Chapter 6: Cold Sweats & Late Nights
Valor.
The sand was everywhere, screams were coming from every direction, gun shots sounded and the earth moved as the town they were currently in was under siege by the enemy. People lay on the streets; some dead, some alive, some near death itself. Guarded by the Hummer she lay under, she fired the gun at the enemy.
She shot up in the bed, drenched in sweat and her breath ragged. It was as if Alex was there, at war again. She felt as if she had all her gear on in the intense heat. She could still hear the screams of the children that were caught in the attack.
Marissa felt the quick movement next to her and her eyes fluttered open. She sat up and carefully set a hand on Alex' back. "Another nightmare?"
Alex nodded and pulled her knees up where she rested her elbows. She picked at her nails, a nervous habit of hers, "it's like I was there…". Her voice was so quiet Marissa barely heard her, but she did – just barely.
"Wanna go for a walk?" Marissa suggested, it was one of the best ways to get Alex to calm back down – a midnight walk around their neighborhood.
Another nod from Alex, Marissa expected it. In silence, she crawled out of the large king size bed and padded to the dresser where she retrieved a pair of pants for her and a pair for Alex. She pulled hers up her long legs then went back to the bed where Alex now sat still silent and shaken from her night terror.
"Here," Marissa said quietly. Alex reached out and took the pants. She flipped the blankets back and pulled the pants on and stood up, her dog tags clinking under her wife beater. With a big sigh, she pulled on the hoodie Marissa now offered.
Marissa watched as the blonde dressed herself. She would never understand the pressure or anxiety that war had on a person, there was no way she could unless she experienced, but she knew Alex had to be strong to be able to take the consequences that being a Marine brought. Last for the blonde to put on was a simple pair of flip flops she kept by the bed just in case.
Minutes later they were walking down the steps of their apartment building and onto the sidewalk.
"What was it about this time?" Marissa finally asked once well into their walk. She felt Alex squeeze her hand slightly at the mention of the nightmare.
"Just…war, I guess? I just remember laying under one of the Hummer's and shooting the guys that ambushed us. A few of my men died…and I remember there was a little girl that was crying for her mom nearby, but her mom was dead. It's like I was there again. I just felt all this weight on me, like I was carrying my gear and had all my armor on." Alex explained as she remembered everything that happened, using her hands to help her explain.
Marissa listened intently and pulled Alex over to sit on a bench in the park they were currently in. Alex sat down and turned to see her girlfriend watching her. It was well past one in the morning, and even though she had another nightmare, Alex felt her body completely relaxed as she looked at how soft and peaceful Marissa looked under the moonlit sky.
"That's one thing I'll miss," she let out softly. Marissa's brows furrowed together in confusion and she cocked her head to the side. Alex smiled and looked up at the sky, "the stars…the night sky over there, its so clear…every night I would look up and try to give each one a reason why I loved you, but I always lost count." Marissa smiled and took Alex' hands in hers.
"Maybe we can go camping then sometime…just you and me, and we can look at the starts together," Marissa suggested.
Alex nodded with a small smile, "I'd really like that…I missed this a lot."
Marissa moved in closer, her legs going over the blondes just lightly, "I missed it too."
Alex let out a breath and closed her eyes. "I'm sorry for snapping at you today…I know its not your fault and you've done so much for me, Riss."
"Alex—"
Alex cut her girlfriend off with a shake of her head, "don't say its okay, because its not. I don't even know what's going to happen yet. The whole time we've been together, the only time I've felt safe showing public affection is at night, right here on this bench, with you. I don't feel like people are constantly watching me when we're out here. If…if I'm discharged, I'll be able to show you during the day without being scared too."
"I'm sorry you feel that way…" Marissa's voice was soft and sincere.
Alex shook her head as if telling Marissa not to apologize, "I'm not. I would take any amount of torture if it meant being with you. None of it matters to me because I have you."
