Once Amelia leaves, there is silence in the apartment again, and I stare at Phil sprawled across the hallway. But I'm also kind of angry. He's making it so hard to do the right thing when he looks up at me like he is, especially when all I want to do it kiss him until our lips chap. I sigh. If only. I can be a good friend.

I pull him up, and whisper with enough force to shock him out of his trance staring right into his beautiful eyes "Phil, you need to stop. We can't be like that." And then my heart broke.

If anyone asks me what true pain feels like, I can tell them because the look in his gorgeous eyes was so full of absolute anguish that I wanted to stop everything and tell him I didn't mean it and that I was lying for his good and I wanted to hug him and kiss him better and tell him that I wished for nothing more than to be with him and that I love him and-

But I didn't do any of these things. I was going to be selfless like Phil has always been with me. I can't make up for all of the selfless acts Phil has committed but I wanted this one act of mine to pay the price. The biggest one of all for me: handing Phil over to Lily. I'm not good enough for him; he needs someone as perfect as he is. This is for his good.

I watched as slowly, understanding began to clear his mind and he turned to look at Lily. Without a second glance at me, he got up and walked into the lounge and she followed him in closing the door behind them. I wanted to scream again and cry like I did the other night but this was all my doing. I wanted this even.

That's when I can start to hear the shouting. It's muffled and I can't work out words but it's Lily I think, but then I can hear Phil too. I don't want to eavesdrop but I don't bother stopping myself either. I shuffle closer to the closed door and press my ear against the wood.

"-do you think I fancy Dan? He's my best friend!"

"Be honest Phil! I saw the jealousy in your eyes! I could see it was eating you up that Amelia was here expressing her love for Dan. Plus the way you were looking at Dan, Phil, was not platonic. You don't even look at me the way you look at Dan..." At this point, she'd stops shouting, and seems to sob a little and I feel awful.

"Just tell me, Phil, I need to know. Do you have feelings for Dan or not?" I stop breathing, waiting. There is silence for five seconds.

"No. I don't." It is like being punched in the gut, if you want to know what it feels like. "I thought I did but I was wrong and it was silly of me to think Dan and I'd have something but Lily, I want to date you, so don't worry. I'm sorry about the way I've been acting, please let's go back to the way we were before." Again there is silence but I have bigger issues now. I am crying and I can't see anything, and I don't want them to see me here like this. I'd only make things worse.

I stumble back to my bedroom and duck under the duvet, hiding from the world, light headed and slightly dizzy in the darkness. I don't hold back the tears that soak my pillow as I cry about what I had done and how much I wanted run back to the living room and declare my love for Phil. But I had brought this on myself. And now I am paying for it.

Only a little while later, Phil's head pokes around my door and I can tell he thinks I'm sleeping since my back is to him because he hesitates, but either way, he whispers, "Lily and I made up, thanks Dan for your help, we might go out now for a bit though, I'll be back soon." This is what stops the tears, because I'm feeling better about my decision. I needed to hear Phil's thanks, I am glad that I get to see that happy Phil again that I haven't seen in the time that Lily has been away.

I drift off to sleep thinking about Phil in my arms.

Sorry about the incredibly long wait but school happened D: So anyways, what do you guys think is gonna happen? Review please! I always appreciate it :) See you again soon - hopefully.