Woo! Another chapter of What She Left Behind is UP! I own nobody in this story, aside from Abigail. School starts in five days *waves flags* Yippee! So updates won't be as often as I'd like them to be. Hey, what can you do? Moving on, please read, review, and enjoy:D
Adam pinched the bridge of his nose as he paced back and forth in his room. A letter lay rumpled on his bed and the TV crackled with static. On the beside table, a manila envelope was torn open. The only light in the room came from a small bedside lamp and the dull aura of the TV screen. He swallowed and cleared his throat, trying to calm himself. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he rolled forward, resting his elbows on his knees and burying his face in his hands. So many things didn't make sense to him.
Out of the corner of his eye he acknowledged the letter. He had read it and threw it to the side in disbelief. One side of him rationalized the letter as a mistake, or a joke. In his mind, he didn't want to face the truth and come to terms with the mistakes he made. A wall was being built, separating reality from what he wanted to believe.
The Canadian reached out and grasped the letter in his hand. Slowly, he drew it in and smoothed it out.
Adam,
Isn't it strange how two people who are so similar can have two completely different effects? If you put yourself next to Jay you get best friends who are practically brothers. You also get a savior, and an accessory to suicide.
Today is June 20th, 2010 and I won't be coming to work tomorrow. I won't be waking up tomorrow, and I want you to know that you had a part in that. Don't assume I'm doing this because of what you did to Matt. I didn't kill myself over an affair that happened half a decade ago. The part you had was bigger than some, but smaller than a couple others. Don't think you're special either, because you're not, Adam. Yes, you're talented. No, you're not the only one who helped kill me. Six others, aside from yourself, played a negative role in my death. Two were positive. Now that is an astonishing difference, isn't it?
You have a nice voice, Adam. You can build someone up, or you can tear them down to the foundation. What I don't understand is why you tore me down so much. I saw what you did, I observed you, Adam and I found that you were generally crueler to me. I don't understand what made you so much better than me. What made it okay for you to tear someone down and further their hate for themselves? You never really had any interest in anything I had to say. You didn't even have the balls to act like it. There's so much to talk about, more than I have time to write, so switch over to the DVD, if you think it's important enough. I wasn't important enough in life, hopefully in death it'll be different.
Abigail
Adam ran a hand over his face and through his hair. His hand clenched around the letter. A sickened feeling rolled through his stomach and he shook his head. "No. She didn't send this. I wasn't that bad. Attention... she just wanted attention." He mumbled. "A-alright." His voice caught. "I'll watch the DVD. It'll just tell me it was a big joke, a guilt trip." Adam tried to assure himself as he reached for the envelope.
He shook it and a DVD sleeve fell into his hand. Adam set up the TV and pressed 'play' as he sat back on the bed.
The static faded to a brunette's face. A small smile spread across her lips.
"You're here. I'll admit, I was hesitant about making this video. I wasn't expecting you to actually watch it." She shrugged. He recognized it as Abigail. "Moving on, where did I leave off in the letter? Oh yes, what made me your inferior? What did I do to you to deserve such cruel and inhumane treatment? I'm fairly certain you don't remember what you actually did. So, here are several clips to guide you along." There was a subtle edge of animosity in her voice and it caught Adam by surprise. He had never heard that tone in life, not from her. She was always happy.
Abigail's face disappeared and was replaced with his own. "Hey, Adam."
"What do you want?" He snapped. "I'm busy, I don't have time to waste on stupid shit."
"I was going to ask if you had a copy of the script."
"Well, I don't." His voice came out harsh and irritated. "Go bother Matt, or your boyfriend or something. Someone who actually wants to see you."
A series of clips followed, each depicting a verbal assault on the young interviewer.
"Can't you leave people alone? They don't want to see you, or your camera."
"How do you know?"
"Ever think it's annoying to have someone shove a camera in your face?"
"All you had to say was you didn't want me to film, and I wouldn't have." Her voice was quiet, slightly subdued under the harsh tone in his own. They were standing in the backstage area and Adam had been stretching.
At first, Adam thought he was watching a backstage segment. He watched himself stand and put his hands on his hips. The camera lowered and panned to the ground. "I thought you were smart enough to figure it out by now."
"I'm sorry."
"Just stay out of my way."
Looking back on the situation frustrated Adam. "She wasn't in my way. She was just too damn..." He was cut off by Abigail, who had returned to the main screen.
"That wasn't even the worst, Adam. Why were you so hostile? What made you think that I wasn't important enough to be around you? You told me repeatedly that I was in the way, I was annoying and stupid, that I was wasting my time being here. What made you think that? Was it something I did, Adam? I don't remember ever provoking you, and if I did I can't imagine it being to that extent. I want to share something with you. You were the last person to see me alive. Creepy, right? How does that make you feel? Knowing that your face was the last living thing I saw. That's not the worst part of it either. These next couple of clips are recent. One will be very recent."
The next scene he saw was a hallway, and he heard Abigail's voice. "Hey, it's the Abbi-Cam." Her tone was cheerful, the only way he really remembered it. He couldn't remember her frowning, or crying, or angry. It was like she was drained of any emotion aside from a cheerful happiness. Adam watched as his face came into focus. "Hey Adam."
The man sat on an equipment box and looked up with a scowl. "Abigail."
"I heard what happened between you and Jay. Do you need to talk?"
"No, I don't. If I did, it wouldn't be with you. Just get that camera out of my face. Why do you do that?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Why do you insist on being so damn happy?"
"I told you before."
"But it doesn't make sense. You have to hurt, you have to show anger and sadness."
"Why do you care anyway? If I were to show it, people would be annoyed. Like you are." Abigail replied.
"After your boyfriend cheated on you, I'd expect you to be enraged." Adam stated.
"Anger doesn't solve anything."
"You keep everything bottled up, don't you?" He frowned. "And it makes you stupid. "
Adam bit his lip. He remembered this, it happened last week. You were the last person to see me alive. Her words haunted him and he ran his hands through his hair. Unease settled in him and he cleared his throat. A trace of guilt constricted him, tightening his airway and leaving him breathless. His face was the last, he was the last person to have any chance of stopping her from doing it.
"And your voice was the last one I heard, aside from my own." His attention snapped back to the video. It featured Abigail again, her cheeks wet with tears. A shaking hand wiped them away. "Do you remember what you said to me?"
If the sinking feeling hadn't set in before, it did now. Nausea bubbled in his stomach and his hands clenched together. It was a fleeting memory, a quick snap of the tongue that he'd regretted the moment he said it. He nodded, even though he knew she couldn't see him. This is what it was all about, he thought. Guilt. Responsibility. Consequences. The snowball effect, one action lead to an outcome and one had to live with it. You had to live with the consequences of the decisions you made.
His eyes stared at the screen. Abigail hadn't moved in a while. Suddenly, she blinked and shook her head. "Here's the clip."
He didn't need the clip. As it rolled, he shut his eyes and leaned back on the bed.
He had been walking down the hall when he saw Abigail, talking into her camera. Her grin was visible, even from where he was standing and her voice was crisp and light. "June 20th, 2010. 9 o'clock in the evening."
Adam frowned. It was the day she died, about twenty minutes or so until they were due back to the hotel.
She had her bag by her feet. The girl was leaning against the brick wall. "Oh, I hear someone. Which Superstar will we see today?" A chuckle followed as she panned the camera around. Her arm shook and dropped down a couple inches. He could see the excitement fade from her eyes for a moment, an unenthusiastic and disappointed 'oh' passed her lips. Clearly, she didn't want to see him. "It's Adam."
Adam stepped closer until she was at an arms-length distance from him. "Abigail." He greeted.
"Am I in your way?" She asked softly.
"No."
"Alright." Her smile returned and he nearly scoffed. He could count on one hand the emotions he saw from her and it puzzled him. Beneath it, he surmised, was probably a troubled soul subdued by a bubbly facade. "How are you today, Adam? Anything exciting happen? How's Jay?"
He sighed, not wanting to answer her. "Fine. Nothing happened, and fine."
"Really?" Her eyebrows rose. "Nothing exciting happened to the 'Rated-R Superstar'? I find that hard to believe."
Shrugging, he pinched the bridge of his nose, a habit he picked up long ago. "No matter how many times you ask me the same stupid questions, the answer will always be the same. Now, stop wasting both our time. I hung out with Jay, that's it. Not exactly groundbreaking news." He wanted to get to the hotel. His body hurt and all he wanted was a hot shower and a warm bed. The faster he got through talking to her, the faster he could get to what he wanted.
"Things change, besides, it's good for the soul."
"To have people pry into your daily agenda?"
"To have people talk to you about your day. There are so many times I want to share something exciting, but nobody's around, or they don't ask. I like when people ask about my day, it shows they care." Abigail answered him, turning off the camera and sliding it back into the case slung on her shoulder. It was then he realized something was slightly off. Her voice wasn't as smooth as it usually was, almost as if the good mood was forced. Her smile lacked the familiar luster and her posture suffered. She fiddled with the strap to her camera bag as she looked up at him.
"When will you understand that people don't like it when you..."
"You're the only one who complains."
The comment took him by surprise and he stumbled for words. "Yeah, well... some people are just too polite. I'm just being honest."
She smiled again, perhaps a little too sweetly. "Honestly certainly is the best policy, isn't it, Adam?"
"I suppose so." He stated.
"Then be honest with me. What irks you so much about a camera? Why are a couple of simple questions a great bother to you? Why should I quit doing what I love when you're allowed to do it as much as you want?"
"You're mad, aren't you?"
"No, just curious."
"Christ, woman." He snapped, shaking his head. "It's not right. You look stupid talking to a camera. I'm not saying stop entirely, I'm just saying you should quit doing it to people who have enough cameras in their faces to begin with."
"Wish granted."
"Huh?" Adam asked, the statement taking him off-guard. "What did you say?"
"I'm going to stop filming the Superstars."
He chuckled. "Quit?"
"As in, I'm giving up. Throwing in the towel." She explained and he nodded. Turning on her heel, she waved over her shoulder. "Good night, Adam."
"Wait!" He called, catching up with her as she walked away. "Did you quit the WWE?"
"You could say that." The cryptic comment made him put a hand on her shoulder.
"What?"
"You heard me."
"What do you mean you 'quit the WWE'?"
"Let's just say I won't be in for work tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that. I gave up, Adam." Abigail stated as she looked into his eyes. He noted that they lost their usual flare. An unfamiliar sadness hung in her face and around her. Almost as if she had lost her will to live.
Adam frowned, "Are you alright?"
Abigail smiled. "Wonderful."
"You're unemployed, you should be pissed and depressed."
"Where I'm going, Adam, will be a much better place than this." Confusion gripped him as she spoke. His mind fumbled, trying to find the words.
"You should be confused, angry, unsure of where to go or what to do with your life."
A dry, dark chuckle came from the woman beside him. She had started walking again. "I know exactly what to do with my life."
"And what's that?" He said.
"End it."
The words hung limply in the air, sending his mind spiraling. A strange feeling began to sprout within him, a dark sense of foreboding. He shrugged it off, thinking that someone that happy wouldn't let something so small effect them. "Fine then," He snorted, crossing his arms over his chest. "Can you answer my question?"
"You never answered any of mine."
He ignored her. "Do it, then. If you think it's the only solution. You're finally out of the way."
She continued on her way, but he could've sworn he heard faint sobs as her image turned a corner.
Adam sat, bolt upright, and dragged a hand over his face. He thought she was joking. Had he had any idea she was being serious, he wouldn't have let her go. The Abigail on the screen was frowning.
"Congratulations. I didn't disappoint. This is the end of your role, Adam. I just never understood why you hated me."
"You want to know why?" He growled. "You were so goddamn happy all the freaking time. It wasn't natural. You kept everything inside and you never showed it. No one here thought you had anything to be worried about. I was jealous." Adam admitted. "I was jealous of your ability to put all your pain and anger aside.
You're upset because no one dug deeper? You never gave them a reason to. It's not my fault."
'Yes it is.' His conscience echoed.
"It doesn't matter anyway. I didn't have to show my pain for you to be humane to me. You could've been civil. You made me hate myself, Adam. I didn't really think I was going to try suicide again, but, get told you're a waste of space enough times and bam," she clapped her hands, "you start to believe it. It hurts when you're told that, it's downright destructive when you start to believe it. Well, now I'm out of your way. That's how you wanted it, isn't it?" The screen faded to black and Adam stood, enraged.
His arguments seemed petty now and he regretted the choice of words he used with her. Half of his mind tried to rationalize what he had said, the other was telling him how he should've acted. Thoughts ricocheted through his mind and he cursed under his breath. Nothing he could say or do would change anything. His mouth had already betrayed her enough.
He stood and rolled his shoulders. Tension had built within them and he walked over to the balcony. The city beneath him flickered, dots of light that warded away stillness. Horns honked and somewhere, a party was going on. Everything seemed out of place. It was the dead of night and the city was still awake. Smog wafted overhead and his nose scrunched up. Sending a half-hearted glance over his shoulder at the bed, he sighed. Adam knew he wouldn't get any sleep tonight.
Turning back to the balcony, he took in a deep breath of the choking city air. It was finally starting to set it, the feeling of guilt. Adam stepped forward and rested his elbows on the railing. He rubbed his face and squeezed his eyes shut. He had crossed a line with Abigail, stepped too far to retrace his steps. She had said it; he had helped kill her.
And it was far from what he wanted.
