Thank you to everyone who read or reviewed the last chapter. Apparently the consensus is Steve is going to be oblivious for a while. We shall see.
For those of you wondering when the next chapter of Hydra Lullaby will be up, it's coming soon. It's currently going through round two of proofreading and will be posted as soon as I get it back. The reason why you're getting chapters so fast for this story is I'm writing about five chapters at a time and posting when they're finalized.
Conversation 7: FRIDAY, don't send that text message
Captain Tight Pants: You managed to distract me so much that I never thanked you for keeping Sharon from getting fired or arrested.
Me: Well I'm always very distracting, especially in a nice three-piece suit.
Captain Tight Pants: I just want to say thank you for protecting Sharon.
Me: I didn't protect you're 'Not a girlfriend' for her, but for Aunt Peggy.
Captain tight pants: You knew Peggy?
Me: No, I just referred to a random stranger as an aunt.
Me: She was around a lot when I was growing up until dad did something stupid.
Me: But she was BFFs with Jarvis, human Jarvis, until he died when I was 25.
Captain Tight Pants: You weren't there at the funeral though?
Me: I didn't go to the funeral because I didn't want to cause a spectacle. Honestly, I can't even go to Starbucks without causing a spectacle.
Captain Tight Pants: I get it. Not shaving, dying my hair darker, and wearing baggier clothes has helped.
Me: Your muscles are your most discerning feature. I can pick your washboard stomach out of the lineup of hot oily guys.
Captain Tight Pants: Mostly because you had that shirtless charity poster I accidentally did hanging up in your lab as a joke.
Me: You thought that was a joke? That explains so much about our interactions. Friday, don't send that.
Me: There were other reasons why I didn't go, such as the fact Jackie doesn't like me because of something really dumb that I did in the early 90s.
Captain Tight Pants: You slept with Peggy's daughter and yet you're mad about me kissing her grandniece?
Me: Mostly because I don't like you kissing other people. Friday, don't send that message to Steve.
Me: Mostly for doing it just after Peggy's funeral. And I didn't sleep with Jackie. I'm not that big of a slut.
Captain Tight Pants: I'm not saying that. I know that you are always faithful to Pepper.
Me: Unless you count emotional cheating. Friday delete that message
Me: I showed up late for her wedding and then got so drunk that I fell headfirst into the cake without a shirt on or pants.
Me: I'm sure if you Google the incident, you'll find pictures of the wedding fiasco.
Captain Tight Pants: That's okay.
Me: Peggy was also the one who told me about the accident. She stayed with me when I identified the bodies. I even stayed at her house for 2 weeks afterwards.
Me: I think that's the only reason why I didn't drink myself into a puddle.
Captain tight pants: I'm not surprised. Peggy has always been that type of person.
Me: In hindsight, I can't help but think she was the first person to lie to me about how my parents died.
Captain tight pants: You think she knew that it was a hit?
Me: Any halfway competent medical examiner can tell the difference between a neck breaking because of the impact of a vehicle and the neck breaking because someone snapped it.
Me: I remember seeing bruises on her neck that might have looked like fingers. Those shouldn't have been there if it was a car accident.
Captain Tight Pants: You think Peggy covered it up?
Me: No, I think Hydra covered it up, but Aunt Peggy was smart and she would have seen things for what they were which is why she moved me into her house.
Captain Tight Pants: She wanted to keep you safe.
Me: By not letting me know how dangerous things were? Don't you think I should have been told that they were not 100% sure that my parents were killed in a car accident?
Captain Tight Pants: If you knew that it wasn't an accident, you probably would have done something stupid that would have resulted in you getting killed.
Me: Probably.
Captain tight pants: I don't like the idea of you being dead, so try not to do stupid things that will result in you dying.
Me: I'll do my best cuddle bunny but my track record is pretty awful in that regard.
Captain tight pants: I know and it scares me.
To be continued.
