Hey guys! I'm posting this chapter from my awesome new laptop. :) Shoutout to WaterGirl15 for being awesome and cowriting with me.
Warnings: Language and a bit sexual. Also, be prepared to fangirl.
Disclaimer: Don't own Marvel or Disney
I'm really excited. I've been living in my amazing apartment for about a week and a half, and I'm slowly adjusting it. Today, however, is a special day. Gabi and Steve are finally coming to visit. I do one last check of the apartment and then settle down with a book on the couch with Tobias nearby, asleep in a cute little bassinet, and wait for my friends to show up. About five minutes later, the doorbell rings.
"Hello," I smile, opening up the door.
"Hi Jessica," Gabi smiles, but something is off.
"Come on in," I say. I can read her like a book. I can tell something is wrong.
Steve and Gabi walk into the apartment and Gabi is limping a bit.
"Have a seat," I say, "Can I get you anything?"
"We're fine," Steve says.
"So, what's wrong?" I ask, "And don't tell me 'nothing.' Gabi's limping, and you guys look like you both just watched a marathon of all the horror movies ever made."
Gabi sighs and runs her hand through her hair.
"We had a bad mission, Steve just got out of the hospital yesterday," Gabi says.
"You guys could have postponed your visit. I'm not going anywhere," I tell them, "Why would I? This place is amazing."
"Well...SHIELD no longer exists."
"What? That doesn't make any sense," I say, "How can an agency just stop existing? Although, you probably can't tell me, can you?"
"No, we can since we don't have anyone to stop us," Steve says, "It was Hydra, they were growing inside of SHIELD and Bu - the Winter Soldier attacked us."
"Clint was telling me about that guy," I say, "He sounds really creepy."
Gabi gulps and looks down.
"But let's focus on the real reason you're here," I smile, "I'm so glad to see you. How's Peggy doing? Clint said you guys were visiting her."
"She's fine, having trouble remembering things," Gabi says looking at me.
"Oh," I say, "that's sad. It's an evil disease. My grandmother has it. Maybe I can go see her some time. Easier said than done now, though."
"I...I don't think traveling is the best idea Jessica," Steve says.
"Why?" I ask, glancing towards where my son is, "Is someone after me?"
"No, its just...Bucky isn't himself and he may end up hurting you."
"Bucky?" I frown, "What are you talking about? He died years ago."
"Yea, so did I," Gabi says, "I knew the entire time what happened to Bucky, he helped raise me after all."
"He's not dead and he's coming after me to hurt me and you think I should just stay put? What if he finds me? What about my son? We're not safe here!"
"Jessica calm down, he was in Washington DC and he has no idea that you are here. Fury made sure that there was no info on you or where you are," Steve tells me.
"Shouldn't I move to Canada or something? If he knows Gabi is here, then I'm sure he can figure out I made it back. Wouldn't he come back to the city first?"
"He doesn't remember anything, he didn't even recognize us." The room suddenly got louder as crying echos.
"The acoustics in this place aren't the best," I sigh, picking up my son, "I'm sorry."
"It's ok," Gabi smiles.
"Hey, it's okay, buddy," I say, "There are people here to see you." He calms down slowly, hearing my voice.
"Would you like to hold him?" I ask Gabi.
"Sure." I gently place the little boy into her arms.
"Tobias, this is your aunt Gabi and uncle Steve. Guys, meet Tobias."
"Hello Tobias," Gabi coos.
"He looks exactly like him," I say, "It's a little scary sometimes. So, are you guys still going to get married?"
"Yes we are," Steve smiles, "We are planning the wedding soon."
"Do you have a date in mind?" I ask them, "I'd love to be there."
"We aren't sure yet, we still have to look at dates and where we are going to have it."
"Well, I'm happy for you. If anyone deserves to happy, it's you two. You're great together."
"Thank you Jessica."
"You guys are welcome to stay the night here. There is a spare room," I say, "If you're okay with sharing."
"Thanks but we have to leave to get Sam before we move into Stark Tower tomorrow," Gabi says.
"Well, try to remember to visit from time to time, okay? I've got my hands full, so I may not have a lot of time, but company that does something more than cry is nice."
"Of course we will do our best," Gabi says handing me Tobias.
"It's been nice seeing you," I smile, "I was afraid I'd never see you again after everything that happened."
"Me too, I'm glad we both are back and are happy."
"I'll see you around," I give her a hug.
Soon Steve and Gabi leave my apartment leaving me alone with my son.
I finally leave the house with Tobias a few days later to avoid losing my mind. I go visit Central Park, which is one of my old favorite hangouts. I was thought it would be peaceful, but apparently once you have a kid, people feel the need to ask a ton of questions, which got annoying very quickly. So, I leave the park, and end up someplace familiar that I visited often in 1944 and 1945 before Tobias was born. The cemetery where my friends were 'buried.' Of course, I've known since I got here that Gabi and Steve were alive, but I learned days ago that he was still alive. The good news was that he doesn't remember me, so even though he's dangerous, he can't hurt us.
I find my way over to where his grave is. The Winter Soldier may be alive, but Bucky is dead, so I know better than to act any different. I sit down in front of his grave and settle Tobias into my arms.
"Hi Bucky. I found my way back home. I wish I had been able to visit sooner, but I've been busy. I saw Gabi and Steve a few days ago, but they're different now. I feel alone again. I met a SHIELD agent named Clint. He's really nice, but he's busy, though. I wish I had someone to talk to. Well, someone that'll talk back to me. I can talk to Tobias here all I want, but he doesn't understand, obviously. I think you'd like him, Bucky. I hope he's like you when he's older."
"Bucky," I say, shifting Tobias so he's facing the stone, "This is Tobias. Tobias, this is your daddy. I'm sure he'd love you as much as I do."
After I say that I hear something fall and land on the ground with a thud. I turn around and stand up to look for the source of the noise. There I see a man with long brown hair a baseball cap next to him near the tree.
"Sir? Are you okay?" I call, "Do you need me to call for help?"
He looks at me and tries to move away from me.
"Is something wrong?" I ask him.
He stands up and his hair moves so I can see his face. I'd recognize that face anywhere. I've been looking at a smaller version of it for a few weeks now. I back away from him, panicking. He's found me. They told me he wouldn't. Now I was dead. But something was off, he looks scared of me. I pull my son closer to my body and back further away from him.
"Jessica...please I'm sorry...I don't want to hurt you or...o...our son. Please stay away," Bucky says.
"He's not your son," I snap, "He's Bucky's son. Stay away from us."
All he does is nod and begins to walk away from us. I stand there, unable to move from where I'm standing, like me feet are frozen. He asked me to stay away from him, but from what Steve and Gabi said he doesn't remember us.
"How do you know my name?" I ask quietly.
"I haven't forgotten, you're the only one they could not make me forget," he answers.
"Gabi and Steve said you didn't remember anything."
"At first I didn't, but without the constant mind wiping I am slowly remembering who I am and who I care for."
"I don't know what you want me to do," I say, "Maybe we should just forget this happened."
"I'm just glad you are safe. I want all of you to be safe."
"Who's keeping you safe, then?" I take a step towards him.
"I will be fine on my own, I have to figure more out and pay for what I had done."
"You didn't do anything," I take a few more steps towards him, "That was Hydra, not you. You wouldn't hurt anyone."
"At least I did one thing right, making sure Gabrielle could handle herself and was with her instead of killing her like my superiors wanted me to."
"See? You're not a bad person."
"Maybe, but I want you to be safe and happy. I do not want to hurt you."
"You're not going to hurt me," I am not only a few feet away from him, "You could never hurt me."
He looks at me worried but I can see he really wants to be with me again. I shift on my feet, and absentmindedly readjust my son.
"Why did you come back to New York?"
"I wanted to reconnect with the past, I had no idea I would find you here."
"I've only been back for a few weeks. They set me up in an apartment. It's a little lonely, though. I spent all the time in the 1940's wanting to come home, but now nothing is the same."
"I'm sorry Jessica."
"It's not like it's your fault that things changed."
He slowly moves closer but stops short. I don't push it. I just stay where I am an watch him like he's a skittish horse. I had to let him come to me. I've gotten a lot more patient recently. I see his eyes go from me to Tobias.
"I can go set him in his carrier," I say, "I'm sure this is a lot to take in."
"N-no it's alright, he's just...perfect...like his mother."
"He looks like you, not me," I say, "I'm far from perfect, trust me."
"You're perfect to me Jessica," he says walking a little closer. I blush and look down at Tobias. Bucky has always been really good at making me blush.
"I love you Jessica."
"I l..l… love you too."
"I missed you so much," he says standing right in front of me.
"I missed you too," I say, "Did you really never forget me?"
"I couldn't, I always thought of you. Even on my missions, raising Gabrielle, anything you would pop into my head."
"We hardly got to spend any time together," I say, "You hardly knew me. I wouldn't let you know me. So why did you think about me so much?"
"You kept me grounded, I don't know. You were just there." Suddenly, it started to rain, hard.
"Do you have a place to go?" I ask him as I walk back over to Tobias's carrier and strap him in.
"No, I have been sleeping anywhere I can find. Mostly abandoned buildings."
"Come with me. There's an extra room in my apartment," I say, "You're welcome to stay with me."
"But what if I hurt you or your son?"
"You're not going to hurt us. You said yourself that you never forgot me, You wouldn't hurt my… your.. our son."
Bucky soon nods his head in agreement.
"Follow me, then," I say, working my way towards the street. The rain doesn't bother me, but I don't want Tobias to get sick.
That's when I felt something drape over me to shield me and Tobias. I look up to see Bucky had covered me with his coat.
"Buck, I don't want you to get sick," I say.
"I'll be fine," He says, "I can't get sick easily." I notice something and my eyes widen.
"B…B...Bucky….," I stutter, "What happened? Your arm…"
"It was from the fall, I landed on my arm losing most of it. They replaced it with this metal one."
"That must have hurt," I say, "Why didn't it kill you? It doesn't make any sense."
"Gabrielle and I survived because of what Hydra did to us in the factory. Zola turned us both into super soldiers."
"Like Steve?" I ask as we walk along. Luckily my apartment isn't far and we get into the building right before the thunder and lightning start. I force myself to stay calm. I'm 22 and have a baby. It's ridiculous for me to be afraid of thunder. I've been the past and back. A noise can't hurt me, but I'm still startled.
"Yes like Steve," Bucky says helping me get inside. I walk to the elevator and hit the up arrow and step into the elevator. Bucky follows behind me as the door close. I press the 3 button and the elevator slides upwards. The ride is quiet until we get to the third floor. The doors click open and I walk down the hall and stop in front of my door.
"Here, take him while I get my keys out," I hand the carrier to him before he says anything and dig my keys out and unlock the door, stepping into my apartment.
I look back to see Bucky staring at Tobias with a sort of prideful and happy look on his face. Tobias is staring back up at Bucky with the exact same blue eyes. I smile a little watching them.
"Buck, the door is open now. He's not going to disappear," I say.
"O-oh right," Bucky says walking in. I take the carrier back from him and set it on the ground and Tobias up out of it.
"Hold out your arms," I tell Bucky. Bucky holds out his arms carefully. I gently set Tobias in his arms, but watch the pair of them carefully, just in case I need to intervene.
Bucky looks down at Tobias and carefully holds him close. Tobias yawns and shuts his big blue eyes, falling asleep.
"He likes you," I whisper.
Bucky smiles at Tobias.
"Come on, I'll show you his room," I say walking towards the stairs, "You know, he usually will only fall asleep if he's in my arms."
"He does?" Bucky whispers following me. I nod walk down the hall on the second floor and open up the door to Tobias's room. Over his crib, are his initials: TSJB.
"I love his room," I smile, "It's so pretty in here."
"TSJB?" Bucky asks walking over to the crib.
"Tobias Steven James Barnes," I explain, taking him from Bucky and laying him down. He moves a little bit, but then is still other than the rise and fall of his tiny chest.
"You named him after Steve and I?"
"Well, you're his father, but I thought if you were around, you'd want his middle name to be Steven. It bothered me for days until I decided that I was having a son, I'd use both for middle names."
"Thank you Jessica."
"It's no big deal," I say, leaving the room, "Are you hungry?"
"A little yea," Bucky says following me and quietly closes the door after grabbing the baby monitor.
"What would you like?" I ask, walking back down to the kitchen.
"Anything is fine." Since I'm still pretty tired, I elect to just simply make spaghetti. It doesn't take long or require a huge amount of effort.
Once I finish, I take the two bowls into the living room and hand one to Bucky and settle down on the couch and enjoy my dinner. I flip on the television and elect to watch reruns of The Big Bang Theory. I've seen every episode more times than I can count, but something about the show just calms me down.
"So, how long have you had your memories back?" I ask him, "You don't have to answer that if you don't want to."
"I don't mind, its only been a few days."
"Sorry about the food. I'm not the best cook in the world, but I'm learning. Some day Toby's gonna care if I feed him burnt noodles or something."
"No, its fine. Toby has an amazing mother and I hope I can earn your trust back after leaving you."
"You didn't leave me by choice," I say, "I'm not mad at you. I know you would have rather been with us. And I do trust you. I wouldn't have let you come here and hold Toby if I didn't."
Bucky gives me that smile I loved to see.
Once we finish eating, I take out bowls and put them into the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen. Then, I rejoin him on the couch, where he is engulfed by the show on television. I only relax for a minute before sound comes through the baby monitor. I sigh.
"Is it too much to ask for five minutes of relaxation?" I pull myself to my feet and head towards the stairs.
"Jess, I can handle it," Bucky says, "You should relax."
"No, I've got him, really. I'm used to it," I call, heading up the stairs.
I hear Bucky sigh as I walk into Toby's room and pick him up.
"Hi Sleepyhead. Did you enjoy your nap?" I ask him. I walk back down the stairs and into the the living room. Bucky looks over at us and smiles as I sit down on the couch. I smile back as I settle on the couch with Tobias in my arms. Anyone could mistake the three of us for a normal family, but I know, Bucky knows, and one day, Toby will know that this is not the case, and no matter how much I want a normal life and family, it'll never really happen.
