Part II
Four months had passed by and her health slowly deteriorated. We did everything we can to make her happy. Ye Eun decided to postpone her job search and remained as unemployed graduate to be with her mother all time. I think she didn't care much about the job because her main mission is to marry her doctor-boyfriend which she met while accompanied her mother to do her check-up. The man is seven years older than her and she met him when she was 17-year-old while he just started his first year of housemanship. I didn't mind about the age gape as long as she happy with the love of her life.
One day Ga Eul woke me up early in the morning. I abruptly rose to sit and saw her sitting beside me. "What's wrong chagiya, are you in pain? Do you want a pain relief?" Worried was evident in my voice. In fact I worried about her all the time. Always I woke up in the middle of night just to make sure she still breathing.
"Let's go to the market!" She happily said to me. Her eyes were glittered in anticipation.
"HUH?"
"Come on Jeong-ah, move your heavy butt and wake up from the bed now! We need to hurry to buy the ingredients so I can have enough time to cook for breakfast." She pulled my hand and forced me to stand up. Then she pushed me to the bathroom and asked me to take a bath as fast as I can.
It's still early in the morning and most people were still sleeping at this hour especially because it was a Sunday morning. When I finished my bath, Ga Eul immediately dressed me and linked her hand to mine and pulled me excitedly to the door. We met Tae Goon halfway at stairs with a sandwich in his hand, maybe he wanted to go back to his room after he took the food from the kitchen downstairs.
"Tae Goonie! My cute little baby, you wake up early!" Ga Eul happily greeted him.
Tae Goon looked at Ga Eul with shocked and then he looked at me but I just shrugged my shoulders. "I…I'm hungry so I went to the kitchen to eat. Where are you going?"
"Oh my teenage little boy is growing up that's why you're always hungry!" She hurriedly descending the stairs and rubbed his tummy. "I guess you're full now so change your cloth and followed us to the market."
"Why?"
"Just go baby, we will wait for you. Hurry!" Ga Eul slapped his butt a few times and pushed him to move.
In the end, Tae Goon and I were dragged to the wet market and she bought many fresh foods like seafood, red meat and variety of vegetables.
"Now I know why you want to bring me along omma, you want me to carry all these stuff right? Are you planning to cook for a month?"
"It's been a while since I cook for you guys and I know you love my cook baby so shut up and help me and appa carried these stuffs."
Tae Goon grinned at her while licking his lips. He's 16 already but he still behaved like a kid when he's around his mother. After a while, I'm quite surprised that Ga Eul didn't complaint that she's tired because last time, she can only walk from our bedroom upstairs to the kitchen downstairs before she started hyperventilating and needed to rest for a while.
"Are you okay chagiya? Do you want to rest?"
"I'm so okay today. I never feel so much healthy like this!"
Secretly I called Il Hyun because I still doubt about her 'healthy' state. I can't help to think maybe a miracle had happen to her and heal all her sickness. I told Il Hyun about what happen but he remained silent for quite long;
"Hyung are you still there? Am I right? Ga Eul seems so healthy today! Do I need to bring her to you for a check-up?"
"NO! No need Jeong-ah. Just spend your time with her."
"Why are you sound so sad hyung? Ga Eul is healthy again so you should be happy right?"
"Jeong-ah, there's this condition that I as a doctor still cannot explain until today. I saw many cases like a patient who fell from 10 storey building that seriously injured and unconscious for days, suddenly woke up and having a conversation with her family; or a heart problem kid who too weak to walk to the bathroom suddenly felt healthy and managed to spend his time in the amusement park with his parents. These patients have the same ending, they died. It's like they were given some times before they go forever."
"You mean…"
"I don't know, I'm not God. But just prepare for all the possibilities okay. Just spend your time with her and pretend that she never sick. Let her do what she wants."
I don't know what to do. My foots were rooted to the ground and I can't move. My cell phone was still close to my ear although Il Hyun already hung up a few moments ago. In front of me, I saw a healthy Ga Eul wrapping her arm around Tae Goon's neck and dragged him from stall to stall. They were very happy together.
Can I trust Il Hyun? When she evidently healthy in front of me. Am I seeing a ghost? No it can't be because Tae Goon also can see her.
I was brought back to reality when I heard Ga Eul calling me. She waved her hand eagerly, signalling me to go to them because I was left too far behind. I blink back the tears that threaten to fall from my eyes and started running towards them. I chose to trust my own brother and I will follow his advised and pretend that she is really healthy. Just for today, she is the same Ga Eul who dragged me to the market every weekend; she is the same Ga Eul that strong enough to cook many dishes for our family and she is still the same Ga Eul who had the most beautiful smile I ever see.
Damn, why suddenly it was hard to control my tears! Please Yi Jeong, don't cry in front of her. Please don't destroy her happy moment.
It was like a feast that day. From breakfast to lunch and then dinner, Ga Eul cooked so many dishes with the help from Ye Eun and her mother. She packed all the leftover into plastic containers and bragged that the foods can last for a week so we all can still taste her cook for a week more.
Did she know that her time is near? That's why she cooks a lot of food for us.
After dinner we all gathered in the living room and watching a movie together. Ga Eul chose to watch the hilarious 'Clue' (her all-time favourite movie) and we all laughing the whole time. Exhaustion was clearly visible on Ga Eul's face when the movie ended. I had to force her to rest in our bedroom because she wanted to see another movie.
With pouted lips, she slowly retreated to our room and asked her mother to come with her alone. A few minutes later her mother called Ye Eun to see Ga Eul, then Ye Eun called Yul Jin and Yul Jin called Tae Goon. Ga Eul met them one by one and said something to them that make them sad. Finally Tae Goon came to me with wet eyes saying that Ga Eul wanted to rest and asked me to accompany her.
"Hey sweetie, are you okay? Are you in pain? You don't take your pain relief at all today so do you want to take it now?"
"I'm fine beside, pain relief will only make me unconscious for a long time. It's a waste of time because I can't see you and talk to you. Jeong-ah, I'm not comfortable to sleep with this cloth; can you change it for me?"
"Of course my queen, it is my pleasure." I retrieved her night gown from the closet and changed her cloth.
I realised she was staring at me while I'm buttoning her night gown. "Is there something on my face?" I asked her when I finished the button. I rubbed my face to search for a foreign material that was not supposed to be there.
She just giggled at my question. "Yes, there is something on your face." She cupped my cheeks with her hands and brought my face closer to her and analysed it in detail. "There are these two holes that have a very beautiful black and white marbles in it" she kissed both my eyes "there is this sharp thing that weirdly pointed out from your face" she kissed my nose "and what is this soft and red thing?" she looked at my lips and kissed it slowly. "Ahh, it tastes like a marshmallow."
"Okay whatever, you need to rest." I pushed her gently to the bed and I join her after I switch off the light. She immediately wrapped her arms around my body and rested her head on my chest.
"I can't sleep Jeong-ah. Talk to me please."
"Can I ask you something? Ermm what did you said to your mother and our children?"
"I asked for forgiveness from omma, for all the problems I caused her. I said sorry to Ye Eun because I can't help her choosing her wedding dress and I can't guide her to be a good wife and a good mother. To Yul Jin, I said that he is my hope to take care of you and Tae Goonie. And Tae Goonie, I just asked him to listen to you. I'm very worried about Tae Goonie Jeong-ah."
"He will be fine."
"He's 16, it's a dangerous age. He's in transition to become an adult. Part of him is still a child and he needs full guidance from his parents. I won't be there when he really needs me. I'm afraid if he chooses a wrong path then his entire life will be ruin forever." Actually I hated to talk about this topic. I hate to be reminded about our future life without her but I had to accept the reality.
"You don't need to worry. Although he only listens to you, he stills a good boy. Besides, he loves me as much as he hates me and I love him too. I believe that we will be good. I promise you I won't neglect him and I'm sure Ye Eun and Yul Jin will help me."
There was a moment of paused from her and I felt her body shivering a little bit. I touch her forehead and it was cold. "Are you cold chagiya?"
"Yes, a little." She answered softly. I pushed her gently to the side and rose to take the blanket under our foot and wrapped her body with the blanket. It was weird to feel cold during the summer night as my body was sticky with sweat because of the hotness and I started to feel worried about her.
"Are you sure you are okay?"
"Like I said, I never felt so much healthy like today." And she laid her head again on my chest when I lying beside her. "Jeong-ah." She called me, and I realised the whole day she kept calling my name and no more 'yobo' anymore.
"Yes chagiya."
"I want to tell you a secret. You know how my appa died right?" I nodded my head. "I…was supposed to be in that car too."
"What?"
"I was very close with appa and he treated me like a princess. We were inseparable. On that fateful day, appa finally agreed to bring me with him to his workplace and agreed to let me skip my classes as long as I kept my promise not telling omma. But I was so excited and blurted it out in front of omma so she scolded appa and me and forced me to go to school."
I heard a long sigh from her and waited for her to continue;
"I was mad at omma for not letting me go with appa and she asked me if I really wanted to leave her alone in this world which of course made me realised, I should be grateful that I'm still alive. So at that time, I think the purpose for me to skip death was because of omma and we never talk about that accident again. Then because of this incident, I met you. You are my everything Jeong-ah. You and our children added the reason for me to keep on living."
"But you still need to go." I huskily said.
"Everyone is going to die but not everyone is going to live. I skip death too many times. I'm considered lucky because I live happily for 48 years. That's a long time to breathe. We've been married for 25 years, that's a long time too."
"It's still not enough for me."
"Then tell me when is enough? No one have the answer because we humans are greedy. You're comparing us with your parents, that's why you said it's not enough. If you're comparing us with my parents than you will realise that our time together is more than enough."
Her words made me speechless as I started to realise the truth in her words. I should be grateful, I should appreciated the 25 years of being her husband and stop halting her from move on. At least I've experiencing a great love with her. I keep counting and waiting for more seconds to be with her that I forgot about the years I have spent with her and I had to admit that I am so freaking greedy.
I was brought back to reality when I felt her body trembling uncontrollably.
"Chagiya, let's go to the hospital, okay."
"NO!"
"Let me take another blanket okay." I wanted to move but she held my body.
"Please stay. Just hold me tightly." My body froze when it occurred to me that maybe she sensed that her time is nearing. Ga Eul realised that I lied rigidly on our bed; "Please" she pleaded again and I wrapped my hands around her body and my legs also wrapped around her. I locked her tightly close to my body in an attempt to give my body heat to her but the trembling didn't stop.
"Jeong-ah…Jeong-ah…" She called me a few times and I sensed fear in her voice. It's like she can't feel me anymore although I embraced her as tight as I can. I gave her an assurance that I still there with her.
"I'm here chagiya."
"Thank you…for everything. I have no regret at all. I love you."
"I love you too, so much my love."
"Jeong-ah, can I go…now…" It was a simple request but I bite my lips from saying anything. "Jeong-ah…" I heard her called me again. Her breathing was loud and shallower as if she was forcing herself to inhale the air. A few dropped of tears started to fall from my eyes. I don't want to lose her but I also don't want to let her suffered anymore.
With a heavy heart I finally said the magic word "Yes."
After a long last breath, suddenly everything stopped. As if I had push the 'off' button. No more trembling body and no more loud breathing. No matter how tight I embraced her, she remains static and no more response from her.
And I knew she was gone forever although she still safely enclosed by my body. I cried my heart out. I cried and cried like a kid and I wanted so badly to follow her but I can't because I had to stay strong for my children.
With a last long kissed on her lips, I sent her away. "Goodbye Ga Eul-ah, I will come to you for sure. Just wait for me arasso."
For some unknown reason, I felt the beating of my heart also stop on that day…
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The End
