Numb
I've
become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Ellie shut the front door, pulled back the curtains, and watched Sean walk home. She breathed out slowly and turned around. There stood Judy in an unconcealed drunken state stumbling towards the front door. Her hair a disheveled mess, her eyes sunken and sallow, a bottle of vodka gripped tightly in her hand. Judy tripped over her feet and grabbed onto the bottom banister of the stairs, dropping her bottle of vodka and watching it shatter on the floor. "Look what you made me do," she slurred slipping towards the floor and fumbling her hands to collect the alcohol soaked pieces of glass.
Ellie was silent. She didn't know what to do. She watched as her mother picked up a large shard of glass and lick what she could of the vodka from it's surface. Ellie bent down, picked up her mother, and dragged her back to the couch. The entire time her mother struggled against her. The struggle ended in the living room where her mother collapsed on the couch and passed out. Ellie just bent down towards the floor, leaned her back against the side of the couch, and just stared at the wall across from her. She looked over towards the shattered vodka bottle, the shards glistening in the dim foyer light. Ellie crawled over and gently picked up the broken shards and held them in her hand and carried them cautiously to the kitchen garbage can where she brushed them into the trash. Suddenly she felt a tiny prick. Ellie looked down to see one of the shards had cut her hand.
The pain of the glass cutting the
palm of her hand didn't even faze her as she walked upstairs and sat down on
the floor of her room just staring at her bleeding hand. "You shouldn't let
the cuts go uncleaned" a voice muttered in her head. Ellie forced herself
into the bathroom, fumbled through the medicine cabinet for some hydrogen
peroxide, and poured it on her hand, watching it bubble and felt it sting as it
cleaned out the cut. She wrapped it up gently in a soft clean bandage and
quietly walked back to her room and changed into some sweats for bed. Ellie
grabbed her portable CD player and slipped the headphones over her ears,
climbing into bed. Pressing play she drowned her thoughts into the sounds of
Chevelle, Send the Pain Below. Rolling on her side as she slipped
between the covers she hugged her pillow tight as she mouthed the words to the
song as she fell asleep, "I like having hurt, So send the pain below where I
need it, You used to beg me to take care of things,
And smile at the thought of me failing. But long before, having hurt, I'd send
the pain below, I'd send the pain below."
~*~^~*~
Sean drove his hands deep into his pockets, and gently began to finger the outline of the CD Ellie had allowed him to borrow. JamisonParker he'd never heard of those guys. But they had some powerful lyrics. It has always been powerful lyrics that would grab his attention. Lyrics that held emotion and a great story were what he was drawn too. Nas, Eminem, Tupac, Biggie; they all had as story to tell, and the way they told their stories appealed to him. Then he was introduced to Linkin Park, a mix of rap and metal, and he was just dumbfounded. He listened to Jamison Parker all night and was just amazed by how much emotion could be thrown into a song. He'd easily connected with Biting Bullets but then he heard Anthem for the Broken Hearted and fell in love. It was so deep and gut-retching real, and he knew exactly how it felt.
His eye perked up as he saw Ellie walking to school, clutching her binder close to her chest as her book bag flopped as she walked. Sean grabbed the belt loops of his pants and held them up as he ran to catch up with her. "El!" he called out but she just turned her head and looked at him with her tired eyes. "Ellie?" he asked concerned as he caught up with her and placed his hand on her shoulder. " You okay?"
Ellie shrugged; " suffered from a case of insomnia last night" she muttered yawning and covering her mouth with her bandaged hand. Sean eye's bugged in concern as she gently stopped her and grabbed her hand.
"What happened?" he asked.
"Mom dropped a bottle and I cleaned it up, no big deal." she answered truthfully.
" Good" he said sweetly and brought her bandaged hand up to his mouth and gently kissed it, " all better now?" he asked smirking.
Ellie laughed and pushed him away jokingly. " Yea, much better," she said rolling her eyes and walking into the school.
~*~^~*~
"Hey Ash" Paige called as she stepped out of Dylan's car and caught up with the young girl.
" Yea Paige?" Ashley asked as she fixed her short choppy hair.
" Look at Ellie" Paige pointed out as she saw the petite redhead walking with...
" Is that Sean Cameron?" Ashley asked.
" I think so"
" Did he just..."
" Kiss her hand..."
" Is her hand...bandaged?" Ashley asked concerned.
" Looks like it" Paige answered.
The two girls were never fully back on a full friendship license but they've been bonding since Paige's rape, and with Paige's recent concern for Ellie. They'd both been looking out of the petite girl every chance they get. Although they thought they were helping, they were just smothering her.
" Maybe we should talk to her about it..." Ashley suggested.
" ...And tell her how hanging out with Sean can ruin her rep" Paige said applying a layer of pink lip gloss to her lips. Ashley rolled her eyes and made her way over to Ellie.
" Hey Ellie" Ashley said smiling.
" Hey Ash" Ellie responded and smiled a goodbye to Sean.
" So how are you?"
" Fine" Ellie answered.
" What happened to your hand?"
Ellie bit her tongue to keep from lashing out. She admitted to herself that Ashley was just a concerned friend looking out for her. On the other side, Ashley won't believe the answer whether it's the truth or not.
" it was an accident, my mom dropped a bottle and I cleaned it up, no biggie" Ellie answered.
" Okay" Ashley answered, not believing a word of it. " Hey there's Craig, I'll see you at lunch, okay?"
" Sure..." Ellie said rolling her eyes, and watched as Ashley ran over to Craig and jumped into his arms, kissing him on the lips. Ellie began to walk down the hall of Degrassi High when she felt hands clasp themselves over her eyes from behind. Ellie smiled as she heard a familiar voice, " Guess who!"
" Um, could it be Mr. Marco del Rossi?" Ellie asked smiling. Marco dropped his hands and frowned.
" You're no fun El"
" Oh I know, I just drain the fun out of everything, that's my job" Ellie said laughing to herself.
" You finish your geometry homework?" Marco asked as they stopped in front of her locker.
" yea, had to get a bit of help though" she said smiling.
" ooh I know that smile...who did you get help from?" Marco asked nudging her with his elbow playfully as she put her binder into her locker.
" just someone" Ellie answered trying to stray away from the topic.
" fine, but I better get details later" he said smiling and walking down the hall.
~*~^~*~
"We missed you last night Cameron" Jay said leaning next to Sean's locker. Sean closed his locker and looked at Jay.
" I told you I had to study, I would try to get away if I could."
" Fine, but..."
" But what?"
" Saturday...my house...be there" Jay answered straight forward.
" I'll see what I can do" Sean said trying to slowly break himself away from Jay and his gang, for his own good. Sean felt Jay slam him into the locker.
" Look Cameron, we let you in...that takes a lot, when you're in with us, we expect you to be there, understand?" Jay said fiercely into Sean's ear.
" loud and clear" Sean said pushing him away.
" Saturday?"
" I'll be there" Sean answered tightening the strap of his book bag and stalking off to shop class.
As he walked down the hall he bumped into Ellie and felt her slip something into his pocket. He smiled politely, kept going as she kept going on her way. When he got to his shop class he dropped his book bag off at his cubby, reached into his pocket, pulled out a piece of paper, and unfolded it.
Sean-
Thank You...
Ellie
Sean folded up the note, slipped it back into his pocket, grabbed his work gloves and goggles, and got straight to work on his project. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. Sean couldn't seem to concentrate on his work and nearly soldered his belt to the carburetor. Sean set down the soldering gun and slipped back his goggles. No one had ever said Thank You to him like that. He had barely done anything.
A/N: Ouch, wow, it's been awhile. I guess I got completely wrapped up in the holiday season. I hope everyone has had a great holiday so far, and that you all have a wonderful New Year's. I don't know if this is short or not, I think it's a decent length. I think I could do better but I've been pretty tired lately, and I'm kinda pissed off with my dad saying I look "sickly" it's dumb...*shrugs* I dunno...
Quick Thanks to: InFaTuAtEd*cHiK, brokenglass, and Ellectra
eyes of a child: I know...I was totally listening to JamisonParker Biting Bullets and I heard the bit about hating blondes and I was like, omg! I have to throw that in there. It's a great song. they have a lot of good stuff.
trucalifornian: oh, I didn't make them up...I just figured that Ellie wouldn't be one to listen to mainstream music, and where I'm from it's all about the scene and local/non-mainstream hardcore music. I thought Ellie's personality really fit the hardcore scene. From Autumn to Ashes are really popular here, and JamisonParker, I stumbled upon them thanks to my friend Damian, who had their lyrics in his profile. I have a lot more music I could throw into future chapters, depends on the moods of the characters and such...
Scimitar Nyx: I passed on the message to Arthur and he blushed. He's a sweetheart. I'm glad you have an Arthur named Cody, he sounds like he's a sack of cool beans. Arthur didn't get me writing either, I've been doing this for a while. It was just I started writing this story and Arthur made me post it and keep it going. Arthur actually saw I had cut my my ankle, and was like: What idiot tries to cut off their foot! and I just started laughing. It's a character. I think he's coming over tomorrow or Thursday I can't remember. We are supposed to watch movies cause he felt pretty horrible about not being here physically for me, and I told him it was nonsense. Yea I'm babbling....
scarred: it's not at all easy to explain it...but I seem to be doing a good job by the way the reviews are coming in. The only thing I can't seem to figure out is why Ellie, and even myself started...in fact it was the last thing I wanted to do, but then boom, I started and it felt just soo right, and then I couldn't stop...and then I stopped thanks to my Knight in a Green sweater (Arthur) and then this year it got out of control again, but the Knight stepped up to the challenge. It's such a bitch ain't it?
