Chapter 7

Mary Hightower

Vivian continued with their lesson for a long time. She was sure it was working. She felt she was almost starting to live again, and yet at the same time part of her mind was telling her to leave. Possessing people and making herself seen was close to living. She could also eat like a normal person, live in a house like a normal person. Still…there was something off. It was like living through a machine. It wasn't a life. She was still stuck in Everlost. She was still, well, dead. She just enjoyed the things the living could, but that didn't make her alive again. Was there any way to truly live again? She doubted it. And yet there had to be something. When they had finished their training, Vivian asked Allie where she ought to go next.

"Who would know how to live again?" Vivian questioned of Allie. They planned to put their good newfound skills to use along the way.

Allie smiled wryly. "Ask Mary Hightower," she instructed. "She knows many things."

Vivian didn't have any difficulty believing that the maternal goody-two-shoes knew a lot about Everlost, more than she'd published in her books. There was something not quite right about Mary as well. Was anything in Everlost real? Or was it all too good to be true? Once more she dragged Taylor along, but this time it was more of a personal journey. They were alone, for one thing, and they didn't have Nick talking to them all the time. In order to sort of spice up the journey, she asked Taylor some questions. "How old were you?" She didn't need to clarify what she meant. He knew.

"Thirteen," he answered, staring up at the sky and kicking a rock. "You?"

"Thirteen," she echoed. "How did you die?"

He stopped, and so did she. He looked her in the eye. "A fire," he responded, and resumed walking. "It seems like a long time ago now," Taylor continued. "I had been sent to a Juvenile Detention Center for stealing a car. They were doing a chem lab. Someone mixed two things together and it started smoking. It wasn't supposed to do that. Everyone screamed. Somehow, kerosene got into a Bunsen burner. The whole thing blew. It would have been beautiful if we weren't all so terrified.

"Everyone started running and screaming. The fire came into our room next. We were in Language Arts. They all ran so selfishly. It was like I didn't know any of them. They were only interested in saving themselves. They left behind this one kid, Manuel, who everyone used to tease. He was just sitting there. I knew the fire would consume the room, but I tried to get him out. He just didn't seem to care. He had given up all hope.

"The fire took us both that day," Taylor ended sadly. "He beat me to the light."

Vivian cleared her throat. It was her turn to share. "I had leukemia," she admitted. "I was diagnosed when I was five years old, and I'd never had a normal life since. But when the light took me, something surfaced. I decided I didn't want to die, that I couldn't and wouldn't. So I tried to climb out of the tunnel and get away from the light."

"Isn't it a bit strange," Taylor reasoned, "that we both ended up here because we tried to do something?"

"No," Vivian corrected. "We're only here because we failed."

After that the walk was mostly silent. They slept, but not for long. It always scared them to sleep without dreaming. It was kind of like being knocked out. You couldn't feel, or see, or hear, except you didn't know that. You knew nothing. It was like dying again. She woke up after only four hours and woke up Taylor. "Mary said it wasn't sleep that stopped us from being tired, it was the company of other people," she told him once he was half-awake. "So let's be company for each other."

Taylor started walking, then began awkwardly. "Uh…what do we have to do to refresh ourselves? Just talk?"

"Yeah, I think so," Vivian answered. "Well, uh, did you ever read Twilight?"
Taylor scoffed. "That's a chick flick."

Vivian glared at him, miffed. "It's a book."

He looked taken aback. "I didn't know that."

"Didn't you go to school when you were alive?" she demanded. Then she flinched. Had she?

"Yes," he snapped. "I skipped a grade, actually."

"Probably only so your teachers could get rid of you," she retorted.

He smiled a cocky smile. "Why do you want to live again so much, anyway?"

His off-subject question surprised her. She fumbled for an answer. "Because it sucks to be dead," she replied automatically.

He nodded seriously. "But, let me ask you this. When you were alive, you seem to be kind of a cynic. Tell me you didn't ever say to yourself, it sucks to be dead."

She gave him a strange look. Well, he was right, but…how had he known that? "Well, yes."

"Yet you didn't go looking for ways to die." It was a statement, not a question.

"How do you know I didn't kill myself?" she demanded.

He smiled that cocky half-smile. "Because you would have made it to the light."

She scraped the very bottom of the barrel for an answer, but couldn't find one. Finally she decided not to combat him. "Say I didn't kill myself. What's your point?"

"My point is, when you were alive and thinking it sucks to be alive, you didn't go looking for ways to kill yourself. But now you're dead and thinking it sucks to be dead, and you're trying to be alive again. What changed?" He waited eagerly for an answer.

"Well…being dead really sucks. And I've thought it ever since I was dead. When I was alive, I didn't think it sucked to be alive all the time."

He leered. "Didn't you?"

His question pulled her up short. When was a time when she was happy to be alive? She couldn't think of any. There were times when she hadn't wanted to die – a bunch of those – but never any time when she was appreciating life. She pursed her lips and gave no answer. "See, what I think is, you don't want to live again, because you don't really think it sucks to be dead," Taylor continued obnoxiously. "You want a different life, where you're not sick. Where you can go to school and have friends and, I don't know, play soccer."

She struggled to respond to that. "Well, I mean, that would be nice, but it's not the only reason. I think I know myself better than you know me."

"I know you do. I'm just good at reading people."

Vivian turned away from Taylor, furious. Why couldn't he just trust her? He didn't have to come if he didn't want to, and if he wanted to, why didn't he shut up? Then again…he did have a point. Maybe she wasn't looking for her own life back. Maybe she just wanted a second chance. Well, there wasn't any reason to say she wouldn't get that. She couldn't have her old life back. So she'd have to get a different life… right? Did she want a different life? Of course she did. Gah! It was all so confusing. Everything had been clear and straightforward before she invited Taylor along.

"You can leave now," she directed coolly.

He stared at her. "What?"

"If you don't want to come, you don't have to. If you do want to come, then shut up. I've answered your question. Don't question my answer." She voiced her earlier thoughts, stealing a cliché from a book she'd read.

"I want to come," Taylor insisted.

"Then shut up!"

So he did. They walked the rest of the way in silence. Vivian was fuming. He may have shut up, but the damage was done. She hated him for that. One of the first things she had learned from leukemia was that if something was simple, don't make it complicated. Everything had been simple. She died, she didn't like it, she tried to come back. Now everything was turned around. He was just stupid.

Finally, they got back to Vivian's hometown. It was time to see Mary.