They'd showered before they left Ianto's apartment, slowly and carefully washing each other. After getting dressed they'd eaten what Jack had somehow scraped together from what was still in date hidden in the kitchen. Having not said anything since they talked on the sofa the silence surrounding them was calm, soothing and not stale with tension.
It was early evening when they left the apartment and Jack had driven them back to the Hub, taking the longer, scenic route to get there. Having parked the SUV they were now standing in the lift, the pulling sensation tugging at them as it moved downwards. Jack's arms wrapped tightly around Ianto's waist, holding him close. He knew that Ianto was now strong enough to stand on his own, that he didn't need Jack's arm around him 'holding him up' but Jack couldn't stop himself. He needed Ianto, not only close to him, but to be touching him. In this moment he needed the warmth that proved Ianto was here, next to him, alive and well.
Ianto was subconsciously clawing at Jack's greatcoat with broken nails, snagging at the older man. He could feel the worry gnawing at his insides as he and Jack descended into the Hub. He wasn't a hundred percent sure what to expect when they walked in and saw everyone. No-one with the exception of Suzie had lied on this scale before and she was dead with so many bullet wounds that Owen has to stitch her back together so she wouldn't fall apart. Not even hiding Lisa came close to his lie about being a werewolf.
As the lift doors opened Jack begin stroke Ianto's left hip with his thumb, not quite sure who he was trying to comfort. Walking cautiously into the hub they both looked around to see where the team and UNIT were. Looking up at the conference room Ianto could see that the broken glass panel was now taped up with plastic sheeting covering the hole and the smashed glass that had been lying across the floor had been swept up and hidden from prying eyes.
Jack sighed, glad that someone had tidied the blood and glass and not left it for Ianto to clean up just the once. As he guided –pulled- Ianto towards the stairs he could hear shouting coming from the conference room.
"He will have to be executed, after he's been questioned of course." That was Doctor Hill.
"Now wait a minute. What has he done that requires you to 'execute' him?" And that was Owen. Tosh must have beaten him into acting like a Doctor and a human, which was odd for Owen, acting like both at once.
"Oh, so it's alright for Ianto to be running around like that, but Ethan couldn't?" And Jack was pretty sure that was Gwen. He felt Ianto falter as they climbed up the stairs. Turing his head he kissed Ianto's forehead before they started again.
"Yes. Because Ianto hasn't done any of the things that Ethan did." Good old reliable Brigadier.
"How do we know that, huh? Ianto isn't going to tell us if he killed children or not, and it's not like we can ask anyone else either."
"How can you say that? Even think it!" Jack asked hoarsely as he and Ianto walked into the room. He could feel the anger boiling in the pit of his stomach both at Gwen for saying that and for him not really knowing the answer. He and Ianto had talked -more like fought- about why Ianto hadn't told Jack in the first place and about staying together. Not once did Ianto talk about Ethan or what had happened when he became a werewolf for the first time or how he lived after that. He didn't want to think that Ianto had done things like raping and killing for fun or for any reason.
But the doubt was there, wriggling and writhing in the back of his head all because Gwen had said something that even he though he hated held a hint of truth. Really, really hated it.
Seeing the doubt on Jack's face Ianto ripped himself away from him, looking at everyone with eyes full of bitterness. He was trembling and alternating between wringing his hands and pulling and straightening his clothes.
"You want to hear about how when I was six years old Ethan how broke into our house and tore my mum apart and then he came after me and… and turned me into this animal… this monster?" Ianto flattened his hands against his stomach, his face pulled into a grimace.
"There was blood all over the snow. I never knew that a six year old boy could lose so much blood and still be alive. God. The pain. There was so much pain I wish I had died." His eyes glassed over as he became lost in his memories. Snapping out of it, Ianto took in a deep shuddering breath, "You should have seen my dad. Not only was his heart broken with my mum's brutal murder, but he had to live with this thing that had once been his loving son."
Gwen, Martha and Doctor Hill stood huddled together behind the Brigadier, who had stepped in front of them, not wanting a repeat of what happened yesterday. This was the last thing he had ever wanted. He should have put his foot down and told Doctor Hill and Martha to put a stop to their investigation. And above all else, he should have warned Ianto that Ethan was coming to Torchwood and to stay as far away as possibly.
"I had to be locked up in the basement at every full moon 'cause my dad couldn't take the chance of letting me out! And I started to hate him! I didn't… I didn't mean too… I just was slowly suffocating under the weight of his watchful eyes. I thought that he wasn't letting me grow up when all he was trying to do was make sure that I was safe and that nothing happened to me. I was a stupid, stupid teenager who thought he knew better. And look what happened!" Jack tried to move closer to Ianto, but stopped when Ianto stepped further away from him.
"I met Ethan again when I was eighteen. Of course I didn't know then that he was the reason that I had no mother and that I was a werewolf. Still didn't until years later." Ianto bit his lower lip until it threatened to bleed.
"For once in my life I felt something other than shame and fear and it was all his doing. I didn't have to hide what I really was, I didn't want to. You see, that's what Ethan does. He makes you like him, love him even and everyone else disappears into the background so it just the two of you. And that's when it happens. Just when everything is so good, the wool is whipped off so fast that your head spins and then… then you see what you're been sleeping with, what you've been falling in love with."
Jack wanted to get closer to Ianto, but he knew that he couldn't, knew that Ianto was one breath away from doing something drastic. He wanted to say something, anything that would stop Ianto's sickening ramblings. All he had wanted was the truth, but he had never wanted this. Jack knew that if he had asked Ianto privately, quietly, that Ianto would tell him what he needed to know without throwing himself into hysterics. Just once Jack wished that he had kept big mouth shut.
"I didn't want to stay with him but… but you don't get to choose whether you stay or leave. You stay and you watch all the horrible twisted things that he does or you leave him and he still does those things while he looks for you." Ianto pulled at his collar, distorting the cotton t-shit. He was suffocating under the pressure of the memories.
"To punish you, to kill you, to hurt everything that you hold dear. It didn't matter what he did to you because you knew that it was going to be painful. And you'd never see it coming. Oh, you think you would, but you wouldn't, 'cause he'd wormed his way into your life before you knew it and shattered it into a million pieces." Ianto's bottom lip was scarlet and swollen from where he had bitten it.
"I saw him do that once before. A past lover of his had run off without telling him. Of course he found her months later. She had just gotten married to a very nice Frenchman -he was a famous writer I think- their picture was all over the papers. They looked happy. Well Ethan couldn't have that. She was his and Ethan didn't share. So Ethan became friends with him. It wasn't long before the friendship became a horrible long affair. On the happy couple's wedding anniversary Ethan knocked the man unconscious." Ianto gave a violent shudder. He had just noticed the weight of everyone's eyes on him, watching his every move.
"After fucking him senseless he tied him to a chair. They waited hours before she came home. She didn't get the romantic meal that she was expecting, instead she got her ex-lover torturing her husband for days on end, but her punishment wasn't over yet." He stared blankly at the blood-stained carpet.
"Ethan made her kill him…"
Ianto gagged. He remember hearing the wet pleading sobs that passed her lips as she killed her husband, begging for the nightmare to stop as he sat helplessly in the next room.
"In a way it was a mercy killing. He left her there in that house with the body. It was weeks later when someone found them. She'd gone mad. It was thought best that she was put in a home. Years later Ethan came back and finally finished her." He stared vacantly at Jack. "He snapped her neck."
Tosh's eyes were raw with tears as she listened to Ianto. She wished that he was talking about some horror film that he had see or that it was some other person telling them this story.
Owen pulled Tosh back so she was standing flush against him. He knew that she had been upset even before this argument started, but now that Ianto was standing in front of them saying everything that came into his head. It was bad enough that he was feeling like shit he didn't want to imagine what she was feeling. They had been so fucking stupid, bloody fighting about whether or not they got to shoot Ianto right where he works, even he could see that.
"In that moment I decided that it was better to stay and watch then leave and watch over my back, waiting from him to strike. I wasn't going to end up like her or the hundreds of other stupid people who tried to leave him." A look of disgust flashed across Ianto's face as he remembered all the screaming and blood as thick as syrup spraying up the wall not just from her, but all the others that had tried to leave.
"In 1966 after 30 odd years of all this shit I got a chance to leave and I took it. Even with everything I knew about him, I took it. Ethan took me along when he was robbing a museum. Things went wrong pretty fast and he legged it, leaving me stuck there with all the things he wanted." Ianto scoffed. That had been so like Ethan. He'd torture those around you and then kill you if you tried and leave him, but if it meant that he got away without a scratch then he would happily leave you to the 'wolves'.
"Instead of the police showing up it was UNIT. UNIT and Torchwood had been looking for Ethan after a tipoff telling them he was in London. Instead they found me. That's when I met the Brigadier and he gave me the choice to tell them everything I knew about Ethan and the things he was planning to do or to be locked up and maybe executed at a later date. I chose to tell them everything."
Ianto pointed shakily at the Brigadier. "After that you said you would talk to Torchwood House about me working on their report. They said that they would accept me if the Queen gave her approval, which she did shortly after meeting me after the blundered robbery."
"After that I travelled all over the world, working on this report. And for once I didn't have to worry about Ethan turning up and killing me. I never stayed in one place long enough for him to find me. That was until I was based at Torchwood One where everything went to hell in a hand-basket. After that Torchwood House said I was on leave and that I didn't have to start working on it again until I was ready." Ianto gave a full-body shudder. Those months after the Battle had been the worst in his life. Worrying about Lisa, about getting into Torchwood Three, about Ethan slinking his way into Ianto's life before he knew it and slaughtering everyone in it.
"I didn't think that I was ever going to be ready, not with Lisa to look after, but when she died I had nothing to live for. Nothing that really made all the pain and fear worth living through. So I started writing it again and things started to get a bit better." Making fists, Ianto willed himself to stay where he was even though he could feel rising tension inside himself. He didn't think he could hold off much longer before he had to pick fight or flight
"So that's everything. You can shoot me in the head now. 'Cause there is nothing else for me to say. So come on. DO IT!!" Ianto held out his arms, shouting at everyone in the room. Everyone froze, holding their breath as the tension rose and rose, making the air turn sour. Taking a deep breath, Jack slowly crept forwards until he was close enough to wrap his arms around Ianto.
"No!" Ianto shouted, pulling and twisting against Jack, not wanting to be near him. Jack held on tight and let Ianto tire himself out, which didn't take long. Ianto was almost like a small child that had stayed up well past his bedtime and was now feeling cranky. Not that Jack could blame him. Everything seemed to be against Ianto at the moment.
Shuddering and swallowing, Ianto slowly came to a stop. He let Jack hold him close. Gripping Ianto's chin gently, Jack stopped Ianto's shaking head, making him look Jack straight in the eye.
"No one is going to do anything to you. And if they try then they will have to go through me." Jack whispered, but he made sure that everyone in the room heard the warning.
Laying Ianto's head on his shoulder, Jack looked at the Brigadier. "There's no reason for UNIT to be here so I want you, Martha and Doctor Hill to get out of here right now. And don't you ever turn up here without clearing it with me because I will shoot first and ask questions second."
The Brigadier's face hardened, wanting to put up a fight, but he knew that it would not be in the best interest of intercommunications between UNIT and Torchwood as well as what was best for Ianto. Nodding, he turned back to his two doctors, "Ladies, if you could gather your things, please."
The pale doctor Hill nodded shakily, stacking her papers and chucking them into her briefcase. She gave them a final lasting look before snapping shut the catches as if it were the last time she would see them. Standing tall she tried to leave the room with some air of dignity, but it was lacking due to her blatant 'putting down' the day before.
"Jack, I'm sorry." Martha looked like she on the verge of tears and more like the Martha that he knew. She was no longer acting like the spoiled child that had arrived yesterday, but he didn't have the time to deal with her now. And maybe he never would, but Jack was sure that the Brigadier would look after her, maybe even take her under his wing now that she back to being the Doctor's Martha.
"Doctor Jones, it would be best if you follow Doctor Hill out. I'm sure that Jack will contact you when he has the time." The Brigadier said quietly, taking her elbow and walking her to the door. Turning back he reached out and grabbed one of Ianto's hands and gave it a gentle squeeze, before he too left the room.
Ianto watched the Brigadier with red blotchy eyes that were filled with tears. Sighing, he turned his head back into Jack's neck as his body began to sag against him.
Jack didn't want to deal with any of his team's questions. In fact, he didn't want to do anything other than stay with Ianto. "Tosh, Owen, Gwen. I think that you lot have work that you need to be getting on with." He said calmly, which couldn't be further from the truth.
As Tosh came back to herself she jerked away from Owen. "Yes, of course." Without looking back she hurried out of the room.
"Right." Owen muttered, trying not to watch Tosh scuttle out as he too left, taking Gwen with him as he did. Jack was sure that she was in a state of shock after Ianto's story. He couldn't blame her. He was close to being in shock too and after the life he had led it was strange to think it would, since he was far more desensitized than her, Tosh or Owen combined.
Jack waited until he could hear the clatter of the keyboards from below them before he moved Ianto's head from its hiding place. He and Ianto were face to face with each other, unable to look way.
"I know that I broke our promise, but I didn't want to. A doubt was planted and before I could ask you privately about what happened, you… You just blew up. Not that I blame you. I would have done the same if I had heard things we did." Jack stroked Ianto's cheek, curling his hand around the back of Ianto's head, letting it rest there. "We're just going to have to sit down and set rules or something before we really start talking... and then... maybe I could get to meet your dad?" Jack gave a breathless chuckle. He couldn't believe that he had just suggested something that most of the time he tried to avoid. The Captain was even more surprised that he really did want to meet Oscar Jones. "Because I have to tell you I want to meet the man who created and raised this beautiful man in front of man."
Sighing, Jack wiped away a stray tear that broke free across Ianto's cheek. "I'm going to hug you. And maybe if I can force myself to let go we'll go back to your apartment and put this whole ordeal behind us and start to make things better, in-between sleeping, eating and anything else we can think of to pass the time before the world goes to hell in a hand basket and we have to go save the day. What do you say?"
Ianto sniffled, looking at Jack's blue eyes that were twinkling madly at him as the Captain waited for his answer. He knew that only moments ago he had lost it. Spewing every little disturbing detail that he knew on some level would cause damage to everyone in the room, even him, but here was Jack offering him the chance to put his 'little' breakdown behind them and to start afresh. Ianto knew at some point the older man would ask about his past and Ianto would have to talk about it, but for once he didn't feel terrified at that prospect of having to do that.
Ianto gave a happy sigh. His lips curled into a smile as he whispered softly, "Yes, please."
End
