Ch. 6 The Monster in Me
I stood up and began a slow pacing back and forth twisting my hands together nervously. "I'm not quite sure how to go about this, so I suppose I will just start at the beginning." I looked to each of them and after an encouraging smile and nod from each I continued.
"I was born May 17, 1907 right here in Forks to Charlie and Renee Swan. My birth name is Isabelle Marionette Swan. Growing up I always felt a little out of place, as if something about me was different from others, from my family. I had no idea what or why but it was always just a feeling. As a child, I had dreams...I quickly learned to keep them to myself when my family thought me crazy and I feared being sent away with the crazy folks. I had dreams of...the future I suppose you could say. I eventually learned to ignore them, and they went away. But since I can remember I've had one that does not leave me...I'll get to that at another time."
I took a deep breath, "My family...while considered upstanding citizens and held in great regard...was not as wonderful as people thought. My mother was for lack of a better word, promiscuous. There were rumours every so often that she wasn't faithful to my father but most people passed it off as jealousy over their loving relationship. They weren't all rumours. I dreamed she was unfaithful to my father but he forgave her. I only told him the once...I didn't want to hurt him. However, I heard them argue one night, the night my father wasn't sure that I was even his. Looking at me it should leave little doubt however. I look a lot like him."
I made my way back over towards the loveseat and sat back down next to Alice. "Obviously we know I'm not quite human...but I don't know what I am or why I am like this. I was born of a human woman but I can only assume one of my mother's infidelities helped make me the way I am."
"Other than you not aging, are there any other abilities or signs to help us figure this out?" Carlisle asked. He almost seemed excited about the idea of a puzzle to figure out.
"I think maybe it best if I show you." I reached forward and grabbed the vase from the center of the table. Alice, who had been staring off for a bit suddenly grabbed the vase from my hand.
"No Bella, don't try to hurt yourself." Her eyes seemed panicked. I knew she had seen me break the vase but she must have brought herself out of her vision before she saw its completion.
I smiled at her softly, staring at her golden eyes trying to convey my reassurances to her. "Trust me." I whispered to her and grabbed the vase and broke it against the table's edge. Using the broken vase I jabbed it into my left forearm only to have the remaining piece of glass shatter against me. "Now you see."
They all stared at me in wonder...not understanding what they were seeing. "Were you turned?" Esme sputtered trying to make sense of it.
"No. I have never been bitten by a vampire...nor have I ever had any other accident other than a few careless stumbles of my own accord that resulted in a scratch or two." I looked down to my healed palms remembering the last time close to a month ago now.
"Scratches? But how?" This time it was Alice that spoke.
"This may sound crazy but given the world we live in, the countless things I'm sure we all have seen and experienced, try to have an open mind." I again stood up and resumed my pacing. "The only conclusion I can come up with is that my mother, near the time of my conception was not only with my father, but had also been with a vampire." I turned looking at their faces. They seemed sceptical yet something was causing them not to speak out and deny the possibility.
"The easiest way to explain this is just to say it. Ever since...I was 17 I noticed the pattern. Something happened that triggered it and it makes no sense and I can't figure it out...but since...the event happened I seem to be almost like a chameleon. I was born human...or at least close to one. When I happen to be around vampires I tend to take on their traits. I end up being unable to be harmed, my skin gets harder and cooler to the touch. I stop aging. Should I be around humans and not around vampires as much, I begin to age again and I become vulnerable just like any human." I stopped my pacing and turned to face them.
Carlisle stood and walked towards me. "What you're saying...I can honestly say I have never dreamed it possible; that a vampire could not only have the strength to mate with a human and not kill them, but to father a child as well. But given your unique situation it's the only thing that makes sense. What about your appetite?"
"I expected this question. I had been with vampires off and on for the last 85 years. In that time I learned that if I stayed near them for too long I started to feel the burn in my throat, the longing for blood. I was able to feel it coming and leave for a time. It has allowed me to keep my human side in- tact and not kill as well as keep me from aging so that I could keep searching for any clues to figure out my life...and what happened to my mother. I am actually physically closer to 19 years old. There were a few times the thirst got too much and I stayed away longer...my body aged. Since then I have been able to balance it carefully." I scratched the back of my neck and sighed. "Coming back to this town could prove helpful to me, but it could prove deadly not only for humans but to you as well."
"Bella, how is that so? You seem in control of yourself and if you think being around us will cause you to become more like us you can stop it and leave..." Alice began but I was shaking my head.
"That's not the problem. The true problem, the one that plagues my nightmares I haven't discussed with you yet. This is the one...that could cause you to contemplate destroying me yourselves. I'm putting a lot on the line telling you what I am about to." I bit my lip and looked directly at Alice. "I don't know why I feel this connection to you Alice, but despite being a good feeling in my heart, I fear it could end up hurting you and that is something I do not want."
"I'm afraid we don't understand Bella, please...what aren't you telling us?" Carlisle asked, leading me back to sit beside Alice as he returned to his spot at Esme's side.
"Elizabeth Hadden, the girl you saw me with Esme...was my truest friend. Yes, we were in love. Sadly that love never went further than our 16th birthdays. Almost a year to that day I fled Forks scared beyond belief." I was wringing my hands harder now and put my head in my hands. Alice stroked my back softly, the warm tingling leaving a path where her hand touched me.
"Go on Bella, what happened sweetie?" Alice asked. I looked up and searched her eyes. Giving in to faith that they would not abandon me I gave in to my deepest darkest secret.
"I killed her."
