Disclaimer: I don't own Steven Universe
Title: Ashes And Blood
Summary: Connie is forced to come to terms with her humanity after a battle with Homeworld.
Author's Note: Garnet, Connie, and Stevonnie feels for all! =)
...
The Keeper Of Worlds- That's the point, my friend. =) One thing I give the Crewniverse serious kudos for; Ruby and Sapphire don't have the stereotypical 'one side is right and the other is completely wrong' sort of arguments. They also don't devolve into name-calling or ditching each other like children. Ruby only left because she was burning the carpet, and she sat next to Sapphire at the dinner, even though I'm sure Steven or Greg offered to sit there instead.
broken hallelujah- Really? I love Connie's relationship with her folks, actually. It's realistic. Dr. and Mr. Maheswaran just want to protect their daughter. It's an incredibly realistic thing going on between them; like many of the relationships in Steven Universe.
I've never seen it written before either, honestly, but that's how it would work. Connie was doing her job as a knight. Seeing gems wouldn't faze her. Seeing Steven or another human hurt would.
That's one of my favorite parts, actually. =) She's not just cradling him, either; she's protecting him. It's like she said; no one knows if there was other gems on the beach before Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl showed up. Connie, unable to protect him properly, was shielding him from harm with her body.
(on the P.S.- This is one of my first stories in this sort of tense. I've always done past tense before. As a writer, I need to know what I'm doing wrong. How else will I grow? =))
broken hallelujah- It's reassuring indeed. Garnet's easily the strongest figure on air so far, as well as one of Steven's greatest allies. It's not just reassuring; it's exactly the safe kind of environment the kids need right now.
Ruby's a protective life partner, I give her that. She did what she honestly thought was best. =)
Dante Watterson- Thanks. =)
Pikminsanity- HUGS indeed! Gotta love the hugs.
Sueanoi- GARNET'S back!
I didn't have any Garnet-Connie plans, honestly, but your comment got my thinking, so here you go. =)
Red Star- Yeah, I know what you mean. I like those what'll happen when Steven regenerates theories, but this story just isn't the place for them. Like Peridot. Maybe some other story. =)
...
"I did that." Garnet says, voice strong but grim. She pokes the healed scar with her pointer finger thoughtfully before drawing away, leaning her arms against the back of the couch.
Connie wonders if that was how the gems had all felt when they first saw her shoulder. The point-blank curiosity was nothing new; even Pearl had snuck a look when she thought Connie wasn't looking. But Garnet had a much more personal reason to feel that way, while the gems had just been recovering from the shock of almost losing the two children.
"No, the ship did that." She answers, voice strong, before reattaching the prosthetic with a mild wince.
"Of course it did." She says, voice calm. Despite the topic, she seems to be honestly content. Being newly re-fused probably has something to do with it. "But I severed it."
Connie swallows. She can't meet her eye, so instead she stares straight ahead. "There's nothing anyone could have done. My arm still would've been useless even if you didn't break it. At least, this way, I can still do things with it."
Garnet nods. "Guess we're both bein' silly; blaming ourselves. How's that thing feel, anyway?"
She sounds honestly curious. Connie ignores her first statement and stretches her right arm out. "It doesn't, honestly. There's no nerves. It could get crushed and I wouldn't feel a thing."
That's the wrong thing to say. Connie winces in Garnet's stead; the gem merely bows her head.
"It wasn't your fault, you know. It's neither of our faults."
Connie blinks at her. "I never said I blamed myself. I didn't make the ship crash."
"I'm taking about Steven."
She tenses without meaning to. Garnet puts a gentle hand on her shoulder. "It would've happened eventually. All gems get poofed at least once. It's almost a right of passage."
"But Steven isn't just a gem." She reminds her. "He's human too."
"No, he isn't." Garnet agrees, and leaves it at that.
There's a pause. Connie's fingers tighten their death grip on her pants. "I looked away."
"Hmm?"
"When we were fighting Homeworld. I turned my back on him, knowing there were hostile gems on the beach." Tears spring up in her eyes, unbidden. Connie wipes them away with an awkward chuckle. "Some knight I am."
It's true. Even if Pearl's training has lightened up after Steven's intervention, the code itself hasn't changed. A knight dies for their liege. Jumps headfirst into battle, if that's what they need. It's their purpose; the thing that keeps them going battle after battle.
In this case, a knight dies for her friend.
If anyone should've been stabbed that day, it was her. Steven didn't deserve that. She didn't deserve that. But Steven deserved it less.
"Connie?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you."
She jerks her head up in surprise. "For what?"
"For fighting with us. You didn't have to. You could've left with your folks, but you stood by us- stood by Steven- with your head high. That's not an easy decision to make. I owe you Steven's life- my life. All our lives, really. So, thanks."
Connie feels her cheeks heat up. Garnet doesn't give praise lightly. She stares at her hands. It's so hard to imagine that one of them is fake, but she twitches the fingers and- nope. Nothing. "Anyone would have done the same; so long as they had the right training."
"Hmm." Garnet smiles, pleased at the obvious pride Connie is showing through her stiff shoulders and bright gaze. "I don't think so."
"There." Stevonnie stands up, looking over the fixed and repainted Big Donut sign with a nod of satisfaction. "That's better."
They pause. There's a storm of bad feelings inside of them, rolling around in their belly like bad food. "...Are you okay?"
They nod. The bad feelings are locked away in a metaphorical box. One half of them gingerly pokes and prods at it, but doesn't try to force it open against their will.
"I don't want to talk about it."
The feelers disappear. "Okay." Stevonnie says. "I won't push us if you don't think we're ready."
They glance around. "What next?"
But there's nothing left. They've fixed everything within climbing distance. All afternoon, they've been Stevonnie. They slept as Stevonnie last night as well. It was comfy, albeit a bit weird.
"Are we together too much?" They blurt, feeling the confusion and uncertainty bubble up.
"No, no. But we're not Garnet."
"Garnet's cool."
"She is. But Garnet is who she is. We're a part of ourselves, but we're not who we really are."
They reach out and gently touch their arm. They can feel it, but it doesn't feel like it used to. It's rubbery to the touch; like silicone. A jolt of guilt went through them.
"Does it bother you?"
"No. Does it bother you?"
They don't answer. "I've made peace with it. It hurts, but there's nothing we could do. We don't regret it."
"Would you go through it again?"
A surge of fierce pride and determination swept through them. Stevonnie straightens their shoulders. "If that's what I needed to do. I want to protect us."
"I want to protect us too." They echo. Stevonnie sits down, staring out over the city from the roof of their favorite convenience store.
"We protect each other." A pause. They hesitate. "Is that... what you're trying to do now? Protect us?"
"I couldn't protect us before, and you got hurt."
"We're still hurt. Both of us."
"I know." They say with feeling. "This way we can get through the hurt together. As us."
"We don't have to fuse to work things out."
"I know, but it just felt right. Are we... being too pushy? About being us?"
"Of course not." They reassured themselves. "We like being ourselves. We understand how Garnet feels, when we're like this. But... I can't go home like this."
"The gems will be proud." Especially Garnet. "They've let us before."
"Steven, you know what I mean."
A flash of anxiety. The town would soon no longer be empty. What then? What will they say? "They would understand."
That calms them a little. "Little steps. They'll meet us eventually." The bad feelings tap audibly against the box, asking to be let out. "You know, it's hard to help us when we're hiding from each other."
They hesitated. "Are you sure you're ready?"
"We wouldn't have agreed to fusing if we had any doubts."
Fair enough. The box falls apart.
There's a lot of guilt. The image of her, bleeding and crying and screaming, hurts them. One half of them feels bad for having been forced to retreat. The other half accepts these feelings like a hug, along with those of being forced into their gem- the disorienting images and confusion and sense of vulnerability; the warm touch of her hand- and reassures them.
There is, oddly enough, no regret, nor any fear. "You weren't scared?"
They shake their head. "Were you?"
Stevonnie pauses in thought, head tilted to the side. "Yes. We were scared for you."
"I was safe. You were the one in pain."
They vehemently shook their head. "We're both in pain. It's never just one of us..." They pause. "Is that... what we're afraid of?"
A rush of emotions flow over them. The force of them- from both sides- brought tears to their eyes, but they didn't start crying. They wipe them away with an ironic chuckle. "We cry too much."
"I'm not sorry."
"Me neither." They wrap their arms around their knees and curl close, feeling comfort in their natural warmth. "We'll be okay. Let's just focus on that right now."
Author's Note: You know, I wasn't sure I liked this chapter at first. It's grown on me really quickly. =)
Writing Stevonnie isn't easy. I've written transgender stories before, but this is the first story I've written where they/them pronouns are present. I tried to make it sound like they were talking to each other, themselves, and about both of them at once.
For those who don't get it (it's a bit vague, I fear); Steven isn't sure how to handle the situation any more than Connie does. As Stevonnie, he feels like they can give each other a measure of comfort.
Finally got my computer back. This is the first chapter I've gotten to type on it in over a month. It's refreshing, albeit weird. I'm gonna have to get reused to this.
Also, only two chapters left. Man, I'm gonna miss this story.
No flames! Don't like don't read! Review!
