fight can make you realize the most important part. One diary entry lets Kagome realize why she loves the hanyou and why she is his mate.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything of InuYasha. The only thing that belong to me is this plot.
Warning: This one-shot is rated T.

Enjoy!


Dear Diary,

You wouldn't believe me unless you were there...

It shouldn't have bother me; however, just the thought of it did. We were travelling back from a nearby village. A raged youkai was destroying most of the crops and seeing that no one has moved in such a long while, we all decided to go. I should have known something was going to turn out different.

After destroying the youkai, the rain came pouring and we were stuck inside a hut quite a distance between both villages. It rained for about three days. Just sitting, doing nothing, drived almost everyone crazy. Sango, the youkai exterminator, fell occasionally asleep on her husband, Miroku, the monk. I couldn't think of sleeping, even if I did want to sleep.

On the second day of the rain, InuYasha, the very hanyou that we were travelling with, decided that he had to leave. I told him it was crazy to leave during a rain storm. He just gave me a glare and ran out of the hut. He can be so stubborn at times, that it makes me wonder why I even stay around. The answer was easy to see. I cared about him. No, I didn't care about him. I actually loved him; however, that was a secret that I held to my heart. No one knew. I couldn't tell anyone. It was easy to see if I told him, he wouldn't respond in the same way. I would probably be yelled at or worse, made fun of.

Anyways, just after the rain came to an end, InuYasha returned and forced us to all move out. The roads were muddy and part of the creek we followed was partly over-flowing. Sango and I started to worry about the river that ran throught the village. Again, InuYasha didn't seem to have a sensitive side for he yelled at us to not worry. It happen, though, that when we returned three of the huts were damaged by the rising water of the river. I threw him a look before walking off and offering my assistance. It was then that I found out that I did something wrong.

At the moment, I was helping gather some of the clothing and hang it on a line. I could hear the hanyou marching over to me, but in my intent of not arguing with him, I decided to ignore him completely. Not sure if that was a good idea, though. Just by looking at a side glance, I could see how angry he was.

He didn't say anything as he stood behind me, arms crossed into the long sleeves of the fire-rat haori. His scowl was on his face. Sometimes, it seemed like he was pouting. It occasionally made me smile or giggle, but not today. Today, I knew why he was mad. Heck, I wasn't even going to bother about it. Sango and I were worried about the village. He didn't seem to care, but that didn't give him any rights to doubt our suspision.

Laying the last sheet over the branch, I picked up a basket of dried clothing and followed one of the village women to one of the huts they were staying in. Till the huts that were damaged were repaired, some of the villagers were supplying rooms for the poor men and women that had their homes destory. I followed the lady inside. She pointed to a small room and to a corner that I could sit the basket down. That was when I was called out by another lady. She explained about a young woman. I knew who she was speaking of. The woman was barely older than me and she was currently four months pregnant. Her family had forced her into an early marriage with someone of great power. It happen that a war came over that very village and the girl's husband was killed, leaving her and the unborn child with no protection. Returning home, she hoped for the best. She was lucky that everyone took her in.

I heard from Old Kaeda, the village Miko, that some villages don't take in another family, even if the girl came from that village. I even heard from InuYasha that very same day, that even hanyou children don't get accepted. I was figuring he was talking about himself. For some odd reason, I had a feeling that he tried to find a place to call home, but was unable to succeed. As I laid on my pallet at nights, I thought about what he said and it occasionally caused my eyes to ache with unshed tears. It was hard to see a strong young man..er hanyou be treated so wrong just because he was different. How he survived and turned out to be who he was? I will never know. It was one secret, just like mine on how I feel about him, that seemed to be never told.

When I arrived at the hut of the young girl, I notice she was just in pain and sick. For her first few months, she didn't receive any sickness and since it was early in the morning, I figured it was just morning sickness. Mixing some herbs that Old Kaeda taught me, I gave them to the girl and explained that it will help her. She was worried about the baby, but I explained that everything was going to be fine.

With a smile, I stood up to leave the hut. He was still standing outside in the same position and with the same look on his face. This time a small giggle broke from my lips and his scowl turned into anger. I saw him march over to me, but I was lucky to see Miroku come tumbling him down and Sango pulling me away. She wanted a warm bath at the hot springs and I agreed to come.

I should have known that something was up. I should have known that both Miroku and Sango were trying to keep InuYasha and I apart. What the reason was? I do not know. I just went with it. If the hanyou was still mad from before, it would be wise to leave him alone for the time being. It just never came to me that my friends wanted us to stay apart for another reason.

Sango and I talked for a while at the hot springs. It was almost late when I realized that I should head back. Old Kaeda was having some troubles with some of the small jobs as being the Miko of the Village. I promised to help her on some of the jobs and I was already late to do two of my jobs.

Stepping out of the spring, I wrapped a towel around my bare body and made my way back to the hut I was staying at. It never crossed my mind that a certain hanyou would be sitting in the same hut. It didn't register that I had nothing on, but a towel. All I knew was that I had to get everything done before the sun was completely gone, and by the look of the sun, I only had a few hours left.

Walking into the hut, however, seemed to cause everything to come to a freeze. InuYasha sat against the back wall with his sword leaning against his shoulder. His eyes narrowed down as he glared with me. I placed my hands on my hip and return the stare. It was then when I realized what was wrong with me, my eyes went wide. Turning around, I tried to leave the hut; however, he seemed to be so much faster than me and caught me before I was able to escape.

It felt different to be trapped in a hut with the hanyou. It should of made me happy. Here he was thinking about me and not anyone else; however, the situation I was in, I didn't know it if it was a good idea or not. He crossed his arms over his chest and started to walk towards me, causing me to back up towards the back wall and slide down. Crossing my legs seemed impossible as he stopped in front and bent down into his known position. He shook his head as he traced his claws against the towel. I tried to speak, to say a word that I knew he hated, but he placed his hand over my mouth and prevented it all together.

The look in his eyes should have told me something was up. I should have figured the reason he made me stay in the hut was for him. He knew I was busy every evening. He hated it. There has never been one night that I didn't hear from him. I was not his mate. I wasn't anything to him. The Shikon no Tama had been gone for over four years. I was almost twenty-three and still, everything seemed to be the same.

I felt his claws trace against my bare legs, creeping towards my thighs that were hidden underneath the towel. My eyes widen as I watch his claws before looking up into his eyes. His eyes told me nothing. I couldn't figure out what he was thinking, what he was planning. I gave an inward laugh. I should have known what he had plan. It was easy, if he was touching me in such an intimate way; however, he stopped making me question the idea.

I watched him remove the fire-rat haori and lay it upon the ground. He, then, went to remove his white undershirt. My eyes widen, unsure on why he was doing this. InuYasha wasn't thinking about sleeping with me, was he? If that was the reason, then why of all the times did he decide now?

His claws moved to trace the side of my face. I only closed my eyes and leaned into the touch. It was a shock as my eyes open wide when I felt his mouth against mine. He was actually kissing me. It was a shock for I didn't know if he cared about me in the same way. The kiss was passionate as I felt his fangs trace over my lower lip. All I could do was open when his tongue traced my teeth. It was a strange feeling, but one I accepted and loved. I felt as he wrapped his arm around my neck, holding me closer and he kissed with everything that he had. My heart started to thump extremely fast and I was afraid that he might hear it. The sound, though, didn't even seem like it phased him in the least bit.

He broke the kiss only for a second before tracing his lips, tongue, and fangs along the side of my jaw, cheek, and neck. His hand dropped from my neck, only to land against my back. I felt as he laid me against the floor, but never stopped the kiss. I tried my hardest to kiss him back, to show him how much I loved him. It seemed that it went all ignore. He was only kissing me and allowing no movement to come from me.

It was then, suddenly with quick movements that only he could do, that he moved from me and to the door with both of his shirts in his hands. His eyes had a weird look in them before he was gone. It was then that I heard Sango and Old Kaeda outside that I realized he stopped because of them.

Old Kaeda wasn't happy that I didn't do my two jobs, that she had to ask Sango to do them. Sango was shocked to see me still not dress, but only in a towel. My face blushed twice upon remembering how I was dressed and what happen with me and the hanyou. That night, though, I almost wish it didn't happen. I received a lecture that only my teachers or my grandfather would give me. It made me realize that me being a Miko is quite important and I should not forget where my priorities lie; however, it made me wonder. Where does my priorities lie? Does it lie in my heart where I love the hanyou or does it lie where I should be a Miko and nothing more?

It's not hard for me to forget about the lectures I received the day the Shikon no Tama was finally purified. I was lucky the well still stayed open, but that didn't mean I wanted to leave for good. I was over the age that I could make my own decissions and if it came on choosing where I wanted to live, it would be here, in the past with my new family, with the one I loved. It just happen, though, that Old Kaeda told me something about being a Miko that makes it hard to forget.

A Miko is someone of great purity while youkai and hanyou are something of great darkness. If a Miko should ever lose her virginity or become unpure, it would not make her a Miko anymore. Instead, the powers of a Miko would soon disappear. It made me finally realize, after learning everything about a Miko, why Kikyou wanted the Shikon no Tama to be purified. She hated that she couldn't have a relationship. She hated her job even more when she fell in love with InuYasha. The very thought that I was in love with InuYasha made me realize that I am no different from Kikyou. I am a Miko, so that makes me forbidden to love the hanyou.

I happen to find out that very night as I was laying down on my pallet, that everything that happen between me and InuYasha inside the hut was nothing. Miroku and him were standing outside and were walking inside. The monk was asking something on where the hanyou went. I guess when Sango and I disappeared to take a bath, a youkai appeared and InuYasha was soon covered in blood. He wasn't waiting in the hut for me. He was just waiting for one of us to return so that he could leave. At least, it made sense on my part, but then what was all that kissing about?

Miroku cleared that part up for me as he talked with the hanyou. InuYasha only responded that he waited in the hut, noticed that one of the girls returned, not properly dressed. Miroku tried to make a remark. InuYasha only growled, but continued. He then explained that he played a trick and then quickly left. Sango gave a nod that she saw the hanyou exit with his shirts in hand. Miroku agreed with Sango's respond for he knew the hanyou's haori and undershirt were quite soaked with blood.

As I fell asleep that night, a certain pain raced across my heart. It made me realize that the hanyou didn't love me as I loved him. It made me realize that I was different from Kikyou. I didn't have a forbidden relationship like I thought I had. I was a normal Miko, one that was in love, but one that wasn't loved back.

Morning didn't go so well for me. I woke a little bit sad and pale. Sango saw me as I woke, standing up and wrapping the blanket around myself. She saw the dark circles under my eyes and some of the dried tears. She tried speaking. I only listen, but barely. As I walked out of the hut, slowly as if I had no feeling, I felt some type of betrayal, a type of guilt that I never possessed. It made me feel like I was dirty, that I was no longer pure. Could it be possible? Could it be that since my love wasn't return, that my lips were touched by a male, that I was no longer a pure Miko, but someone that was tainted? The feeling made me want to drop to the ground and scream.

As I stepped outside of the hut, I notice the grey clouds and the down pour of the rain. It went good with the feeling I was having. Dropping the blanket, I stepped outside. I started screaming, crying. I felt like everything was a wreck, that nothing made sense anymore. I saw as InuYasha, Sango, Miroku, and even Old Kaeda came running to see what was happening. I didn't care anymore. My hair was dripping down. My clothing was probably worse, giving a view to anyone who looked towards me. My eyes looked blotchy, but did I care? No. Not anymore. Why should I? I was no longer pure. I was tainted. I had a male kiss me. I had InuYasha, a hanyou that I loved very much, kiss me.

I screamed again before allowing deep sobs rake through my body. It hurt inside. It hurt so much that I turned towards the hanyou and marched up towards him. He was cussing and everything. Asking what was wrong with me. Telling me that I was being a bitch and should grow up. I couldn't believe I heard that from him, but here was a guy I grew to love and trust, treating me like I was child. I couldn't take it anymore. Raising my knee, I kicked him where it hurt. He dropped down with a hiss and a mouthfull of colorfull words. I didn't stop there. I yelled back at him. I called him a fool, an idiot. I called him distrustfull, a liar on making me think different. And, then, I slapped him, leaving a wide red mark upon his face. He swore again, but by the time he was able to stand, I was walking out of the village and on my way towards the well.

I should have known that he would have caught me. Youkai strength is always impossible to beat. He tumbled me to the ground, forcing me to be pinned under him. I only smirked at him. He growled right back and started again with the name calling. I yelled his name out, causing him to stop, which to be honest was quite a shock. It was then that I asked, straight to the point, what happen yesterday. I saw as his eyes rolled away and a light blush dust his cheeks. It made me pissed. I don't get mad very easy, but sometimes this hanyou was unbelievable.

I started yelling at him. I said things that I didn't even know was possible, but then, I blurted that I loved him. He looked at me shocked and then embarressed. In my mind, all I could think was that he was going to call me foolish, that he was going to start with all the names again.

Instead, his mouth dropped to mine once more. I gasped upon the feeling and soon felt his tongue fighting with mine. It was a heated kiss, as his claws traced over my wet clothing and mine did the same to his. I felt as he wrapped his arms around me and kissed me even harder, with everything that he could do. If breathing didn't exist, I bet we wouldn't have stopped, but with life, we broke to breath.

What he said surprised me. I never knew that he cared about me in the same way. I didn't know he was trying to cover up what happen in the hut. I thought he didn't love me back. I thought everything wrong. For the past few days, InuYasha was trying to get with me. He wanted to explain how much he loved me and then ask me to be his mate. He finally got his answer. That night, I slept with him. It was a feeling that I will never forget. I loved each moment that I had his body over mine. I loved that he was loving me. That night, as I slept with him, he took me as his mate.


Kagome Higurashi smiled at the entry as she sat by the campfire outside of the hut. It had been a total of two months since that night, since that long five days that happen. She never knew that he loved her. Now, after two months, she has been with InuYasha ever since.

The entry might be written on paper. It might be one that many might not call as something important, but to her it was. If she didn't get in that arguement with the hanyou that night, she might have lefted and never return. If she didn't, she mght have not been mated to the hanyou.

In a weird, odd way, Kagome was happy for what happen, even if some of the events didn't go as plan. InuYasha loved her. He took her as his mate. She was with him when all she wanted was to be with him. In the prospect, she is thankfull that every night, she can curl up by the fire or with her mate and read this entry over and over, remembering why she was with him and why she loved him.

THE END