Warnings: Implied/Referenced Murder, Referenced Hiding a body, cleaning up blood, ooc
Have a crack fic written in twenty minutes because I'm lazy and couldn't be bothered to write again and now I've been up over 24 hours and I'm tired, so I don't have the time nor patience to write anything longer. I also have no idea how to characterise Switzerland.
Roderich wanted to ignore the loud banging on his door. It was three in the morning, and whoever was there had been banging for an hour. Lazy as he was, even Roderich was almost at his limit. He was tired, cranky, and needed his sleep, but the person at the door just didn't seem to care.
With a snobbish groan, Roderich finally relented, getting out of bed. He slipped his slippers and robe on before making his way to the front door.
"Who is it at this hour?" He demanded from behind the door.
"It's Vash, let me in."
"You never come to my house, what is it you want?"
"Just let me in," he hissed, slamming his fist on the door.
Roderich only had the door open a crack before his old friend pushed in. "You're luck-" Roderich trailed off as he too in the appearance of Vash. "That's tomato juice, right?"
"Yes."
"Thank the Heavens."
"It's not fucking tomato juice, Roderich. I need your help."
"With what?"
"A body."
Roderich's eyes widened. "Excuse me?"
"I didn't mean to, I swear it. I'm usually careful."
"Vash, I don't understand what you're saying."
"I killed someone!"
Roderich scoffed, setting himself on the sofa. "Why are you really here, Vash?"
"I need your help."
"Let me get this straight, you come to my house at three in the morning, and expect me to believe you killed someone?"
"Yes. That's exactly it. I need help discarding the body and washing the floor of blood."
"Do I look like the sort of person who would be useful in this situation?"
"I would have asked Lili, but she was asleep."
"I was asleep."
"Yes, but I don't care as much. Will you help me or not?"
"Why should I?"
"Think about all the times I helped you as a kid."
"This and that are a little different, don't you think?"
Vash groaned. "Please, Roderich, I'll never ask anything of you again. You'll never even have to see me again." He sighed, running his blood covered fingers through his hair. "Truth is, you're the first person I thought of when it happened. Not Lili, you. I've never asked anything from you, so please, just help me with this."
"Fine. I'll help you, on one condition though."
"What's that?"
"You take me for dinner tomorrow."
"What, why?"
"Free meals are one of the best things in life, only second to the piano. Dinner tomorrow or no deal."
"Fine, fine. I'll take you for a damn meal."
Roderich nodded. "Very well, let me just get some clothes on, then we can head out."
"Hurry, I don't want anyone finding the body."
"Please explain what happened," Roderich demanded as he scrubbed at the blood on the floor, his hands already hurting from physical labour. Bodies were heavy, Roderich now knew something he really didn't ever need to know.
"I was target practising, they came out of nowhere, I missed the target and hit them. I didn't mean to."
"So why didn't you just go to the police?"
"I'd be arrested, Roderich. I have a little sister to provide for, I can't really do that from behind bars," he replied, kneeling down with his own cloth to help. "It really was an accident. You believe me, right?"
"I believe you," he said, not missing a beat. "No one who just committed actual murder is this freaked out about it. As long as no one finds the body, no one has to know about this."
"You promise you won't tell?"
"I promise, Vash."
"Thank you."
The next evening, the two sat in a small, cheap restaurant where they ate a nice meal, and tried to forget about the night before. Their hands clasped together, feet tangled under the table as they reminisce fucking after their crime. You know what they say, those who hide a body together, stay together.
A/N: Also, please, if you want to request me to write something, feel free, but please, do it politely. A please and thank you doesn't go amiss when you're asking something of someone.
