Chapter 7

The doorbell rang. Shelby opened the door to find Quinn, trying to keep it all together. The older woman could tell that the blonde had been crying, her eyes were puffy and red, but Quinn always tried her hardest to keep her guard up. She was standing there holding her duffel bag with her chin held high, blinking rapidly to keep the tears from spilling over the edge of her lids.

"Hey Sweetie, come on in the tea is just about ready." Shelby said with a sad smile as she took the young girl into her arms. She held her in a tight long embrace and kissed the top of her head softly after closing the door.

Quinn buried her head into the woman's neck and fell into the hug. She closed her eyes and wished things were different. This was embarrassing. She was embarrassed, but once she stepped into her best friend's house she felt like she was home. As she cried silently into Shelby's neck she heard the sound of the shower running. Santana. She pulled back from the hug instantly and wiped at her face. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry…Um…is San showering?"

Shelby gave the girl a soft smile, trying to keep it together herself. "Yes. She is showering again."

Quinn nodded her head in understanding. She averted her gaze downward suddenly finding the hard wood floors interesting. "H-how is she…doing?" Quinn hadn't seen her best friend since their fight. The fight that made Quinn run to Shelby and tell her about what Santana was hiding. Quinn shook her head. That wasn't right. She had seen her friend after that, but only for a minute. She watched the pain spread across Santana's face as realization sank in that her mother knew. Quinn remembered the look in her friend's eyes that she had when she looked at her accusingly knowing that she was the reason her mother now knew her secret. Tears instantly stung Quinn's eyes again at the memory. It was the right decision right?

Shelby gave a sigh. She looked up the stairs in the direction she knew her daughter was in. She didn't have an answer for Quinn. She didn't know, so instead she took the girl's duffel and hung it on the stair railing. She grabbed Quinn's hand in hers and began to lead her down the hallway to the living room. "I made us tea, let's sit down and try to relax a little ok?"

They both had their tea and were comfortably sat on the loveseat, in silence. Shelby could tell the blonde was tired, physically and emotionally and Quinn could see the same in Shelby's eyes. Santana's shower continued to run. Quinn gave a heavy sigh, trying to wrap her head around the past couple of days. She felt like a failure.

"So what happened at your parents? Is everything ok?" Shelby took in Quinn's reaction to the blunt hard question that broke the silence.

"I...I don't want to burden you...I know...I...There is so much else going on here..." Quinn trailed off and looked over her shoulder down the hallway to the bottom of the stairs. The shower was still running, which meant her best friend was still up there scrubbing her skin raw. Her eyes watered at the thought.

"Quinn, you are never a burden to me or anyone in this family." Shelby decided to ask again rather than acknowledging the other obvious elephant in the room, "What happened?"

Quinn sat a moment in silence. She finally shrugged her shoulders and lifted her chin higher. She was blinking a lot to keep the tears from falling. "I...I don't know. He just...he got mad at me for leaving my clothes in the dryer while I was at school. I should have...I should have taken them out and put them in my room instead of leaving them there. I know better. He...you know how he is...he just gets...mad. It is nothing, it was my fault. He...He'll call and tell me when I'm allowed back home...I'm sure it will be sometime tomorrow...It'll be ok. It's all...ok."

Shelby shook her head and placed a hand on Quinn's knee. "It's not ok. However, you can stay here as long as you need. If he doesn't call tomorrow don't worry about it, you are welcome to stay multiple nights, you know that. You are a wonderful person, daughter, student and friend honey. I love you and I am beyond proud of you."

Quinn slowly shook her head. "I'm not." She mumbled softly.

"What was that?" Shelby asked leaning in closer to the blonde.

"Thank you, I love you too... but...I'm not...I'm not 'wonderful'...I'm 'extraordinarily mediocre'..."

Shelby scoffed, "Who said that?"

Quinn looked over and met Shelby's gaze. Shelby got her answer. She really would love to give Quinn's dad a piece of her mind one of these days.

Shelby took a deep breath. "Quinn, I know that hearing those awful things said about you is hard but sweetie you have to know that they are 100% inaccurate. His failure as a father in no way reflects how you are as a daughter or as a person. I am beyond grateful to have you in my life, in my girl's lives." Shelby paused as she gently licked her upper lip. "I am...I will never be able to thank you enough for coming to me...for helping Santana..." Shelby's eyes were getting misty, "...for getting her to agree to get an exam-"

Quinn shook her head. She cut Shelby off, "I forced her to go to an exam. She didn't want to. She...she was terrified to have it." Quinn stared off into the distance at the memory of the previous day. "She froze up on the table. She cried the entire time...The look on her face…She screamed..." Quinn looked down at her lap and started playing with her jeans as tears fell down her face, caught in the memory of how she saw her best friend in that doctor's office.

Shelby had silent tears that were rolling down her cheeks. She wasn't expecting this sudden turn in the conversation. She started to rub Quinn's back in an effort to keep her calm enough to keep talking. She didn't want Quinn to hold this all in. She needed to know what happened so she would be better equipped to figure out what the next step would be for her daughter.

Quinn started crying harder before continuing, "She screamed so loud when the doctor removed that thing..."

"The speculum?" Shelby asked.

Quinn nodded her head unable to meet the mother's gaze, "Yea...when the doctor took it out...she screamed." Shelby tensed next to her as she continued, she wasn't prepared to hear any of this, but she had to. "San told me things about the...attack...and now I can't help but picture it." The young blonde looked up at Shelby's face. "How could someone do that? She...she begged him to stop...he...he said things and made her do things..." Quinn trailed off as sobs over took her body. "Oh god!" Quinn leaned against Shelby and cried into her shoulder. She felt like none of this should be real.

Shelby found her voice and drew in a shaky breath before speaking, "'Made her do things'...wh-what do you mean?" She had to ask, she didn't want to know. She saw Santana's stomach. She saw her beautiful daughter's bruised and swollen face and wrists. She didn't want to know but she needed to. She is the mother and a doctor, she should know these things.

"He...He…" Quinn shook her head, "I can't. I can't say it...I...Oh god. This is all my fault." Quinn started crying harder into Shelby's shoulder, covering the older woman's shirt in tears.

Shelby shook her head. This was all so hard. "Quinn, it wasn't your fault...you don't have to bare this on your own now. You just need to focus on being there for her...she needs you sweetie. You are her 'person'." She was trying to calm down the young girl. Quinn shouldn't be blaming herself for what this awful monster did.

Quinn snapped up into a sitting position again, starring into Shelby's eyes as anger consumed her. "I feel like complete SHIT. Don't you see? The entire time she was being... while some man was..." Quinn couldn't bring herself to say the word. She continued to fume, "I didn't even notice she was gone! Santana has been my best friend for literally half of my life and I didn't even know she was missing!" Quinn was screaming now. "I was too busy being a complete SLUT to even realize that she hadn't come back inside yet. I mean seriously! I could have done something! Anything!" Quinn was breathing heavily; tears were streaming down her face.

"Quinn it wasn't your fault-" Shelby said again, she was trying her hardest to hold her own tears back, trying to be strong for the young blonde she has come to accept as another daughter.

Quinn cut her off and started pacing, "It WAS! I was one house away! I should have been with her the whole night! I should have followed her when she left the party! I should have done so many things but I let her down! It's all on me!" Quinn stopped pacing and turned her focus to Shelby who was still sitting on the couch, "This shouldn't have happened to her! She didn't deserve this. I'm so angry at myself for being ONE house down making out with some LOSER focusing on which guy I'd get to take me home that night while she was being beaten and RAPED!" The final word rang through the air. It seemed like it bounced off the walls and stayed in the room echoing on and on. Quinn crumbled to her knees and sobbed into her hands.

Shelby sat in shock. She watched the young blonde pace around the room then crumbled to the ground. She's watched this girl grow up. She's been to every violin concert she's performed in, even when her own parents didn't make it. She's been to every game and competition the girls have cheered at screaming both girls' names from the stands. She took her to pick out her first real bra. She bought her the same stupid light up scooter that Santana wanted for 5th grade graduation because she knew that Quinn would love it just as much. She's had Quinn at every Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas Morning, and summer family vacation since the girls were 8 years old. Now that same girl was sobbing hysterically on her living room floor, blaming herself for Santana's attack. Her daughter was attacked. This was so much. She slowly stood up and lowered herself to the ground pulling Quinn into a hug as the girl cried. She didn't know what to say.

"I'm s-s-so sorry. I'm sorry. So sorry." Quinn repeated over and over.

"Shhhh" Shelby gently rubbed Quinn's back, rocking with her back and forth.

"M-m-my dad is r-r-right. I am a failure. I'm...I'm such a failure."

"Shhhh, no Quinn. No." Shelby kissed the top of the young girl's head and continued to rock with the sobbing blonde. "You absolutely are not."


Shelby shook her head as she climbed up the stairs to check on her children. She was exhausted. Quinn had continued crying for nearly thirty minutes. Santana had finished her shower just after Quinn headed up for bed. Shelby helped Santana rebandage her stomach and watched with a heavy heart as the young girl climbed the stairs to her room with a struggle. She spent the next hour cleaning up the bathroom and kitchen and folding laundry she had finished earlier in the day. She never thought in a million years that this would happen to her family, to her beautiful daughter. She stood at the top of the stairs and tried to pull herself together for at least the next 10 minutes to get through tucking her girls in. She tucked them in every night before she went to bed herself, however since Tuesday night it had been so much more complicated and heavy. Ten more minutes of holding it together and she could lock herself in her bedroom and let out all the emotions she had to pack in for her kids.

Shelby nodded and walked to Quinn's bedroom first. Shelby shook her head at herself, her daughters best friend had spent so many nights here that she herself was even referring to the room as "Quinn's" rather than the previous "guest bedroom". Quinn used to sleep in Santana's room when they were kids with their regular sleep overs, but once the girls started growing up and Quinn's parents started becoming more and more ridiculous by kicking the young girl out for any and every reason Shelby made a point to make a more permanent place for Quinn to feel more comfortable and stable. That's how the guest room became Quinn's.

She opened the door and peaked in to see that Quinn had fallen asleep with the TV on. Shelby knew that the young girl didn't like sleeping in the complete dark so she entered the room and took the remote from the bed turning the TV on mute to give the young blonde a peaceful night sleep. Shelby sat the remote on the nightstand next to the bed and smiled as she realized the TV was on the Disney Channel. She remembered the 16 year old explaining that it is the only channel on TV that she can keep on while she sleeps. She argued that every other channel besides Disney has scary commercials in the middle of the night and she hated waking up to a scary commercial more than anything in the world. The tough badass persona Quinn frequently wore made the whole discovery of the Disney Channel habit that much more amusing and adorable to Shelby. Shelby took a minute to wonder if Quinn's own parents knew this useless but significant fact about their daughter, or if they even cared to notice. Shelby pulled the comforter up around Quinn's shoulders and whispered, "I love you" into the sleeping girl's ear. With that she quietly made her way out of the room closing the door behind her.

Rachel's door was decorated with a big wooden "R". She had ribbons and bows, different artwork she made in school, and a pair of autographed pointe shoes all hung on the front of her door. Shelby quietly opened it and approached her youngest daughter's bed. Rachel was sprawled out on her bed, the comforter was kicked off along with her teddy and she had a huge drool puddle forming on her pillow. Shelby couldn't help but smile. Her baby has grown up so fast, and although she is far beyond her years intellectually it is nice to be reminded that she still is young and innocent; her little baby girl. Shelby pulled the comforter back over Rachel and tucked her teddy under the sleeping girl's arm. She sat on the bed and ran her fingers through her daughter's dark brown hair. She loved watching her daughters sleep. After a couple minutes Shelby gently placed a kiss on her youngest's cheek and quietly left the room.

Standing outside of Rachel's closed door, Shelby took a deep breath as she looked at Santana's closed bedroom door back towards the beginning of the hall. She shook her head wondering what she was going to do to make this better. She walked down the quiet hallway and slowly opened the door. Santana left her bathroom light on with the door completely open, so half the room was still lit up brightly. Shelby paused in the doorway and looked across the room to see her daughter curled up in a ball, in fetal position in the middle of her bed. Dried tears were on her cheeks. She looked so scared and tired even as she slept. Shelby started walking towards her daughter's bed when she stepped on Santana's running shoes. Her eldest had the worst problem of putting things away. It made Shelby grin a little at the simple memory, making her glad not everything was lost by what that bastard did. Her grin faded. She shook her head and took a deep breath willing herself to keep it together.

Shelby bent down quietly and picked up Santana's running shoes along with another pair of flip flops and quietly opened the closet door to put them in their place. She tossed them down on the floor of the closet and then paused. Her beige heels were carelessly tossed in the closet as well. Santana also had a bad habit of taking her things without permission. Shelby bent down and picked them up. The heel was broken off of one of them. Why were they so dirty? Shelby's brows furrowed, she looked over her shoulder at her sleeping daughter and quietly walked into her daughter's bathroom to take a better look at her expensive heels.

Once under the light she was able to take in the fact that one of the heels was indeed completely ripped off. Shelby started to get mad, but something was stopping her from fully letting go. The shoes were caked in dirt. Something wasn't right. While Santana did have an awful habit of "borrowing" her favorite clothes and shoes, the young girl always managed to take excellent care of her things in order to "get away" with "borrowing" them. These shoes were not only broken but were completely dirty. Something wasn't right. Shelby's eyes drifted to the floor. There was a red clump of clothes dumped carelessly on the floor next to her daughter's shower. Shelby walked over to it and noticed it was her daughter's red dress, wadded up and tossed on the floor. With the shoes in one hand, Shelby bent over and picked up the dress shaking it out to examine it. Something was telling her that she had to look at it. As soon as she began to shake the dress to untangle it from its little ball, some dirt fell onto the floor. Shelby paused and looked at the dirt and then looked at the shoes in her other hand. The dirt was the same. She returned her gaze to the dress. The dress had dirt caked on it as well. There were tears up the sides of the dress and a couple spots had a dark stain. Shelby placed the shoes down on the counter without breaking eye contact from the dress. She used her other hand to open the dress further and hang it in front of her face to see it more clearly.

The dark stains were blood. A sob instantly released itself from her mouth. She brought the dress into her chest and clamped her other hand over her mouth to keep quiet. Shelby slowly sunk to the floor as she realized what this was.

After crying on Santana's bathroom floor for what felt like hours, Shelby managed to pull herself up and rinse her face with some cool water. She heard a sound coming from Santana's room. Shelby peeked out from the bathroom as she dabbed her face with a towel. Santana was thrashing around in her bed, murmuring in her sleep. It made Shelby freeze; she felt a pang in her chest. Her daughter was probably having a nightmare about that night or about him.

Shelby quickly finished wiping her face and put the torn dress and broken heels into Santana's empty trash bag, tying it up to keep all the dirt from spreading all over her daughter's room and bathroom. She walked out of the bathroom and headed directly to her daughter's bed. She set the closed bag on the floor next to the bed and gently climbed in next to Santana.

Santana didn't wake when she joined her in the bed, which she breathed a sigh of relief for. Shelby pulled her daughter towards her and started combing her hand through her hair as she hushed into her ear. Santana's murmurs started to slow until finally she was back in a peaceful slumber. Shelby's eyes teared again as the severity of the situation hit her again like another wave.

If she had to hold Santana and ease her into sleep every night then she would. She would do anything for her daughter. She wished so deeply that she could have done more to prevent this from happening. However, Shelby refused, in this moment especially, to let what that evil man did break her daughter. "I promise you will be fine, my beautiful daughter. You will be fine," Shelby whispered gently into Santana's ear. She traced her fingers lightly over Santana's bruised swollen eye and planted a soft kiss right above it before she laid her head down on the pillow next to Santana's and closed her eyes, letting sleep overtake her.


I stared into my bowl of cereal. It was soggy now. I had been up for almost two hours. Something I never would have done before any of this happened. I used to roll out of bed ten minutes before my mom ushered us out of the door for school. But now here I am on a Friday morning before the sun was even up, sitting in the kitchen with soggy cereal.

I shake my head. Last night was a nightmare. I take a breath and then shake my head again, every night since that night has been one huge nightmare. My mom held me all night as I cried and woke up screaming. I feel tired, but I can't bring myself to sleep comfortably. He knows where I live and I've told two people. Is there a way he can find out that they know? I wouldn't put it past him. I don't want to be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life, but what choice do I have? He made a promise. And he seems like the type of…person…that keeps those promises. I certainly didn't want to find out.

I sigh heavily again to myself. At least I didn't have to deal with my sister this morning. There is no way I can even put a fake smile on my face right now. I'm just too tired and too drained. Plus I've never been a morning person anyway, so that's added to the mix. Rachel had chosen to stay up in her room and work on her favorite logic puzzles rather than come downstairs this morning. My mom told me that she was letting me miss school again. I had mixed emotions about it, like I do about everything now it seems. I definitely don't want to go; I'm not up for all of that walking around and talking. However, at the same time, me missing two days of school in a row? People are bound to talk and ask questions. I never miss school. I know when I return I'm going to have lots of questions. Lots of questions that I can't answer. But, if I went to school today, people would see my busted up face and ask questions anyway so really there is no winning here. I look back at my cereal. It's falling apart into the milk now. I just can't bring myself to eat any of it.

Suddenly the stool next to me is being pulled out and out of the corner of my eye I can see my best friend sitting down next to me. She is dressed in our cheerleading uniform, ready for school. I didn't even know she had spent the night here. It wasn't unusual for her to come over after I was already in bed, her dad is completely nuts and kicks her out for any little thing that she does or doesn't do. I haven't seen her since finding out that she told my mom about...what happened. We both sit in silence for a while. I don't even say 'hi' or acknowledge that she sat down next to me. To anyone else this would be considered very rude or snobby, but she is my person. She understands. Things are complicated. I know she was doing what she thought was best for me, and maybe deep down within myself if I searched hard enough I would agree with her actions. Even though I completely hated it...my mom did help me clean up my wounds. He said no one could know though, and I told her that, yet she still told my mom. I guess I wouldn't have been able to hide it from her forever though, so really Quinn just helped the inevitable. Right?

I didn't feel mad at Quinn, I couldn't. She has been my best friend for far too long. She knows me better than I know myself and visa versa. Anger wasn't one of the many emotions that consumed my body...I am too tired for anger. I am numb.

"So would you like it if I talk about me or do you want me to ask about you?" Quinn's voice finally breaks the silence.

I look over at my best friend; my mouth turns into a small smile when I see that she has the same small smile on her face. She knows exactly what to say and when to say it, all the time. Whenever something is wrong we always do this thing. We both know that sometimes the other one doesn't really want to talk about what is wrong with them. Sometimes we need a distraction to focus on in order to get away from the current problem that is upsetting us. But other times we both also know that we do need to talk about whatever is on our minds. So whenever one of us sees that the other is in a mood, or when we can tell the other is upset we always start by saying the same thing: 'Do you want to talk about me or do you want me to ask about you?' Her asking me this question makes me feel more grounded in itself. It is something normal. Something that even he couldn't take away.

As soon as my mind goes back to him my smile instantly fades. I can see my best friend's eyes searching mine. She is waiting quietly for me to answer. Her or Me? I can't talk about me.

I look back at my disintegrated cereal, pick up the spoon and swirl the chunks around in my bowl. "What did you 'do' this time to piss off your dad?"

I can hear Quinn sigh. Out of the corner of my eye I see her drawing different shapes on the granite top with the tip of her finger. "I left my clothes in the drier while I was at school."

My eye brows furrow and I shoot a questioning look at her, "Seriously?"

Quinn nods her head and shrugs her shoulders, "Seriously."

I shake my head and then look back at my bowl. "What a dick."

Quinn nods her head somberly. Her voice is quiet when she starts talking again, "My pile of clothes were sitting in the front yard in the dirt when I came home from cheerleading practice. The sprinklers had already gone off too. Apparently they sat out there all day according to dear ol dad."

"So he kicked you out because you left clothes in the drier while you were at school?"

Quinn nodded her head again, "I've been told not to 'leave my shit lying around his house.' I don't know...apparently he wanted to put his freshly washed clothes in the drier, but mine were in the way. So he threw them outside." She shrugged her shoulders, "He yelled, then told me to put my clothes upstairs out of his way...then told me to get out. You know the routine."

"At least he didn't burn them this time." I said. I looked over at my best friend again and both of us gave a weak laugh.

Her dad had literally set her favorite jacket on fire a couple months back, while we were at school. Apparently she left it hanging on the banister again, so his response was to burn it. He put the ashes and dust of it in a jar on the steps for Quinn to find when she got home. She of course had to ask him what it was and why it was in the middle of the staircase. When she told me what had happened I couldn't believe it.

I wouldn't put anything past her father. He is insane. He is unhappy and immature and obnoxious and takes out all of life's frustrations on Quinn. He didn't like that she left her jacket on the banister, so he burned it to a crisp. It wasn't funny at the time, and still isn't really, but somehow it is laughable.

Both of our smiles instantly faded as we both came back from the memory of the burning jacket. "What a dick." We both concluded at the same time.

Silence filled the air again. I could barely hear my mom's hair dryer blowing from her room. The dishwasher was running and I could hear the clock ticking on the wall. I know Quinn was waiting to give me a chance to talk, but I can't. I want to pretend nothing happened so desperately, but it's impossible to do. So instead I let the noises from all over the house fill our silence.

Quinn started drawing shapes on the granite again with her finger. She took a deep breath letting me know that she was about to talk again. I turned my head to look at her and watched as she stared at the granite. "I saw Puck yesterday at school." Her voice was quiet again. All I could do was stare and watch her continue to draw shapes as she continued, "He uh...he told me to tell you that you two... were through."

I watched as Quinn looked over at me and met my eyes. My eyes started to sting with tears again but somehow they managed to suck back in. I nodded my head. I knew he would be mad. I missed his birthday and ignored all of his calls. I just couldn't bring myself to talk to him and I definitely couldn't tell him what happened…so there wasn't anything else to say. I shrugged my shoulders. Quinn continued, "He was being ridiculous and a complete jerk...I guess I could have said more to try to make him understand...but I didn't know what to say...I'm sorry San..."

I couldn't hold Quinn's gaze so I looked back down at my bowl once again before I spoke, "It's ok...I don't care..." I shouldn't care right? It's not like I was going to marry the kid. He was good for the time being, but things are different now. He wouldn't be good now…right? I take a deep breath, "I'm glad you didn't tell him anything..." I trailed off, unsure of what else to say.

I could see Quinn nod her head in understanding. She cleared her throat, "Good news is I yelled at him for being so stupid."

I look over at my best friend with confusion etched all over my face. What was she talking about?

Quinn's voice was stronger now, "He came here drunk while you were showering the other night... after um...after I told your mom about your...uh..." She trailed off then cleared her throat and shook her head changing focus, "Your mom didn't tell you that he came by? It was not last night but the night before..."

I shook my head with my brows furrowed. My mom spent all day at home with me yesterday and hadn't mentioned Puck coming by the house at all. What happened? Quinn had said he was drunk? And then she had to yell at him 'for being stupid'? What did that mean?

Quinn read my confused face, "Oh. Well...I uh... I had to have a sex talk with your mom because of his stupid ass."

Somehow I couldn't help but smile. The thought of Quinn having to deal with an awkward sex talk from my mom was somehow comical to me in this very moment.

Quinn matched my smile and waved her finger in my face, "It wasn't funny missy." She gave a short laugh and then became quiet. I watched as her face fell. I waited for her to continue, "It was bad...I cried." She drew in a shaky breath, "Now your mom knows how much… of a slut I am."

I bring my hand up and rub her back gently. "What happened to 'embrace your inner slut'?" I give a small laugh which is matched by hers, but as soon as we start laughing we both stop, realizing the weight of the conversation. I feel like it's never going to be normal again; like I am never going to be normal again. Quinn and I used to talk about sex all the time….and now… after what he did… I shake my head to try to get the thoughts out of my brain.

Quinn's gentle voice interrupts the silence again, "I'm sorry."

"I know." It was the only response I could muster.


Half an hour later my mom walked into the kitchen with my little sister. I continued to sit on my stool with nothing to say as my mom quickly packed a lunch for Rachel and cleared my bowl from in front of me. I zoned out as Rachel and Quinn started talking about dance and barely noticed my mother unloading the dishwasher.

"Quinn hunny, do you mind dropping Rachel off at school on your way to school?" My mom's voice brought me out of my daze.

I looked over at my best friend and noticed her unease. She wouldn't look my mom in the eyes. "Sure. That's no problem." Her voice was really quiet when she responded. She was clearly embarrassed from the previous couple of nights still. It was very un-Quinn like. I watched as my best friend looked down at my little sister again. Her face changed from embarrassment and shame to this big smile, "Ready to go boo?"

Quinn was always so good at putting on her 'fake face'. I felt a pang in my heart for my friend. It really sucked that she was so good at pretending that everything was fine. Things at her home hadn't been fine in years, yet somehow she can always put on her super smile and walk with attitude and get through the day pretending that it all didn't matter. Not that many people knew that her dad said horrible things to her and kicked her out on a regular basis, and that is exactly how she wanted to keep it. Her 'fake face' was used to protect her secret. I hang my head. I need to work on my fake face now. I need to have one. I need to find the energy to pull one off first.

Suddenly I felt hands wrap around my arms and torso. The touch brought me out of my head and back to the present. I jumped from the unexpected hug and looked down as Rachel stared up at me. She had a hurt look on her face. "I was just saying goodbye, I didn't mean to scare you," Rachel said.

I tried to smile down at her; I know the smile didn't reach my eyes because my sister still wore a frown on her face as she pulled away from hugging me. "It's ok. I love you." I cleared my throat, "Have a good day at school okay?"

My sister was unconvinced. She had always been so smart. "Your eye looks really bad."

"Rachel!" My mom scolded her, "That is not a nice thing to say, apologize to your sister."

Rachel looked at my mom and then back at me. I couldn't look her in the eyes so I looked down at the granite in front of me again. "I wasn't trying to be mean…I was just saying…" Her voice was softer.

"It's ok Rach." It was all I could say.

The room was silent again before Quinn spoke, "Alright Rach we need to leave since I'm bringing you to school."

My mom walked over and hugged my little sister and then hugged Quinn who pulled away quickly from the embrace. She looked down at the floor and then backed away from my mom and grabbed her backpack. They turned to leave the kitchen. Quinn almost made it out of the kitchen before my mom called out to her, "Quinn."

I watched my best friend stop and slowly turn around to face my mom; again her eyes were downcast at the floor. "Yes?"

"Let me know if your father doesn't call today before the end of practice. You can send me a quick text if you want or just phone me after school. If he doesn't call, then you are welcome back here, as always." My mom was smiling her kind gentle smile; Quinn continued to find the ground fascinating. My mom continued, "I just will need to know how many servings to make for dinner, so if you could give me a heads up, that would be great. Ok?"

My friend nodded slowly, "Ok." She said softly.

"Alright sweetie, have a great day." My mom replied back as she watched Quinn turned to leave. Her and Rachel left. The front door closed and the noise of the car starting up could be heard followed by the sound of it pulling out of the driveway and heading down the street until silence filled the room again.

My mom sat down in the stool Quinn had been sitting in. She swung her legs around so she was facing my side. She reached over and turned my stool around to make me face her; our knees were almost touching. I watched as my mom looked around the kitchen, awkwardly. She had things she wanted to say, but she didn't know how to say them, so instead she was looking around the room trying to waste time to come up with a way of wording her thoughts. I knew this maneuver very well, but it looked very foreign on my mom. This was what I normally did. My mom always knows exactly what to say and she will say whatever she needs to say no matter how uncomfortable or how harsh it comes out. Or at least…she used to. Apparently I changed that for her too. I've let so much happen.

The silence had dragged on now. My mom looked over her shoulder one more time, looking in the direction Quinn and Rachel had previously been. Then she looked back at me and put on a weak smile. She gently leaned over and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. I looked at her with a blank face, waiting. She finally spoke, "So… Quinn's dad-"

"I know." I cut her off. I knew what she was going to tell me. Quinn already gave me the full story though and I know that that is not what my mother really wanted to talk about, so why waste the time? I blinked my eyes and watched my mom slowly nod her head.

"Of course. Quinn told you already huh?"

I paused, "Well I mean…she was here this morning…" I trailed off. I don't know why I suddenly had an attitude in my voice. I deflated. "Yea… we talked about it. It sucks… He sucks." I've talked to my mom time and time again about Quinn's dad and how much of a jerk he is, this subject wasn't new. My mom just nodded her head. She didn't correct my language. Another change.

My mom finally gave me another weak smile. This one looked sad though. Her eyes were burning into mine, I had to look away. "Did she…" My mom cleared her throat then sat up taller on the bar stool before continuing, "Did she tell you that her and I had to have a special talk two nights ago as well?"

I looked up at her quickly. I was not expecting this to be the topic discussed. I immediately looked back down towards my knees. I know exactly what talk she is talking about. Quinn said it was horrible. I can't.

"San?" My mother placed her hands gently on my knees, causing me to look back up and meet her gaze. She raised her eyebrows.

"Yea…Yea, she told me."

My mom sighed, her eyes faltered a little. It was so strange for me to see this much vulnerability in my mom. She is so incredibly strong. I haven't seen her like this. I caused all that pain that come out of her eyes now. Me…letting this happen…it's changed my mom. My mom brought me back to the present conversation, "You girls should have come to me. You should have let me know…"

"What?" Now I am confused. She said 'girls', plural. Quinn said she had to have the sex talk with my mom…she's the only one who's been having sex this whole past year. Not me...not until…I shake my head quickly and refocus on my mom, trying not to let the images flood my head…again.

My mom raised her eyebrows before starting again, "Noah was here. He was drunk and when I tried to send him on his way…he started saying… that you owed him a present?"

I could feel my face pale instantly. My breathing stopped. Maybe if I just froze then my mom would stop talking and forget about it? I try to gather my thoughts…but I couldn't. They were splattered all over the place. My lungs wouldn't restart and my brain wouldn't make the necessary connections, but I could feel my heart beating quickly in my chest.

"I made Quinn tell me what he meant by that." My mom continued.

My jaw opened slightly. "Quinn told you?"

My mom answered quickly before I could even start feeling mad at Quinn, "Santana, Noah said something off and I asked Quinn what it meant, she refused to answer but I wouldn't let it get away. Trust me she didn't want to."

I slowly nodded my head in understanding. "Yea…she was still pretty upset about it this morning…" I looked up at my mom's eyes for a second before returning my gaze to my knees.

My mom was silent for a beat. "I just…I didn't know. I didn't know that sex was something you two were even talking about...and…and for her it's been more than one boy already." My mom's voice was quiet. She sounded lost.

My head snapped up, "She told you about all of the guys?"

I watched as my mom's face faltered. There was a flash of sadness that escaped her eyes again. My eyebrows furrowed. I searched my mom's eyes in a panic waiting for her to speak, they looked misty.

"All? All of them?"

Shit. Shit. Shit. I said too much. "Um…" Now it was my turn to look around the kitchen...trying to spare myself some time to think of what to say next. My mom closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Um…" I repeated. The room was silent save for my mother's controlled breathing.

My mom took another deep breath then opened her eyes and gently took my hands in hers. I looked down at our hands then back up at her face. "Birthday sex?" She asked calmly.

The two words flew out of my mother's mouth and smacked me in my face. I felt dumbstruck. My mom wasn't supposed to ever know about that. It didn't matter anyway…it didn't happen. Well, not for Puck anyway. I shake my head. How did the conversation turn to me so suddenly? Weren't we just getting over the shock of me telling my mom that it was more than just a couple guys that Quinn had slept with? Birthday sex. Her words echoed in my ears.

My mom's voice made me focus on her again, "San, sex is…it is supposed to be sacred."

My eyebrows furrow deeply, which makes my right eye sting. It was still swollen this morning and a nasty black and blue color. My breathing increases again and I start shaking my head back and forth quickly. I cut off my mom before she has a chance to continue, "What? You…you think I seriously don't know that? I know that now mom…I know…" My eyes instantly start to water. I try blinking rapidly to keep the tears from falling down my face.

My mom squeezed my hands reassuringly. I'm looking down at our hands again. There is no way I can look into my mother's eyes, not when he is flashing in my mind. "I know baby. I know that you know, and I am so sorry."

I continue to shake my head and bow it even more before my stomach starts to protest. The cuts were getting irritated by the position I was slouched in, but there was no way I could sit up tall. Not when I felt so dirty and so small. The cuts burning just reminded me even more of how dirty I was. I was and will always be a 'whore'.

My mom continued to talk, "I just…I should have talked to you about it before. I should have known you were planning on having sex."

"I can't ok?" I look at my mom in the eyes fiercely. I am trying so incredibly hard to keep it all together right now. I can't have her talking about this stuff. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm not going to….I'm not going to have…sex…ever again. Ever. Again." With that I pull my hands from hers and cross them over my chest, being careful not to hit my injured breast.

"Santana, that isn't what I am saying. Don't say that. Sex is sacred-"

I cut my mom off, "I know mom. Stop."

She continued despite my pleas, "-It should be special and it will feel good when it is the right time and you are with the right person-"

She said it. I squeezed my eyes shut. It was like I was suddenly lying underneath him again.

The tingling in my stomach returned, only more intense this time than the last….I feel my body clamp tightly around him. My back arches and a muffled cry turns into a loud moan. It's happening. My body is betraying me. Spasms run through my body. Then I feel him release as he moans loudly into my neck.

My eyes fly open again. My mom is sitting in front of me saying my name but I can't hear her. I stand up suddenly. My sharp movements send the stool flying backwards, falling over and landing on its side. I take a second to stand in front of my mother. My stomach is screaming at me for moving so quickly, but just like I can't hear my mom, I can't listen to my stomach's protests. I'm simply stuck in my flashback and suddenly I feel extremely clammy. Then I feel it. I run around my mom, who is still sitting on her stool and head directly for the kitchen sink. The contents of my stomach rush out into the sink. I barely made it in time.

I liked it. My body and his body…we…connected. I did like it. It did feel good. What is wrong with me? I'm disgusting. I continue to empty the contents of my stomach until I am just dry heaving. At some point my mom had come over and pulled my hair out of my face and started rubbing circles on my back. All I could keep thinking about was him and me. I could only think about what we did together. I didn't want to…I didn't want to, but my body did.

I pulled back my head and laid it along the edge of the cool stainless steel sink. I shook my head slowly as the tears ran down my face. I could see my mom staring at me with those sad eyes. Now she knew. She was talking about how 'one day it will feel good' and the next thing I do is run to the sink and throw up. My mom is a pediatrician. She went to college and medical school. She is extremely smart. She'll know what that means. I close my eyes. I just need to be away from this moment. I need to be away from all of these moments.


As Quinn drove Rachel to school the ride had been mostly quiet; this was not usual for Rachel. Quinn kept looking in her rear view mirror to make sure that Rachel was still alive and awake. Finally the young girl opened her mouth, "I didn't mean to be mean to Sissy."

Quinn's heart broke. "Rach, she knows that. Sanny wasn't mad at you."

"I know…" Rachel trailed off then continued, "But that isn't normal. Usually she would get mad for something like that, and that is why it is really weird."

Quinn looked at the young girl again in her mirror. She didn't know what to say. She didn't want to get into a conversation about Santana acting 'weird'. "So you did mean to make her mad with the comment then?" She gave the girl a small smile to let her know she was messing around, trying to make light of a hard topic.

"No." Rachel gave a small smile back in return, "I just…I don't know. She's being weird. It's weird."

All Quinn could do was nod her head in understanding. She wasn't going to offer up any type of response because it would keep the conversation going, and that wasn't something she was interested in doing. Not this conversation, not to an eight year old, and definitely not to Rachel. Rachel was like her own little sister, talking about why Santana has been weird, or even agreeing with the fact that Santana has been acting differently would be too much of a conversation to have.

Rachel cleared her throat, "So was your daddy mean to you again? Is that why you were at our house when I woke up?"

This caught Quinn off-guard. How was she supposed to respond to the eight year old? She nervously tapped her fingers on the steering wheel, silently begging the red light to turn green. They were almost to Rachel's school. "I…" She sighed, "Yea, I came over late last night and spent the night."

"What happened? Why did he kick you out?"

Quinn took in another breath. The normal Rachel was back: the one who asked a million questions. Quinn didn't want to have this conversation with the eight year old either, "It's a long story Rach, but everything is fine, don't worry."

Quinn looked in the rear view mirror again and saw Rachel looking back at her. "I wish that your daddy would just stop being mean. I don't get why he is always so mean."

"He isn't always mean, Rach." This was the only response Quinn could think of.

"You come over a lot because of him." Rachel was being persistent.

"It…it's complicated Rachel."

The young girl sighed, "Yea…but it shouldn't be. You are a good person; I mean…you are one of my favorite people."

Quinn smiled at her eight year old logic. Just because Quinn was one of her favorite people automatically meant that she was a good person. Her smile faded. She wasn't a good person, not really. Yes she worked hard in school and was taking AP and honors classes and always got A's. Yes she focused and put a lot of hard work and time into cheerleading. Yes she did her chores and kept her room reasonably clean and held a steady job over summer. But she was 16 and she had snuck off to countless parties, slept with numerous boys and had her fair share of alcohol and cigarettes. The person that Rachel knows isn't the real her…it is the 'plus' version of herself that she puts on in order to impress adults, hoping to impress her father.

"Well, Rachel, it is complicated. It isn't always that bad, either. He is my dad, mean or not. It was just the cards I was dealt with, so I try not to dwell on it. I mean, I do wish it was different sometimes too, but it is what it is." Quinn said matter of factly. She can't linger on what she wishes it was for too long. She can't think about how close her and her dad used to be as a young child because it hurts too much. She definitely couldn't complain or whine to Rachel. Rachel didn't even get a chance to know her father. He died shortly after her birth. She got a couple months with him. So there is no way that Quinn is going to complain about her own father. She was luckier than a lot of others…and that is what she had to constantly remind herself. Yes, her father was nearly impossible to deal with. Yes he tore her down every chance he got, but at least he was alive. Right?

"Well, I love you." Rachel finally said, bringing a smile to Quinn's face. "That is all that matters. And so does Sanny and Mama, of course."

Quinn couldn't help but let out a small chuckle at Rachel's response. The eight year old loves her, that should be all that matters. She smiled, "I love you too Rachie. I love all of you; you are like my second family. You know that."

Quinn could see Rachel smiling in the back seat. She pulled into the front of Rachel's school and slowed down to a stop at the drop off point. The young girl unbuckled her seatbelt as she spoke, "I know, it's cause we are awesome."

Quinn laughed again, "This is true." She turned around in her seat so she could look straight at Rachel before she got out of her car. "Alright kiddo...out you go. Go learn things." She smiled at the cheeky eight year old, "Love you Rach."

Rachel grabbed the door handle and looked back at Quinn before opening the door, "To the moon and back."

Quinn giggled softly, "And then back again." She watched as the girl left her car with a smile and headed into the school. As she pulled away from the elementary school in the direction of her high school she couldn't help but smile. Somehow Rachel could always make her smile. Yes she could be annoying, yes she tended to snoop and nag and whine...but she loved her for it. The little girl constantly reminded Quinn that she was family, and it made Quinn's heart swell with love.


A/N: Thank you guys for continuing to read! Love the reviews! Keep them coming! Thank you Thank you Thank you!