Remind me why I'm here again? Draco groaned, staring at the unconscious Granger huddled on the bed in the Hospital Wing. It was the first time he had seen her in this state - it's not like this was something that happened every day, after all - and he noted how small and vulnerable she seemed at that moment. It gave him a strange urge to protect her from...everything.
Draco shuddered, wondering what had gotten over him to have thoughts like that. It's probably because I haven't had a chance to hex anyone in ages. Yeah, that must be it, he decided, feeling relieved as he returned to his usual pratty self.
Wait a minute. Did he just call himself pratty?! "Holy mother of Merlin, Granger, what did you bloody do to me?" he muttered out loud, glaring at her as though she could see how much he disliked her. She only moaned slightly at the sound of her name before turning over and becoming still again.
Well, I know what I need to do right now, Draco mused. With Granger out of the picture, it's the perfect time to give Potter the payback that he deserves. "It is now time to commence Operation 50 Ways to Get Back at Potter. Muahahaha!"
1.) Steal Potter's Glasses
Harry and Ron were walking in the hallway after visiting Hermione in the Hospital Wing, planning on heading back to the Gryffindor Tower. A strange foot suddenly appeared in front of Harry, and as he was deep in thought, he did not see said foot until he gasped with surprise and tripped face-first onto the ground. "Ouch!" he winced, rubbing his nose as he fumbled about for his glasses.
"You okay, mate?" Ron asked worriedly, not having seen anything suspicious because he had been fuming over Slytherin's win and the fact that Hermione had lied to them about not going to watch the game.
Harry nodded. "I suppose I'm okay, but have you seen my glasses anywhere, Ron?"
They did not notice - Harry couldn't see without his glasses, of course, and Ron was too busy worrying about his friend - Malfoy clutching Potter's glasses tightly in his hand with a smirk plastered on his face. This was way too simple. Without Granger, the two were completely helpless.
"Can you walk, Harry?" Ron fussed, sounding more like Harry's mum than his best mate.
"I think so," said the-Boy-Who-Just-Refused-To-Die. He pushed himself up and took a step forward, and almost crashed into a suit of armor that was conveniently in his way.
Draco laughed out loud until he remembered that he wasn't supposed to be there, and quickly covered his laughter behind a cough. Ron spun around. "Did you hear anything?"
Harry was too busy trying not to crash into anything else to pay attention. "No, I didn't," he reported. "Do you reckon I should get my hearing checked, too? Maybe our hearing is directly proportional to our eyesight."
"What's diractor poo - poo - "
"Directly proportional," Harry corrected patiently. "It's - oh, never mind. We should go back to the Gryffindor Tower before I trip over anything else."
"Good plan," Ron nodded with agreement, giving the suit of armor a dirty look as he steered Harry down the corridor.
2.) Trip him whenever he walks by
But Draco hadn't finished tripping him. He moved along with them, sticking out his foot at certain intervals and hurrying forward while Harry lay flat on the ground.
"G-Gravity must be working really well today," Harry joked weakly as he found himself falling face-first for what seemed like the umpteenth time that day. What really annoyed him was the fact that he couldn't see what he was tripping over. "If only I had my glasses," he sighed wistfully.
"If only Hermione were here," Ron agreed, sighing in the same wistful way as Harry. Draco snickered at their idiotic lovesick behavior, but suddenly felt something squeeze his stomach at Weasley's mention of Granger.
Well, no matter. His stomach must be disagreeing with something he had at breakfast that morning. He made a mental note to ask Crabbe and Goyle if they felt funny later - then realized that they would be to stupid to understand what 'funny' meant. He would have to ask Blaise.
To distract himself from the strange feeling in his stomach, he moved on to the third task.
3.) Repeatedly poke him.
"Is it me, or has the tripping finally stopped?" Harry asked after nothing had happened to him for a few minutes.
"Thank Merlin that's over," Ron commented with relief, only to find Harry jump in surprise. "What's up now, Harry?"
Harry looked around wildly, then shook his head in disappointment when he realized that there was no point. "Something just poked me in the side, really hard. AHH! It happened again! Ahahahaha!"
He suddenly burst into a fit of uncontrollable giggles.
Draco jerked back, wondering what had taken over him, until he saw that he must've found Potter's ticklish spot. He smirked as he imagined sharing this bit of information with the Weaselette.
Harry doubled over as Draco poked him again, and tears began flowing out of his eyes. Did he mention he currently did not wear glasses?! "I - I can't! Ron, d-do something!"
"H-Harry? Is that you?"
Ah, speak of the devil. The Weaselette stared at Potter with an unreadable expression on her face. "I come to visit Hermione after hearing what happened, and I find you dying of laughter in a secluded corridor with no glasses with no one around but my brother! D-don't tell me that - " her eyes widened as it dawned upon her, "Don't tell me that you're gay!"
Oh, this was priceless! Draco would be laughing so hard right now if there weren't anyone else around. It was definitely time for the fourth task.
4.) Charm him to do the opposite of what he really means.
Draco pointed his wand at poor Harry, who still did was not suspecting anything, and muttered the spell.
"Of course I'm not gay, Ginny! You're the one that I-I love!" Harry protested, his cheeks flushing pink as he admitted his feelings to her. However, both Ron and Ginny were staring at him in horror.
What they had heard him say was, "Of course I'm gay, Ginny! That's why I've never liked you in that sense!" And he was blushing, which made things even worse.
"So the one you like isn't me, Harry? You're using me to get closer to Ron, is that it?" Ginny asked in a dangerously low voice, fighting back tears. "Why did you lie to me?"
Harry blinked, wondering why on earth Ginny was acting so upset.
Ron blinked, taking this new information in. He had never knew that Harry was gay! They were supposed to be best mates, and yet Harry had never told him!
"Ginny! W-What are you talking about?" Harry tried, but what the rest of them heard was, "Ginny, I know what you're talking about."
"W-What's that supposed to mean, you prat?" Ginny screamed shrilly, feeling extremely confused. "T-That's it! We're over, Harry Potter!" she turned and fled in the direction of the Hospital Wing, hoping that Hermione was awake so she would be able to comfort her in these dark times.
Harry attempted to go after her, but he felt something preventing him from moving. And now it was just Harry and Ron.
This was going to be awkward, alright.
"H-Hermione," Ginny sobbed, squeezing her friend's hand tightly. "A-After all these years, I can't believe Harry never told me! And I still fell in love with him!"
Hermione was still unconscious.
"Who knew he turned out to be gay?" Ginny wailed.
Hermione sat up extremely abruptly, and winced at the pain in her head. "HE WHAT?" She roared loudly, causing the youngest Weasley to flinch as though she was avoiding the plague. Meanwhile, Draco suddenly felt extreme anger and pain nagging at the back of his head. He brushed the feeling away, thinking that it must be a side affect to all the fun he was having.
"H-He admitted it himself, Hermione! Harry's gay! I mean, I don't hate him for being gay, of course, but then why did he start a relationship with me if he had been after Ron this whole time?"
Out of nowhere, a portal opened as a thousand non-magic folk tumbled out of it. "DID YOU SAY HARRY FINALLY ADMITTED HE'S GAY? MY BL DETECTOR IS GOING DING!" one girl cheered, clapping maniacally.
"NOW HE CAN FINALLY SNOG MALFOY!" another agreed, and sighed romantically.
Hermione and Ginny could only watch in horror as the strange girls began a heated argument over who Harry should end up with, until Madam Pomfrey hurried over and waved her wand at them. "FINITE INCANTATEM!" she shrieked, causing the strange girls to disappear as mysteriously as they had came.
A few minutes passed before Hermione found the courage to speak. "W-Who were those girls, Madame Pomfrey?"
The nurse pursed her lips and gave the two a strange look. "Oh, you do not want to know. Trust me," she muttered darkly. "I'm glad you've awoken, Miss Granger," she added as an afterthought, before dismissing them back to the dormitory.
"I hope he's not snogging Ron right now," Ginny said miserably as she and Hermione entered the fateful corridor where it all began. "That is not something I want to see. I've been scarred for life already."
"Or Dra- I mean, Malfoy," Hermione mumbled absently.
They both stopped dead to find Harry passionately snogging - "A SUIT OF ARMOR?!" Hermione screamed, gaping at the scene in front of her.
"No, wait, look!" Ginny gasped, pointing at something above said suit of armor.
Hermione looked up to see a single mistletoe dangling above him. She frowned. She had a feeling she knew who was behind all of this...someone who had been suspiciously silent in her mind as of late.
Malfoy, show yourself! I know it was you!
Uh-oh.
A/n: That was seriously the most random chapter I have ever written. But I have to admit I had a lot of fun with it ;) hope you'll have fun reading it, too! Special thanks to 'me' for the 4th task!
I haven't given up on the story. Reviews definitely helped me want to continue it, so keep them coming! *hinthint*
